Circling The Shadows

by Paige Randall

  They walk into school with Joe and Isabella. John explains the plans for after school to Clara. He'll pick her up and drive her separately.

  "No Daddy, drive with Bella."

  "You're sure?" she nods. "Okay I'll get your car seat and I'll be right back."

  When he returns with her seat, she is happy at circle time, hand in hand with Isabella. He snaps a photo discreetly and texts it to Stephanie. Clara runs over for a quick kiss and says goodbye.

  She looks so happy! Stephanie texts.

  John goes home, runs, showers, works a few hours, and it is already three-fifteen, time to get Clara. Where does the friggin' time go? On the way out, he runs into Barbara going to pick up Isabella. "I can get them both," he offers.

  He picks up two very happy, very tired little girls. He oohs and aahs over their artwork. At home, Clara lies down, tired and falls asleep on the sofa.

  John leaves the door cracked and steps onto the deck to call Anna. She answers on the first ring. She is crying.

  "Are you okay? Anna, what’s going on?" he asks starting to panic. The list of things that could have gone wrong is enormous.

  "I miss you desperately. I can't remember what I'm doing here without you. Why am I here? My mother is not here."

  "Oh Anna, go to the airport, grab a flight and get home. Leave your car. I'll go back for it later."

  "I am so tempted John. I want to be with you and Clara. How is that darling girl?" she asks, changing the subject.

  He tells her about meeting Isabella and loving school. He mentions failing at bath time and conning her into a shower. "Thanks for the cookies by the way."

  "She sounds well. I'll go on to Connecticut tomorrow. I need to tie up these loose ends. I have to settle things with Pemberley."

  He conceals his frustration. Let her get this out of her system.

  Over the next days, Clara settles into her routine. Evenings are the hardest for missing Stephanie. John wakes to find her in his bed most mornings. He invests in a pair of Speedos for showering. She gets the hang of it and, after a few days, gives up the shower cookie and holds a washcloth to her face to keep soap out of her eyes. The afternoon group wants John to skip the first Friday to get his bearings. He doesn't argue. Anna emails nightly. She makes the trip from Atlanta to Connecticut and she doesn't call.

  Anna takes her time, traveling to Connecticut over three days. She stops for a night in Raleigh walking the city alone, missing John. She visits an old friend in Baltimore overnight. Deborah is a Hopkins physician, but knows more about Dylan than anyone. Dylan was revered in the medical community and very few had the opportunity to know his true colors. Deborah bandaged Anna up more than once and despite her misgivings, kept Anna’s secrets. Anna is forever grateful to her, and Deborah is thrilled that Anna has found a new life. Anna spends the evening with her talking about truths almost forgotten.

  Anna finally arrives in Connecticut on Sunday night at eight-thirty. She considers finding a hotel nearby but decides not to. She drives directly to Rodrigo's home, knocking without calling first. He answers, crossing his arms smiling.

  "I was expecting you," he says holding the door for her.

  "You were?" she asks suspiciously. "Why? I call and Pemberley won't pick up. I assure you my visit is wholly unannounced."

  Rodrigo leads Anna into a very traditionally decorated living room. "I was expecting you because the universe pulls us for many reasons. There are no accidents. Sit in here for a moment. Let me get you some tea. We must talk."

  The room is surprisingly French and so different from anything Pemberley would choose. Floral prints, pastel stripes, and glossy woods surround Anna as she sits on a small, elegant sofa. A china cabinet houses Lladro figurines. Pemberley detested those figurines. As a child, she would occasionally break one, lie and declare it an accident with many forced tears. Within moments, Rodrigo returns with two cups of tea and a plate of small sandwiches, crusts removed.

  "You really were prepared for company."

  "Okay, I lied. I talked to John three hours ago," Rodrigo smiles slyly.

  "You are a devil," Anna laughs.

  "I am. However, I called John because I wanted you to come here."

  "Oh no. Is it Pemberley?"

  "She is a little better in fact. She returned to New York. She hates Connecticut. She is such an urban snob," he smiles. "She hired an all-male nursing team and has round the clock care. I think they are all former strippers. I am only allowed on weekends. So you see, we have both been ousted."

