—Here, take this. Sara’ll be real proud of you.
When I refused to reach out and take it from his hand, he carefully laid it on the ground a few feet in front of me. Then he left without another word. I stood there for several minutes, fuming and thinking about what he’d said. It was undeniable that the thought had already entered my mind, but I had pushed it away every time. Now I was forced to face it with my heart pounding and my brain feeling like it was about to explode. After the rage started to subside, it was replaced by anguish and torment.
How was I going to keep her safe? I couldn’t make her stay in the apartment all day, especially with the blistering summer heat coming soon. I couldn’t even make her stay with me all the time—she would want to go to the food cache with Jason occasionally. I couldn’t trust Jason to keep her safe; hell, I couldn’t even be sure he wasn’t already having his way with her. The memory of the sad, haunted look in her eyes the last time she returned from the cache seemed to give me the answer to the question that I hadn’t even wanted to ask in the first place. I was ashamed of my cowardice.
Now that the question was forced upon me, I had to find the answer to it. I knew Sara would just deny everything, so I decided to confront Jason later that morning. Even though Sara kept saying he was a nice guy, I never completely trusted him. It would be a little difficult to get Jason alone to talk to him, as Sara was almost always with one or the other of us. I knew I should take advantage of the time alone right then to try to set things straight with him. At that moment, however, all I felt was a sudden and total exhaustion, like all the adrenalin that surged through my veins in anger a few moments before was immediately drained from my body, leaving me feeling weak and hopeless.
I dragged myself off the roof and went back to bed, leaving the bird where it lay and ignoring Time once again.
Chapter 14
Suspicion
Later that morning, Sara woke me up with a concerned look on her beautiful face. The sun was well up by then, and it was getting hot in the apartment even though the windows were open. I hadn’t realized that I had been asleep that long.
—Are you okay, Ben?
—Yeah, just tired, I guess.
—I thought we might go down to the river today since it’s so hot.
I perked up immediately at the thought of spending the day at the river with her instead of alone. I felt much happier than just a few hours before. I smiled and jumped out of bed.
—Yeah, that’d be nice.
We took our fishing gear in a gym bag, happy that we could leave the rest of our stuff locked in our apartment and therefore would not have to share any of our catch with Janice. We walked hand in hand as we rounded the corner of the apartment building with big smiles on both our faces. We stopped short, however, at the sight of a police car driving slowly down the street toward us.
Our first instinct was to run, but I was sure that would just make the cops suspicious and cause them to chase us, so we decided to play it cool and just keep walking down the sidewalk toward the river. The cruiser slowed down and pulled over beside us. The officer in the passenger seat leaned out the window and called to me.
—Hey, aren’t you Ethan Michaels’ son?
I answered nervously.
—Yeah.
It was Officer Ortiz. I wasn’t sure if that would help us or hurt us that he knew me and my background.
—Did you ever find your dad after the fire?
—Yeah, he was okay.
I decided to lie so Officer Ortiz wouldn’t suspect that I was an orphan. Sara looked at me questioningly but stayed silent.
—Oh, good. I worried about you after that night. You looked pretty lost when I last saw you.
I smiled to show my appreciation of his concern for me even though inside I still held it against him that he didn’t try harder to save my dad.
—What are you guys doing downtown? It isn’t safe here, you know.
—My girlfriend wanted me to show her the destruction of the fire.
—Well, you should really be getting out of here now. There’s been a lot of gang activity since the prisons were forced to release all the inmates after PF Day—looting, assaults, rapes, even murders. In fact, a girl was murdered day before yesterday just a few blocks from here. I’m telling you, it ain’t safe out here. You better be getting home.
Sara glanced at me with a startled look in her eyes but looked away quickly. Was that fear I saw in her eyes or some sort of guilt? I couldn’t help thinking it was the latter. I stared at her for a few moments before I realized that Officer Ortiz was waiting for me to respond.
—We were heading home just now.
—Where do you live?
—Up north, across the river.
Officer Ortiz leaned back in and consulted with his partner about something. After a few seconds, he leaned back out the window to talk to us again.
—I was going to offer you guys a ride, but Henry says we got orders to continue south.
—That’s okay. It’s not too far.
—Well, you two be careful. Stay on the main roads and don’t stop until you get home, okay?
—Yes sir.
The officers drove off, leaving me to wonder about Sara’s strange reaction to the grim news we had just been given. I took her hand and pulled her around to face me.
—What was that all about?
—What do you mean?
—That look you gave me after he told us about the murder.
—I don’t know. It just freaked me out, I guess.
Sara seemed prickly and defensive. It just didn’t add up in my mind. What did she have to feel guilty and defensive about? Unless she had something to do with it. A sick feeling started in the pit of my stomach, and then got worse after I realized what I was suspecting her of. I had to find out.
—You’re acting weird, like you’re guilty or something.
—Guilty?
Sara’s voice got angry and loud as she continued,
—What do you think I am? Some kind of murderer or something? How could you think that?
