The Unloved

by Jennifer Snyder

  “Hey, there’s little Luke now,” Tiffany whispered all giddy.

  “Keep calling him little Luke and I’m really going to think you’re sick,” I said in response.

  I was rewarded for my snide remark with a slap on the arm as Luke and Cole strolled up to us. I could tell from the gleam in Cole’s eyes that he was just as hungry as I felt and wondered if he’d been waiting, staring at the double doors, to see if I had first lunch, same as him.

  “Hey, can I get some lunch money from you?” he asked, holding out his hand. “Um, mom forgot to give me any.” His eyes flickered toward Luke and I wondered if his lie was as obvious to him and Tiffany as it was to me.

  None of our friends knew what our home life was like. Sure, they all knew that our mom was a stripper at Luscious Lizard, that was a hard one to hide in a town as small as ours, but they had no idea what went on behind the closed front door to our house. And that was how we wanted it to be. It wasn’t anyone’s business but ours. Cole and I had formed a pack long ago with our oldest brother, Logan; no friends were to ever make it past the front door. Where the driveway and the front door met, that was our barrier. We maintained the barrier that Logan had created for us, the one that the three of us lived by, because if someone, even a friend, were to make it past that threshold, then we were all at possible risk of DSS interfering with our mother’s warped sense of parenting. Our home life might not be ideal, but we knew that some had it a hell of a lot worse. Some like Nick.

  “Sure,” I said, digging in my pocket for one of the fives I knew I had. I handed it to him and he snatched it without even a smile. I wanted to smack him and take my money back.

  “Thanks,” he muttered as he walked away.

  I scowled after him. Cole needed to get a dang job or else show some freaking gratitude that I had one.

  “Did you see the way Luke was looking at me?” Tiffany asked excitedly.

  I laughed and shook my head. Here we go; crush number one of the school year had begun.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  NICK

  Either I didn’t share the same lunch as Jules, or else she just wasn’t planning on eating today because I’d hustled to the cafeteria and scanned each female face that passed through those double doors searching for her.

  I sat at a table near the wall, with my back against it. It felt safer somehow, to know that no one could sneak up behind me. This was the paranoia that still plagued me from getting the shit beat out of me every day for no reason by my dad. I’d come to terms with it, though. In fact, I liked to think that it made me more alert and aware of my surroundings at all times, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Some would call this my silver lining. I’d call it making lemonade from the lemons I’d been given at birth.

  A girl with a long mass of curly, black hair, deep-rooted dimples, big brown eyes, and a nose ring sat down at my table like she knew me.

  “Hey, you’re new here, right?” she asked with a smile.

  I nodded. “Sort of.”

  “You look seriously familiar.”

  I grinned. “So do you.” It was her eyes; I never forgot a pair of beautiful eyes. Jules was proof of that. Some guys were leg men, others boobs…but me, I was an eyes kind of guy.

  “I’m Emily, Emily Moore,” she introduced herself, and I paused mid-chew on the bite of burger in my mouth.

  “You were Jules’ best friend.” That was where I knew her from.

  Emily scrunched up her face in confusion and her eyes flashed. “Still am, but how do you know that? I haven’t heard her called Jules in years! I’d actually forgotten that nickname for her.”

  I set my burger down and folded my arms across my chest. She’d been the first person to tell me I looked familiar today, and I couldn’t wait to see the look in her eyes when I said who I was. “I used to live on her street, kitty-corner from her house actually.”

  Emily’s big brown eyes grew wider than I’d ever thought possible and her mouth formed this cute little O shape, which really set off her dimples. “Oh my God, Nick? Nick Owen?”

  “The one and only.” I smirked.

  “Does Julie know your back?”

  “Nope, I don’t think so,” I muttered, remembering the heated glare she’d given me earlier in the hall. Maybe I was the one who looked too different and she was the one who wouldn’t recognize me. The thought hadn’t crossed my mind until now.

  Emily slid her eyes up and down the portion of me that was visible above the table and smiled. “Oh, she will be so happy to see you again.”

  I couldn’t help but grin. I shook my head and picked my burger back up, but deep down, Emily’s approving stare made hope slither through my mind. I’d always had a thing for Jules. Even if my mom hadn’t decided to kick my dad out and let me come back, I would have come back for her after graduation. I’d promised myself that the day I left. Jules was mine. Always had been. Always would be.

  CHAPTER SIX

  JULIE

  There was only one more class left; the day was almost over. For most of my peers this thought sprung to life glimmers of excitement in their eyes because school was the worst part of their day. For me, it was a distraction, a diversion from real life, an escape from the horrors of my home life. A bittersweet evil.

  With my eyes turned toward my feet and my books clutched tightly against my chest, I glided through the halls unseen and unnoticed—exactly the way I liked to be—as I headed to my final class.

  “Julie, wait up!” I heard Tiffany yelling from somewhere behind me. I paused and turned just in time to see her push her way through a little group of underclassmen girls. “Excuse you,” she muttered all snobby like and I cracked a smile. If I had half of her I-don’t-give-a-shit-what-you-think-of-me attitude my life would be a whole lot easier. At least I thought it would.

