Finding Emma

by K. Ryan

  “Oo, what’s that? Did he just text you that picture?” Cris craned her neck over my shoulder to catch a glimpse of the picture.

  “Yes,” I allowed and begrudgingly tilted my screen to give her a clearer view. “That’s Oliver...and Finn.”

  She bit down on her bottom lip to hide her shit-eating grin and shifted her eyes to her husband, who still observed us darkly with his hands cemented to his hips.

  “Look at them. They’re so cute!”

  “You can’t even see Finn,” I rolled my eyes.

  “Trust me, I can see plenty.”

  With that, she snatched my phone out of my hand and held it up for Noah to see. To my horror, he leaned down, squinting just enough to make out the image in front of him. And when he straightened back up, that cloudy darkness still hadn’t left his eyes. Clearly, he was not convinced and definitely still not amused.

  Seeing an opportunity to deflect, I stole my phone back and scrambled off the bed. I’d already made it halfway through the room when I called out over my shoulder, “I just remembered I was supposed to call him when I got here.”

  When I shut their hospital door behind me, any pressure and any tension fogging my brain thankfully dissipated. Just that little bit of reprieve was enough to let me inhale a deep breath and I hit dial to call Finn.

  “Hello?” His deep, husky voice answered and I smiled at the welcome sound.

  “Hey, Finn,” I hoped he could hear the smile in my voice. “I got here a little bit ago, but I wanted to call you to let you know everything was okay.”

  “Good,” he exhaled. “I figured you would and I guess I just sent you that text to let you know everything was all good on our end, too.”

  “Thanks. I loved the picture, by the way. He certainly doesn’t look worse for the wear.”

  “Well, that little RB did hit the kitty jackpot when it comes to you, so can you really blame him?”

  “No,” I laughed. “I guess not. Thank you again for checking in on him. That just made it so much easier to be able to pick up and drive here knowing he was going to be okay.”

  “That’s what I’m here for, Em. Hey, I wanted to ask you—do you think I could crash on your couch tonight? I normally wouldn’t ask, but since you’re out of town anyway…”

  “Sure. Why not? You know, that actually makes me feel better knowing Oliver’s not going to be by himself during the night. I’m sure he’d be fine on his own, but you know.”

  “Yeah, well…” Finn started again a little unsteadily. “There’s that and the fact that Sling has a, uh, guest in our apartment right now. Your friend and him really hit it off, didn’t they?”

  My mouth opened to respond, but I shut it almost immediately.

  “What was her name? Kara?”

  “Mara,” I correctly quietly.

  There was a part of me that felt insanely jealous of Mara, not because she was with Slinger, but because she was doing all the things I wished I could do with the guy I had feelings for—the intimacy, the normalcy, it was all so healthy, even if I couldn’t exactly advocate sleeping with someone you’ve just met, I wished I was comfortable enough to take those steps with Finn, too, albeit at a much slower pace.

  “Anyway,” Finn went on. “I didn’t really feel like subjecting myself to that tonight if I could help it, so thanks.”

  “No problem and feel free to help yourself to anything in my fridge. I don’t think there’s all that much, but go for it if it’s there.”

  “Sounds good. So, you’re officially an aunt now, huh?”

  “Yep,” I smiled. “I am officially the proud auntie of Maria Owens. She’s beautiful, Finn...seriously, the moment I saw her, I think I just burst into tears.”

  “That sounds about right,” he chuckled. “Does that mean I can call you Auntie Em? Please say yes. Please.”

  “Oh my God.”

  “Yeah, you know like in The Wizard of Oz? Actually, I think you’re more like Dorothy. Oliver could be the Cowardly Lion. Sling would be the Tin Man and I’d be the Scarecrow.”

  “You mean the guy who wished he only had a brain?”

  “Hey, he had a brain the whole time. He just didn’t know it, okay?”

  “Whatever you say,” I laughed and shook my head.