  "Damn her," Anna says, feeling for Rodrigo.

  "Yes."

  "So why did you want to see me?" she asks.

  "I have had a house guest for a few days. It is your mother. Your biological mother," he says sitting beside Anna.

  "What? She is here?" Anna’s eyes go wide.

  Rodrigo points his eyes upward. "She is waiting to meet you."

  "She knows I am here?" Anna asks and he nods. "I don't understand."

  "Four days ago, she also showed up on my doorstep. Pemberley had told me what she knew about your mother so when I opened the door to this lovely woman, the spitting image of you, I knew instantly she was your mother. She said people were parking outside of her house, watching her and she knew it must be about you. She waited but grew impatient for you. She contacted Pemberley and Pemberley wanted me to make sure she was everything we hoped her to be, a mother worthy of you. Your mother drove directly here to meet with me and has been here since. We spent some time together and I feel that she is everything we could have hoped. I felt sure enough to contact John and ask you both to come. I didn't realize his daughter had come to Osprey Island."

  "Why does no one ever call me?" Anna asks.

  "It is a man thing. All big news must go through the men."

  "I'm going to tell Pemberley you said that," she smiles.

  "Good. Then, she will surely get up and kick my ass. Now would you like to meet your mother?" Rodrigo asks.

  Anna nods slowly but emphatically. This is not at all what she expected. She is in a bit of shock. While he goes upstairs, Anna smooths her hair. She checks her teeth in a mirror. She wishes she had on make-up or lipstick or something, maybe a dress instead of shorts. Rodrigo returns with her. She is dressed simply, but elegantly, in dark slacks and a bright sweater. She wears her curly blonde hair at chin length. She is slender like Anna, the same height. She is much younger than Anna would have thought.

  "Ellen Stanford, I'd like you to meet Anna Hinton. Or are you Anna Halloway?" He asks. Anna doesn't answer. She is frozen into stone, staring into the face of her mother. It is Ellen who moves first, pulling Anna into her arms. Rodrigo excuses himself and returns silently upstairs.

  The connection is instantaneous, animal, chemical, biological. Hugging Ellen, Anna understands how Clara sensed her relationship with John was special and she knows that Clara and John will be fine together. Blood is thick. With love, it is even thicker. Eventually, they sit on the small sofa, side by side, just staring at each other.

  After a moment, Ellen speaks in a low voice. "Anna, before we can get to know each other, I need to tell you my story. You can judge me as you wish, but this must all be out in the open. Do you agree?” The English ring to her accent is much stronger than Anna’s.

  Anna nods. She isn’t able to access words yet.

  “Is it too soon for this? Should we suffer small talk first?”

  Anna shakes her head.

  “Okay then.” She takes a moment to sort out her thoughts. Anna thinks it is like looking into a mirror. “I grew up in Manchester. Mine was a rather unhappy home. My parents were very cold people and there was a lot of hitting. I didn’t feel safe as a child and it became worse as I entered my teen years. I had a sister, the woman you knew as your mother, but she was much older and very like my parents, She married young and lived with her husband. We were never close." Ellen's eyes fill. "I was deeply attached to Samuel, your father. We went to school together. Despite our youth
, I do believe we had very real feelings for each other. With him, I felt loved for the first time in my life."

  Anna has heard the same words come from her own mouth. She is describing Anna's feelings for Dylan.

  "He was a wonderful boy. I am sorry to tell you he died many years ago after marrying and having children. You have two half-brothers in London."

  "Do they know about me?" Anna asks, finally finding her voice. Brothers!

  "They do indeed. I have been in touch with their mother for years. I knew her when we were young. I have never met them, but they sound like good fellows. One is a physician and the other is a chef, I think."

  Anna is struggling to take it all in.

