The Unloved

by Jennifer Snyder

  “You should go,” he said.

  “What, why?” I asked, unable to keep the hurt that I felt for reasons I couldn’t decide from entering my words.

  “Because,” he seethed.

  I didn’t argue. I stood up and started toward the dented door. Slipping through I glanced back once at him, taking in the familiar sight of his broken frame. I bit my bottom lip and fought against the urge to curl up beside him and attempt to make him feel better while I cleaned up his cuts and iced his bruises like I always had in the past. With a sigh, I closed the door and walked through the dark back to my house.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  NICK

  I hated having her see me like this. That was the only reason I’d sent her away. Because it wasn’t supposed to be this way this time. Things were supposed to be different. I wasn’t supposed to get my ass kicked; I was supposed to be doing the ass kicking. Why had she even bothered to check on me? This was what I thought about while I finished off my dad’s bottle of rum.

  ~

  Bright light filtered in through the cracks and holes in the mangled old shed. I sat up straighter and rolled my neck in an attempt to get the kinks out. It wasn’t helping. My head pounded and even the slight noise from the radio I’d left on was too loud to my ears. Areas of my face felt swollen and pulsated with pain. The night came crashing back to me and I tensed up, wondering if my father was still here. Had mom kicked him out? Was she planning to? If not, then would I be sent back to live with Aunt Christine and Uncle Ron?

  I stood and only wobbled slightly as I made my way through the dented green door. My dad’s car was the first thing I noticed as I started toward my house. Shit. She was letting him stay. I had no doubt about it now.

  “Morning, honey,” mom said in a cheery tone as I stumbled through the door.

  I squinted my eyes and glanced around the living room for her. She wasn’t even there. Was I hearing stuff now, too?

  “I’m in the kitchen,” mom called, almost as though she were in my head or I had spoken my question out loud. “I’m making you some breakfast. Hungry?”

  Saliva pooled in my mouth, but not in a good way, at the thought of food. “Nah.”

  She stepped around the corner and smiled at me. “Okay.” Her smiled faded. “Listen, we need to talk about last night.”

  Great, here we go. She was going to tell me I had to go back. I guess I should be glad I didn’t have that much shit to pack. “About?”

  I walked to the couch and flopped down. Mom sat at the edge and shifted her body toward me.

  “Your father, he was real depressed last night and that’s why he started drinking.” She stopped talking and glanced down at her twiddling fingers.

  “Maybe we should have him committed because it seems to me he’s been drinking like that my whole life. If he’s doing it because he’s depressed all the time, then he should get some freaking help,” I muttered in an irritated tone while I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands.

  “Nick, I’m not taking him back if that’s what you’re thinking. The only reason his car is still here is because he passed out in it last night.”

  Relief burst through me and the tension I’d been carrying in my shoulders released. “Want me to wake him? I’ll tell him to leave.”

  A smile formed on her face due to my enthusiasm. “No, I want you to clean yourself up; you stink like alcohol. Then, if you feel up to it, go to school. If you don’t want to go in today,” she paused and gestured to my face, “for obvious reasons, then you don’t have to. I’ll take care of your father.”

  I’d forgotten all about school. It had been the last thing on my mind when I’d woken. I hated to miss the second day, but what choice did I have? I glanced at the clock by the front door—10:15. I was already super freaking late anyway, might as well stay home. “I’ll get cleaned up, but I don’t think I’m going to school today.”

  Mom nodded. “That’s fine for today, but don’t think you’re going to make a habit of it.”

  “I won’t,” I said, before standing and heading to the bathroom for a shower.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  JULIE

  Music blared from Emily’s speakers—Papa Roach. I was too lost in my thoughts to sing along with the band, even though it was one of my favorite songs. All I kept thinking about was Nick and how I hadn’t seen him in the halls at school today. I wanted to make sure he was all right. I wanted to find out if he’d be leaving again. I chewed my bottom lip as I thought about how horrible it would feel to lose him all over again, even though he’d only been here for a few days this time.

  My thoughts were interrupted as Emily squealed, “We’re here!”

  I flashed a smile and opened the door, climbing out of the backseat. People said physical pain had its own way of making you forget your troubles and your worries. I guessed I was about to find out if that statement was true.

  ~

  Jess’s apartment was cute. Very artsy and filled with bright pinks and black. Gray and white pictures of up-close flowers hung on her walls in a decorative fashion. I walked over to the black futon couch and sat. Grabbing one of the black and white polka dot pillows, I hugged it to my chest.

  “Are you nervous?” Tiffany asked me. “I’m nervous as hell right now. Seriously, I think I might throw up.”

  I chuckled. “I’m nervous, but not that nervous.”

  “Then you go first. Please? That way you can tell me how bad it hurts.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Fine.”

  Emily and Jess came back out into the living room. Jess was carrying a silver tray with all of her equipment neatly lined up. “Who’s first, ladies?”

  “Me,” I answered with a slight wave.

  “All right, cool,” Jess said as she sat the tray down on the coffee table in front of me.

  “Yay! I’m so excited!” Emily said, clapping her hands and bouncing on her toes.

