by Nikki Ashton
“So, that’s what this thing with you and Garratt is about?” I said. “Garr knew that you loved Melody and was trying to protect me?”
“If only,” Garratt muttered.
“Ssh, honey,” Mom said.
Brandon gave Garratt a sneering look and turned back to me. “I tried to keep my feelings on the down low, but it was hard, and when I started to see how unhappy she was, I got to thinking that I could save her. I could be the one to give her the things she deserved.”
“You fucking bastard.” I pulled my hand into a fist and tried to raise it, but Millie’s arm held tightly to mine.
“Jesse, let him finish,” she whispered against my bicep.
“I asked her,” Brandon said, his voice breaking. “I asked her to come away with me. I was convinced she’d say yes. She’d flirted with me enough times, she’d even let me kiss her, and a little bit more, one New Year’s Eve at Rowdy’s. We’d both gone to the bathroom at the same time and I caught up with her in the hallway. You were arguing with Jed Aspen about beef over dairy.”
“Fuck!” I gasped, dropping my hands to my knees. I remembered when that was, because Jed and I almost came to blows. “She was fucking pregnant with Addy then.”
Millie gasped. “Oh my God, you bastard.”
“It takes two, Millie,” Brandon snapped at her.
“Millie, I’ve told you, keep out of this,” I growled.
Millie didn’t say anything, except to try and lay a comforting hand on my back, but I stepped away.
“Is that it?” I asked. “You loved her, you kissed her, and then she fucking died?” My voice broke with the emotion of it all and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
Brandon looked at my mom and then shook his head.
“Jesse,” Millie said soothingly in my ear. “You don’t need to hear any more.”
I didn’t mean to snap at her, but I couldn’t help it; I needed to hear every damn word.
“Yes, I do, now if you don’t like that just go.”
“Jesse!” my mom scolded. “Don’t speak to Millie like that.”
“It’s okay, Bonnie, he’s upset.”
I heard Millie sniff as she moved back a step, not leaving me totally, but distancing herself.
“Just get it over with, Brandon.” I looked down at the ground, not wanting to look at my ‘best friend’.
“I asked her to come away with me, and she laughed in my face,” he sighed. “She said I had nothing to offer her and when she did leave, it would be for someone a whole lot richer than me. So you see, Jess, she didn’t really want either of us. It was ‘drop dead Brandon’, and it wasn’t if she left, it was when she left.”
“You’re not making yourself look any better, you know,” Garratt said with an angry growl. “So, just tell him what I found out you sick fuck.”
“I followed her, okay? I was so much in love with her I couldn’t think straight. I just needed to make her see; I was the one that she should be turning to for comfort while you were busy with your damn cows. Trying to convince her became my whole life. Nothing else mattered. Not this place, not my folks place, not you, not Alesha, just her; it was always just her.”
“So you weren’t helping your folks with the guests when you couldn’t work here,” I said accusingly. “You were too busy trying to persuade my wife to run away with you?”
“I guess I was, so I failed them. They were struggling without me and that’s why the place is such a fuck up now. They couldn’t cope and let things slide.”
“And it gets worse,” Garratt said. “Tell him the rest you sick fucker.”
“Garratt,” I warned. “Let me hear it from him.”
Brandon yanked his hat from his head, and wiped his sweaty brow with his forearm. His pits were sweating onto his dark shirt, and I could also see a sheen on his top lip. It wasn’t even seven-thirty in the morning, so it wasn’t that hot.
“She was cheating on both of us, Jess,” he spat out quickly. It was as though saying it fast meant he didn’t have to hear the words. He looked destroyed and I saw then how much he’d loved my wife. “It was some trust fund pretty boy who took her to that spa she liked to visit so often. He drove a car that probably cost five times your yearly income on this ranch, and I wanted to kill him. I confronted her about him and she laughed in my face again, told me to mind my own business and that he was going to marry her. She admitted that she’d met him on one of those girly weekends she went on, and she also admitted he knew nothing about you or Addy.”