  "I got pregnant when I was fifteen. When I started showing and my parents noticed the pregnancy, they were furious and ashamed. It was all about ‘what will the neighbors think.’ I was locked up, hidden and kept in the house until the birth. They forced me to sign adoption papers. I was young and terrified and had no idea what I was doing or what my rights were. I didn't know you were going to my sister. I can’t imagine what kind of mother she must have been. Within weeks, I was handed a ticket to America and a few hundred dollars. I never spoke with any of them again. Oh Anna, I was haunted by my brief memories of you. I would wake imagining my baby girl crying an ocean away."

  Anna’s tears start to fall, but she encourages Ellen to continue.

  "In America, I quickly found a position as a nanny with a family in Atlanta. The accent helped, I think. The family provided a roof over my head and encouraged me to take classes in the evenings. They were very kind. They probably saved my life. I shudder to think of the possibilities if they hadn’t taken me in. Eventually, I earned my teaching certificate, got my own place and taught elementary school. I met my late husband, Robert. He had older children and wanted no more. I was relieved. I was already a mother to you and that was enough for me," she cries. "Anna, I have dreamed of this day for thirty-six years."

  Anna takes Ellen’s hands in her own. "Did Rodrigo tell you I am pregnant?" Ellen’s embrace is her answer.

  "You must be utterly exhausted. Shall we have some dinner and get you settled in?" Anna picks up a tea sandwich, agreeing.

  Ellen calls Rodrigo back downstairs. He opens a simmering pot, and smells of an exotic stew fill the kitchen. He offers Anna a bowl with crusty Italian bread. She devours it with her mother looking on. Anna notices Rodrigo watching her mother. They talk another few hours, before an exhausted Anna collapses into bed. She manages a two-word text to John before falling asleep. Never happier.

  The next morning, Rodrigo, Anna and Ellen go into the city to storm Pemberley's condo. Anna stops for a quick run into Donut Plant, understanding the lubricating powers of fat and sugar. They park the car and soon reach the doorman.

  "Hello sir," he says to Rodrigo. "You know I am under strict instructions..."

  "You will not keep me from my daughter," Rodrigo says sternly.

  Anna opens the box. "Seriously? Donut Plant bribe?" he says taking two. Then a third. "Aren't you John's wife? He's a great guy. Tell him I was asking after him. At least tell Miss Pemberley I was away from my post. Please." Anna rolls her eyes but agrees, and they walk into the elevator.

  At Pemberley's floor, they immediately smell pot. "Anna, please stay here. Your baby doesn't need her first high just yet." Rodrigo knocks. A man with no shirt answers. Rodrigo enters. The door slams. Ellen and Anna hear yelling. The gorgeous man walks out and boards the elevator, shirt in hand. After a few minutes, Rodrigo invites them in. Pemberley is sitting on her sofa, looking better. She is attached to an IV, but she has more color in her face, the swelling is reduced and her eyes appear full of life but a little glazed.

  She ignores Anna, but waves Ellen over, pulling her to sit. "Holy Mary Mother of god," she says looking into Ellen's face.

  "No darling, just Ellen, mother of Anna," Anna says in the snarkiest voice she can manage.

  "Pemberley, we have had enough of this," Rodrigo says, barely containing his rage at his daughter. "You must stop shutting everyone out."

  "I didn't shut him out. In fact, he was just showing me his routine from the Tiger Lounge."

  "You are incorrigible," Rodrigo is frustrated.

  "And I'm dying. I can't bear all this sad face bullshit. I'd rather watch strippers strip with a joint and a smile than watch you people cry all day." She is adamant.

  "I understand," Rodrigo admits a little reluctantly.

  "You do?" Pemberley is suspicious.

  He sits by his daughter. "When your mother was dying, the house was a very sad place, a mausoleum, for a very long time. You struggled with that. It was a terrible way for a home to be. I think you want a different ending."

  "I do. I want a very different ending," Pem says taking her father’s hand.

  "What do you want?" he asks.

  "I want everyone to take care of their shit and live their lives and stop moping over me," she answers.

  "What does that even mean?" He is confused.

  "You are a sad and lonely man. You have been alone since Mom died ten years ago. That is too long to be alone." She is angry.

  "You make assumptions about things you do not understand." He is angrier.

  "What are you talking about?" she asks.

