Watch

by Cass J. McMain

  “What?” he said. “You think I’m… what? Losing it, like your uncle?”

  She shook her head. “How’d you get that scar?”

  “This?” Grey’s hand rose and traced over his forehead. “Fight. Long time ago. I was dating this chick and then I was dating her friend. You know. The ex decided she wasn’t cool with it and she hit me with a stapler. Like, threw it at me.” He laughed lightly. “Damn. I shoulda had stitches, really. It bled like a mother.”

  “What about the other one? The chin one?”

  Grey dropped his eyes and stroked his chin with the backs of his fingers. “That was Ian. My brother. We got in a real good fight when I was thirteen, and we were wrestling it out on the floor. You know, like boys do. Fierce, right? Killers. He’s a little over a year younger than me, but it was a pretty even thing. He goes at me and gets me down and he’s kicking me in the side. Calling me names. I can’t remember what started it. But he gets me down, and then I got around and I had him down. I kicked him… I wouldn’t have, you know. I wouldn’t have kicked him, but he kicked me, so—”

  The waitress appeared at the table again, offering scones or pie or cinnamon buns. Grey shook his head. She left the ticket and flounced off.

  Corky stirred her coffee and looked at Grey expectantly. “So. You kicked him. And…?”

  “Yeah. He was kicking me, so then when I got him down, I kicked him a couple of times. And then he grabbed my leg. You know. I was a little off-balance, and the way he had my one leg up… well, it’s hard to explain, but it was like I was gonna either stomp on him or fall over sideways. And I didn’t want to, like… kill him. Really hurt him, or anything. Right?”

  Corky nodded.

  “So I was trying to get my foot in a better position so I wouldn’t land right on his fuckin’ face when I fell, and he twisted off to the side and I went over totally wrong. Landed on the coffee table. Two teeth.” Grey pulled down his lower lip and pointed. “Right there, gone. Blood everywhere. God what a mess.”

  “Jesus.”

  “He freaked way out. I remember that. Mom had to take me to the dentist, and he was there in the waiting room… I think he was more upset than I was, and I was pretty upset.” Grey’s forefinger moved slowly over the scar from one end to the other and back again. “Should ’a had stitches for this too, probably. But the teeth were the thing. I forget I’ve even got this scar, now. It’s nothing compared to the rest, right?”

  “Yeah, well. Yeah. Neither one is really bad, you know. They don’t stand out or anything.”

  “Sure. So, why’d you ask about them? If they’re so not noticeable?”

  Corky covered her face with her hands and laughed. “I did, didn’t I?”

  “Chicks dig scars, right?”

  She nodded, blushing, surprised to realize it was true. “Yeah. We do.”

  Chapter 5

  Corky sat on the couch with Seth, watching television. She wasn’t paying much attention to it, though. She was thinking about Grey. He’d taken the diary a week ago, but she hadn’t heard back from him yet. Hadn’t it only taken her a few days to read it all? She thought back, and decided a week was probably closer.

  Well, it was her family, she reasoned. Corky rubbed her arms and leaned her head on Seth’s shoulder. She’d had a reason to read it that Grey didn’t have. She still wasn’t sure what he expected to find in it, but she wished he’d hurry up and finish with it. She wanted it back. Why that was, she didn’t know, but it was the truth that she missed having Moony’s diary around. It felt strange, that it was somewhere else.

  The phone rang, startling her. Seth leaned over to answer it. It was Sarah’s mother.

  “She did what? When? ...Well… Who said that?” Seth stood and paced the room, frowning. He looked at Corky. “She did not tell her… no, Sharon, I didn’t. Well, I didn’t. …You can’t blame this on me.”

  Corky leaned forward, a question in her eyes. Seth shook his head at her and continued pacing, arguing with Sharon. “I never …well excuse the hell out of me, Share, you know damn well I wouldn’t do that. Do you want me to talk to her? …Well, no. …No, it wasn’t like that. They were talking about Shakespeare.” He covered the mouthpiece with his free hand and hissed at Corky, “Sarah’s got her ears and her damn bellybutton pierced. She says you—” he broke off and resumed talking to his ex. “That’s so unfair, Share. You can’t blame it on me. Corky didn’t… no… no… well, fuck you very much, too!”