“What the fuck is Garratt talking about, Brandon?” I needed to know now, because I was dangerously close to snapping. “Just tell me.”
Brandon took in a long, deep breath and then let it out slowly.
“Her lies were escalating and I hated how she belittled me when I confronted her, so I forced her to sleep with me in exchange for keeping quiet to you and keeping quiet to fucking Heston. What sort of damn name is Heston?” he said on a hollow laugh.
“What the fuck?” Garratt groaned and dragged a hand through his hair. “I had no idea about this, Jesse, I swear. That’s just sick.”
“He raped her!” Millie cried. “Oh my God, you need to call the police.”
“No, Millie, I didn’t fucking rape her. She was more than willing in exchange for me keeping her secret. And she damn well enjoyed it, too, said I was better than you and Heston.”
His sneering accusation didn’t create any reaction from me, I didn’t have it in me to care what lies Melody had or had not spilled to save her own ass.
“So why does Garratt hate you then?” I asked. “If you weren’t having an affair with Melody, and he didn’t know what you did. What else have you done to make my brother hate you so much?”
Brandon looked down at the ground, shaking his head.
“I’ll tell him then shall I, Brandon? Well, I found his stash of Melody memorabilia,” Garratt sighed. “The night we played cards, I had a feeling he was cheating and using marked cards, so when I went to the bathroom, I had a quick look in his room for other sets of cards. I didn’t find any but I did find a top of Melody’s, and a pair of her panties, not to mention dozens of photographs of her, some with you ripped out of them. And the whole damn lot stunk of that god awful perfume she wore, which would be because he’d bought a bottle of it.”
Mom gave a guttural groan, and Millie cursed, and from the corner of my eye I saw her shudder.
“You sick bastard,” I said in a hushed tone. “No wonder Garr fucking hates you.”
“Garratt has no idea what it was like loving her, you have no idea. You never cherished her the way I did. I came to see her and tell her that I loved her and wanted to take care of her, but she was leaving. She’d left you a letter she said.” Brandon gripped his hat in his hand, and started to pace up and down, looking between me and Garratt. “Fucking Heston would never love her like I did, that’s why I had to stop her,” he rambled. His gaze was now on the ground and he was muttering to himself as he stalked up and down. “I couldn’t let her go, she had to stay with me, I didn’t mean for it to happen, but she needed to stay here, not go with him.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Brandon?” I asked on a heavy breath.
Brandon glanced at me, pain and suffering clouding his features.
“It was an accident; she was going too fast. You know how she hated driving fast, Jess,” he cried, his hands twisting his hat. “I only wanted her to talk to me. To listen to me so that I could tell her that I wanted her, her and Addy. I wanted Addy as much as I wanted her. I would have been good to them, Jess, you know that.”
At the mention of Addy, my adrenalin surged and my hands fisted involuntarily.
“Addy is my fucking daughter and I would never let you have her.”
Brandon shook his head. “But don’t you see, Jess, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I loved her, but she wouldn’t stop. She kept going, faster and faster, so I tried to catch her and I almost did, Jess, I
almost did, but then…” Brandon stopped talking and looked up at the sky, gulping in deep breathes. “She just skidded off the road,” he whispered. “Straight into that old tree. I couldn’t do anything, she was going too fast. She hated driving fast.”
He turned to me and bile rose in my throat as Brandon let out a strangled cry of despair, dropping his hat to the ground.
“Did you go to her?” I asked calmly. “Did you comfort my wife while she died?”
Brandon’s face crumpled as he opened his mouth to speak and then quickly turned away.
“I’m sorry,” he sobbed.
It was then that the world tipped on its axis, my knees gave way, and I crumpled to the ground.
“Jesse,” Millie cried and rushed towards me, closely followed by Mom and Garratt.
“Get off,” I snapped. “All of you, just leave me alone. Get away from me.”
“Jesse, son,” Mom said, reaching out for me.
“Did you know?” I cried. “What he did, that he left her to die?”
She shook her head and clutched at her stomach. “I would have told you, honey,” she replied. “I would never have let him get away with that, I swear.”