  “I’m just going to clean the area first,” Jess said as she pulled on some gloves and wiped the right side of my nose with an alcohol-drenched tissue. “Is the right side okay?”

  “Yeah.” I smiled.

  “Which stud do you want—the white diamond or the pink?” Jess asked, her violet eyes meeting mine.

  “White,” I answered.

  “Hey, I was going to get that one,” I heard Tiffany grumble beside me.

  “You should have gone first,” I teased.

  “This is going to look so cute!” Emily exclaimed.

  I watched Jess as she readied the little gun she’d be using. My stomach twisted and my heart began to pound. I swallowed hard and bit my bottom lip. Why the hell had I let these two talk me into this?

  “Ready?” Jess asked with a smile.

  I nodded and then closed my eyes once I felt the coolness of the gun press against my skin. A loud pop sounded as pain radiated from where she’d shot me with an earring.

  “It’s going to bleed a little bit, but that’s normal,” Jess said as she wiped my new piercing with a tissue.

  “Ah, it looks so good!” Emily squealed, handing me a mirror.

  I glanced at myself. The area around the little white diamond was red and there was a slight amount of blood, but nothing too severe. I liked it. I liked it a lot.

  “Did it hurt?” Tiffany asked.

  “Not really, no,” I assured her as I set the mirror down, my eyes still slightly watering from the pain.

  I sat back, unbelieving I’d just gotten my nose pierced, and wondered if anyone would notice. More specifically, I wondered if Nick would. What the hell was wrong with me? I was acting obsessed.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  NICK

  It was Monday. My face still looked like shit, but I had no choice in the matter, I had to come to school. I’d avoided Jules all weekend, which meant that I’d spent the entire weekend locked in my house pretty much or working out without the garage door open like I liked. I figured if she couldn’t see me, then she wouldn’t know whethe
r I was home or not and she’d leave me be…at least until my bruises healed some. That was all I wanted.

  I sat my tray down at what I’d call my usual table and began to chow down on my Salisbury steak.

  “Ew, you’re actually eating that stuff? It’s not even real meat. I swear,” I heard Emily say.

  “It’s good.” I grinned and looked up.

  She wasn’t alone this time. Beside her stood a tall, lanky guy with a beanie on his head and a faded Disturbed T-shirt on. Another guy with long black hair stood behind them.

  “We’re adopting you,” Emily said as she sat down across from me. Disturbed T-shirt and long-haired guy followed suit.

  “I wasn’t aware I was an orphan,” I said, taking another bite of my Salisbury steak.

  “This is my boyfriend, Blake,” Emily said, ignoring my comment. “And that’s Tom.”

  “’Sup?” Blake said.

  I nodded in response to him and once in Tom’s direction; he nodded right back and took a bite of his Salisbury steak. So far I seemed to have something in common with each of them—Blake and I both seemed to share the same taste in music, Emily and I both liked Jules (although it was in different ways), and Tom and I both seemed to like Salisbury steak. I could work with this little group.

  “What happened to your face?” Emily wondered, her big brown eyes grazing over my bruises.

  I dropped my eyes to my food and shoved a bite of mashed potatoes into my mouth. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

  “Okay.” Emily shrugged. “So, have you talked to Julie yet?”

  I swallowed another forkful of mashed potatoes and shrugged my shoulders. “Yeah, some,” I answered, remembering Thursday night a little more.

  Emily scrunched up her face. “She hasn’t said a word about you yet, at least not to me.”

  I frowned. Was this a bad sign? That Jules hadn’t even told her best friends she’d noticed I’d moved back.

  “It’s probably nothing. Julie isn’t one for gossip or any of that crap, so I wouldn’t worry about it,” Emily offered.

  Didn’t matter. It still irked me that she hadn’t spoken to her friends about me yet. At all.

  “I got an idea,” Blake said. “Drew Carter’s having this party on Friday night. We should all go.”

  Emily shoved Blake playfully and a large smile came to her face. “That’s a great idea! Julie hasn’t been to a party with us in ages! You’ll have to meet us there, Nick. Then the two of you can talk,” Emily said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at me.

  I looked to Blake. “I bet this one is hard to keep up with,” I said, pointing to Emily.

  “You have no idea.” He smirked. “I’ve definitely got my hands full.”

  “Whatever, I’m just excited that’s all,” Emily muttered, looking irritated.

  “Don’t believe her,” Quiet Tom said, never raising his eyes from his tray of food. “She’s like this all the time.”

  I chuckled and took a swig of my milk. Yep, I could deal with having this as my crew. And going to a party on Friday night sounded a lot better than sitting at home again, especially if Jules was going to be there. Well, possibly anyway. Now at least I had something to look forward to—even if it was four freaking days away.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  JULIE

  “I don’t know. I’ll have to check and see if I work that night,” I said reluctantly. I didn’t care for parties much.

  “Please just ask off if you do,” Emily pleaded.

  I smiled at her persistence. “All right,” I promised, wondering why she wanted me to go so badly. I seriously hoped her and Tiffany weren’t secretly attempting to set me up with someone, again.

  They’d tried that once. And now the guy was my mom’s pill dealer.