  He slammed down the phone and then picked it up and slammed it down again. “Bitch,” he cursed, then turned on Corky. “What the hell did you say to her, Cork? Did you tell her it was cool to get pierced?”

  Wide-eyed and hurt, Corky stared up at him. “You were sitting right there. I didn’t tell her anything. Just that Shakespeare had an earring, was all. You were there, too. What the hell are you going off on me for?”

  “Well, now she’s gone and gotten her ears pierced. And her goddamned bellybutton. Sharon’s pissed, very pissed.” He threw himself onto the couch and rubbed his face, muttering. “Not that she ever isn’t.”

  “I didn’t think anyplace would even do a girl that age without parental consent.”

  “Her friend did it, I think. Nice and sanitary, someone’s damn bathroom with a…a needle, or pin. Or whatever. God only knows. Shit.” He leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. “I warned her. Sharon. I warned her she needed to lighten up on the kid. She could have had her ears done by a good place, you know. And now… Jesus, her fucking bellybutton.”

  Corky shook her head, remembering the day she’d gotten her own ears pierced. The first ear was quick. Painful, but quick. The technician had screwed up the second one and it hadn’t gone all the way through. The gun had jammed, and she’d had to repunch the ear. It had taken forever while she tried to get lined up again with the partial hole. That had been agonizing. The punch had not gone through evenly, after all that, and Corky still had trouble getting earrings into it.

  That’s what I should have told her, she thought. That it hurts like hell. Why hadn’t she? It wouldn’t have helped, she decided. Girls want what they want, to look cool or feel pretty. Even if it hurts like hell. She shuddered, thinking about the navel. She’d read somewhere that it was a very painful place to be pierced, way worse than ears. She couldn’t imagine what it was like to have a friend doing it in slow-motion with a pin.

  “Well, it’s not that big a deal, is it? Can’t she just let it heal over?”

  Seth nodded but didn’t look up. “Sure, Share said she was gonna make her take out the navel-ring. She hasn’t made up her mind on the earrings yet. But either way, doesn’t matter. It’s too late, right? Too late. This is just the start. She’s growing up. Sharon doesn’t want to see it. I guess I don’t either, but at least I know I have to.”

  The movie ended and the credits rolled over the screen. Corky leaned back, and Seth put his head in her lap. “I hope it doesn’t leave a scar,” he said.

  Chapter 6

  …the sun is watching me…first from one side of the room and then the other, every day like a dance. Why watch me? Shouldn’t she be watching for him?

  Grey’s door was painted blue. Corky hesitated, first looking for a doorbell and then realizing there wasn’t one. She would have to knock. She pressed her fingers into a fist and raised them – and hesitated again.

  She had built it up in her mind too much, maybe. Grey had called that morning, and she’d agreed to pick up the diary at his place after work. She’d been thinking about it all day.

  But now… what? What was she afraid of?

  She chided herself. Think he’s gonna bite you? She let her mind travel briefly along those lines and then found herself wondering what Seth would think about all this. Not that it was Seth’s business. This wasn’t cheating. She could loan things to anyone she wanted; she could visit anyone she wanted. It was just a visit, after all. She took a sudden breath and knocked.

  Grey came to the door and opened it
wide. “Come in,” he said, gesturing. “Pardon the mess.”

  Corky stepped inside. There were fragrant candles burning on the coffee table, and two people sitting on the couch. “Hi,” she said, waving briefly at them. “Excuse me, I’m sorry. I’m a little bit late.”

  “It’s fine,” Grey said. “Corky, these are some friends of mine. Allie, Rick… this is Corky. I told you she might stay.”

  Rick and Allie nodded at this, and Rick said, “No problem at all, man. We’re cool with it. Totally cool.”

  “Stay?” Corky looked at them and back to Grey. “For what?”

  Grey took his shirt off. “It’s your call, Corky, totally. I just thought you might want to watch. No big deal, if you don’t. I’d just… I’d like to spend a little time talking to you about the diary, but I promised these guys I’d… well. Do this first. I told them about you – just a little.”