  And then Finn’s analogy started to sink in. So, in his mind, I was some kind of modern-age Dorothy, lost and aimlessly trying to find her way home from Oz, er, Milwaukee? Unfortunately, that analogy had some weight...if I was walking around singing about a place where troubles melt like lemon drops and waking up where the clouds are far behind me. Maybe I’d wake up and this would all have been a bad dream and I could go, “And you were there and you and you and so were you”.

  Shit. Now I had Judy Garland singing in my head.

  It was just too bad that the twister that had bulldozed through my life was very real and the devastation it caused couldn’t be magically resolved by clicking my heels together.

  “When do you think you’ll be home, Em?”

  “Tomorrow for sure. I’m probably gonna crash at Noah and Cris’s house tonight and head back to the hospital tomorrow morning for a little while before I leave.”

  “Yeah, I guess that makes sense...I, uh,” I could practically see him tugging his free hand through his hair as he spoke. “I miss ya, Em.”

  I sucked in a deep breath, my chest fluttering and heat flushing my cheeks. “I miss you too, Finn. And I’m really sorry I couldn’t stay tonight—I really wanted to. I was having so much fun with you and meeting your friends and your dad and getting to taste all your beers.”

  “I’m glad, Em and everyone really liked meeting you, too. Hey, we’ve got that Packer game coming up though, right? You’ll see everyone again then.”

  “Oh, that’s right. The Packer game,” I looked up just in time to see Noah closing Cris’s door behind him and his eyes widened at the words Packer and game.

  He knew better than anyone that I’d never had much interest in the Packers, or going to Packer games for that matter, so this new development certainly wasn’t lost on him. But now, unfortunately, his presence in the hallway also meant that I’d probably have to cut this conversation with Finn short.

  “Don’t worry about the tickets,” Finn went on. “I’ll take care of it, okay?”

  “No, Finn, you don’t have to do that. I can pay my own way.”

  “I know that, Emma, but I’m still taking care of your ticket.”

  “Ugh,” I exhaled and shook my head at my brother, who gawked at me like I’d just said Jay Cutler was the new MVP.

  “What’s going on?” Noah mouthed to me.

  “Hey, Finn,” I told him and rolled my eyes at Noah. “Can you hold on a second? My brother just came out into the hallway and I think his eyes just about fell out of his sockets when he heard me talking about going to a Packer game.”

  “Does he like the Packers?”

  “Sure,” I shrugged. “Of course he does. Cris likes going to the games more, I think, than actually watching the games though.”

  “Would they wanna come? We didn’t buy the tickets yet, so I can easily add in two more no problem.”

  My brain froze. Oh shit. I felt like the rug just got ripped out from under me and I fumbled to come up with another deflection. “Oh, uh, I don’t—”

  “It’s really not a big deal, Em. If he’s right there, why don’t you ask him?”

  I don’t know why I froze. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that my brain completely short-circuited. My eyes flew to Noah, who hovered over my shoulder, eavesdropping like the vigilant big brother he was, and his eyes narrowed.

  “Um, Noah?” I started shakily. “Finn wants to know if you want to come with us to the next home game. Him and his friends are getting tickets and he said he can get two more if you guys want to go.”

  Noah’s eyes widened and his head reared back like he couldn’t believe what I’d just said.

  “Hey, Em,” Finn called out to me from the othe
r side of the line. “Why don’t you just put him on the phone? It’s just easier that way and then I can give him the details.”

  Almost robotically, I held my phone out to Noah, numb and disbelieving. “Um...Finn wants to talk to you.”

  How in the hell did this happen? I’d gone from fearing for Finn’s life to handing over the phone so they could chat like old friends. It didn’t help that my brother was staring at my phone like it had contagions crawling all over it. Finally, some sense of propriety snapped into place and he held out his hand, signaling to me that it was time to relinquish not only the phone, but the control, too.

  I really had no choice at this point, so I handed over my phone. Noah brought it up to his ear and it was all over with from there.

