by Nikki Ashton
“I think you need to sit down, Dad,” Garratt sighed. “You’re really not going to like this.”
“I’ll damn well kill him myself,” Ted yelled, pushing up from his chair and sending it tumbling backwards.
“Ted, honey, no. That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you about what Garratt found in his room.” Bonnie looked shamefaced at her husband as he righted his chair.
“Well, I ain’t happy about that, Bonnie, but that ain’t what’s important now. Jesse is. Where’d he go, do you know?”
“He’s in the cabin,” Garratt said solemnly. “I was just about to tell Mom and Millie when you came in.”
“You sure he’s there?” Ted asked, rubbing a hand down his face. “He ain’t gone after Brandon?”
Garratt shook his head. “Nope. He’s in his cabin drinking straight from a bottle of bourbon.”
“Good. Hopefully he’ll get drunk enough to pass out so he can’t do anything stupid.”
“Oh my God,” Bonnie gasped. “What if he chokes on his own vomit?”
Ted rubbed her back reassuringly. “I’ll go over there in a few. Now where’s the damn letter?”
Bonnie stood up wearily, pushing down on the table. “I’ll get it.”
“You read it, honey?” Ted asked.
Bonnie shook her head. “No, do you think we should?”
Ted leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. He was silent for a few moments and then looked back to Bonnie. "Go get it.”
When Bonnie came back, she passed the lilac colored envelope to Ted. My heart skipped a beat as I saw Jesse’s name, scribed on the front in looping, feminine writing.
Ted looked at it for a few seconds and then slipped his finger into the flap and pried it open. Two years must have dried out the glue, because it opened easily and without tearing. With a deep breath, he pulled out the two sheets of lilac paper and read. Finally, he folded them and placed them back into the envelope.
“Ted?” Bonnie placed a hand on his forearm.
“I’m going to see my son, and take this to him,” Ted sighed and stood up. “This letter won’t necessarily make things better, but it may give him some peace.”
“What did the bitch say?” Garratt snapped. “That she was running away with someone with a bigger car and a swimming pool?”
Ted placed a hand on Garratt’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Jesse will tell you if he wants you to know, but she did say she loved him, can’t say she said the same about that poor baby upstairs, though.”
I let out a sob as I thought of poor Addy and wondered how Melody could be willing to just leave her? Then there was Jesse; he’d had his heart broken all over again. I couldn’t help but think about our future and how this had probably ruined things. You only had to watch him grieving all over again to know that he wasn’t really over Melody. I’d been kidding myself, thinking he was ready to move on. He wasn’t, and I couldn’t hang around to be rejected once again. My heart would never get over Jesse Connor, and it certainly would never heal, especially if I had to hear him tell me that we had no future. He was broken in so many ways because of Melody, and even in death she’d been able to shatter those broken pieces even more.
Jesse
Dear Jesse
To start with, I need you to know that I did love you, once upon a time. We were seventeen when you asked me to the movies, and I thought that I was the luckiest girl alive. There you were, the captain of the basketball team, all the girls wanted you, but you, you wanted me. God, I thought I’d never love anyone the way that I loved you then. I know now that was just puppy love.
You’ve always treated me real good, honey, and I am so grateful for that, but it’s not enough anymore. This life isn’t enough anymore. I can’t stand it and feel like I’m suffocating living on this damn ranch. When I first found out I was pregnant, I nearly left then, but I couldn’t do that to you. I knew you’d be a great daddy, and Addy loves you, and is better off with you.
Please don’t hate me for leaving, I’d only make you miserable in the end, so it’s better this way. You probably guessed I met someone, if you haven’t, Brandon will tell you anyways. He knows about me and Heston, the guy I met, and he tried to cause trouble. I guess if he were a good friend he’d have told you, but Brandon has his own reasons for keeping quiet. He says he loves me, but I don’t think a guy should be pestering his best buddy’s wife, do you?
