by A'zayler
“Go to sleep, Alex.”
“Yes ma’am, Mommy.” Alex flipped over on the sofa so that his back was to her and she flipped the lamp off.
Now on to the porn stars in the dining room. Rain stood still, a bit shocked at the way they were carrying on. Summer was now laid back on the table with Jacorey standing between her legs. He was lying on top of her and kissing her neck with her legs wrapped around his waist.
“I don’t know where y’all think y’all at, but not up in here.” Rain pulled at Summer’s legs, making them drop from Jacorey’s waist.
He stood up and looked at Rain with a smile. His face was bright, and it was more than clear that he was drunk. He stepped back a few steps before pulling Summer up. She smiled at Rain and hopped down off of the table. When she was on her feet, Jacorey grabbed her hand and pulled her behind him.
“You know where you going, Jacorey?”
“Come on now, Rain. I used to crash here before you did.”
“Alright now. Don’t y’all be in there being all loud.”
Summer held her finger to her lips as she walked up the stairs behind Jacorey. “Shhhh.”
“Don’t shush me, heffa. Just take your drunk butt up those stairs and go to sleep.”
Summer smiled at her sister before turning around and following Jacorey into the second bedroom across from Love’s. Rain looked around the room, making sure everything was good, before flipping off the lights and going upstairs. Like she figured he would be, when she when she got into Love’s room, he was asleep.
She wasn’t really tired because she’d just woken up from a nap, but she got into bed anyway. Her body could still use the rest. The moment she removed her tights and slid beneath the sheets with Love, he rolled over and wrapped his arm around her waist. He pulled her back across the bed until her back was pressed against his chest.
He kissed the back of her neck a few times. “What you want to name the baby?”
“I don’t know yet. If it’s a boy, we can do a junior if you want.”
“Nah, give him his own identity. He might not like this white boy shit anyway.”
“I love your name.”
“And I love you.”
Rain held his hand up and kissed the back of it. “I love you too, Kota.”
She closed her eyes and lay still. Before long, she could hear him snoring. She’d thought he might have stayed up at least a little while longer, but she was so wrong. The liquor had him knocked out immediately. His breathing had changed and his grasp on her had loosened some. With a mind full of thoughts, Rain opened her eyes and looked around the dark room.
She wasn’t looking at anything in particular; she just couldn’t keep her eyes closed. She could hear the faint sounds of Jacorey and Summer’s sexual rendezvous, which made her laugh. She couldn’t wait to make fun of her when they woke up. Though every one of them were now drunk and asleep, Rain was grateful for her friends and family. They’d cared enough to come over and chill, just to make sure she was feeling all right.
Things like that didn’t happen often, so she had to make sure she expressed her thanks when they all woke up. If Love had enough food, she would thank them with breakfast. Rain rolled her eyes at the thought. He probably didn’t have anything. Living with him was definitely about to take some getting used to.
Chapter 3: Bad Decisions
“I Want You” by Lloyd blasted through Alex’s apartment as he moved around cleaning up. He hadn’t been in the mood to do much of anything for the past few days since the fire at Rain’s house. Today was the first day he had felt good enough to clean. He had been cleaning since his feet had hit the floor that morning, washing clothes and all.
It had been a little over two hours, and he’d just finished mopping when he heard a knock on the door. He thought about not answering it but went ahead anyway. As soon as his door swung open, Damien walked in and grabbed him. Alex pushed back out of his grasp and closed the door.
“What have I told you about just popping up over here?”
“What have I told you about starting some shit every time I come over here?”
Alex rolled his eyes and went back into the kitchen. He bent over to grab the mop and bucket when Damien stepped up behind him. He made sure to press the hardness in his jeans against Alex’s butt.
“You feeling generous?”
“You feeling gay?”
Damien sucked his teeth and cursed. “Why you always on that shit, man? Why can’t I ever just come over here and chill with you without all this damn attitude. This is why I won’t be with your ass now.”
“Nah, nigga, you won’t be with me because you can’t be with me. It ain’t because of my attitude. You love this shit.”
Damien stepped to him again and grabbed him. “I damn sure do. Now you fucking or what?”
Alex looked around his living room, trying to think about it. He had promised himself that he would stop accepting anything that Damien chose to hand out, but he always made it so hard. Like that day Rain had called him and they met for lunch. Like always, they laid up until it was time for Damien to dip. Alex had felt neglected that day, just like he did right then. Damien was dressed, fresh haircut and he smelled good. Just the sight of him had Alex ready. That was until it dawned on him that he was extra fresh.
“Hold up. Where you about to go?”
Damien looked down. “It’s my baby mama’s birthday. We’re going to the movies.”
“Well, what you doing over here?”
“I wanted to see you.” Damien cleared his throat. “I needed to see you.”
Stuff like that was what kept Alex holding on. It was like no matter what Damien did, he was always pulling him back with his words.
“She wants me, but I want you.” Damien kissed the side of Alex’s face. “You can’t show me how much you’ve been missing me before I go?”
