—Tell me about when your mom left you, Ben.
—What do you want to know?
—I mean, did she just move out and leave you with your dad?
—Well… actually, Dad was the one who moved out.
—So did your mom make you go with him or something?
—No, I stayed with her for a few months, then I wanted to go live with my dad.
—So… then your mom didn’t leave you; you and your dad left her. Right?
I hadn’t thought of it that way before. All of a sudden the truth hit me like a physical blow, and I was confused, wondering if my memory was intact or if I had twisted the truth around in my mind to fit some made-up scenario. I was grasping for the reason I had blamed Mom for leaving us, but then I remembered Lyle.
—Well, we had to leave. Mom had a new boyfriend.
—So why’d she have a boyfriend?
—How the hell am I supposed to know?
I hadn’t meant to raise my voice; I hadn’t meant to bring up the old anger and heartache that the memory of my unlucky thirteenth year held for me, but I couldn’t help it. I think part of me was trying to protect myself from trying to figure it all out, so I turned to anger to cover the raw feelings underneath. I was sorry the moment I looked at Sara’s face, however. She seemed surprised, shocked maybe, with her eyebrows raised and trace of fear in her eyes. The happiness that I had seen in her eyes earlier in the evening, when she had twirled the fish around, was now replaced with the more familiar haunted look. I felt ashamed and looked away from her quickly, but she reached out and pulled my face back to look at hers.
—I’m sorry, Ben.
—No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s just that…
—I know. It’s okay. I’m angry with my parents for leaving me, too. Even though it wasn’t their fault. Just remember, things aren’t always what they seem.
At that, she drew me into a hug, and we sat for a long time in silence, before she got up and went into the bedroom for the night. I refused to think about what she had said or about why Dad and I had left Mom. It was still too painful and besides, I didn’t see any use in reliving it. Better to let it all remain buried with my parents.
Chapter 12
Whatever It Takes
The next few days were spent trying to figure out ways to get food. Sara decided that as long as we had fresh food, she wouldn’t go with Jason to the food cache. She reasoned that we couldn’t store the canned food in the apartment since we were never sure we’d get the same one every night and we couldn’t very well carry around more than a few cans with us in our bags everywhere we went. That was alright with me… well, more than alright. It meant less time Sara spent with Jason. I’d almost rather have starved than see her go with him again.
Since “our” apartment didn’t have a balcony and we couldn’t guarantee that we’d always get to stay in the same one anyway, Sara and I went up to the roof to set an animal trap kind of like the one Dad and I had set during the blackout. We had to be careful to stay away from the burned out portion of the roof because it didn’t look too stable. We also stayed away from the other edges of the roof in case someone happened to look up and see us up there where we definitely weren’t supposed to be. I found a piece of PVC pipe, about two feet in length and four inches wide, which I rigged as a trap. I had remembered reading somewhere that birds can’t walk backwards, so I figured if I could lure them in, they’d be trapped. At least, that was what I’d hoped would happen. I covered one end of the pipe with some discarded wire mesh, then placed it in an out of the way spot on the roof, sprinkled some grains of rice leading to the pipe and down inside it, too.
While we were on the roof setting the trap, Sara found a wooden pallet, which gave her an idea for growing some of our own food. That night after dark, we went out to the strip of grass and trees that lined the street in front of the building and dug up fresh dirt with our hands and kitchen utensils. It was hard work, but we managed to fill one of our gym bags with the dry dirt and drag it up to the roof. We packed the pallet with dirt between the slats. Now we just needed seeds. Sara said she’d seen some packets of vegetable seeds at the food cache that Jason had taken her to and planned to go there the next day with him. I wasn’t too happy about that, but I saw the value in growing our own food; maybe then she would never have to go back there with him. Still, I was grumpy the rest of the evening thinking about her being with him. When we had finished and gone back to the apartment, which we were lucky enough to get again, Sara had had enough of my bad attitude and confronted me.
—Ben, what’s wrong with you tonight?
—Nothing.
—I know something’s wrong.
—I don’t know. I guess I just don’t like the idea of you going with Jason tomorrow.
—What are you afraid of? That he’ll rape me or something?
—Maybe. I don’t trust him. I don’t trust anyone.
—Well, he doesn’t trust you either. Don’t you trust me?
I paused for just a second before I answered, and that made Sara purse her lips in disgust. I tried to backpedal.
—I trust you. I just don’t know if…
—If what?
She sounded angry now.
—If he’ll talk you into doing something you don’t want to do. If he’ll hurt you somehow.
Then I lowered my eyes to the floor, miserably, and said, barely above a whisper,
—If you’ll decide you’d rather be with him than me.
Sara lifted my chin up until I was looking into her eyes. Her voice was stern but not as angry.
—That’s not going to happen, Ben. I’m with you to the end. But I’ve gotta do whatever it takes to help us survive.
Part of what she said made me happier, but a lot of it had me worried. The parts about to the end, and whatever it takes made me wonder what she meant. I wanted to ask her to explain, but decided to leave it until another time. I was never good at expressing my feelings out loud. Or even to myself for that matter. Sometimes it seemed easier just to bury them.