  “Hello?” Noah started and it was all I could do not to cover my eyes with my hands to block it out. “Really? Well...yeah, I don’t see why not...no, I’m sure we could probably have my mom baby-sit or something...yeah, I think so too...nah, you don’t have to do that. Thanks though...we can just meet you guys somewhere outside the stadium and I’ll have the money for you right away...sounds good, thanks again—I’m gonna hand you off to Em now, okay? Sure, lookin’ forward to it, man.”

  Stunned into immobility, I don’t know how I was able to take the phone back from my brother. That just happened. That totally just happened. I couldn’t believe it.

  I numbly put the phone back to my ear. “Finn?”

  “Hey, Em. So, it looks like your brother and sister-in-law are in for the game. Now you can’t back out on me, right?”

  Well, now it all made sense.

  “You set me up,” I laughed. Honestly, what other reaction could I have at this point?

  “Nah, it wasn’t like that. Besides, I think you might have more fun anyway if you know some people at all the pre-game stuff other than just me and Sling.”

  So any doubt I had about whether or not Finn was clued into my aversion to large social settings was pretty much gone.

  “Right.”

  “Em, you’re gonna have fun. I promise. And I’m really looking forward to finally meeting your brother and your sister-in-law...I really am.”

  And how could I argue with that? I wished I could somehow reach inside my phone and pull him through it so I could kiss him. And then I remembered my brother was still standing right next to me, scrutinizing every word with careful eyes.

  “I wish you were here,” I suddenly blurted out and then winced. “I mean...I know you couldn’t come with me and you were at the party and now you’re baby-sitting my cat, but I miss you.”

  I turned away so I couldn’t see Noah’s reaction to my words. This was supposed to be a private conversation anyway and the eavesdropping could really only be tolerated for so long.

  “I know, Em,” Finn told me, his voice warm and just hearing it made me wish I could crawl onto the couch with him tonight and let him hold me for the rest of the night. “I wish I was there with you, too. Look, I know you’re still at the hospital, so why don’t you give me a call later or something?”

  My eyes lifted to the digital clock in the hallway. “Are you sure? It’s already 11.”

  “Yeah, me and Oliver are probably just gonna be watching Parks and Rec all night anyway.”

  “Don’t you have to go to work tomorrow?”

  “Yep.”

  “You say that like it’s no big deal.”

  “It isn’t.”

  I pushed out a deep exhale, finally turning to face Noah, who still observed me, but now his lips had quirked up a little. “Alright. I guess I can’t argue with the two of you having some man time together.”

  “Good call, Em. Hey, I’ll let you go, okay? Parks and Rec is calling and you need to spend some time with your family. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Okay,” I smiled. “Bye, Finn.”

  “Bye, Em.”

  I swiped across my screen to end the call and no sooner had I shoved my phone into my back pocket that my brother’s quiet voice called out to me.

  “Your boyfriend seems okay.”

  My gaze darted up to him and while I’d expected to find suspicion, darkness, wariness, or something along those lines, I didn’t see any of that from my brother. In fact, that small smile spread even deeper across his face. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. Maybe it was time I stopped denying it.

  “He does?”

  Noah’s eyes flashed at my admission that Finn was, in fact, my boyfriend and his mouth quirked up even more. “Yeah. At least from what I could tell over the phone. That was pretty nice of him...inviting Cris and me to the game like that. He offered to pay for our tickets, too, but I wouldn’t let him. What, is he loaded or something?”

  “No,” I frowned. “Well, I guess I don’t know. His family owns a brewery in Milwaukee, but I wouldn’t say that means he’s loaded. I was actually there for the first time today before you called and Finn and his dad did a whole tasting with me. It was pretty cool.”

  He eyed me carefully. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to date your neighbor? I mean, don’t get me wrong, you know I wanna see you happy, but if things don’t work out...it could get pretty awkward, right?”

