Mistress on His Terms

by Catherine Spencer

  “Well, excuse me! If I’d known that was a concern, I’d have shown you a copy of my parents’ will and you could have seen for yourself that I’ve been left rather well-off. But even if I hadn’t inherited a penny, I was never the money-grubbing impostor out to punish an old man by fleecing him of every penny, the way you implied I was. So take your injured pride and stuff it, Sebastian, along with your apology! My name and reputation are squeaky clean and I intend to pick up my life and go on—without your blessing, thank you very much.”

  “You know,” he said, stung by her absolute disdain, “you could have prevented a lot of this unpleasantness if you’d just come clean in the beginning. Why the hell didn’t you at least confide in me about your business problems?”

  “Because I’d done nothing wrong! And I shouldn’t have to tell you that, in this country at least, a person is deemed innocent until proven guilty.”

  “No,” he said heavily. “In the end, of course, it does all come down to that, doesn’t it, and saying I’m sorry hardly compensates.”

  “Hardly,” she said, snippily enough that his temper rose again.

  “What would you like, then? My head on a platter?”

  She regarded him across the width of the kitchen, her color still high, and her beautiful eyes suddenly empty. Despite all the things that had gone wrong between them, one thing had always been right: their lovemaking had been touched with rare perfection. He could have tried to recapture that special magic, but he knew it was no longer enough.

  “Nothing quite that dramatic,” she said dully, “and certainly nothing you’re not able to offer willingly.”

  “You’re not making this easy, Lily!”

  “Deceiving someone who trusted you isn’t supposed to be easy, Sebastian, so if you don’t like where it’s landed you, go cry on someone else’s shoulder. And show yourself out, while you’re at it. Your time’s up.”

  Baffled, he swung away from that flat, empty gaze. “I know what you want to hear, but be reasonable, for Pete’s sake! Don’t ask me to rush blindly into something I’m only just coming to terms with.”

  “Why not? You had no hesitation about rushing blindly into bed with me while your paid flunky ran a check to make sure I deserved to be welcomed into the bosom of your precious family.”

  “Isn’t it enough that I’ve missed you every second you’ve been gone? That when I saw you tonight, what I most wanted was to take you in my arms? Can’t that be enough for now?”

  “No,” she said, stalking to the door and flinging it open. “I’ve already got plenty of friends more than happy to wrap their arms around me if a feel-good hug is what I need to see me through the night. I’m sorry you came all this way for nothing.”

  Considering she stood nine inches shorter and weighed at least eighty pounds less than he did, she hustled him out of the apartment with astonishing speed. “Hey!” he roared, his male pride mortally offended. “I’m not finished!”

  “Oh, yes, you are,” she replied, from the other side of the door.

  He debated thundering on the blasted thing with his fist. Better yet, aiming a good kick and smashing in the lock. But he’d made enough mistakes where she was concerned, and he’d be damned if he’d compound them by giving her the pleasure of calling the police and having him hauled off to jail for the night. He’d accomplished what he’d set out to do.

  As for what didn’t get done—the emotional stuff that snuck up whenever he found himself within kissing distance of her—well, that had never been part of the original game plan and a man of his experience ought to know better than to switch strategies halfway through. The day had yet to dawn when Sebastian Caine became a fool for love.

  Long after he’d stomped off, she remained plastered to the door, her heart beating such a furious tattoo that she wasn’t at all sure she could make it to the nearest chair without going into cardiac arrest.

  She’d dreamed about him day and night in the weeks since she’d walked out of his life. A hundred times or more, she’d thought she’d seen him on a crowded Vancouver street, on the beach at dusk, across a noisy restaurant during the lunch hour. The set of a pair of broad shoulders, the angle of a stranger’s dark head, a graceful, long-legged masculine stride—how often had wishful thinking led her astray?