The next morning, Sara left with Jason as planned. She said that the food cache was quite a ways away and that they’d probably be gone until afternoon. She gave me a quick kiss before she left, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t trust myself not to lash out again.
I knew I had to keep myself busy that day; my old enemy Time would come back to haunt me if I let it. So I decided to go down to the river and do some fishing again, but first, I checked the bird trap on the roof. No luck yet, but most of the rice had been eaten, so I added more to it. I stowed one bag and our extra gear in Janice’s apartment and headed to the river with my fishing pole and some bits of the fish heads that I’d saved for the purpose of bait.
I didn’t have quite as good luck at the river either that day. I caught only three bluegill and I would have to give one of those to Janice for keeping our stuff safe. That was okay, though; I still hoped I’d find a bird or two stuck in the pipe trap when I got back to the apartment building. When I got there, though, I found no birds, but all the grains of rice were gone. I was beginning to think that the trap didn’t work or that someone else was stealing the birds that it had caught.
Sara wasn’t home yet when I got back to the apartment after picking up our stuff and giving Janice her fish. To keep myself busy instead of worrying, I prepared the fish for cooking. Sara came in carrying a shopping bag, just as I was putting the fish in the oven to cook. I was so happy to see her, but that feeling faded as I noticed her appearance. She looked a little disheveled, and her eyes seemed sadder and more haunted than ever. Her words of the night before, I’ve gotta do whatever it takes to help us survive, sprung to my mind, and I was instantly alarmed at what she might have had to do today.
—What happened?
—Nothing.
Her voice sounded flat.
—Come on. I know something’s wrong. You can tell me, you know.
—Ye
ah, I know.
Abruptly, she changed the subject and started pulling things out of the bag to show me. Her expression brightened somewhat, but I could tell something was still troubling her.
—Look. I got seeds: lettuce, carrots, cucumbers, spinach, tomatoes. And look at this: I got a lockset so we can replace the lock on our door and keep our stuff here.
—Hmm, that’s cool. Do you know how to do it?
—No, but it has instructions. We’ll figure it out. I got a couple of screwdrivers.
—How’d you get all that? Was it in the food cache?
—No, Jason’s parents own a hardware store. Well, I guess Jason owns it now. Anyway, the food cache is in the basement. Today he let me go upstairs and shop for some stuff we needed. The windows and doors of the store are all boarded up, so it hasn’t been looted.
—He just let you have it?
—No…
When she saw the worried look on my face, she quickly added,
—I gave him one of my hundred dollar bills.
Something in her voice sounded a little off. Like maybe she was upset about having to give him so much money. Or maybe she was lying. That thought bothered me more than her paying him so much. Maybe she gave him something much more precious. I didn’t want to think about it, so instead I took the lockset from her and started looking at it. As I concentrated on it, a thought came to my mind.
—Maybe we should look at the other apartments and see if we can find a better one.
—Why? I like this one.
—Well, maybe there’s a two-bedroom, so I can have a bed to sleep in. And maybe we could find one with a microwave and more stuff.
—Okay. Maybe we should get one on the top floor so we can keep an eye on the roof and our garden and traps and stuff.
—Good idea. Let’s go check them out. We can go up and plant your seeds, too.
Sara smiled at that and for a few seconds the haunted look left her eyes. I was pleased that I was able to make her happy, if only for a moment.
Chapter 13
Surviving
The apartment building had six floors, and the top floor was completely unoccupied. We found a two-bedroom apartment across the hall from the stairway that led to the roof. Luckily, this apartment had a microwave, quite a few pots and pans, a large bookcase full of books, and even closets and dressers full of clothes. Maybe its previous owners had died or hadn’t wanted to come back to get their stuff after the fire. In either case, we felt lucky to have found it. Of course, we could have gone to each apartment and raided them to add to our stuff, but that seemed somehow wrong—like stealing or depriving someone else of the chance to survive.
We worked on changing the locks all the next morning. It was a bit of a struggle, trying to follow the instructions that came with the lockset, but we finally got it figured out. We felt such a sense of accomplishment that we celebrated that evening by eating two cans of vegetables and the last can of peaches for dinner. Afterwards, we went to the roof to plant Sara’s seeds. She planted one row of carrots, one of spinach, one of lettuce, and the last one of cucumbers. She planted the tomato seeds in a large pot of soil she had found in the apartment with a dead houseplant in it and I had carried up to the roof for her. There were lots of seeds left over from each pack and these she carefully saved. After she was done planting, I helped her carry up pots of water to thoroughly wet the soil.
In the meantime, I worked on perfecting my bird trap. Instead of laying it on its side, I stood it up and wedged it between the parts of a huge air conditioning unit. I put several grains of rice in the bottom of it and hoped that birds would be lured down into it. I reasoned that the smooth sides wouldn’t allow them to climb back out, and it was too narrow to spread their wings to fly. I was happy that I could keep a watch over who went up to the roof through the peephole on our apartment door, so that I could be sure that no one was messing with our stuff on the roof. At least, when we were home.
