by Crowne, KC
As if I’d beckoned her, she moved toward me. Because the universe has one hell of a sense of humor. She stepped close to me, running a hand along Traveler’s smooth, brown coat. Her blue eyes looked more striking than I remembered.
“Where’s Christopher?” I asked.
“He went to meet a friend.”
“Again? Didn’t the two of you just go out with friends?”
She shrugged and averted her gaze. “Different friend, I guess.”
Her hands looked so tiny against the big body of the horse. Even more so against my own.
I was still brushing Traveler, and our hands briefly touched. Call it a cliché, but sparks flew - static electricity, that is. Traveler lurched back, neighing in protest.
“Oh I’m sorry, sweet boy,” Molly said, her eyes filled with such compassion for the horse. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry,” I said, dropping my hand from the horse, no longer wanting to risk us touching again.
Traveler calmed almost immediately. If it had been one of our other horses, we might have had a problem. But he calmed under her touch and with her soothing tone. She really was a natural. The horse could tell she was a good person, that she could be trusted.
Or maybe I was reading too much into it. Traveler trusted most people that weren’t too loud or rambunctious. He was good that way.
And Molly was a good woman, of that I had no doubt.
“You didn’t wanna go with him?”
Molly looked at me, confused at first until she realized I was talking about Christopher. “Oh no, I wanted to spend more time at the ranch. I’m a bit tired of traveling and running around. Besides, I wanted to spend some time with the horses and Christopher couldn’t be bothered.”
“Yeah, he’s never been much of an animal person.”
“I don’t get it,” she mused, a small frown on her face. “How could someone not appreciate animals? But yeah, you’re right. It’s just not his thing, I guess.”
“I don’t get it either, but his mother wasn’t much for animals either. She didn’t even wanna own a cat or a dog, much less a horse. She preferred people to animals, while I preferred animals.”
“He doesn’t talk about his mother much,” she revealed.
“He doesn’t?”
“Nope. It’s hard to get him to open up about his family,” she said. “But I guess he’s talked more about her than you.”
“Well that don’t surprise me. She raised him. I merely got him for a few years before he went off to college.”
She nodded and reached out her hand. It took me a moment to understand that she wanted the brush. I handed it to her and watched as she brushed the horse, stroking the coat gently. The repetitive motion was so relaxing to me, and it seemed to do the same for her.
“You know there’s still time to get to know him better.”
“I’ve tried,” I snorted. “He’s not interested in talkin’ to me.”
“He doesn’t think you’ll accept him for who he is. You need to show him that you will. He needs to trust you, Silas.”
“How can I do that when he wants nothin’ to do with me?”
She stopped brushing for a second, seeming to think over my question. “I don’t know. You’re both difficult.”
“I guess he inherited at least one trait from me,” I muttered, a quiet chuckle after.
Molly walked over to the other side of Traveler and I followed, my gaze moving over her body. I felt guilty for it as soon as it happened, but that didn’t mean I stopped looking.
“He inherited a lot from you, actually,” she told me.
“Oh yeah? Like what?” I chuckled.
“He looks just like you for one. There’s no denying he’s your son. The chiseled jawline, strong facial features,” she explained. “And he has your eyes.”
I wanted to ask her how much time she’d spent looking at my eyes to know that, but decided that would come off as flirty. Too flirty.
She moved along Traveler’s side, stepping right up to me before I knew what was happening. She was standing close, looking up at me, and I didn’t move. “Beautiful eyes,” she said so quietly I almost didn’t hear her.
She licked those plump lips, batted those lashes.
And Christopher wasn’t here to interrupt us this time.
She stood up on her tiptoes and I leaned down to meet her, our lips touching before I even knew what hit me. Her mouth opened for me, inviting me in. I accepted the invitation, my tongue pushing past her lips, tasting her.
It was everything I had imagined. She was sweet and soft, everything a woman should be. The kiss lingered, the two of us turning our bodies toward one another and wrapping each other up in our arms. I couldn’t believe what was happening, that I’d actually lost control enough to do what I’d done, what I was doing.
But I couldn’t have stopped myself if I’d tried.
Molly pulled away, stepping backward and nearly tripping over her own feet. Her eyes were wide. “I’m so sorry,” she stammered. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“No, I’m sorry—”
Before I could finish, Molly took off running out of the stables, dropping the brush on the ground with a clatter.
I wanted to chase after her, but I didn’t.
Dammit, Silas. What happened?
But I knew what had happened – I’d lost control. And there was no going back.
Molly
Oh God. Oh my God. What did I just do?
I’d never moved so fast in my life. I had to get away from Silas, and fast. I went into the house and ran straight up the stairs to Christopher’s room. I walked into the room and shut the door behind me, pressing my back against it. I felt like the entire world could hear my heart beating and couldn’t trust being around anyone right now. I feared my face would give away my guilt.
I kissed my best friend’s dad.
I kissed Silas.