“So you want to fuck me before you go with this girl? Why not just fuck her? I’m sure since it’s her birthday she’s going to want some birthday sex or something.”
“She might, and I’ll give it to her. I fuck her all the time, but that don’t mean shit to me because I make love to your mean ass.” Damien grabbed Alex by the neck and pulled him to him. “Now that’s what matters to me.”
With nothing left to be said, Alex led Damien to his room. Since he’d been cleaning all day and could smell the bleach on himself, he changed his mind about the bedroom and led him to the bathroom instead. He flipped the shower on before undressing Damien then himself. Once they were both nude, they got beneath the flow of the warm water where they stayed for almost an hour.
When their shower was over, they were both tired and satisfied. The heat from the water had them both so exhausted that they fell asleep in Alex’s room. Content with the moment, Alex snuggled up under Damien and got comfortable. By the time they woke up, it was going on four o’clock. Damien scrambled to his feet, trying to gather his clothing.
He was stumbling and falling all over himself trying to get dressed. “Damn. I’m late as fuck. We were supposed to have lunch at two.”
Alex offered nothing because honestly he couldn’t care less about it being her birthday or that they had lunch plans. He propped his head in his hand and watched Damien get himself back together.
“Why you ain’t wake me up?”
“Why don’t you just stay here? You claim this is where you want to be and that you love me and not her. Why do you care about her birthday?”
Damien looked at Alex with concerned eyes but continued dressing. Just like all the other times, he had come over, used Alex, and was about to go running back home to his fake life. Alex just shook his head and lay back on the pillow. That was one of the main reasons he’d made up his mind to stop dealing with Damien altogether. He always felt used afterward.
“Don’t sit over there looking like that. You already know what’s up.”
Alex was so tired of hearing that same old line, but Damien was right. He did kno
w what was up. His time with Damien; that shit was over. This would be the last day he allowed Damien to play him like he and his feelings didn’t matter.
“You gon walk me to the door?”
Alex thought about saying no, but making Damien leave after he said what he had to say would probably be a lot easier if they were already at the door and not still in his bedroom. With one swift motion, Alex threw the covers back and got out of bed. He slid on the cotton shorts that were near his dresser and followed Damien to the door. When he was about to leave, Damien turned around and grabbed Alex’s face.
Since he planned for this to be the last time he took it there with Damien, he allowed him to kiss him. Damien’s kiss felt so good to Alex that it had his mind wondering about just one more time. Then reality hit, that was the same thing that had landed him right back in the spot he was in.
“Damien, don’t come back. I’m done being used. Go be with your baby mama and leave me the fuck alone.”
The look on Damien’s face was priceless. Alex couldn’t tell whether he was shocked, mad, or hurt, but whatever it was, it was showing. He stood stuck in Alex’s doorway, unsure of what to say. He held his hands out by his sides as if asking what he’d done wrong, but none of that mattered. Alex was done explaining.
“Don’t do this,” Damien finally found his voice.
“I’m not doing anything. You are. You’re doing this to yourself. You continue to come over here and play with my feelings like they don’t mean anything and I’m tired. Whether or not my heart means something to you, it means something to me. I’m not about to keep letting you hurt my feelings over and over for nothing.”
“I’m not trying to do that.”
“Yes, you are, and I’m letting you, but not anymore. I’m done.” Alex tried to close his door on the last part, but Damien’s hand stopped it.
“You’re serious?”
“As a heart attack.”
“What do I have to do to make this right?” Damien pleaded.
“There’s nothing you can do.”
Damien took a step back into the house. “How do you know there’s nothing I can do?”
“Because I know what I need, and it’s not what you can offer at the moment.”
“Just tell me.”
“Leave your baby mama and be with me. Stop lying about who you are and let’s just be together.”
Damien shook his head and looked down at the floor. “Why do you always do this? You know I can’t do that.”
“My point exactly. Now excuse me.” Alex pushed the center of Damien’s chest until he was on the outside of his door and slammed it closed. It was so hard that he almost hadn’t done it. The sad look on Damien’s face was the same one he’d seen on too many other occasions to care about it now.
Alex made sure his door was locked before walking into his kitchen. He grabbed some oranges and a bottle of water before going to sit in the living room. He needed some time to think, and that little sex session with Damien had only made things that much deeper. He had been going back and forth about a lot of things regarding his life and his sexuality lately, and just like only Damien could, he’d come around and set him back all over again.
Alex was always so sure and positive that he would be able to turn his life around and try to do the right thing, but then his feelings for Damien or Troy would have him confused all over again. For him to love another man as much as he loved the two of them, the way he was living had to be right. Right? There was no way possible he could love another man like that and it be wrong. Even with his grandma preaching that for most of his life, he still hadn’t put any real thought into it until lately.
He didn’t know if it was because he was tired of being mistreated and used, or that he was really ready to make a change. He needed to figure whatever it was out so that he could get out of the terrible slump he’d been in. Alex laid his head back on his sofa and closed his eyes. He was in the middle of his prayer when his phone rang.