  Memory had deceived her, too. The motel where they’d spent their first night had been indescribably tacky, yet, in retrospect, became a magical place where the beginnings of a love affair had sprung to life. The scent of him, the olive tint of his skin turned darker where the sun had touched it, his thigh brushing hers in the night, his breath ruffling her hair…oh, if only she’d known how it would all end!

  Ironically he’d been the last thing on her mind tonight as she’d walked home from the supermarket. Hearing earlier that her former business associate had signed a confession, which spared her the ordeal of having to testify against him in court, had lifted such a weight off her shoulders that she’d been almost happy.

  Then she’d turned and found Sebastian there, warm and solid and real, and wild hope had sprung to life. But she’d been fooled again. All he’d wanted was to ease his conscience with an apology and the bonus of a little sex thrown in on the side, whereas she…

  Your heart! she’d wanted to cry out, when he’d asked her what it was she wanted. Your love—as unconditionally as I’d give you mine, if I thought you’d accept it!

  But there’d never been anything unconditional about his feelings for her, and no use fooling herself otherwise. Even when he shuddered in her arms, and his seed spilled hot and urgent inside her, and he kissed her as if his life depended on it, he held a part of himself back.

  He might find her desirable, but he’d never found her irresistible, and she was smart enough not to settle for anything less. Because, she wanted him. All of him! Forever!

  Why did he have to be so beautiful, so persuasive, so stunningly sexy? And what in the world was wrong with her, that she was crying like a baby over a man who didn’t deserve her tears?

  “Sending him away was the only thing to do,” she wailed to the kitchen at large as she spread frozen French fries on a cookie tray and popped them into the oven. If ever she needed comfort food, it was tonight! “Count your blessings, you silly twit. You’re luckier than most people who lose their parents too soon. You found a new family—a father and a sister, and a lovely stepmother. Don’t ask for the moon, as well.”

  In the weeks that followed, the phone calls from Hugo and Cynthia, and the postcards from Natalie were what kept her grounded. If Sebastian came sneaking into her thoughts when she wasn’t looking, a flurry of late-summer weddings kept her busy enough to shunt him aside, and she had Thanksgiving in early October to look forward to. Natalie would be back from India by then, and had promised to fly out to spend the holiday weekend in Vancouver with her.

  The call came on the first Friday in October. After work, she’d gone shopping for pretty new sheets for the guest room, in preparation for her sister’s arrival the following Thursday, and didn’t get home until well after sunset. When she opened her front door, the first thing she saw was the red blinking light on her telephone answering machine.

  Hugo’s voice was so low and distraught that she was hard-pressed to make out his words and had to play the message over again before she caught the gist of it. “Lily, it’s your…it’s Hugo. We’ve received some bad news, I’m afraid. Please call me at home.”

  Sebastian! was her first thought. Something had happened to Sebastian!

  But when she pressed the Redial button and the phone was picked up at the other end, it was Sebastian who answered.

  She had wondered, if or when they spoke again, how she’d find the words; had, ridiculously, practiced what she might say—flippant, glib, meaningless remarks designed to let him know how unimportant he was to her life. How she’d managed to toss him aside. Now that the moment was at hand, though, she simply spoke from the heart.

  “Oh, Sebastian, thank God you�
��re all right! It’s me, Lily. I just got Hugo’s message. What’s happened? Has there been an accident?”

  “No.” She had never believed anything could defeat this man she loved so well despite herself; never believed he could know despair. Hearing both in his voice now terrified her. “It’s Natalie, Lily. She’s…very ill.”

  “Ill, how?” she cried. “I spoke to her just the other day, and she was fine. Fine! There must be some mistake.”

  “Oh, there was a mistake, all right, and it happened the day she got on that flight to India,” he said bitterly. “If she’d listened to me and stayed home—!”

  “What’s India got to do with anything? She came home over two weeks ago. She’s resumed her university studies. She was happy and healthy and coming to visit me in another few days.”