  Somewhere along the way, I probably should’ve paused to consider that more thoroughly, but I hadn’t planned on Finn worming his way into my life anymore than I’d planned on Oliver.

  “I guess it’s no different than me wanting to keep a cat I might’ve been allergic to and technically can’t keep in my apartment.”

  Noah nodded slowly, as if he was taking it all in, step by step, line by line. “He treating you okay?”

  I winced—once again, this was just a by-product of my past. “Yeah, brother, he’s treating me okay. More than okay. He’s...he’s the best. I really like him.”

  “I can see that. Have you told him about…”

  He didn’t need to finish that sentence and I didn’t need to hear it out loud.

  “I told him about Justin.”

  When Noah’s eyes widened with surprise, I jumped to explain. “I only told him why we broke up. I didn’t tell him anything else.”

  Noah nodded and scrubbed a hand over his mouth. “Are you going to? Homecoming’s right around the corner, you know. If something happens, don’t you want him to know?”

  That was the question I’d been too afraid to ask myself since the moment I met Finn. I knew that, at some point, I’d have to be honest with him if I wanted him to stay in my life, but would I actually have the balls to go through with it? Would I be able to actually look Finn in the eye and say the words out loud? I’d never actually told the story from start to finish out loud before and even if I wasn’t quite convinced I’d be able to do it without turning into a puddle of hysterics, I had to figure out a way to make it happen. And my brother, despite his crazy over-protective tendencies, wasn’t wrong in his worries about homecoming. The likelihood of something happening was, well, likely.

  “Yeah,” I nodded. “I do want him to know.”

  “Good,” Noah told me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “That’s really good, Emma.”

  . . .

  I sat up from the couch, stretching my hands high over my head to shake out some of the stiffness in my back. It was only seven in the morning, but if I wanted to have enough time to see Cris, Noah, and Maria at the hospital before I had to get back to Milwaukee for my dinner shift at the café, I needed to peel my ass off the couch and get moving.

  Because my mind was too preoccupied with warm, happy thoughts of the family that mattered to me—Noah, Cristina, and Maria—and the ones who’d recently entered my life but had just as much of an impact—Oliver and Finn—I think I’d made myself forget where I was.

  I wasn’t just in my brother’s house.

  I was in Hickory.

  Not a dream I’d wake up from to find that everything was right where I’d left it Dorothy Gale-style. Nope. This was real. I was really here and would have to stay here for at least a few hours
longer so I could spend some more time with my niece.

  Maybe it was just because being in Noah and Cris’s house made me feel too safe. Maybe I’d just let my guard down after seeing my family. Maybe I was just still floating on air after all those “I miss you” declarations with Finn last night.

  Whatever the reason, I was unprepared to see my mother let herself into my brother’s house like she owned the place with two covered dishes in her hands.

  I hadn’t seen my mom in over three months, since the disastrous ‘dinner’ that Noah and Cris had invited me to, the same one my mom had randomly decided she needed to be invited to where she proceeded to treat me like an unholy cross between a pariah and a hooker when she was the one who was uninvited. Of course, heaven forbid I should ever mention sex and all things holy in the same sentence.

  But I digress.

  Even for seven in the morning, Nina Owens was never one to step out of the house without looking her best. Finely coiffed, makeup perfectly in place, not a wrinkle in her pressed, tailored clothes...on the outside, she might have passed for a human being.

  Fortunately for me, I knew better.

  I knew the exact moment she realized I was in the house because all the air seemed to suck right out of the room. She froze, her face twisting in shocked horror, and she shuffled back a small step, like the short distance might somehow make it so I wasn’t in this house with her, like I just didn’t exist.

  Well, someone had to be the adult in this situation.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  My mom gaped back at me for a moment and then the hardened mask slipped back into place. She ran a hand over her warm brown hair—ironic, of course, because she was anything but warm—and that was all she needed to push away her initial shock and discomfort at my presence. I know...being around me was such a hardship, I didn’t know how she could possibly stand it.