She yanked her hand out of mine and started walking fast. I jogged to catch up to her and when I did, I could see her wiping tears off her cheeks.
—Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. Of course I don’t think you’re a murderer.
—Just leave me alone!
Her voice was thin and shrill. She broke into a run to try to distance herself from me. I could tell that I had hurt her feelings. I cursed myself under my breath as I ran to catch up with her again.
—Sara, please slow down. I didn’t mean it, really. Please believe me. I’m an idiot. Please, Sara.
I was pleading with her by then. I reached out and grabbed her hand, and she let me use it to stop her and draw her to me. She buried her face in my shoulder and started sobbing, her entire body shaking in my arms. We stood there like that for several minutes, and it occurred to me that this seemed an extreme reaction for the situation. Things still didn’t add up, but I’d learned my lesson about sticking my foot in my mouth, so I said nothing more about it.
We walked on to the river in silence. I was now worried about these murderous gangs that Officer Ortiz had told us about and I was constantly looking around us as we walked. For the second time that day, my adrenalin level was elevated, and I felt as jumpy as one of the stray cats or dogs that had become fair game for starving people in the past few months. We made it to the river without incident but were too bummed out to fish or enjoy the day, so we headed home after a half hour or so.
The rest of the afternoon Sara had that haunted look in her eyes but this time, something else was lurking there. Fear, anguish, guilt? It was killing me to find out what was bothering her, but I didn’t dare ask. I couldn’t risk making her feel bad again and pushing her away like I had my mother. Neither one of us felt like talking so we each picked out a book off the bookshelf and sat in the living room reading and trying to keep our minds off wh
at had happened.
That night, as she headed toward her room to go to bed, Sara suddenly turned to me and started talking, like she had a secret that she just couldn’t keep in any longer.
—I didn’t kill that girl, Ben.
—I know you didn’t.
—But I know who did.
She shook her head sadly as my eyes nearly popped out of my head in alarm and the question Who? formed on my lips. Without answering, she went into her bedroom and shut the door.
Chapter 15
Revelation
Sara and I stayed in the apartment building for the next couple of weeks, spending most of our time on the roof in the shade of the dormant air conditioning unit. We were afraid to leave the building both because of the threat of gang activity and the possibility of being picked up by police and sent to foster homes. School had started a few days before, and we wanted no part of that scene.
We took a couple of chairs up to sit on and even dragged the mattress from my bed up there to sleep on at night. We had most of our meager meals up there as well, mostly birds and an occasional rat or mouse we were able to trap. We were hungry most of the time, but at least we had water, a toilet, and most important of all, freedom.
Most of the time, the other residents of the apartment building left us alone. There were always new people coming to the building and then moving out after a day or two, never wanting to stay in one place very long. Gerald stayed off the roof, probably because he didn’t want to confront me again. Occasionally, Jason would come to the roof to visit, but never stayed long since I was still quite cool toward him.
The first night we slept on the roof I tried to get romantic with Sara, since we were now sleeping together, but she pushed me away and rolled over to face away from me.
—Please don’t, Ben. Everyone always wants a piece of me. That’s why I stay with you; you never try to force me into doing anything I don’t want to do. I feel safe with you. Please don’t ruin it now.
As much as I wanted Sara right then, having her stay with me was much more important, so I kept my hands to myself from then on. I kept hoping she’d change her mind and initiate some contact, but it never happened. I buried the disappointment of my desire deep down inside me with all the other pain I was hiding. It wasn’t that hard to ignore my physical desires; I felt like I was emotionally dead anyway and the strain of trying to keep all that buried exhausted me physically as well.
One night just after dark, Jason came staggering up the stairs to the roof. He was a mess, his nose bloody and a black eye already forming. He was dragging his left leg and hugging his chest. His wheezing reminded me of my dad after he had been beaten in the riot for water months before. Despite my dislike and distrust of him, I couldn’t help feeling a surge of concern and pity for the poor guy. Sara was stricken with concern, almost making me jealous. She ran to his side.
—Jason! What happened?
Jason was unable to speak right away. It was several minutes after Sara had helped him to a chair before he could tell us what happened. What he said chilled me to the bone.
—They’re looking for you, Sara. Your brother and your ex and their gang. You have to leave.
I’ll never forget the look on Sara’s face—a mix of terror, concern, and panic. I felt the adrenalin surge through my veins and I was stricken with the same feelings I saw in Sara’s face. I also felt intense anger toward Jason, which I unleashed with a verbal assault.
—You dumb ass! You probably led them here to her! How could you put her in danger like that? I ought to beat the crap out of you right now!
I didn’t expect to see the intense dejection and self-loathing in Jason’s face, and it cooled my anger immediately. Sara shot me an angry look of warning, which cooled it even more. What Jason said next almost made me feel sorry for him.
—I know. I couldn’t think straight. I don’t think they were following me, though. I’ve been out cold in the alley behind the hardware store since this morning.