Heston is a good man and says he wants to marry me, so I guess we’ll need to get divorced sometime soon. I’ll be in touch once I’m settled in Boston. Heston is already there, he doesn’t know I’m coming yet, but I can’t stand this place any longer. It’s time for me to go. He’s a good man and will look after me, but I know he won’t love me like you do, but, as long as he looks after me I can handle not being worshipped. He’s a lawyer at his dad’s firm, so I figure I’ll be okay.
You take care, honey, and have a good life. When you meet the right person for you, just don’t spend all your time on the ranch, it gets real boring for a girl.
Melody x
p.s. kiss Addy for me.
Millie
“Why are you hugging me so tight if you’re only going shopping?” Addy asked, her little brow furrowed.
“Oh, I’ll miss you, that’s all. Now remember, be good for Granma while I’m gone and remember that I love you very much.”
Addy sighed and flung her tiny arms around my legs. “Okay, I will and I love you, too.”
I swallowed back the lump in my throat and bent to kiss the top of her head. “I’d better go. You go and see Granma in the garden, and don’t forget it’s a surprise.”
“I know,” she sighed. “I won’t tell Granma you’re going to get her a present, I’ll tell her you’ve gone to town to get us ice cream for a treat.”
I nodded and sucked back the tears. This was so hard, but it would only get harder the longer I stayed.
As Addy skipped outside, I retrieved my carryon case from Ted’s office where I’d hidden it, and went out to the truck. Luckily, no one was around. Jesse still hadn’t come out of his cabin and Ted and Garratt were helping with the cattle, while Ruby and Bonnie were in the garden.
With a last look around, I let out a quiet sob and got into the truck. I felt bad that I’d have to text Bonnie and let her know that the truck was at the airport, but I knew if I spoke to her she’d persuade me to stay and I couldn’t. My heart couldn’t take any more.
Jesse
As I roughly scrubbed a towel over my head, I winced at the pain. I’d really gone to town on the bourbon last night and had a headache to prove my stupidity this morning. Thankfully, the bottle had already been half empty, otherwise things could have been a whole lot worse. I could still taste the vanilla of the Wild Turkey and felt a little queasy every now and again, but I’d manage. The shower had certainly helped.
I looked in the mirror above the sink in my bathroom in the cabin, and sighed. Apart from the grey under my eyes, I didn’t look any different. Not that I’d expected to see a sign around my neck saying, ‘Stupid Husband Last to Know’ or anything like that. But you’d think finding out a whole bunch of shit like I had, might just leave you looking haunted or broken. Yet I didn’t, and I didn’t feel it either. Finding out my wife was a cheat, surprisingly wasn’t the thing that hurt the most, neither was it the fact that she was leaving. It was heart breaking that Brandon had left Melody to die at the side of the road. That had torn my insides apart; for her. No one deserved to die alone like that, especially when the man who claims to love you is watching nearby. No, the thing that crucified me the most, the thing that caused me pain and suffering, was Addy. She was leaving Addy, hadn’t even acknowledged her existence to the man she was running away to. And I couldn’t fathom how, as a mother, Melody could do that? Then I’d pushed Addy away, too. I abandoned her all over again, and as long as I live, I will never forgive myself. For two years, my poor baby had only my parents and my brother to rely on, when she should’ve
had her momma and daddy.
When Dad had brought me the letter, I screwed it up and threw it on the floor, with no intention of reading it, but curiosity killed the cat and all that. Yeah, so she’d said she loved me once, hoo-fucking-rah for Melody. Once isn’t how you should love your husband, it should be for life. And as for your child, that love should be beyond life, into death. Melody though, well she’d just about mentioned Addy in her damn letter. Christ, the ‘give Addy a kiss for me’ had been a fucking p.s. That’s all Addy was to her, a p.s.; an afterthought. She didn’t even say goodbye for fuck’s sake.