“We only knew about him having Melody’s things,” Garratt said, moving to Mom’s side and placing an arm around her shoulder. “Alesha knew, too. She found his Melody stash the night before she left, and he was so drunk he told her about being in love with Melody and that Melody had been having an affair. Alesha came over to tell Mom and Dad on her way out of town, but they’d taken Addy out for the day, so she told me. I’d only known about the things in his drawer, and that was bad enough, but then I told Mom the rest.”
“And why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” I bellowed as the pain in my gut increased.
“We thought you’d gone through enough,” Mom sobbed. “I did what I thought best, honey. You knowing that he was in love with her wouldn’t have changed anything, neither would you knowing she had an affair. Melody would still be dead.”
“Dad, does he know?”
Mom shook her head. “He knows Melody was having an affair, but not what Garratt found, or that Brandon loved her. I feared what he’d do more than you.”
She was right, Dad would have just shot Brandon between the eyes. He loved us boys and nothing was more important to him than us; that’s why he’d put up with so much shit from us, especially me.
“The letter, where is it?”
Mom drew in a breath. “I have it.”
“Get it for me!”
Millie moved forward and knelt next to me. “Jesse, I’m so sorry.” Tears crawled down her cheeks and I couldn’t stand looking at her sadness. I had enough of my own to work through.
“Mom, get the damn letter.”
“Let me help you,” Millie whispered.
“No!” I yelled. “Get away from me, I don’t want to see your face.”
“Talk to me, Jesse,” she begged.
“Talk to you and tell you what, Millie? How I can’t face my daughter after finding out that her mother didn’t give two shits about her? Or do I talk to you about how the woman that I loved, the woman who owned my heart, was cheating on me? Or maybe the fact that I worshipped her, yet I never really knew her at all? Do you really want to sit down and chew the fat over that shit, Armalita?”
She didn’t answer, but stared at me with tears in her huge brown eyes.
“No, I didn’t think so, so just leave me alone, all of you, and Brandon get the fuck off my land and never come back here again. I will never forgive you. You killed my wife, the woman I loved more than life itself. You fucking snuffed her life away, and watched her die in pain.”
The howling cry that came from my throat was that of an injured animal, and at that moment, I wanted to die.
Millie
Garratt took mine and Bonnie’s hands and walked us quickly towards the house.
“We can’t leave him,” I sobbed, looking over my shoulder and dragging my feet. “He needs us.”
“Millie, just get inside.” Garratt tugged at my hand.
“We need to go to him,” Bonnie said.
As Jesse let out a painful cry of grief, she gasped and tried to go back to him, but Garratt held her tightly, too.
“Mom, he needs to be alone.”
“My baby,” she cried. “He’s hurting.”
“Garratt, please,” I begged.
“I said no,” he commanded. “Now get inside, both of you.”
He dragged us up the last few steps, and as we hit the porch, the door burst open and Ruby pulled Bonnie into her arms and inside the house. Garratt guided me inside and then closed the door behind us.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Ruby soothed, holding Bonnie close. “He’ll be fine, just let him get it all out.”
“Uncle Garratt, what’s wrong with Daddy?” a tiny voice asked.
We all stopped and turned, surprised to find Addy standing at the window, the drapes pulled to one side and her hand on the glass. Garratt rushed towards her and scooped Addy up into his arms.
“Hey beautiful, let’s get you some cereal. What would you like?”
Addy struggled in his arms and tried to push her tiny body away from his.
“Let me down,” she cried. “I want to go to Daddy. He’s crying.”
“Addy, sweetheart,” Bonnie cooed, swiping at her tear stained face. “Daddy’s fine, he just had some bad news, that’s all.”
“But I want my Daddy.”
Somehow, she squirmed out of Garratt’s grip and dropped on her feet to the floor. She rushed towards the door, and before anyone had chance to stop her, she had it open. Just as she was about to go out of it, Garratt made a dive for her and just managed to grab hold of her pajama top.