Yes, he’d kissed me back; I wasn’t the only one to blame. But I had practically asked for it. I came on to him. I had risen up on my tiptoes to press my lips to his. It all happened so fast, and it was over before I even had a chance to fully appreciate what was happening.
I lifted a finger to my lips, remembering the sensation of Silas’ mouth against mine. I had kissed before. But I’d never done it with a friend’s father. And I’d never been kissed like that.
I’d betrayed my best friend.
I was still standing against the door when I heard footsteps. I moved away just in time for the door to swing open. Christopher stepped inside and started speaking immediately.
“Molly, I’m so sorry. I’ve been such a dick to you since we arrived, and I—” He stopped and cocked his head to the side, staring at me. “Are you okay?”
I felt the blood rush from my face and likely looked as pale as a ghost. “I’m fine, why?”
“You just look a little shaken up.”
“Oh, I’m fine.” My voice didn’t even sound like me. I brushed it off with a wave of the hand. “And you’re fine too, Christopher. I know being around family can bring out the worst in us sometimes. Especially with the pressure you’re under.”
“It’s still no excuse. I pulled you into this mess and I just keep leaving you here with my family when I can’t even stand to be around them most of the time.”
“They’re not so bad, really.” I cringed, expecting him to fight with me over that again. I was defending his family again - but truly, they’d been nothing but kind to me.
And if anyone should have been apologizing, it was me. For coming onto his dad.
But Christopher kept talking. “I know, I know. They’re not terrible, I just have this vision of them in my head, likely tainted by the way my mom talked about them.” He fell to the bed with a dramatic sigh. “I’m just not like them and don’t think I ever will be. But that’s not their fault.”
I sat down beside him on the bed. I didn’t say much; I let my friend do all the talking. It was clear he had
a lot to get off his chest.
“I mean, besides my dad, that is. He can be pretty terrible at times.”
I thought about his dad’s lips against mine. He didn’t seem terrible to me. But I didn’t say anything.
The dinner bell chimed, interrupting our discussion.
“Already?” I said, checking the time. My head was spinning. I hadn’t even realized how late it had gotten. Time seemed to pass differently here.
“Yes, that’s why I came back. I made a promise to Mama G, and I never break my promises to her,” Christopher said. “Come on, let’s head down.”
The very idea of seeing Silas so soon after the kiss filled me with dread. My feet felt like they had lead weights attached to them, and it took me far too long to stand up and join Christopher, who was standing at the door and giving me the strangest look.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah,” I lied. “I’m fine.”
I put on a sweet, fake smile and walked past him. Each step felt like I was walking toward my doom. I dreaded the moment of stepping into the dining room and looking Silas in the eye.
I feared everyone at the table would see right through us and would know what we’d done.
They would know what I’d done.
We turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs and walked toward the dining room. I let out an audible breath when I saw that Silas wasn’t at the table.
Maybe he won’t be joining us, I thought.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I’d dreaded seeing him on the walk down, but now that I was there, it felt weird not seeing him at the table.
I wondered if he was avoiding me.
The idea of that made me sad, and not just for me. I had been the one to suggest that Silas try spending more time with his son, and because of me, he couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him. What the hell was wrong with me?
I took my seat next to Christopher.
I cleared my throat. “Is Silas not joining us?” I asked, needing to know the answer in order to prepare myself.
“Maybe, maybe not,” Mama G said with a chuckle. “He can spend entire days with those horses sometimes.”
“Yeah, I think he loves those horses more than he loves me,” Christopher commented.
I thought it might’ve been a joke. But Christopher’s expression was serious, as if he’d just said something that’d been on his mind for a long while. And if anyone had thought it was funny, they kept their laughs to themselves.
The room grew silent, and the sound of a throat clearing behind us jerked our attention to the door. Silas was standing in the entryway.
All eyes were on him. With what looked like discomfort, he said, “Sorry I’m late.”
He slid into his seat. I stared down at my plate, not wanting to make eye contact with him. No one said anything else as Mama G passed the food around the table, all of us helping ourselves.
I’d never experienced such silence from a room filled with people. Not even a cough. It was as if no one knew what to say. All of us wondered if Silas had heard Christopher’s comment.
Silas
Molly was right. I still had time with Christopher. I’d heard his words, and while they stung, it came as little surprise. I’d never been an affectionate person, and my stint in the service had solidified my need for self-preservation. I hadn’t known how to be a father, much less a father to a teen who was used to the city.
But that was on me.
As soon as dinner was over, I stood up and began collecting the plates. “Christopher, you wanna help me in the kitchen?”
That was my way of asking him to talk. Mama G had stood up, but as soon as I said those words, she when right back down.
Everyone knew what it meant.
Christopher did too.
And I knew he wouldn’t argue about helping with the dishes with his grandmother sitting there. The boy had some issues with talking back and whatnot, but he never showed disrespect to his grandma. I’d done at least one thing right.
“Sure,” Christopher said dryly. He began collecting plates as well, and we walked them into the kitchen together.