  Vincent had been it. At least I’d thought. Jet black hair, deep blue eyes, an eyebrow piercing, and arms covered in tattoos. He had also been nineteen with a car. Heaven. That was what I’d thought he was, anyway.

  I was stupid to think that a guy like that would actually like a girl like me—a baggy-sweater-wearing girl who liked to keep to herself and had a nervous/shy streak that came out around guys like him. Vincent had been able to see through all of that and see the real me. I’d opened up to him in ways I’d never opened up to any guy besides Nick before. I’d even allowed him to take my virginity. That was when things began to go downhill.

  It felt like after he’d gotten what he’d obviously wanted from the start, he changed his mind. I’d been a conquest. Another notch in his belt and nothing more.

  Shortly after, he got sloppy with his sales and I’d found out the truth behind who he really was. It had been infuriating, knowing that here I was being the most loyal girlfriend I could possibly be and falling head over heels for this guy, while behind my back he was secretly selling my mom the pills that she craved. The pills were part of the reason she didn’t feed us like she should, being the parental figure and all.

  It had been almost three months since Vincent and I broke up. I still see him every now and then when he stops by the house to visit my mom for another deal. It sickens me, but mostly because I know the way that my mother was most likely paying him for his drugs—with her body. Either she was giving him a private dance each time or a Charlotte whore special.

  Either way, Vincent was dead to me and also the reason why I didn’t date. I’d learned as a kid that once you let people in, they hold the power to disappoint you, upset you, and break you. Vincent had been a reminder that I was already broken enough from my home life, and that a heart could only handle so much before it gave out.

  “How’s your nose feeling?” Emily asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “Oh, um, fine.” I shrugged. It was a little sore, but nothing like what I’d expected it to be.

  “Good.” Emily smiled, and then gave me a look that I knew all too well. She was up to something. “So, about Friday night…think you could ditch the baggy sweater and hoodies? I mean it is August, not December.”

  I pulled the cuffs of the sweater I was wearing down over my hands. Sweaters had been my shields for the last few years, since puberty hit and Nick moved away. I’d wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out the day that I saw his mom drive away with him staring at me from the backseat. Maybe keeping my body covered all the time, no matter the weather, was my way of crawling into that hole.

  “I’ll think about it,” I said with a frail smile.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  NICK

  Friday night finally came. I stood in my bedroom trying on every T-shirt I owned and staring at my reflection in the mirror above my dresser like a girl. I’d just shaved my head and my face to perfection, and now I wanted a shirt that didn’t have stains on it to wear. I found something wrong with each one I owned.

  “Knock, knock,” mom called from the doorway. I hadn’t even noticed her walk up. “You look nice. Going out?” she asked with a smile.

  “Yeah, I am,” I answered, pulling the edges of the T-shirt I’d thrown on in an attempt to make it longer. What the hell? How much had I grown since I’d worn this last?

  “Well, here. I wanted to give these to you before I headed out for my shift at the diner. Suzie called in, so I’m working for her tonight,” she said, holding out two Wal-Mart bags my way.

  I took them from her fingers and opened one slightly to glance inside. In one there were a few shirts folded with the tags still on and in the other, a few pairs of jeans or possibly shorts. I couldn’t be sure which.

  “I know it’s not much, but it’s something,” she said.

  I looked at her and smiled. “Thanks, Mom.”

  Her eyes, the same hazel as mine, had excitement twinkling within them. “There’s something in the living room for you, too. I’ve gotta go.”

  “All right, I’ll see you later.”

  “Be home by 11:30, okay?”

  “I’ll try.” I grinned. She’d never given me a curfew before. This was new and I liked i
t. It felt normal; the way things should be for someone my age.

  I dumped the bags out onto my bed and stared. A blue and gray T-shirt caught my eye. I peeled the one I’d been wearing off and tossed it on the floor before tugging the new one on. It had a collar and looked a little preppy, but I could deal with that. I left the last two buttons undone so you could see the white tank I wore beneath and glanced at the pile of denim on my bed. There were two pairs of jeans and one pair of shorts. I tugged on a pair of the jeans and glanced at myself in the mirror, then decided I looked like I was trying too hard so I pulled on the worn out pair I’d had on before and pulled the sticker and tag off the shirt.

  After applying a thick layer of deodorant, I headed toward the kitchen for something to eat while I waited on Blake and Quiet Tom to get here. I grabbed some Ramen noodles, the only thing we had at the moment that was super fast to make. I put a pot of water on the stove to boil, plopped the noodles in, and went to the living room to see what else mom had gotten me. My jaw dropped at the site of the shinny white box resting on the dingy couch.

  She’d bought me a Wii!

  I stuffed down my excitement and shuffled my feet forward, thinking there was no way there was a Wii inside that box. It must have been just a box with something else inside, right? There was no way we could afford that. No way!

  I sat down on the couch and pulled the heavy box into my lap. Carefully I undid the stickers they’d placed on all the sides and opened the box up. Sure as shit there was a white Wii gleaming back at me from inside the box. I pulled it out and walked across the room to set it beside our ancient twenty-inch TV. I’d never been one for reading directions, so I tossed them on the floor and pulled out our TV some so I could hook the two up.