As for Brandon, well I didn’t know what to do about him. I ought to go to the sheriff and tell them about him leaving Melody, but who would that hurt except his mom and dad? They were getting older and needed him to help with their guest ranch. His brother, Wade, lived in Alaska working at Prudhoe Bay Oilfield, and only came home every six months, so he was no help. I’d see to it that Brandon never worked another ranch again, but I couldn’t hurt his parents while doing it. At least that might make him focus on getting his folk’s place right. Anyway, I thought with a sigh, life was too fucking short. I at least had Millie, my beautiful girl who had put me back together when I was broken, almost beyond repair.
With a deep breath, to push back another bought of nausea, I grabbed my clothes, suddenly in a rush to get to Millie and Addy.
When I walked into the house, Mom almost dropped the plate of sandwiches that she was holding.
“Daddy,” Addy screamed and ran super-fast towards me, her arms outstretched.
“Hey, baby,” I said, catching her and pulling her up against my chest and squeezing tight. “You okay?”
“Yes, Daddy. Are you okay? You were crying.”
I looked at Mom who was chewing on her thumb. I could see the trepidation in her eyes and while I’d screamed at her the day before, I’d calmed down enough to realize she’d done what she thought was best.
“I’m fine, Addy. I just felt sad about something.”
“Granma said you had bad news,” she replied sagely. “Did you all have bad news? Because you were all crying.”
“Yes, baby, we did, but it’s okay now. I’m better now.” I smiled at Mom and my heart lurched when her shoulders sagged with relief. I fucking hated that I’d put her and Dad through so much shit over the last two years, but it was over now.
I kissed Addy and put her down on the floor and moved over to Mom, taking her into a hug.
“I’m sorry, Momma.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” she said on a broken sob. “I should have told you, it’s my fault. I made Garratt keep quiet.”
“No Mom, there’s only two people to blame for what happened yesterday and neither of them are in our lives anymore.”
“What are you going to do about him?” she asked hesitantly.
“Nothing.” I kissed her cheek and moved over to the coffee jug. “I figure it’s enough he has to live with what he did. He’ll never work another ranch, I’ll make sure of it, so maybe now he’ll do what he was supposed to be doing and sort his folk’s ranch out.”
“He deserves to go to jail, though,” she said, her chin wobbling as she spoke. “He blackmailed her and left her.”
“Hey,” I soothed, rubbing a hand over her hair. “Pay no mind to him, Mom. Just make sure you keep Dad away from him. As for Melody, well she made her own bed, so to speak.”
We both laughed quietly and then dropped into silence. Finally, Mom turned to me.
“You want something to eat?” she asked as she moved to the counter where bread and cheese were sitting.
I did feel kind of hungry, and maybe it’d stop the sickly feeling.
“Yeah, that’d be good Mom. I need to speak to Millie first though, where is she?”
“Her room I think, I told her I’d look after Addy this morning.” She looked at me from under her lashes. “I don’t think she slept too well.”
My heart dropped as I remembered how I screamed at her. Yelled at her to get out of my sight. God, I’d been a total shit, but I couldn’t think straight. The only thing I had in my head was pain and the need to be alone.
“I’ll go get her,” I said and made my way to the stairs.
“Daddy,” Addy hissed as I passed her.
“What, baby?”
She beckoned me down to her level.
“Millie isn’t there,” she whispered. “She’s gone to buy Granma a present.”
I frowned, wondering why she was buying a present for Mom. It wasn’t her birthday, and we were four months off Christmas.
“What sort of present?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Addy shrugged. “But I think she’s getting it from the airoport.”
“Do you mean the airport?” I asked, a little concerned, but not sure why.
“That’s what I said, the airoport,” Addy pouted.
“Okay, baby, but what makes you say that?”
I looked at Mom, and I knew that she was pretending not to listen because she was cutting the cheese real slow, and her head was cocked towards us.
“I heard her on the telephone,” Addy said leaning closer to my ear. “She said, I’ll pick up at the airoport.”
“Mom, when did Millie go out?” I asked anxiously.
“A couple of hours ago, why?” Mom put the knife down and took a step towards me. “Jesse?”
“I need to check something.” I rushed up the stairs and to the back of the house, into Millie’s bedroom.