  "I date. I have a Match.com," he says proudly.

  Pemberley looks perplexed then deflated. "Oh."

  "Anything else, Miss Smarty-pants?"

  She turns on Anna, "You have to forgive yourself." She glances at Ellen unsure if she should continue. “For everything.”

  "Mother,” Anna says, “We have some catching up to do."

  Pemberley asks, "Did you tell John about Dylan?"

  "I did. Two days before I left on this mad journey," Anna admits.

  "Oh," Pemberley says and reaches for Anna to sit too, “And your baby, Anna. You have to forgive yourself for that too.”

  “That is more challenging,” Anna confesses.

  Pemberley continues. "Are you sleeping with him? With John, in a bed?"

  "No, but I have plans to." Anna turns to her mother once more. "Again, we have a lot of catching up to do."

  "Anna, don’t leave that man waiting for too long. Take care of your shit,” Pem pleads.

  Anna nods. “I’m trying.”

  “Okay than. Can we have some god damned fun you all?" Pemberley begs. "And I'm not coming to Connecticut."

  "Please come to Osprey Island. All of you," Anna offers, seizing the moment.

  Pemberley laughs and claps her hands, “Now we are talking!"

  Anna leaves them eating donuts while Pemberley shoots rapid-fire questions at Ellen. Ellen handles herself well. Anna notice how Ellen and Rodrigo look at each other and she thinks Pemberley does too. There is something stirring between them for certain.

  Anna walks outside to a bench and calls John, checking the time. He just got out of his appointment with Dr. Lane and answers immediately.

  "John, hello! Can you talk?" Anna is breathless with happiness.

  “Anna! Where are you?" he asks. She can hear his smile through the phone and she misses his face so much.

  "I'm outside of Pemberley's. John this has been the most incredible twenty-four hours. My mother is here. She is absolutely wonderful. I mean wonderful. Did I say she is wonderful?"

  John laughs.

  "I also think my mother and Rodrigo are in love, but that's another story. And Pemberley is well. We all had a good talk. There was some hollering. But it was good hollering. John, I invited them to Osprey Island. Is that okay?"

  "Of course Anna. It is fantastic. Can Pemberley travel?"

  "Yes, she seems better. At least better than she was. I'd like my Mother to stay with me. Pemberley wants her own house."

  "I’ll text you Lynn's number."

  "John, how are you? How is Clara? Where are you?"

  John doesn’t hesitate to answer, but his words seem a little empty. "We are great, really good. I'm actuall
y visiting Angel Oak right now. I was missing you and I can feel you here."

  "John, I can’t wait to see you." Anna says, feeling like she is really ready to begin her life with him. Whatever is going on, she can help him through it when she gets back to Osprey Island.

  Rodrigo calls Lynn and arranges to rent house number 518 for six weeks starting in mid-October. Pemberley demands her stripper nurse be invited to join them.

  “He is actually a real nurse and quite a good one," Pemberley insists.

  Rodrigo complies reluctantly and calls Nurse Jordan, as he is known, to apologize for throwing him out. After another two days together, Anna flies home. Nurse Jordan will drive Anna’s car to South Carolina. Ellen leaves Anna at the airport and agrees to arrive at 517 in a little more than a week. Anna cannot remember ever being happier.

  Eleven

  Anna does not tell John she is coming. She flies into Columbia and rents a car to keep until hers arrives. Exhausted but missing John, she drives directly to 516. She knocks on the front door to no answer, checks the time and walks around back. John and Clara are finishing dinner with Barbara, Joe and Isabelle. Clara notices Anna first.

  "Anna," she says pointing.

  John spins around, bounding from his chair. Anna holds back, feeling a little like an intruder. John reaches for her anyway.

  "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" he says hugging her tight. “I would have picked you up.”

  "Surprise," she laughs a little awkwardly. "Clara, my love, hello!"

  Clara jumps into Anna’s arms. She remembers Anna well. Clara and John talk about Anna every day, looking at photos from Clara’s summer visit. John wants Clara to remember her. Anna holds her tight, hoping that this child will love her.