Once we were alone, I let out a deep breath. “Son, I know I’m not the best at showin’ it sometimes, but I do love you. More than the horses,” I added, trying to lighten the tension.
Christopher turned on the water, as if trying to drown me out. I walked over to the sink beside him, my hands buried deep in my pockets.
“I mean it, Christopher. I missed out on a lot, and I’m sorry, but I’d like to make up for that.”
“You can’t make up for those years,” Christopher said after a moment. “You just can’t. I went almost my whole childhood without knowing about you, even thinking another man was my dad for a while. But you were here the whole time.”
“I didn’t know about you, Christopher. How could I have been there for you if your mother never told me about you?” I tried not to speak ill of the dead, but I wouldn’t be blamed for something I had no control over. The stuff I did, I’d take the heat for.
“No, even after that. When you did know,” he said, turning the water off and facing me. He put his hands on his hips and looked me in the eye. Molly was right; he did look just like me, especially when he was mad. I could see the heat in his eyes.
“I wanted to come out more, but your mom insisted it would just confuse you,” I confessed.
“And you don’t think it confused me to find out about you later?”
“I—I mean, yes, but I wasn’t thinkin’ back then. Neither of us expected your mom to pass away so young.”
“And that’s not even the biggest issue I have, Dad,” he said, making the word “dad” sound like a bad word. “My biggest issue is how, after all those years of being absent, you swooped me away from everything I knew and just expected me to be like you and your brothers - to enjoy this life and to never leave to do what I wanted to do.”
“I just wanted to get to know you.”
“And force your way of life on me?” His voice had risen in volume.
My blood boiled. Not at him, but at the situation. What’s done was done. I couldn’t make his mother tell me about him. I couldn’t change what I’d done, going into the service rather than remaining at home. Maybe if I had, maybe I’d have known about him and been a part of his life, maybe I could have given him the life I had always imagined giving my kids.
But I couldn’t go back and change a thing.
Yet it felt like that was the only way I would ever have a relationship with my son.
I slammed my fist down on the counter without even realizing it. “Son, I can’t change the past.” My anger wasn’t directed at him - it was at myself. “I don’t know what I can do to make this right.”
“I don’t want anything from you, Dad. I just want to live my life.” He didn’t give me a chance to respond, turning and leaving the moment he’d spoke the last word. I listened to his footsteps going up the stairs. I stayed in the kitchen, cursing myself under my breath and wishing I knew the words to say to fix everything.
“Is everything okay?” Molly’s voice asked from the doorway.
Dammit. Now I had to face her. After the kiss in the stables, I wasn’t ready for that. I couldn’t talk to her right now.
“Everything’s fine,” I lied, walking toward the back door. I had to get out of there.
“Silas—”
I opened the back door and let it slam behind me. My mother would have had my hide for it when I was younger - hell, she’d still probably give me an earful later - but it felt good to slam the door behind me.
The rage built up inside of me, and I needed a release.
Any release.
I headed for the stables where I felt most at home.
I felt like a petulant child stomping my feet as I went, but it felt good to get some of that out. I couldn’t get to the stables fast enough, and as soon as I stepped inside, I felt at ease.
I walked o
ver to Jagger, knowing I had to control my emotions around the likes of him. I took a few deep breaths and steadied myself, not wanting to pass my tension onto my horse. I needed a ride, needed to get out on the trail.
I had just stepped up to his stall when I heard footsteps and her voice.
“Silas, we need to talk.”
I sighed. “Not right now, Molly.”
“Yes, right now,” she insisted. “Because the guilt is eating me up. I can’t take it.”
“I’m not in the mood,” I said, running a hand over Jagger’s mane.
I thought maybe she’d left. It grew quiet, and I felt at ease again. Until she stepped up beside me.
“Careful, he’s not as gentle as the other horses,” I said sternly. “He’s a bit wild.”
“I can take care of myself,” she said. Her voice was almost as stern as mine, and I was surprised to hear it coming from her.
I glanced at her and could tell from the look on her face that she wasn’t going anywhere until we talked. I knew stubbornness when I saw it, and it was written all over her face.
I sighed. “Molly, I just had an argument with my son. I’m really not in the mood.”
“I know that, and I want to help. But I can’t help you with this awkwardness lingering between us,” she countered. “And I can’t even look Christopher in the eye right now, so can we please just clear the air? I know it has to be weighing on you like it’s weighing on me, muddying things up even more.”
Smart girl.
“I’m sorry, okay? Is that what you want me to say? I’m sorry I kissed you,” I said, raising my hands in the air. Jagger reacted to my mood, stepping back and stomping his feet. “Come on, let’s leave him be until I calm the fuck down.”
Molly followed me to an empty stall. Just the two of us. I knew it was dangerous, but I also didn’t want the horses to feed off my negative energy.
“You’re sorry?” she stammered. “I kissed you.”
“I think we both played a part in this, but I’m the older man here. I took advantage of you and—”
