The Wrong Kind of Love

by Lexi Ryan

  But this year, Veronica is pregnant, so I guess there will be no drunken escapades.

  “What are you doing tonight?” I wince. It kind of sounds like I’m looking for an invitation.

  “Marcus and I are just hanging out at home.”

  Marcus and I. I wait for the jealousy to hit, the longing for that word home. But I don’t feel heartache over Marcus anymore. The ache in my chest is entirely about losing my sister. “How was the trip?”

  “It was good, I guess. I mean, not being able to drink kind of takes the fun out of an all-inclusive vacation, but the beach was pretty.”

  “Yeah, the pictures looked pretty incredible.” I swallow around the lump in my throat.

  “Did you end up taking the job in Jackson Harbor?”

  “I did.” I stare at my water and wish it were something much stronger. But with the one exception of my wedding night, my rule has been not to drink when I feel like I need to drink. I’ve got Mom’s genes and don’t want to end up like her. “I met with Kathleen, and she asked me to step in for you.”

  “Wait a sec, okay, Nic?” I imagine her sliding her hand over the mic as her voice goes muffled for a few beats. “Nic, I need to go.”

  “Oh. Sure. No problem. We’ll catch up later. Maybe I’ll call tomorrow.”

  “Actually, don’t.” She draws in a long breath. “It’s just that Marcus and I need to focus on us right now. We’re not ready to let you back into our lives yet.”

  That ache in my chest turns to a dull gnawing. I grasp at anger—I’d be right to be pissed right now—but I can’t get a handle on it. Instead, all I feel is lonely. So fucking lonely. “You make it sound like I’m the one who betrayed you two and not the other way around.”

  “I . . . One sec—I heard you, Marcus. Just give me a minute.” She huffs, and I can practically hear her rolling her eyes. “It’s complicated. I’m glad you took the job. Have a happy birthday.”

  “Happy birthday,” I whisper. But she’s already hung up.

  I close my eyes and force myself to breathe, to fight the instinct to call her back and beg her to talk to me. I could shovel forgiveness at them they don’t deserve in a vain attempt to maintain some sort of relationship with my sister.

  I don’t want to be the doormat anymore. If our relationship is going to be salvaged, she’s going to have to own up to her mistakes.

  I wrap my arms around myself and trace the tattoo on my side through my sweater, willing the words inked there to give me the strength I don’t feel.

  Ethan

  I have a Saturday night off and nothing to do with it. I’m not on call tonight, so it’s Nic’s night off and Lilly and I were going to have some quality daddy-daughter time, but Shay insisted that she and Lilly both needed a girls’ night.

  The house is empty, and I can’t stop thinking about Nic in my tub, her back arched, her lips parted, and her eyes on me for that brief moment before she fucking disintegrated into pleasure.

  When she opened her eyes, I just stood there staring at her while my heart raced. Every move I wanted to make was the wrong one—crossing the bathroom and kneeling to take her face in my hands so I could kiss her with all the hunger I felt, dragging her to my bed so I could make her come again, begging her to let me touch her.

  Eventually, I got my wits about me and said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t . . .” Then I turned on my heel and left the room.

  Real fucking smooth.

  I’d like to blame that moment in the bathroom for all my inappropriate thoughts, but where this woman is concerned, my thoughts have never been innocent. And now that I know for sure she won’t stay on as Lilly’s nanny, I can’t get my mind off bringing her into my bed.

  Rather than stay home and make myself crazy with thoughts of what I can’t have, I head to Jake’s bar. Jackson Brews has become the Jackson family living room of sorts. On any given night, I can count on running into one or more of my siblings there, in addition to Jake.

  But when I head to our typical booth, I don’t spot any of my brothers. I see Nic. She’s shrunk into the far back of one of the semicircular booths, and a man stands on the opposite side of the table, leaning in as if he’s trying to tell her a secret.

  “Hey, John.” I walk straight to the table and smack the guy between the shoulder blades. “Is there a reason you’re talking to my girl again?”

  Nic’s tense shoulders visibly relax as John straightens, and she flashes me a grateful smile.