I turned in a circle, my eyes trying to spot something, anything, yet hoping I didn’t. I flung open the door to her closet and flicked through her clothes. I had no clue what I was looking for because, while I always feasted my eyes on Millie, I couldn’t tell you if any of the clothes I’d seen her in were missing; her beautiful face was what I always looked at, not her clothes so much. The slinky red top wasn’t there, that she’d worn that night at Rowdy’s, but it might well be in the laundry for all I knew.
“Fuck,” I cursed, slamming the door shut.
“What’s got into you, cowboy?”
Auntie Ruby appeared at the open door, looking tired and a little dishevelled. I guess I’d woken her from her nap.
“I think Millie’s left, but I can’t be sure.”
“Well, call me Uncle Walter with a dress on, but have you tried her cell phone?”
I let out a groan, wondering why I hadn’t thought of that. I took out my phone, pressed her number, and waited while the cell rang out in my ear. No answer, with it finally going to voicemail.
“Millie, baby, it’s me just checking where you are. Call me back, sweetness.”
“Jesse!” Mom’s voice was loud as I heard her running up the stairs.
“What is it?” I asked, meeting her outside Addy’s bedroom door.
She shoved her cell in my face.
Millie: Hi Bonnie. So sorry I didn’t say goodbye but I can’t stay and be rejected again. I love Jesse but he isn’t ready to move on. I said goodbye to Addy but she thinks I’m shopping. Please tell her I love her very much and I’ll call her soon. The truck is at the long stay car park at the departure gate of the airport. Level 3 Row W. Paid for three days in case you can’t get here. Thank you for everything and I’ll call you soon – Millie x
“No fucking way!” I yelled, throwing Mom’s cell phone down the hall, towards Millie’s bedroom door.
“Jesse, what are you going to do?”
“Go and get her,” I snapped, moving past her. “She’s the damn love of my life, Mom, and I am not losing her, no matter how stubborn and annoying she damn well is.”
Auntie Ruby started cackling “Yay, go get her cowboy.”
Millie
The great, big, fat man who was sitting next to me had the worst body odor I had ever had the displeasure of smelling. It was a mixture of sweat and tobacco, with a hint of garlic, and it was making my stomach churn. That along with the fact that I’d just left behind the man I loved, and I was feeling as though I
could quite easily vomit. The heat in the departure lounge didn’t help with my pounding head or the man’s body smell.
All I wanted to do was curl up in my seat and sleep the hours away until I touched down in England. Although sleep hadn’t come last night, so even though I was shattered, I doubted it would come easily now. My mind was full of Jesse; how he kissed me, how he made love to me, replaying every word he’d ever said to me, what he looked like, his smell and the sound of his voice. Everything about him.
Tears pricked at my lashes and my nose started to tingle, and if it didn’t mean I’d lose my seat in the packed departure lounge, I’d go to the bathroom to cry in the solitude of a toilet stall. However, I didn’t want to lose my seat, because while it was awful sitting next to stinky, I didn’t have the energy or strength to stand up for the next half hour until we boarded; so stinky it was.
“It’s hot in here, isn’t it?” Stinky said, wiping sweat from his brow with the palm of his hand.
“Yes,” I replied, trying not to breathe in. “Really hot.”
“Betcha that damn plane is the same,” he growled. “I hate flying, I always end up with some sort of bug. It’s all that stale air you know.”
“Hmm, I suppose so.” I flashed him a small smile and started to fish around in my bag, hoping he’d stop talking.
“You’re from England then?” He nodded at me. “It’s the accent, I spotted it. Where are you from?”
He wouldn’t know if I told him, so said the place that most people had heard of. “Manchester.”
“Oh, Manchester United!” he said excitedly, grinning.
I shook my head. “God, no. Manchester City, although I don’t really watch football.” My brother would never forgive me if I’d said anything good about United, he was a real City fan.
“Ah now, we call it soccer. Football is a man’s game, not what you English call football.”
I just smiled and seriously considered going to the bathroom; who cared if I lost my seat? I just couldn’t stand this any longer.
