Unexpected Protector (Isthmus Alliance)

by Sloan Johnson

  Tommy’s strong hands massage my shoulders as he stares into my eyes with an intensity that makes me wish I could look away. He’s seeing too much right now, seeing every insecurity that consumes me.

  “When the time is right.” He’s not using the firm voice; this one is laced with compassion. “Don’t overthink things. Just feel.”

  “Okay, thank you,” I sigh, my head leaning into the feel of his hand on my cheek. He kisses my forehead and I know we’ve jumped this hurdle.

  “Now, do you want to keep going or do you need to stop?” I can’t believe he’s giving me a choice. He wants me to submit to him, but he’s asking me if I want to do anything. That’s the moment I know I’m Tommy’s.

  The moment I walked through the door, there was no way to contain the smile that broke across my entire face. Seeing her sitting there, waiting for me, showed me that she had the desire to give me what I demanded of her. Despite her posture, I know now that I do not have what I desire most, her complete submission to me. Given everything she’s been through, I don’t blame her for withholding this last gesture from me. Her body and soul are mine, but her mind resists.

  “Tommy, I need you to push me,” Holly says sweetly. She slides her body off the bed so she’s kneeling before me. I may never understand the walking contradiction that is Holly Richards, but I cherish every ounce of herself she will share with me.

  I walk back to the nightstand, putting away the blindfold for another night. Tonight, I need to see every emotion in her eyes. I need her to trail my movements, to gain that trust from her. I move to stand before her, placing my hand atop her head.

  “Good girl,” I praise her, running my hand down the length of her arm, gripping her fingers tightly. “Get on the bed,” I command, helping her to her feet. Her eyes stay fixed downward as she perches herself on the side of the bed.

  Grabbing her ankles, I turn her body, extending both legs before easing her head toward the pillows. Slowly, I settle next to her on the bed, propping myself on one elbow so I can look at her radiant skin, bared for me. My left hand begins caressing her, carefully avoiding her erogenous areas. Her back arches as soft moans escape her lips.

  “I appreciate that you were honest with me tonight,” I assure her. “That couldn’t have been easy, standing up for what you feel, knowing that it was contrary to my wishes.”

  When I lean over so my face is inches from hers, I watch her fighting the urge to lift her head to kiss me. Just before I think she’s about to lose her fight, I bend further, covering her lips with mine. “You amaze me.”

  “Why?” she asks. The fact that she doesn’t understand how much her willing submission means to me proves that this is who she is meant to be.

  “Babygirl, I see the struggle in your eyes. Your body wants you to act on your needs, yet you refuse to take it without permission. And when you’re given what you need, I feel the comfort coursing through your entire body.”

  Holly doesn’t respond, other than to give me a slight smile.

  “Roll over,” I command her as I stand to turn off the overhead light. On my way back, I light a row of candles along the top of the dresser. Reflecting in the mirror, they provide the perfect amount of light for tonight’s exploration.

  I climb onto the bed from the foot, parting her legs to kneel between them. “Remember, don’t think, just feel,” I instruct her as I begin massaging her calves. I work my way up her body, sensually massaging every muscle, still very careful to avoid the juncture between her thighs.

  She’s so calm by the time I reach her shoulders that I fear she’s fallen asleep on me. “Baby, are you awake?” I whisper.

  “Mmmm,” she sighs in response. “Feels good. You suck at being a Dom, but you’re amazing as a masseuse.”

  My little brat has just given me the opening I need to move forward. I swiftly slap the right globe of her ass, causing her to jump but she doesn’t cry out. When I lean over to look at her facial expression, I see that she’s biting her lower lip.

  “Where are you?” I ask before going on. Her only response is to give me a thumbs-up sign. I chuckle, realizing she has no problem whatsoever with a little pain.

  I slide my hand between her thighs, parting her lips so I can massage her already tender clit. Each time she writhes in pleasure, I slap her ass again, a little harder than the time before. This continues through two orgasms and yet Holly refuses to call the scene.

  “Remember, we can stop whenever you need.” I’m beginning to worry that she’s doing this to please me and that’s why she hasn’t used her safeword.

  “Don’t stop,” she says lazily. As tempted as I am to pull out my bison leather flogger, I run my hand over her backside, knowing I’ve inflicted enough pain for her first night.

  It’s crazy how things can change in such a short period of time. No, two months isn’t really ‘short’ by some standards, but in the grand scheme of life, it sure as hell is. Especially when those two months have created a stranger when I look in the mirror.

  I’m still the same person on the outside. My almost black hair is longer than it’s been in a long time. It’s shiny and no longer falling out as a side effect from the drugs. My face is a bit rounder, my body a bit fuller. Overall, sobriety looks damn good on my small frame.