  “Hey,” I said when she finally caught up to me.

  “Where are you headed to? I’ve got math last.”

  “Science,” I answered as we began walking again.

  Her head flew back and she sighed dramatically. “Oh thank God, we’re going the same way! I have so got to tell you something.”

  I shifted my books and looked at her instead of my shoes. “Okay.”

  “Have you seen Sean today?” she asked and I shook my head no.

  Sean Booker had been Tiffany’s boyfriend over the summer. They’d broken up about two weeks before school started because she’d caught him cheating with Caitlin Hess, a girl that he worked with at Wendy’s. After they’d broken up, he and Caitlin had started dating officially and I was sure Tiffany was about to inform me of either: A, some juicy gossip, or B, some drama.

  “Well, I just spent all of last period talking with Casey, Caitlin’s best friend, about him and Caitlin. Apparently he had been screwing around with her behind my back for a lot longer than I realized.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  Tiffany stopped walking for a second and shifted to face me. She waited a few dramatic heartbeats before finally answering. “Because rumor has it, he got her pregnant!”

  “Nu-uh! Oh my God, are you sure?” I was shocked. I knew that things like this happened. Even in our little town we weren’t immune. It was just an odd feeling to know that someone I knew, someone who was my age, was about to have a baby. “What is she going to do? What are they going to do?” I couldn’t imagine being seventeen and pregnant.

  “I’m positive. Casey was there when she took the test. And who cares what they’re going to do; Sean was a jerk.” Tiffany shrugged her shoulders and pasted this indifferent look on her face. “I hope their happy raising that baby off welfare and love, because they aren’t going to get much more than that. Especially not from Sean’s parents.” There was a sick sense of satisfaction that twisted her lips into the hint of a smile, but I saw right through it. Tiffany was pissed by this news and maybe even a slight bit hurt by it.

  I bit the inside of my lip and silently hoped for her childish crush on Luke to consume her mind l
ike every other crush she’d ever had. At least then she wouldn’t think about Caitlin and Sean anymore, which meant that Caitlin would only have to deal with being pregnant in high school and everything that went with that and not a vindictive, scorned ex of Sean’s, too. Because that was what Tiffany would quickly turn out to be, I knew her well enough to know that much.

  “This is me. I’ll catch ya later.” She smiled. “Oh, you still want a ride home after school?”

  I nodded. “Please?” It was so embarrassing being a senior and still having to ride the bus because you had no car.

  “Sure thing,” she called over her shoulder as she disappeared into the math building.

  I started walking again, my eyes back to my shoes. I was more comfortable that way. I didn’t know what people thought of me with my hair always pulled back into a tight ponytail and my baggy sweaters and hooded jackets swallowing my body even in the middle of summer, but I could imagine. And in my imagination the things that they thought were never good.

  “Jules!” an unfamiliar voice called from behind me. My stomach knotted and my heart began to beat wildly in my chest as I readied myself for some stupid jerk to make another since-your-mom-is-a-stripper-you-must-know-how-to-work-a-guy’s-family-jewels-just-right crack at me.

  I kept walking, feeling my insides tremble. I so did not want to deal with this crap again this year. When would the guys my age freaking grow up? When would they realize they weren’t funny?

  “Jules, wait!” he called again, whoever he was.

  I stopped and spun around, ready to face this jerk who was obviously not going to let his sick little bit of amusement for the afternoon walk away so easily.

  “What? What type of lame joke are you going to make about me and my name, or better yet about my mother and her occupation, because I can guarantee you that whatever it is you’re about to say I’ve heard it before. God, when are you losers ever going to grow the hell up?” I snapped, unable to stop myself, even when I realized who it was that had been pursuing me—muscle guy from the hallway this morning, the one with the hazel eyes I’d known from someplace but couldn’t remember where.

  “Whoa,” he said, throwing his hands up in surrender. “Take it easy, I’m not going to say anything about your mom or your name—it’s me, Jules. Nick.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  NICK

  Once the anger deflated from her big green eyes, they left mine in favor of the concrete we both stood on. I didn’t know what I expected her to say, if anything, but I was sure the silence building between us wasn’t something I’d expected either.

  “Nick?” she whispered my name like it felt familiar on her lips but distant. Forgotten.

  Her eyes rose to my face and I could feel them trailing across my features. Obviously she was comparing the older me standing in front of her now to the fifteen-year-old boy me that I was before I left her. The scrawny, shorter me with the longer hair and bruised face. Her eyebrows drew together as an emotion I couldn’t name swelled within her eyes.

  “Nick Owen, remember me?” I asked only because I couldn’t stand the silence anymore. She had to remember me. How could she forget? It wasn’t like I was some stud-muffin or anything, no, but we shared stuff with each other that we didn’t dare share with others. We knew each other. We shared secrets and escaped them together in the white shed with that stupid, dented green door.

  Her eyes finally met mine, but only for a brief moment. “I remember you.”

  Relief filled me and began to steady the hammering of my heart. “So, how have you been?” It was a lame question, but I wanted to talk to her. I liked hearing her voice. It had been way too damn long.