  Allie piped up. “It’s fine. We don’t care if you watch. Some of the guys get weird about that stuff, but me ’n Rick are totally alright with it.”

  Corky’s mouth was dry. “Uh… you mean you’re gonna just… like…”

  Grey stepped past her quickly and held out his arm. “It’s easy. You’ll see. Just relax, Corky. I think it’ll help you to watch this.” Without another word, he swiftly ran the razor across his arm several times. Blood poured out and Allie leaned over and began sucking at the wound. Grey pumped his fist a few times and Allie closed her eyes, drinking.

  “This time, we’ll do two at once,” Grey said, passing the razor to Rick. “Careful there, Bud. I trust you.”

  “Would I hurt you, Gravy-boy?” Rick grinned and made two small cuts in Grey’s shoulder. “That wasn’t so bad, right?”

  Blood seeped out slowly and Rick quickly made another small cut. He handed the razor back to Grey and put his mouth over the wound, chewing at it gently and then moaning slightly.

  “See?” Rick said to Corky. “That’s it. They’re just drinking.”

  No blood was visible. Corky blinked, speechless for the moment, just watching. It seemed like she was intruding on something faintly sexual. Allie readjusted her position, and Rick did the same. Then Rick clutched at Grey’s shoulder and pressed his whole body against him, growling under his breath. Grey gasped and braced his feet.

  “Careful, Rick. Don’t knock me over.”

  Only guttural sounds escaped Rick, who positioned one arm more fully around Grey’s chest to help support him. Now the sexuality didn’t seem faint at all; this seemed incredibly sexual. Corky felt her face flushing with embarrassment but she didn’t look away.

  Allie had worked herself into a kneeling position on the couch, and she had tight hold of the feeding arm with one hand. The other hand had found its way to a belt loop on Grey’s jeans, which she was leaning on for balance. Both Sanguinarians had their eyes closed.

  Grey stood quietly while they drank of him, and glanced at them once in a while. Between glances, he stole looks at Corky. She stood like a statue, quietly watching, head slightly bowed, as though she was in church. Some strange, strange church. Rick loosened his hold for a moment and adjusted his position, and Corky saw blood on his lips.

  Squeamish, she winced and looked down. Grey laughed.

  “Corky… it doesn’t hurt. It feels good. I’ve been giving blood to these two for years. They’re good friends of mine. I was best man at their wedding. Wasn’t I, Rick?”

  Rick nodded and pressed himself even more closely against Grey, murmuring something Corky couldn’t make out. Allie nodded likewise, and released her hold on Grey’s arm.

  “Years,” she said, licking her lips with a bloody tongue. “That’s enough, sweetie. Here, hang on.” She stood up and moved to a nearby table, quickly gathering up a handful of items. As she returned to the couch, she glanced at Corky and raised the handful for her to see. “Cleanup. Right?”

  Grey’s arm was bleeding still, and Allie ran her tongue over it. Then she swabbed it with disinfectant and put bandages over the cuts. Grey pressed on the bandages while Allie moved around to the side Rick was still drinking from. She nudged him, and he held up a finger. Allie shrugged and looked at Corky.

  “Grey’s a good bleeder. Most donors we had before kept drying up before Rick had enough. He’ll be good in a sec. We were very hungry.”

  Corky nodded and swallowed dryly. Her eyes went from Rick’s mouth down the length of his body and back up. Rick remained right up against Grey. She found herself staring at Ricky’s hips, pressed into Grey’s buttocks.

  Grey spotted her stare and laughed. “It’s not sexual, Corky. Not for me, not with these guys.”

  Allie grinned. “I can’t say there’s no sexuality to it. I have feelings while I feed. I know when Ricky and I feed each other it’s very sexual.” She leaned against Ricky and nibbled his earlobe.

  Ricky finally let go of Grey and he turned to sit so Allie could bandage his shoulder. The mark there looked like a hickey.

  “Well, of course some of the encounters are sexual,” Rick said. “I’ve had some feelings, even with Grey, just from the closeness. It’s intimate, no doubt. But I’m not gay, so it doesn’t go deeper than that. For me, anyway.”