  But I can see deeper. When I look in the mirror, those aren’t the things I see. I see a woman with confidence and determination, two things I’ve never claimed to have. People looking at me thought I did, but that was an act created to cover the insecurity I felt eating away my soul like acid. Now, I see a woman with goals in life. I’ve never made goals before because I didn’t see the point. Why make plans when your sole purpose in life is to have fun, even knowing that fun could very well kill you?

  Thanks to Tommy, Tasha, and the federal prosecutor’s office, I’m doing something today that I never even dreamed of doing. In a few hours, I will start my first day of college. I still have no clue what I’m going to do when I “grow up” but Tasha encouraged me to take this step so at least I’m walking along a path to something better. The only thing I hate more than when she goes all poetic and philosophical on me is when she actually makes sense.

  As part of the deal I signed with the prosecutor, I have to be gainfully employed or enrolled in school. I had planned on getting a job, even before that came along, but Tommy urged me to go to school instead. As long as I stay sober and work hard, I’ve been instructed to leave the rest up to him.

  “Holly, you need to hurry up,” Tommy calls up the stairs as I fret over what to wear. I’ve never worried about my appearance, but I would prefer to not stick out like a sore thumb. It’s going to be hard enough sitting in lecture halls with eighteen year olds all day, I don’t need them gawking at me for the way I’m dressed, too.

  I finally decide on skinny jeans and a conservative sweater. Not my first choice, but these are the clothes you wind up with when you’re at the mercy of your preppie best friend and her boyfriend’s bank account.

  Content that I look as good as I’m going to get, I grab the messenger bag Tommy bought me and head down to breakfast. The island looks as if we’re having Sunday brunch, not getting ready to start a typical Monday.

  “Think you made enough food?” I laugh as I grab a plate and begin loading it up with French toast and bacon.

  “Brat,” he says at the same time he delivers a swift swat to my ass. “I didn’t know what you were going to be in the mood for, so I made a bit of everything. Now, eat so we can go.”

  Again, I don’t recognize the woman I’ve become right now. I catch myself staring at him while a piece of bacon dangles between my fingers. This really is my life! When I wasn’t looking, I turned into someone who has her life figured out, at least a bit, and I have a guy who works every single day to make me realize that my past doesn’t negate the fact that I can be better.

  “What?” Tommy asks, seeing the dumbfounded look on my face. He sits next to me, digging into a plate piled high with ever
ything I didn’t grab. How he keeps his trim figure with as much as he eats is beyond me.

  “Just thinking,” I sigh. I’m still not completely comfortable sharing these revelations with him. No matter how many times he tells me otherwise, I worry that if I share one too many insecurities with him, he’ll realize that I’m too broken and not worth the effort.

  “About?” He urges me.

  “How lucky I am,” I say truthfully. “If you had told me last summer that I would have my high school diploma and be starting college, I would have thought you were the one who was high. I just can’t believe I’m doing this.”

  Granted, I’m not going to the University of Wisconsin just yet, but with a lot of help from my friends, I managed to sail through the tests for my GED and secure a spot at the local technical college with plans to transfer after two years of general courses. By then, I should know what I want to major in and it will keep me from owing Dylan quite so much when all is said and done.

  Tommy pushes back his stool, sliding off and wrapping his arms around me. “You’re a good girl,” he soothes. He doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t need to. Hearing those four words is a balm to every frazzled nerve, giving me the reassurance I need to get this done.

  The way he smoothes my hair as he holds me against his chest lures me into a place of complete calm. In some ways, these quiet moments have come to mean more to me than the hottest sex, and that’s saying something since my body has apparently decided that feeling Tommy inside of me is better than any illicit drug out there.

  “Are you just about ready?” he asks quietly. It’s as if he knows exactly what he’s doing and doesn’t want to jar me out of my happy place.

  I look down at my nearly untouched plate. “You going to be upset if I eat while you drive? Someone distracted me while I was supposed to be having breakfast,” I giggle.

  “Babygirl, you ain’t seen nothing yet. I promise, there will be much better distractions while you’re trying to do your homework tonight,” he chuckles. “But for now, we’re on a tight schedule. Can’t have the co-ed late for her first day of classes.”

  Holly looks absolutely radiant as she puts on her ski jacket and grabs her bag. I’m proud of her for working so hard every day to turn her life around. She still worries a bit more than necessary that the floor is going to fall out from under her, but I know she’ll be just fine.