Sara told me to go down to the apartment and bring up wet rags and any kind of medicine and bandages I could find. It took me a few minutes to collect the items, during which time my mind was spinning with panic, trying to settle on a plan to keep Sara safe. By the time I returned to the roof, I had decided that it would probably be safest to stay where we were instead of trying to run through streets that were controlled by rogue gangs, one of them being the ones looking for her. As Sara cleaned up Jason as best she could and bandaged his bruised and possibly broken ribs and foot, I explained what I had decided. Jason argued a little, but Sara was silent. She didn’t speak much until after we had helped Jason down to his apartment, making him as comfortable as we could, and returned to the roof with several cans of food that Jason gave us for helping him. As we shut the door on his apartment, I made sure to turn the lock so he would be safe. Sara smiled at me for that, and I felt selfless and good about myself for once.
When we got to the roof, I blocked the door by forcing two metal bars through the handrails on each side of the door. For extra measure, Sara helped me push a heavy drum of some unknown substance in front of the door. We lay down on the mattress and pulled our blanket over us, but neither of us could sleep. We didn’t talk for a long time, but finally I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
—So are you going to tell me about your brother?
I wanted to ask about her ex as well, but decided not to push it. It was a minute or so before Sara answered.
—Matthew is four years older than me. Last year, or maybe it was the year before—I’ve lost track of the time—he started hanging out with a bad bunch of guys. Drinking, drugs, and such. He was always getting into trouble and getting suspended from school. Of course, that’s exactly what he wanted so he could go hang out with the other druggies. My parents tried and tried to straighten him out. I felt so bad for them. I hated my brother for putting them through all that. At the same time, though, I still loved him. You know what I mean?
I nodded but said nothing, afraid that she would quit talking if I said anything. She sighed then, a deep, sad sigh.
—I had this boyfriend, Zack. We weren’t serious or anything, but I liked him. Matthew started luring him to hang out with his gang. Zack was only 15, but he got into the drugs just like my brother. One night they were arrested for being in a big fight with some other guys. They all had drugs on them and they all ended up going to jail, Zack to juvie, but Matthew was charged as an adult since he was 18 and got three to five years. I guess they had to let them out when the power was off.
I was silent for a couple of minutes more, then I asked what I’d been dying to know for days.
—So, how do you know who killed that girl? Was it your brother or one of his gang?
She took so long to answer I thought she’d gone to sleep, but she finally spoke. This time her voice was thin and wavering like she was trembling or trying not to cry.
—I saw Matthew and Zack the first time I went with Jason, when we were coming back home. Zack was trying to get me to go with him, to be his “ho.” He got mad when I said no. Jason told them I was his girlfriend and that he would give them food if they left us alone. He gave them all the food he had in his backpack. It worked; they let us go. The next time I saw them was when I got the seeds. It was late, and Jason still had to board the store back up behind us. I came back alone because I was worried about you worrying about me. Zack had this sick-looking girl hanging on him. She looked like she’d been beat up pretty bad. Like she was almost dead already. He still tried to get me to go with him, and when I refused again, he got real mad. The girl tried to say that he only needed her, and that made him even madder. He punched her in the stomach real hard, and she started throwing up blood. I tried to run away, but Matthew caught me and threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone what I saw. I gave him a hundred dollars, and he let me go. Jason never asked for anything from me; it was Matthew I paid. When I looked back, the girl was lying on the ground in a pool of blood,
already dead, I suppose.
At that, Sara’s voice cracked and she started crying. I pulled her close and let her cry into my shoulder. She kept murmuring over and over, that poor girl until she fell asleep in my arms. I stayed awake, worrying about the gang, the threat to Sara, and thinking about how wrong I’d been to judge Jason without knowing the facts. It made me wonder how many other times I had jumped to conclusions about someone before knowing the whole story. I put the headphones of Sara’s iPod in my ears and finally drifted off to sleep with the soft sounds of Mad World and visions of my mother’s sad and disappointed face haunting my dreams.
Chapter 16
Escape
Muffled pounding and shouting downstairs awakened us during the night. At first I thought it was part of the music still playing in my ear, but when I heard a woman scream, I sat bolt upright, accidentally pulling the headphones out of my ears. In the dim light of a sliver of the moon, Sara’s eyes were huge pools of fear. She clutched at me and whispered, panic making her voice tremble,
—It’s them!
For a moment, we just sat there blinking, but when a second scream, this time a male voice, wailed on long and anguished, finally weakening to a strangled moan, I jumped into action. I started stuffing all our things into our two gym bags, which we kept on the roof with us. Sara stood and quietly helped. Her movements seemed stiff and slow and made me think of the phrase “scared stiff.” I stopped for a moment and held her close until she calmed down a little.
The voices were sounding louder, like they were working their way up the floors. We were startled by a sound like a gunshot, but we couldn’t believe anyone would still have ammunition left after all this time. We weren’t taking any chances, though, and went back to packing with additional urgency. When we were done, we slung the bags on our backs and carefully made our way to the burned out section of the building where we knew there was, ironically, a fire escape.
Teenage Survivalist Series [Books 1-3] Page 22