  “Nobody calls me Jules anymore,” she said. “Not unless they’re making some sick joke about my mom being a stripper.”

  I blinked, taken aback by the sharp tone to her voice. I’d always called her Jules. “Okay,” I said somewhat deflated.

  She walked away without saying another word. I stood there like a dumbass, wondering what had just happened. It didn’t take long before anger began to scold my insides. While I’d been gone things for Jules must have gotten worse. The thought of assholes making fun of the nickname I’d given her, tainting it with crude humor, burned me.

  I watched her small frame, head turned downward as though she were watching her feet as she walked, slip through the door to the science building before she disappeared out of my sight for good. She seemed so broken now, so hollowed out. The familiar need to fix things for her that had plagued me since we were kids hit me like a ton of bricks. The desire to see her smile—even if I had to do something stupid like when I was little—bit at my insides and I promised myself I would at least see Julie Porter smile at some point today if it was the last thing I did.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  JULIE

  I couldn’t believe that he was here. I couldn’t believe he’d finally come back after all this time. I couldn’t believe that I’d just been so harsh to him and left him standing there like that. I tapped the eraser end of my pencil against my bottom lip while the teacher droned on about what we’d be learning in her class this semester. Where had all those muscles come from? The thought popped in my head, and I felt my cheeks flush as I fought to quickly push it and the mental image that followed from my mind.

  Regardless of how flustered the sight of Nick’s muscles made me feel, something else still stirred inside my chest directed toward him. Fuzzy warmth I hadn’t felt in what felt like forever—the warmth that came with feeling safe and secure. That was what Nick had always done for me, even when we were little.

  I remembered the summer between eighth grade and our freshman year, the summer Nick left me. The day had been hot, mom had been sleeping, Cole had been at a friend’s house, and Logan had been out some place with a group of his friends. I’d decided I was going to change into my bathing suit and lay out in the sun for a while since mom’s newest pervert of a boyfriend wasn’t around. About ten minutes after I’d began enjoying myself, a car pulled into the driveway. It was Logan with one of his friends. I’d immediately grabbed up the towel I’d been lying on at the edge of the driveway, where I was hidden from view of the neighbors by an overgrown hedge we later ripped out, and wrapped it tightly around myself for coverage. Logan had run inside to get something, leaving his friend waiting in the car. Tyler had been his name.

  I’d started to go inside but Logan pushed past me in a huge hurry and I’d stepped backward onto a scrap piece of broken glass I’d already thought to pick up after I was finished sunbathing, cutting my heel. Tyler had gotten out of his car and jogged over to where I’d stood cradling my bleeding heel, trying to get the jagged piece of glass out. I’d never forget how his eyes trailed along my exposed skin or the fear that had filled my stomach in the moment when his hand snaked its way around my waist in an effort to steady me. He was smoking a cigarette. He exhaled and gave me a sly smile before he said, “Here let me help. You shouldn’t have moved so quickly to cover up that hot little body of yours and this wouldn’t have happened, you know?”

  Tyler then released my waist and bent down in front of me to retrieve the glass from my foot with one little tug. His hand pressed against my upper thigh as he appeared to be assessing the cut, but then his hand slid upward. I jumped backward, causing myself to yelp in pain as I put pressure on the gash in my foot.

  Tyler smirked at me and said, “So you’re in to playing hard to get, huh? I can handle that.”

  In the next instant Nick had been right there, coming up behind him with a pissed off look gleaming in his eyes. I’d later wondered if he’d been watching me sunbathing and I just hadn’t noticed.

  Nick had taken a swing at the back of Tyler’s head and connected. Something I still think surprised the heck out of him, as well as Tyler and me. Tyler had rebounded quickly though and beat Nick pretty badly before Logan came rushing out of the house with stacks of CDs in his hands and pulled him off.

  It was just a few days
after that Nick left. I’d wondered if his mother had seen the mess Tyler had made of Nick’s face and thought it was his dad who’d gotten hold of him again, like it was the last straw for her or something and that was why she’d sent him away. I’d beat myself up for that too many nights to count before I realized that if that was the case, then maybe I’d helped save him by creating the entire situation unintentionally.

  Obviously not for long though, because now he was back.

  But there was a difference now; Nick looked like he could take care of himself. I smiled slightly again at the image of his muscles and those all-consuming hazel eyes thickly framed by dark lashes.

  CHAPTER NINE

  NICK

  I walked home after school. It wasn’t as far as I’d remembered and plus, I could use the time to think. Jules had been on my mind since I’d spoken to her. I couldn’t get over how angry she’d seemed when she’d looked at me. It was haunting. I wondered all afternoon what had been going on in her head when we stood there talking, or better yet, staring at one another.

  Jules’ house was coming up quickly and I walked a little slower than I should while I stared at the windows on both floors, wondering if she was home yet. My thoughts were answered seconds later when a little silver car pulled into the driveway, cutting off my thoughts. Jules jumped out the passenger side and stood with the door open.

  “Thanks for the ride,” she said to the person inside and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was a boyfriend.