“Abby,” A small squeaky voice gives me pause.
I stop my assault and take a deep breath before turning around to face Sarah. She looks like she’s about twelve years old, all tiny and terrified. Part of me wants to tear into her for daring to put her hands and her mouth on my man. But, there are a few problems with my indignation. First, he’s not my man. And second, she doesn’t owe me any loyalty, she hardly knows me.
“What?” I snap in spite of myself.
She immediately bursts into tears. Fuck my life. I grab her arm and pull her into an empty classroom because the last thing I need is for everyone thinking I made a little kid cry.
“What do you want Sarah?”
“I just wanted to tell you I’m so, so sorry. I wanted to be like you. You’re so beautiful, confident, and strong. And, I’m such a nobody. I couldn’t even seduce your boyfriend properly after I’d drugged him,” She slouches down on the floor and sobs.
“You what?” I practically shriek.
“I slipped him GHB,” She admits and all I can do is stare at her in horror.
She actually tried to date rape him? What the actual fuck?
“You’re a complete psycho,” I grind out between clenched teeth.
“I know, that’s why I’m killing myself,” She cries.
My heart sinks. This girl needs seriously help.
“You can’t do that. Come on, I’m going to get you some help,” I offer her my hand. She shakes her head.
“It’s too late. I took a whole bottle of Advil just before I came in here,” I whip out my phone and dial 911 immediately, and then I stay with her until the ambulance arrives.
I’m still shaking when I get home, and I decide I need to go talk to Ethan. I need to tell him what happened.
I knock tentatively and wait. My heart is pounding out an erratic rhythm in my chest. So, this is what tachycardia feels like. I hear footsteps approaching and try to take several deep breaths to calm myself. The door opens and Carolyn stands there in a large men’s t-shirt and god knows what underneath. I feel bile rise in my throat. Well, I guess that explains why I haven’t heard back from him. He’s been thoroughly occupied I’m sure. Okay, don’t cry, that’s the main thing.
“Can I help you?” She asks with false sweetness dripping from her voice.
I want to slap the shit out of her. I want to pull her hair and punch her perky tits. I can feel my whole body shaking with restraint.
“Who is it?” I hear a male voice call from inside the apartment.
Relief floods me, that isn’t Ethan’s voice.
“I’m looking for Ethan,” I say loudly enough for whoever the guy is to hear, because I’m sure skank Barbie isn’t going to be very helpful.
“Oh, hey Abby,” Asher gives me a blatant once over as he comes to the door in nothing but a pair of black boxer shorts.
I roll my eyes and wait for him to tell me where to find Ethan, or better yet what he’s doing here getting laid in Ethan’s apartment.
“I can’t believe you didn’t know. He took off, he’s not going to be back until late December. I’m subletting until then,” He explains.
“What, do you like come with the apartment or something?” I snap at Carolyn.
“Did you need anything else?” She asks blandly.
I spin on my heel and storm through the door to my apartment. Lee and Nikki are on the couch when I bust in.
“Where did he go?” I demand.
“What’s it to you?” Lee challenges aggressively.
“Look, I hate how things went down between Ethan and me. But, I don’t want to lose you as a friend. And I do care about Ethan, I just want to know if he’s okay. I want to apologize,” I stop trying to hold back my tears.
“Of course we’re still friends. I’m just pissed at you right now. He’s fine, but that’s all I’m telling you. If he wants you to know more then he’ll contact you,” Her tone softens a little.
“Okay, I’m sorry,” I say again before slinking into my room with my tail between my legs.
Abby: I’m sorry
I text Ethan, not expecting a response.
It’s Friday and I haven’t heard from Ethan and I’m torn between despair and just plain wishing I had my friend to hang out with. I don’t even enjoy my usual nerdy shit without Ethan to enjoy it with me. I really hate myself right now. I always told myself that I wasn’t ‘that’ girl and it’s time for my moping to end. Enough is enough.
Ethan
Over the next week I pick up my phone over and over to call or text Abby and end up talking myself out of it. I go through the motions of my T.A. position and then go home at night and wallow.
My phone buzzes and I jump to answer it, stupidly hoping that it’s Abby. Lee's face lights up the screen and I sigh with disappointment.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Wow, don’t sound so excited,” She says sarcastically.
“Sorry,” I sigh.
“It’s okay, I understand. I miss you by the way Bro. We should never live this far apart again. I came up with this plan that once we’re done with college you can buy a house right next door to Nikki and me. Then we can both have a bunch of kids who’ll be more like siblings than cousins.” I laugh at her idea.
“Um, Lee, I don’t think that plan is going to work.”
“Why not?” I hear the pout in her voice.
“Because, you’re a lesbian and I don’t have anyone to have kids with. So, I’m thinking the kids’ thing isn’t a solid plan,” I joke.
“Oh shut up, I’m going to adopt and you’re going to make a million babies with Abby.” My chest tightens with longing. I actually wish that were true and that thought about knocks me on my ass.
“So how’s everything going there?” She asks.