He could tell by the ringtone that it was either Summer or Rain. They were the only two with different tones. When he picked it up and saw Rain’s name, he slid the green phone across the screen and put her on speakerphone.
“What’s going on, Rain?”
“Nothing. What you doing?”
“Eating oranges and about to watch Grey’s Anatomy.”
“I need a favor.”
“Damn, you don’t beat around the bush at all, do you?”
He could hear Rain giggling before she said something else. “Not for real, but listen. I have a book conference coming up. I need you to go with me and do my hair and makeup. We’ll only be out of town for that day.”
“Yeah, I’ll go. When is it?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Now I should slap you. You know better than to wait this late to tell me something.”
“I just found out too. Stop cutting up.”
Alex could use the time out, so he didn’t even try to cut up anymore. He simply agreed and told her that he would be ready to go tomorrow.
“Damien just left.”
“For real? What happened?”
“Can you believe he came over here on his baby mama’s birthday, fucked me, fell asleep, then hopped up and left my ass?”
“Dang, that’s messed up.”
Alex sighed. “It sure is. That’s why I told him not to worry about me no more. I’m good. We don’t have to be together no more. Not that we ever really were anyway.”
“It’ll be okay, Alex. I know you love Damien, but he’s not the only man in the world. You’ll find somebody else. You’re too perfect not to.”
Rain was as sweet as a piece of pie. She was always so positive and encouraging. That was one of the main reasons why he loved her so much. He could always count on her to make him feel better.
“You’re the best sister in the world, Rain.”
“So are you, Alex.”
They laughed and talked for a few more minutes before ending their call. After talking to Rain he felt a little better about everything. Only time would tell whether he would continue getting better or falling back and getting a hundred times worse.
*****
The sun was shining as they rode down the expressway toward the building where Rain’s book signing was. She and Alex had gotten up earlier that morning and prepared for everything. The signing was three hours away in Savannah, Georgia, and she was so excited. It was her first real outing since the fire, and she was so ready and excited to get back to herself.
Love had been having her holed up in his house, scared that something was going to happen the moment she stepped out. She’d allowed it for the first few weeks, but she was ready to get her life back. They still didn’t know who the woman was that had attacked her, but she wasn’t going to sit around afraid to live because of it.
It had taken some serious begging and some good oral sex to get him to change his mind about letting her attend. She probably still wouldn’t have won the argument had she not brought up the fact that this was her livelihood and not some random trip. He got up and went to work every day, and she wanted to do the same thing. His face was balled into a scowl as she left the house that morning, but she was sure he would be okay soon enough.
“So what am I supposed to do while you’re sitting around signing books?”
“Sit next to me. You can be my assistant for the day. Get me water and take pictures and stuff. Normally Summer does it, but you’re here today, so it’s your job.”
“So, basically, I’m your bitch?”
Rain looked at him. “Basically, but you been that, so don’t get brand new now.”
“You play too much.” Alex laughed as Rain turned into the parking lot and parked her car.
They both got out and began to gather the things that she would need to do her book signing and headed inside. Rain was actually glad that Alex was there because he was able to help her get everything set up and ready. Once they were pointed in the right d
irection, Rain noticed all of the other authors setting up their vending materials. She smiled and waved at a few people that were near her and continued on her way.
She wanted to hurry and get everything set up so that Alex could make sure her face was still beat. Being that it was two of them and she didn’t have a lot of stuff, her table was up and together in no time. When they finished, she and Alex ran to the bathroom and made sure she was still put together. The pink silk shirt she was wearing was tucked neatly in the dark gray pencil skirt with the silver belt around her waist.
She wore silver jewelry and her hair was straight down with a few curls at the bottom. By the time they got back to her table, the doors were opening and the coordinator was walking around making sure everything and everyone was in their rightful places. Alex scooted his chair closer to hers and whispered in her ear.
“Okay, what I’m supposed to do, bitch? All these people coming in here.”
Rain laughed at his nervousness. “Nothing, just sit here and look cute.”
Alex had straightened his sew-in and parted it down the middle. His face was beat, as always, and he was dressed casually in a fitted button-up shirt and pants. She was almost positive that everyone would think he was a girl today. He looked so much like one, if she hadn’t known him personally for so long, his gender would have gotten past her, too.
“Oh my God! I love your books.” A tall, light-skinned girl walked to Rain’s table and said.
And so it began. From that moment on, Rain was smiling, talking, and signing books. The signing was set to last for five hours, so she made herself comfortable and had fun doing what she loved the most. By the time it was over, she and Alex were both relieved. Her hand was tired and so were her cheeks. She had been smiling all day. Though her face was in pain, she was grateful. If it weren’t for her readers, she wouldn’t be where she was. She loved them just as much as she loved writing because they made it all possible.
She was walking out of the door with some of her stuff when she heard loud music coming from across the parking lot. Her head, along with everyone else’s in the parking lot, looked to see where it was coming from. When Rain’s eyes landed on Love’s truck, she couldn’t do nothing but smile.