  “I wasn’t bugging her,” John says. “I was just keeping her company. There some law against that?” But he can’t manage to speak the excuse without running his gaze over Nic again, stalling for too long on the swell of cleavage in the V of her black sweater. Creep. When he turns to me, his expression is belligerent. “Anyway, don’t feed me your bullshit about her being your girlfriend. I know she’s your nanny, and she’s here waiting for a date, not for you.”

  I don’t respond. I’m too distracted by his word choice. Date. She has a date. Of course she does, you idiot. Women like Nic don’t stay single forever.

  John must take my silence as doubling down on my warning because he walks away in a huff.

  “You didn’t have to do that,” Nic says.

  “I think I did. He’s got his eye on you, and I think he’s figured out that you’re more likely to take his shit than make a scene. Let me know if he bothers you again. Jake can’t stand that guy anyway. He’ll throw him out on his ass.”

  She snorts. “Good to know.” She pats the bench beside her. “Why don’t you sit here and keep me company?”

  I hesitate. On the one hand, I can’t stop thinking about Nic, and every instinct I have wants to take advantage of the opportunity to be near her. On the other hand, I’m not sure I can act like some big-brother figure when her date strolls in to take my spot.

  “Come on,” she says. And it’s the smile that gets me—all her sweetness shows on her face, and I find myself sliding into the booth, the magnet pulled to its mate.

  I settle on the edge of the seat. I tell myself I don’t scoot farther in because I want to see her face when we talk, but the truth is probably more about resisting the temptation to touch what isn’t mine. “You look amazing.”

  She tucks her chin and reaches for her drink, and I notice she’s drinking water. I don’t think I’ve seen her drink alcohol since the night we met. “Thank you.”

  “Who’s the lucky guy?” I want to snatch the words back the second they’re out of my mouth.

  “What?”

  “John said you’re waiting on a date.” I’m butting in where I don’t belong, but I don’t care. “I didn’t realize you’d had the time to meet anyone.”

  “I haven’t.” Her phone buzzes, and she digs in her purse for it. “Do you mind if I get this?” Her gaze flicks to the screen and then back to me. “I hate to be rude, but this is the friend who’s meeting me tonight.”

  “Not a problem.” Friend. So, not date? I can’t decide if this is good news or evidence that I should get up and leave now. I care too damn much. Her love life is none of my business.

  She swipes across the screen of her phone and puts it to her ear. “Hey, girl! I’m in a booth at the back of the bar.” Her smile falls away. “No, no. Don’t worry about it. It’s totally understandable. We’ll just meet up later.” She listens and swallows. “No, it’s fine. Please, don’t worry about it. It’s just another day . . . I know you will. Please don’t feel bad. I’m sitting here with Ethan, so it’s not like I’m alone.” She nods, listening again. “Sounds amazing. Perfect. See? It’s fine . . . Thank you. You too. Bye.”

  She hangs up her phone and slides it into her purse before staring down into her water. Her lips twist as she fights a frown. Anytime she does that, I get the impression she doesn’t have much experience frowning. She’s one of those perpetually cheerful people who sees the good in every day and lives her life with complete enthusiasm—in other words, she’s everything I’m not.

  “
What’s wrong?” I ask.

  She shakes her head. “It’s no big deal. My friend Teagan and I had plans for my . . . We had plans, and she can’t get away from work. The stomach flu is going around the nurses and they don’t have enough staff. She feels bad, but it’s not a problem at all. We’re going to have a do-over at brunch tomorrow, and then go shopping.”

  “Is it your birthday?”

  “It is,” she admits with a nod. “I’m a quarter of a century old today, and can I just tell you my life is so much different than I imagined?”

  “Different better or different worse?”

  She drags her bottom lip between her teeth. “Just different-different.”

  “It would help if your boss weren’t such an asshole.”

  She gives a sardonic chuckle but doesn’t meet my eyes. “You’re not an asshole.” She shakes her head. “Not at all.”

  “What else did you think would be different?”