I hear a door open and shut in the background on her end and I hold my breath. That’s stupid it’s probably Nikki. Even if it is Abby, so what.
“Everything’s...good,” I say finally.
She remains silent on the other end, no doubt trying to decide whether or not to call me out on my lie.
“I wish you would come home.”
“Are you talking to Ethan?” I hear Abby ask in the background.
I grip the phone tightly and clench my jaw. If someone had told me before that I could miss a woman so much it would be a physical pain in my chest I would’ve told them that they were crazy. But hearing her voice I feel like I’ve had the wind knocked out of me. My hand goes to my chest where I got her lips tattooed.
“Yes,” Lee responds to her.
There’s a long pause. I wonder if she’s going to ask to talk to me. Will Lee hand the phone over? What will she say?
“I’ve gotta go, Lee,” I say hurriedly.
“Okay, I’ll see you in ten days for Thanksgiving.”
“Love you,” I say before hanging up the phone.
After my phone call with Lee the only solution I can think of for my pathetic, unrequited feelings is at the bottom of a bottle. I head into the kitchen to grab the bottle of Jack I put there a few days ago.
“Hey, Ethan, we’re having some people over if you want to hang out,” Nick offers.
I hesitate and then nod. Clutching my bottle of Jack I follow him into the living room.
“So tell me about yourself Ethan.”
I already forgot her name. I know she told me an hour ago when she showed up but I’ve drank a hell of a lot of Jack between then and now. I’m surprised I even remember my own name at this point. I look over at her and take in her huge tits, pushed up and pointed right in my direction. She giggles when she catches me staring down her shirt. Man, I had forgotten how little work ‘a sure thing’ takes. I don’t even have to bother trying to charm her.
“Actually, maybe we should go to your room to get to know each other better,” She suggests.
I take her hand and let her pull me to my feet and follow her down the hall to my room. Huh, I don’t remember this house being so tilted and w
obbly before. I collapse onto my bed as she shuts the door behind us. She stands at the foot of my bed and pulls her dress over her head without preamble. My dick twitches half-heartedly. Come on buddy, get in the game. I try to give myself a pep talk. She slithers on top of me, straddling my waist and grinding against my half flaccid cock. Her scent surrounds me and it’s a startling disappointment. Not that she smells bad, but she is missing that apples and cinnamon scent that I’ve grown so fond of.
Her lips graze mine and I’m suddenly stone sober. I push against her to get her off of me and then I roll off of the bed.
“What’s wrong baby?” She asks with a pouty smile.
“I’m just not feeling it. Sorry.” I walk towards the door and hold it open for her. She looks at me like I slapped her but gets up and walks out, throwing me a dirty look over her
shoulder as she goes.
Chapter 31
Abby
“Is there anything you want me to tell Ethan from you?” Lee asks cautiously before she leaves for the long weekend.
I shake my head and try to put on a brave face.
“Just drive safe,” I say giving her a big hug.
And, with that I’m left alone in a quiet apartment for Thanksgiving. An idea crosses my mind and before I can talk myself out of it I grab my car keys and head out the door.
I take a deep breath and knock tentatively at the front door. I don’t know why I knock, I have a key but it’s been too long. I guess I feel awkward. Besides, what if she doesn’t want to see me?
The door swings open and it’s like looking in a mirror twenty years from now.
“Hi, Mom,” I say timidly.
She bursts into tears and pulls me into a bone crushing hug.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” She sobs.
I let out a small laugh.
“Sorry I didn’t call.”
She finally releases me and waves off my apology before stepping back so I can come in. I’m hit with a million memories the second I step through the door, most of them bad. I follow her to the living room and sit down on the couch beside her.
“I really am sorry, I don’t know why-” I start to apologize again and she cuts me off with a stern look.
“I know why, it’s because I wasn’t the role model I should’ve been for you all of those years. I’m sorry Abby, I am so sorry for being such a broken woman for so long,” She wraps an arm around me and I see a tattoo in delicate scrawl across her forearm. She Believed She Could, So She Did.
“I love that tattoo,” I tell her running my finger across the words.
“I got that for you,” I look at her curiously. “Well, I guess I got it to remind me to be a strong woman like you.”
“I’m not a strong woman,” I argue trying to suppress the tears.
“Of course you are sweetheart. You’ve always been stronger than me. I am so sorry for everything I ever let your father say to you.” She pulls me into another bone crushing hug.
“It’s okay mom, I understand.”
“No, you could never understand.”
“Mom, there are so many things I need to tell you.” She finally pulls back to let me be able to talk. “I am so messed up.”
The dam bursts and I start to sob uncontrollably.
She holds me close and strokes my hair until I’ve cried myself out.
“I don’t have a turkey or anything,” She says apologetically.
“That’s okay,” I assure her. “I’d be fine having whatever is laying around and spending time together. We have some catching up to do.”
She smiles brightly.
“I’d love that.”
I wake up Sunday in my old bedroom for the third morning in a row. The first morning I’d nearly had a panic attack from the flood of memories that hit me upon waking up here. I can honestly say I’m a little sad to be going home today. I’m glad I had a chance to start back on the right road with my mom. I’d told her about Justin and the abortion, speaking that word for the first time was like picking a scab off. We cried a lot. In the end we’re closer now than we’ve ever been.