  “It’s a special relationship. We’ve had donors who did want more from us than just to let us feed. Sometimes it works out that way,” Allie said, shrugging.

  Grey put his shirt back on. “Was that like you expected it to be, Corky?”

  She shook her head.

  “Lots of things aren’t like you expect,” Allie said. “We don’t melt in the sun. We’re not allergic to garlic. I look fine in a mirror.”

  “You look fine without a mirror, too,” Rick said, drawing her in for a kiss.

  “Aw, you hush.” Allie laughed. “Seriously, you’d never know we were Sangs would you? From looking? I look just like any normal woman, right?”

  Corky nodded. She did look like any normal woman.

  “That’s because I am. Normal. Look, I’m a Christian,” Allie said. She drew forth a small wooden cross she was wearing on a cord around her neck. “I even go to church sometimes.”

  Rick and Allie hugged Grey and thanked him. “We’ll call you,” Allie said as they left. “We need to have you over, do something.”

  Grey shut the door and turned to Corky.

  “Well? Do you forgive me?”

  “Forgive what?”

  “For… sort of surprising you with that. I didn’t think you’d ever agree to watch on your own. I sort of tricked you. But, I was right, wasn’t I? It isn’t like you think it is. It’s nothing like you thought.”

  “That’s the truth. But…”

  “Go on. Ask. What?”

  Corky shuffled her feet on the floor. “How can that not be sexual? I mean… he was holding you like a lover would. He was sucking on your shoulder – you have a hickie. That doesn’t turn you on?”

  Grey wagged his head slightly. “I admit that it isn’t completely un-sexual. But they’re friends. Was it turning you on to watch?”

  Corky blew out a breath full of nervous laughter. “Ha… well. Maybe it was. But they said it was sexual when they do it to each other.”

  “They’re married, so why wouldn’t it be?”

  “If they can do that, why do they need to do it with you?”

  Grey ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s all about energy. If she feeds him, she gives him energy. If he feeds her, he gives it to her. So if they both feed, they end up back where they started. They wouldn’t get any ‘extra’ energy from it.”

  “So, they just took your energy? Does it make you tired?”

  Grey nodded. “A little bit, yeah. Lightheaded. Blood loss, right?”

  “Why do you do this, Grey?” Corky said, louder than she meant to. “Why? If it’s not for sex and it makes you tired and dizzy…it can’t be all that safe or healthy… what are you getting out of it?”

  Grey sat back on the couch and folded his legs up underneath himself. “It’s like volu
nteer work, I guess. It just feels good to give the blood. They need it. I’m important in their lives, because I’m a part of them. You can think of it like… a redemption of sorts.”

  He brought out the diary and they talked about it some. He had a few questions, which Corky didn’t have answers for.

  It was late in the evening when she returned home. She set the diary on the dresser and took a hot bath. While she was shaving her legs, she gave in to an impulse and ran the razor crossways, opening a small cut in her calf.

  Grey was right: it didn’t hurt very much. It only stung briefly, and that was probably from the soap.

  A redemption of sorts. Corky watched the thin line of blood grow watery and drip down her leg. She plunged her leg back under the water and watched it until the bleeding stopped.

  It took less than a minute.

  Chapter 7

  “They’re infected. Sharon made her take them both out.”

  Corky glanced over at Seth, then returned her attention to the carrots she was slicing and shook her head. “Well. Not surprising.”

  “That she had to take them out, or that they got infected?”

  “Both. Hand me that bowl, will you?”

  She took the bowl and started assembling salad, ticking off items in her head. Potatoes in the oven, hamburger patties ready and waiting for the pan. Condiments, buns. Salad. Wine. She handed Seth her glass for a refill and listened while he talked about Sarah’s infected earlobes.

  Such romantic conversation. But she felt for the girl. “Well, they’ll heal up good as new in no time.”

  “Yeah. She’s just that age, you know. Little rebel. She’s talking tattoos now, scaring Sharon half to death. I think it’s just talk. I hope.”

  The phone rang. It was Grey.

  “Hi. Am I interrupting your dinner?”

  “No, no… not at all,” Corky said. “How are you?”