  She hadn’t recognized the shrill edge of panic in her voice, but trust him to waste no time setting her straight. “Get a grip, Lily! We’ve got enough to deal with, without your falling apart. Natalie’s come down with some sort of post-infection complication from some bug she picked up in Bombay, and it’s not responding to treatment. She’s been hospitalized and her doctors are very worried. I’m afraid it’s looking very serious. Unless things turn around, her life could be in danger.”

  The strength went out of Lily’s legs and she fell into the nearest chair like a rag doll. He was implying that vital, irreverent, lovely young woman with so much living to do might die! “Don’t say that!” she wailed. “Don’t even dare to think it!”

  “I’m sorry, Lily. I know what a shock this is. We’re all walking around in a daze. Going through the motions. Waiting for a miracle.”

  “I’m coming out,” she said, her thoughts scrambling to catch up and make sense of such a senseless tragedy. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  “Why? There’s nothing you can do.”

  “Because she’s my sister and I want to be with her! And you’re not going to talk me out of it, so don’t even try!”

  His tone softened, and a weariness crept in that brought tears to her eyes. “Let me know when you’re due to arrive and I’ll meet your flight.”

  The last time they’d sped through the gentle, rolling countryside, the roads had been awash with mud, the flowers in the gardens flattened from the rain. This time, the weather was indecently lovely. The leaves splashed red and gold against the soft blue sky. Chrysanthemums and purple asters lined pathways leading to cottage doors; scarlet geraniums nestled in window boxes.

  She had barely slept since hearing the news. Most of the time, worry had occupied her mind. During the brief moments that she had been able to turn her thoughts elsewhere, she’d wondered how it would be, seeing Sebastian again. Except for fighting or making love, they’d had so little practice in interacting. But when she saw him waiting at the airport, she’d started to cry and they’d simply walked into each other’s arms and held on to each other in wordless grief.

  “How is she?” she finally asked him, as the miles spun by and the silence became too oppressive to bear. “Any change?”

  “None.”

  “Is there no cure? No treatment?”

  His chest rose in a massive sigh and he had to clear his throat before answering. “Her doctors are trying everything they’ve got.”

  Lily smothered a sob. “How did things come to this ugly pass, Sebastian? What went wrong so suddenly?”

  “She picked up a strep infection in Bombay. Although she was treated with appropriate antibiotics and seemed to make a normal recovery at the time, complications set in which didn’t become apparent until recently, and now her kidneys are affected.”

  He closed his eyes briefly, and she thought she’d never seen him look so desolate. Reaching over, she covered his hand as it rested on the gearshift. At her touch, he curled his fingers around hers and didn’t let go. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said brusquely. “Hugo needs you, and so do I.”

  Why did it take tragedy to bring us together? she wondered sadly. Why couldn’t we have found trust and solace in each other before?

  “It’s a rare disorder,” he went on, after a few seconds. “Only about one in ten thousand comes down with it, and the vast majority usually do respond to treatment which, from what I understand, is largely confined to relieving symptoms. But every once in a while, more serious complications set in—congestive heart failure, hypertension or, in this case and unfortunately for Nat, kidney problems. The medical term for her condition is poststreptococcal glomerulonephritis, which is a mouthful by anyone’s standards. Simply translated, it means the capillaries in the kidneys become inflamed and don’t filter and excrete the way they should.”

  “People can’t function without healthy kidneys,” she said, cold fingers of dread crawling up her spine. “They…”

  He understood exactly which path her thoughts were following. “If the condition can’t be reversed, she’ll need a transplant. If a compatible donor isn’t found…”

  His voice cracked, betraying the misery and dread he was working so hard to conceal. Devastated for everyone but, at that moment, especially for him, Lily fought to control her own fears. “Oh, Sebastian, I know how frightening this must be for all of you and I wish there was something I could do to make it more bearable.”

  “There isn’t. Family means everything to me and the idea that I could lose my sister…!” Wrenching his emotions under control, he squeezed Lily’s fingers. “But your being here will be of some comfort to Hugo, I know.”