I head downstairs and smell bacon. My mouth waters and I think back to all of the mornings Ethan made me breakfast. My heart stutters as it always does when I think of him. I don’t know what’s going to happen between us. But, what I do know is that it’s time for me to stop wallowing in my past and start to finally move forward with my life. Regardless of what will eventually happen between Ethan and me, I need to resolve the things festering inside of me. I’m a broken person because of Justin, my father, and all of the things I feel guilty for.
“I just wanted to tell you, I decided to get therapy. For real this time,” I confide over breakfast.
“Good. And I hope that you won’t be a stranger anymore,” Her eyes are misty as she looks over at me.
“I promise I won’t be,” I reach across the table and pat her arm reassuringly.
Abby
I fidget anxiously in Dr. Lestic’s waiting room. I feel like I’m at a fork in the road and everything is going to be different from here on out. I’m not going to keep wallowing in the past, I’m finally moving forward. The thought both thrills and terrifies me.
“Abigail Briggs,” The receptionist motions me forward. “Dr. Lestic is ready for you.”
I enter the office shaking from head to toe.
The doctor is seated behind a large wooden desk. I survey the room. There are two different chairs and a couch that I could sit on. I wonder if this is supposed to be some sort of psychological test.
“Welcome Abigail. Sit wherever you’re most comfortable.”
I nod and sit in one of the chairs opposite her desk.
“You can call me Abby.”
“Okay, Abby,” She smiles warmly. “Tell me about why you’re here.”
I let out a long breath.
“I don’t even know where to start. I guess I’m here because I have a lot of things in my past that I need to let go of so I can have the future I want.”
“Okay. What are your goals in regards to these sessions?”
“I want to be able to sleep without needing drugs or alcohol. And, I don’t want to be afraid to let someone love me.”
“Excellent, those are things we can strive for. Would you like to tell me about your past? What’s haunting you?”
I take a deep breath and delve into my story, not holding anything back this time. While I talk she makes notes and nods encouragingly.
“It’s natural that the repeated rape at the hands of someone you considered to be a significant other would have a powerful and long lasting effect on you.” Dr. Lestic assures me when I finish my story.
“I don’t think it had that much of an effect on me,” I argue. “I mean, I was a little anxious the first time Ethan and I had sex but not afraid or anything.”
“Do you think fear of sexual intimacy is the only effect of rape?”
“Well, no, I guess not.”
“It seems to me that it has caused you to have a fear of emotional intimacy as well as an exaggerated defense against normal unwanted sexual advances,” She explains.
The timer sounds on her desk indicating that our hour is up.
“Now, if you want I can prescribe you a sleep aid,” She offers. “However, I don’t see it as much different as what you are already doing with the drugs and alcohol. I would prefer if you would try some meditation techniques right before going to sleep and see if that will help.”
“I’ll try anything.”
She hands me a sheet of paper that has instructions on meditation and relaxation techniques.
“Excellent. I’ll see you again the same time next week,” She smiles warmly as she walks me to the door.
For the first time in a long time I actually hopeful that I can feel better.
“Thank you,” I say genuinely.
Chapter 32
Ethan
The three weeks between Thanksgiving and the end of the semeste
r fly by and it’s time for me to go home before I know it.
There is one thing I need to do before I go home.
I stand in front of the small white ranch house that Lee and I grew up in. It hasn’t changed in the last four years, not that I expected it to. I lift my shaking hand to knock on the door and I wait, holding my breath. The door opens and my short plump mother gasps in shock.
“Long time no see,” I mutter dryly.
She stares at me open mouthed for several seconds before stepping aside to let me in. I shake my head and remain on the porch. I don’t plan to stay long, I just need to get this off my chest. Her face falls, but she waits for me to say whatever I came to say.
“You and Dad were terrible role models. I needed to tell you that. I can’t believe the way you let him treat you like property. For the first twenty two years of my life I thought that the last thing I’d ever want was a wife, because I couldn’t imagine treating a woman the way I saw him treat you. But, come to find out, there are women out there who are strong, independent, and fucking incredible.”
She gasps at my language, but I continue without pause.
“I just wanted you to know that, I overcame the damage you two did. And, so has Lee by the way. She’s in an amazing relationship, with the woman of her dreams. And, I couldn’t be happier for her.” With that I turn on my heel and leave before she can say anything. I don’t need to hear it.
I’m honestly not sure what to expect when I see Abby. Will she be happy to see me? Pissed that I left and never called or texted? Will she act like nothing ever happened?
Lee's been texting me all morning telling me how much she can’t wait for me to get home. I’ve resisted asking her about Abby even though she’s all I’ve thought about for the entire six weeks. And, she hasn’t offered up any information about her. Lee wants to get together at the Leprechaun tonight and she didn’t mention if Abby would be there.
Worth the Wait (Sexy Nerd Boys #1) Page 17