  “I’m supposed to be married. I was engaged before I came here.”

  Wow. “Really?” I feel like an ass. That day I caught her looking in Elena’s closet, she told me she wanted to run away, and I was so damn busy looking at her and seeing the faults of my dead wife that I didn’t ask what she was running from.

  She nods and studies the condensation on the side of her water glass. “I was supposed to be Mrs. Marcus Fitzroy. I was finally going to have a family of my own. He said he wanted kids right away.” A tear rolls down her cheek, but she wipes it away quickly.

  She seems too young to have already been almost-married. Then again, by the time I was twenty-five, Elena and I had been married three years. Most days, it feels like our wedding was in a different lifetime. “What happened?”

  “He fell for my sister?” The words come out like a question, as if she still isn’t convinced that’s what happened, but then she nods and her chest expands with her deep inhale. “While I was planning our wedding, they were messing around.” She lifts her eyes to meet mine for the first time since I guessed it was her birthday. The sadness there pulls at me. I want to take her into my arms. To make her feel cherished. To make her forget the asshole who hurt her. “I found out on my wedding day.”

  I draw in a shaky breath. I don’t know who I’d be angrier with—the sister or the fiancé. “Shit. I’m so sorry.”

  “I think she helped me dodge a bullet, you know what I mean? But yeah. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. Then I came here and . . .”

  “At least the timing just worked out, right? This job gave you an excuse to get away.” She was still upset about him the night I met her, so her wedding couldn’t have been too long before Mom posted the position.

  She drops her gaze to the table and runs her fingers along the wood grain. “Sometimes we need an excuse to do something crazy.”

  “Is your sister still with the guy?”

  “Apparently so.” She draws in a deep breath and replaces her frown with a smile, but this one is less believable than her usual cheerful grin. “I called to wish her a happy birthday, and he was there with her.”

  “Today is her birthday too?”

  “Yes.” She meets my eyes. “We’re twins.”

  This asshole cheated on her with her twin? That seems even worse somehow, though I’m not sure my opinion of him could sink any lower. “The night we met, when you got a text and went to the bathroom all upset . . . was that because of him?”

  “Yeah.” She shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe it was more because of her, ya know? What he said to me just reinforced all those childhood insecurities.”

  I lean forward on the table. This is more than she’s ever opened up about herself, and I want everything she’s willing to give. “Like what?”

  “I grew up feeling redundant. My identical twin wasn’t just like me. She was better. More vibrant, more fashionable, more fun.”

  “I doubt anyone sees you that way. You’re an amazing person, Nic. Always thinking of everyone else.”

  “That’s what makes my sister so exciting. She doesn’t give a damn about anyone else. She’s the one who gets in trouble but also the one who lives life in a big way. She’s like fireworks, and I’m boring. Like a photocopy—a match that doesn’t retain the gleam of the original.”

  “I can’t imagine anyone believing that about you. You shine. If your sister is fireworks, then you’re the sun. She might flash and dazzle, but you keep everyone warm.”

  She bites her bottom lip and studies me. “Thank you for saying that.”

  “It’s true.”

  She breaks eye contact, and it’s like I’m released from a spell. “And again, thanks for being such a good sport about all that. I can definitively say you’re the only guy who’s rescued me from a bathroom stall.”

  I grunt. “I’m a regular knight in shining armor.”

  She shakes her head, and her smile is genuine this time. “Lilly thinks you walk on water.” Her brow creases. “By the way, I thought she was with you tonight. Where is she?”

  “What? I thought you had her.”

  Panic flashes in her eyes for a beat before she realizes I’m joking. “Touché. You can crack a joke. I guess I owe Teagan ten dollars.”

  I shrug. “Sometimes.”

  “A sense of humor looks good on you.” She narrows her eyes and cocks her head to the side. “You’re too stingy with those dimples.”

  I grin, flashing the dimples she’s referring to. “Now that I know you like them, I’ll have to use them to my advantage.”

  She arches a brow. “What do you mean by that?”

  “That bread you left on the counter?” I rub my stomach. “If dimples will get me that again, I’m not ashamed to use them.”