  But I want to comfort you, too, she longed to tell him. I want you to turn to me, instead of shutting me out.

  They reached the outskirts of Stentonbridge just before eight o’clock. A faint mist rose from the river, smoke curled toward the stars from the chimneys of the lovely old houses, and the smell of autumn filled the air.

  “I’ll drop you off and leave you to get settled,” Sebastian said, turning through the elegant iron gates and up the sweeping driveway to the Preston estate. “Afraid the only ones to welcome you this time are Katie and the housekeeper, but you know your way around, so make yourself at home. My mother and Hugo will probably stay at the hospital again tonight.”

  “And what about you?”

  “I’m going back there, too.”

  “Not without me, you aren’t,” she said. “The chief reason I’m here is to see Natalie.”

  He inhaled sharply, always a telltale sign that he was irritated. “I’ve been away all afternoon as it is, Lily. I’m not hanging around while you unpack. I want to be with my sister.”

  “As do I,” she declared, “so instead of wasting time arguing over something we’re in agreement on for a change, let’s go.”

  “I hope you’re prepared for what’s waiting,” he said grimly, stepping on the accelerator and speeding off again. “Nat’s not the same person you last saw.”

  Regular visiting hours were over by the time they arrived, and the hallways were filled with that special kind of hush peculiar to hospitals at night. In the Intensive Care Unit, though, people wandered distractedly up and down the waiting area, their faces tight and anxious.

  A nurse stopped them as Sebastian led Lily through a set of double doors to the main area. “Glad you got here when you did, Mr. Caine,” she said quietly. “Your sister’s condition has worsened, I’m afraid, and her doctors are consulting with her parents now.” She indicated a small room to one side. “They’re in there, if you’d like to join them.”

  “Is no one with my sister?”

  “Not at the moment, though she is, of course, being closely monitored.”

  He turned to Lily and she saw the question in his eyes. “I’ll sit with her,” she said. “You go hear what the doctors are saying.”

  “Thank you. I should be there.”

  So should I, she thought desolately. But even at a time like this, you still don’t consider me a real part of this family, Sebastian. I’m here on sufferance only.

  But the time to press the point was not
now. What mattered was Natalie and she lay so still on the narrow, white bed, with so many tubes stuck in her body, and with a face so waxen and sallow, that Lily feared, when she first laid eyes on her, that she’d come too late.

  “Don’t be afraid,” the same nurse told her, guiding her to a chair beside the bed. “The equipment looks scary, but for now it’s doing its job, and that’s what counts.”

  Sebastian had warned her, but nothing could have prepared Lily for the shock. Unable to reconcile present reality with the memory of Natalie as she’d last seen her—laughing, teasing, filled with a zest for life, poised on the brink of a great adventure, bursting with good health and vitality—she whispered brokenly, “She will get better, won’t she?”

  “We hope so, but it won’t hurt to pray for a miracle.” The nurse patted her shoulder kindly. “Talk to her. Let her know you’re here and that you love her.”

  “So there you have it. We hope it doesn’t come to that, but it’s best to be prepared. A transplant might be our only option.” The head of the medical team shook his head sympathetically.

  Sebastian looked at his mother, at Hugo. Despair and grief had etched new lines on their faces. Instead of young-at-heart seniors, he saw old people, too broken and frail to cope. If Nat died, they would not be long following her. Well, damn it, he wouldn’t let it happen, not as long as he had breath left in his body! “And you’re absolutely certain I can’t be a donor?”

  “You know the answer, Mr. Caine. We’ve run the tests, you’ve seen the results. Even if you’d been full siblings, there was always the chance you wouldn’t be a match. As it is…” The doctor lifted his shoulders in a tired, helpless shrug, as if he’d told the same story to too many other families.

  “And us?” Hugo asked. “Her mother and I—?”