Sara and I were proud and pleased with our accomplishments that day. It seemed that we were in control of our lives and I felt, for the first time in ages, that it was possible for me to gain an advantage over Time. School was supposed to start in two weeks, and we would not be able to be out on the streets during the day, so having a way to survive without leaving the apartment was vital. We would have at least two months, though, before some of the vegetables Sara planted would be ready for harvest, according to the packages of seed, so a few trips to Jason’s stash would be unavoidable.
The next morning, I woke early with the sun streaming through my east-facing bedroom windows. I hadn’t had that problem with the other apartment, which was on the opposite side of the building. I tried to pull my pillow over my eyes and go back to sleep, but it was no use—I was too excited about life for the first time in a long time, so I jumped out of bed and pulled on my clothes. Sara was apparently still asleep so I decided to check on my bird trap, thinking that maybe the old saying, the early bird gets the worm, was true, although in this case, I was trying to get the bird.
As I neared the door, pulling on my shoes as I went, I heard footsteps in the hallway. Thinking it odd for someone to be clear up on the sixth floor this early in the morning, I peered through the peephole. It took a few seconds for the person to come into view and a few more for my eyes to adjust to the strange distortion of the viewer. I could tell the person was a man and that he looked vaguely familiar, but it wasn’t until he paused at the door to the roof and looked around furtively, that I realized it was Gerald. By the time I had finished putting on my shoes, he had disappeared through the door to the roof. I slipped out of the apartment, checking to make sure I had the key and being careful to lock the door behind me so that Sara could sleep safely.
I followed Gerald, being as quiet as I could. I don’t know why I felt the need to be secretive. Something about his manner made me suspicious, although I didn’t know what I could possibly be distrustful of. Nevertheless, I hid behind the door at the top of the stairwell, cracking it open just a bit so I could see what Gerald was doing. At first he seemed confused, looking around for something that obviously wasn’t where it should have been. It dawned on me that he was looking where I had originally placed my bird trap.
I watched Gerald scurry all over the roof until he finally found the pipe stuck in the air conditioning unit. He had a silly grin on his face as he looked into the pipe, then reached in and pulled out a plump, blue-black Grackle, which began squawking loudly. Its panicked cries stopped abruptly, as Gerald wrung its neck with a quick flick of his hand.
I thought about leaving then and just letting him have the bird—after all, he was kind enough to let us remain, unharassed, in the building—but the thought of being able to provide meat for Sara, bringing forth that proud smile from her beautiful lips, was enough to change my mind, and I stepped out of the doorway. Gerald looked up, startled, then smiled as he stuffed the bird into a crumpled plastic grocery bag he had pulled out of his pocket.
—Oh hi, Ben. You’re up early.
—Yeah, I was just coming up to check on my bird trap. I guess you beat me to it.
I tried to look perturbed, but either Gerald didn’t notice or he chose to ignore it.
—Oh? Where’s that?
—That pipe over there where you found the bird.
—I’m not following you. How is a random pipe “your” bird trap?
I pulled the pipe out of the crevice and showed Gerald the wire mesh. I also tipped it over, and a few grains of rice dribbled out into my hand. I stared at him, challenging him to deny that I had made and baited it. He simply smiled again.
—Ah, so it is. I didn’t notice all that before. Well, here: I guess this is yours then.
I hadn’t expected him to give it up so easily, and it caught me a little off guard. I didn’t quite believe his claim that he hadn’t noticed the construction, since it had been quite visible when it was laid flat on the roof, but I let it go.
—That’s okay. You
can keep that one, but in the future…
—Of course. Now that I know it’s yours, I’ll leave the birds for you and Sara.
He smiled again as he held up the bag.
—Thanks for the bird.
I nodded and smiled slightly back. He quickly changed the subject.
—Speaking of Sara, how is she? I haven’t seen her around much lately.
—We’ve been staying in our room mostly. Trying to avoid trouble. She got some seeds from Jason—I mean Sonny—and planted some vegetables in that pallet there.
I wanted Gerald to know without a doubt that the pallet garden belonged to us as well. Gerald looked at it, intrigued.
—I wondered what that was. How ingenious.
He peered at me intensely then, and I felt like his eyes were piercing into my soul.
—What’d she have to do to get seeds?
His words seemed innocent enough, but the way he said them implied something dirty and I was struck by a sudden thrust of anger and jealousy. I spat out my next words from between my teeth.
—What do you mean by that?
—Calm down, son. I didn’t mean anything by it; just, well, you know—a girl that pretty…
Gerald was doing some serious back-pedaling, trying to make amends, but I wasn’t going to cut him any slack. I just kept staring at him, concentrating on shooting venom out of my eyes at him.
—Look, son, sooner or later, her beauty’s going to be a liability, you know, especially with all the gangs hanging around downtown. Sometime someone’s gonna force her to do something she doesn’t want to.
I balled up my fists, thinking about punching Gerald, but something down inside me told me he was probably right, so I kept them by my side. While I stood rigid, trying to keep my anger in check, Gerald chose to leave. As he started toward the door, he turned back and offered me the bird with a look of sympathy.
Teenage Survivalist Series [Books 1-3] Page 21