“Daddy!” Her scream was loud and screeching, coming from her throat. “Daddy, please, I want Daddy.”
Her cries were piercing and tore at my heart, making my chest ache for her.
“Daddy, daddy!” she screeched.
Garratt pulled her against his chest, burying her face and her sobs against his shirt. I ran towards them and as Garratt shuffled back on his backside, away from the door, I put my hand on the wood to close it. But, I couldn’t do it. I stood rooted to the spot watching the man I loved, kneeling in the dirt with his heart breaking. It was hopeless, because I knew I couldn’t help him. As I started to close the door, Bonnie pushed past me and took a step onto the porch. I instinctively followed her, and stopped as she pulled up at the edge of the steps.
“Jesse!” she called, her voice breaking. “Please, son.”
Jesse was doubled over, his arms wrapped around his waist, rocking in time to his sobs.
“Bonnie, sweetheart,” a voice behind me pleaded. “Come on in. You can’t do anything to help him.”
I looked over my shoulder to see Ruby leaning against the door frame for support. Her face was ashen and her eyes red, as though she too had been crying.
“But he needs someone, Auntie Ruby,” Bonnie said as tears careened down her face. “He’s dying out there.”
“I know,” she said. “But he has to come to terms with what he’s found out. Just give him time.” She held her hand out for Bonnie, her eyes begging her to go inside.
I turned back to Jesse again to see he’d stop rocking and was now leaning forwards, with his hands on the ground. Bonnie edged forward hesitantly.
“Millie, sweetheart,” Ruby pleaded. “Go to him, see if he’ll talk to you.”
I took a step closer to Bonnie and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Bonnie, go inside,” I whispered.
Jesse looked up and saw me watching him.
“Get out of my sight, Millie!” he screamed. “Now!”
With a shocked gasp, I stumbled backwards; a hand came to my elbow and Ruby guided Bonnie and I back inside.
“He’ll calm down soon,” Ruby said as she closed the door and ushered us further into the room. “Come on, sit down, honey, I’ll make you some tea.”
; As Ruby got Bonnie settled on the couch, I stood at the window and watched as Jesse dragged himself to his feet. His shoulders were heaving as he looked up at the sky and continued to sob for his wife, and I wanted to scream. I wanted to go out there and shake him, to ask him why I hadn’t been enough for him. I didn’t expect to be his priority above Addy, I wouldn’t want to be, but I certainly didn’t want to come third after his dead wife. I’d been second choice for Dean, and that had hurt, but nowhere near as gut wrenching as this was; the man I loved choosing a dead woman over me.
Dragging myself away from the window, I turned to the room and felt more alone than I ever had before. Garratt was talking softly to Addy, cradling her in his arms, while Ruby rubbed rhythmic circles on Bonnie’s back. The arms I needed didn’t want me, and the loneliness was overpowering.
Garratt finally managed to calm Addy down, while Bonnie and Ruby took turns to watch through the window to see if they could see Jesse. After an hour, Garratt decided to go and make sure he was okay. No one asked me if I had wanted to go, but simply gave me a sympathetic smile. They knew that it would kill me when he sent me away again. Within twenty minutes, he was back. He was just sitting down to tell us, when the mud room door swung open and Ted walked in. As soon as he saw all our faces, he knew something was wrong.
“What the hell has been going on?” he asked, cupping Bonnie’s face in his large hands. “Why’ve you been crying, honey?”
“Hey, sweetie pie,” Ruby said to Addy. “How about me and you go and get you a nice bubble bath?”
“Bath time is at night,” Addy whispered, her little chin trembling. “Daddy does my bath.”
“Yeah, well today is a special treat day. You can have a lovely bubble bath and maybe have some of your dollies in there with you. Whaddaya say?”
We all held our breath as Ruby gave Addy a wide-eyed, expectant grin. After what seemed like an eternity, Addy nodded and held her hand out for Ruby.
Once they’d disappeared up the stairs, Ted turned to Bonnie.
“Okay, what’s he done now?”
I burst into tears and Bonnie pulled me into her side, kissing the side of my head.