  She laughs. “Food prep is in my job description. You don’t have to bribe me with smiles, but they’re always welcome. Childcare is also in my job description, if you recall, so if you needed a sitter tonight, I wish you would have told me.”

  “You would have worked on your birthday?” She shrugs, and I know without a doubt that she would have—even if Teagan hadn’t canceled their plans. “Don’t worry. It was unplanned, but Lilly’s having a girls’ night with Aunt Shay. Which means I’m free to entertain the birthday girl. So, tell me what we’re going to do to celebrate.”

  Her cheeks flush. “It’s just another day. Not a big deal.” She scoots around to the side of the booth opposite me and stands. “How’s Jake’s coffee?”

  I make a face and look at my watch. “At this hour, you’d better ask him to make a fresh pot. It’s probably been on there since lunch.”

  “Thanks for the tip.” She heads to the bar, and I take a minute to appreciate the sight of her. She’s wearing a skirt and the cowboy boots she had on the night we met. An image of her in those boots and nothing else flashes through my mind, and I follow her to the bar like a man on a leash.

  I lean against it and study her as she waits for a drink. “You can’t spend your birthday alone. Let me take you out. Pick your poison—dinner, dancing, trivia night?” I look outside. If it weren’t already dark, I’d offer to take her out to the lighthouse. I bet she’d love climbing to the top and looking out over the harbor.

  “Where’s trivia night?” Nic asks.

  Jake appears on the opposite side of the bar. “Trivia night at Howell’s? Why the fuck you gonna turn on me like that, bro?”

  I shrug. “It’s her birthday. If she’s into trivia, you’ll just have to deal with us drinking another man’s beer.”

  Jake’s scowl falls away as he grins at Nic, his gaze skimming down to her breasts before returning to her face. I want to drag him out back and tell him to keep his eyes off her. Then again, he’s human and she’s fucking . . . stunning.

  There’s that word again.

  “Your birthday, huh?” Jake says.

  Nic scowls at me. “You don’t need to tell everyone.”

  “Tell everyone what?” Ava asks, sidling up to Jake.

  Jake turns to Ava, and the tensio
n I felt about the way he just looked at Nic fades away when his eyes land on his best friend. Ava might be oblivious, since she’s been Jake’s BFF since grade school, but he’s got it bad for her. If there was heat in his eyes when he looked at Nic, there’s an inferno when he looks at Ava. “It’s Nic’s birthday.”

  “Happy birthday,” Ava says. She leans on the bar and grins at Nic. “By the way, I’m Ava. It’s nice to officially meet you. Jake tells me you’re in education too.”

  Nic’s eyes go wide. “What?”

  “Early childhood, right?” Ava asks. “I teach tenth-grade English. Always good to meet another teacher.”

  “I don’t . . .” Nic looks at me and then back to Ava. “I don’t actually have any experience in a real classroom, unless you count preschoolers.”

  “Hell, girl. That counts. In fact, it counts for everything. As far as I can tell, it’s practically a done deal by the time they get to me. You set the foundation for their future.”

  Nic blinks at her. “Thank you. That’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about my work experience.”

  “Well, I mean it. And I’m sorry about the way I treated you the first night you were here. When young things come in here set on taking shots, it always makes me a little nervous.” She looks at Nic’s empty water. “Jake said I’m probably the reason you’re afraid to drink when you come in now.”

  “Don’t worry about it. You were right, and I’m glad you slowed me down.”

  “I knew you’d like each other,” Jake says, smiling at Ava.

  Ava rolls her eyes. “Jake thinks I need more girlfriends. He seems to think all work and no play makes Ava a dull girl.”

  “You should hang out with me and Teagan sometime,” Nic says. “If you can handle slightly inappropriate conversation and Teagan’s general lack of boundaries, that is.”

  “Sounds perfect.” She grins, and she and Jake move to the other end of the bar.

  I smile at Nic. I like the idea of her hanging out with Ava and Teagan. I like the idea of anything that roots her to Jackson Harbor. To me.