  She’s no longer seeing Jeff every day, which is how she’s able to attend school full-time. In a way, we’ve taken the time she had spent with him and re-allocated it to her schooling. Jeff agreed that this would be the best option for Holly because the more time she is busy with work, school, et cetera, the less time she has to allow her mind to wander to dark places.

  The only sign of how nervous Holly is for this new step in her life is her leg bouncing against the console in my Toyota Highlander. After a few minutes allowing her to freak out, I reach over, placing my hand firmly on her knee. “It’s going to be fine,” I assure her. “You need to stop thinking about everything that could go wrong and just allow yourself to have fun.”

  She snorts at the suggestion. “Yeah, that’s easy for you to say. I’m going to be the old woman with a bunch of kids. The screw up in the midst of those who have their whole lives figured out.”

  It’s not often I hear her talk negatively about herself anymore, so I know this is weighing heavy on her mind. Every day, Holly amazes me with her strength and courage. I just wish there was a way to make her see that instead of her mistakes. “Have you ever thought about it from a different angle?”

  She furrows her brow, obviously confused. “Pretty sure that’s about the only way to look at it.”

  I glance at my watch as I turn into an empty parking lot. We have plenty of time before her first class and she is in serious need of an attitude adjustment.

  I reach across the seat, digging my fingers into the base of her neck. The way her head curls to the side, I know I’m affecting her the way I always do with this move. When her head tips toward me, I gently kiss the top of her head, pulling her body to mine until her head rests on my shoulder.

  “Do you know how many of those kids have no clue what they want to do with their lives?” I ask her, tracing my other hand over her tattoos. Her coat and sweater conceal them, but it’s almost an involuntary action on my part. Every night, we sit together watching TV while I allow my hands to memorize every inch of ink on her body.

  She shakes her head but doesn’t say anything. I know she’s trying to process what I’m saying and figure out where I’m going. “You’ve been to hell and back. But the important thing is that you came back. And now, you’re kicking and screaming to make sure that you never go back to that life. Maybe, just maybe, you will help those kids because they’ll see how hard it is to do this later in life. How would you feel if even one of those students decided to pay attention and stay in school because of you?”

  It’s a long shot, I know, but if she could see that she has the ability to be a positive role model in someone’s life because of her experiences, I know she’ll be in the right mind frame to not only succeed, but to excel. I feel the corner of her mouth turn up and I know she’s actually hearing me.

  “Tommy?” She stops herself before saying whatever is on her mind. I want to be the person she doesn’t stop for. The person she speaks freely to without thinking about the reaction. “It’s probably too soon to think about this, but…”

  Now my mind is the one running in circles. We both sit there in silence, me waiting for her to finish her thought and her over-thinking whether or not she should continue.

  “It’s never too soon if it’s this important to you.” I reach for her hand, holding it against my lips. As hard as I try to stop the memories, my mind is flooded with images of her in the hospital, me holding her hand just like this even though I felt creepy.

  “Do you think I could be a therapist someday?” she asks, her voice small and unsure.

  “I think you can do anything, Babygirl.” This is the furthest into the future she has looked and my heart swells again with pride. “And I think you would be great at it.”

  “You don’t think I screwed up too much to help people?” This talk seems to be having the opposite effect from my intention. I was trying to get her out of her head and she’s burrowing in, revisiting the dark times.

  “I think your past is what will make you amazing, if you decide to do that.”

  She pulls away from me and I feel the loss of her immediately. I realize this is going to be the first time she’s been on her own in public since that night. When she’s been out of the house, she’s always had Tasha, Zeke or me with her. Today, she’s on her own. I wonder if that idea makes her as nervous as it’s suddenly making me.

  Just as I reach for the shift lever, she leans over, brushing her soft lips against mine. My tongue traces her bottom lip, begging entrance into her mouth. If I’m going to leave her alone, I intend on making the memory of this kiss last until I pick her up late this afternoon. She’s obviously thinking the same thing as her lips part for me, her tongue meeting mine.

  “Thank you,” she whispers as our mouths part. Her hand stays on my cheek, her thumb brushing against the dark stubble on my jaw.

  “Come on, brainiac,” I chuckle as I reluctantly remove her hand. “Can’t have you late on your first day.”

  “Definitely not,” she agrees. With a wicked grin, she continues, “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the guy I’m dating is kind of hardcore about me following the rules. I don’t want to overshare, but he told me there will be severe consequences if I don’t put my full attention into school.”

  I damn near run a red light at the edge of the parking lot at her words. We’ve been having a damn good time together since just before Christmas, but this is the first time either of us have put a label on what we are. Until now, it was fun, but I never pushed for anything official because I didn’t want to scare her off.