Witch Glitch: Magic and Mayhem Book Two

by Robyn Peterman

  Slowly I turned and gasped as tears filled my eyes for the umpteenth time today. Chuck and Hildy floated together hand in hand. Their love was so evident it made me cry harder.

  "To be without your mate is a slow death," Baba said as she walked toward her Hildy and Chuck. "You died nobly my friend. You both have the Goddess's blessing to go on to the Next Adventure. I will miss you so."

  "Wait," I cried out as I ran over to my aunt and my friend. "I don't want you to go. I want you to stay."

  "Oh my dear beautiful child," Hildy said as she floated down to me. "This is no longer my world. I have done all I was supposed to do and now it's time for us to go. You are ready. You are strong. I love you more than you will ever know."

  "But I want you with me," I whispered.

  "That is not what fate decrees," she said sadly. "Fate and the Goddess smiled on us letting me come back and meet you. It makes my life complete. You were magnificent and you will be fine."

  "Can you visit?" I implored.

  Hildy looked to Chuck and then back at me. "I don't think so, but I will be your Guardian Angel. I will always watch over you. You must believe that."

  "I don't want you to be my Guardian Angel," I said. "I want you with me. Who's going to teach me to use the stupid orange magic?"

  "Dear, I've never actually pulled it up. Seeing you use it was a first for me too," she said with a giggle.

  "Are you shitting me?" I demanded.

  "Do I look like I'm shitting you?" she replied with a smirk.

  "Might have been nice to have shared that little piece of info with me," I said as I gave her my raised eyebrow look.

  "You had a lot on your plate, sweetie. Didn't want to freak you out," she said with a shrug and a grin.

  She floated back to Chuck and he happily wrapped her in his strong transparent arms. They were beautiful together. My dad walked to his sister and flipped her the bird as tears streamed down his face.

  "I love you, jackass," he said softly as he blew his sister a kiss.

  "Back at ya, doucheknocker," she said as she flipped him off with a sweet smile.

  "Are you sure about this?" I asked one more time, praying they'd stay with me.

  "It's our time. No one lives forever. The Next Adventure is where Chuck and I are supposed to be now. Wish us well and release us."

  "I'll miss you, little witch," Chuck said with a wink. "And my pick up truck is yours. You can get rid of your piece of shit lime green Kia. Please let us go now."

  "You got a lime green one?" Sassy huffed jealously. "My piece of crap was purple. How is that fair?

  "You can have mine," I told her.

  "Yessssssssssss," she said and slapped Jeeves a high five.

  "It's time for them to go, Zelda," Baba Yaga urged me.

  Wait. What? I had to sign off on this to let them go? My gaze shot to Baba Yaga who watched me intensely. Her nod was quick and curt. She turned her back and walked away. I realized in that moment I could make them stay with me. I knew I could make them happy here.

  Hildy had Chuck now. We could rebuild the house and all live together.

  All eyes were on me. Shit.

  "Why is it my call?" I asked.

  "Because you're the healer. You are the Shifter Whisperer," Chuck replied simply.

  "Shifter Wanker," I corrected him with a smile.

  "Right," he nodded and chuckled. "We're caught here and we need someone with strong magic and healing power to lead us back to the Goddess."

  What I wanted to do was wrong. What I was going to do would shred me. I looked to the sky and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and pulled up my big girl panties. I was going to let them go. It was right and would be my final gift to them. I blew my beloved aunt and dear friend a kiss and I reached down deep.

  Raising my arms to the stars, I felt a calming lavender magic flow through me. It was powerful and warm. It was something new to me and it was good.

  “Goddess of life and death, please heed my prayer

  With your sacred light and exquisite care

  Take these two that I love into your heart

  Find the Next Adventure and a blessed new start”

  A cool, ocean scented breeze blew up and tiny orbs of sparkling light rained down from above. The Shifters were as mesmerized as I. The gorgeous bubbles surrounded Hildy and Chuck and I got a momentary peek at pure peace. Their faces transformed to something so very beautiful, it felt wrong to look at it. The blissful joy was so comforting my tears fell yet again.

  It was right, I felt foolish now for my desire to make them stay. Fate knew what she was doing and apparently so did the Goddess. Now if only I could get that smart.

  Slowly Hildy and Chuck became one with the glittering orbs and began to float away. I reached up and touched one. It was warm and soft. It bounced off my fingers and brushed my cheek. The feeling was one I would never forget and I hoped that Hildy and Chuck were feeling the same thing.

  "They are," Baba Yaga whispered as she put her arm around me. "Only much, much better."

  I decided not to broach the sticky subject that she had obviously read my mind and just stuck to watching the bubbles fade to black. I didn't feel the need to cry. I wanted to sing with joy but I didn't. My tone deaf warbling would have destroyed the precious moment.

  "I was sure you'd say 'fuck' somewhere in that spell," Fat Bastard commented as he wound his fat carcass around my legs.

  "Yeah well, it didn't rhyme. If it had, I promise I would have used it," I said.

  "Good enough for me," he grunted.

  "Where are my boys?" Baba Yaga yelled.

  The warlocks slithered in to the clearing and clumped together right in front of me.

  "We're slightly sorry for trying to incinerate you and yours yesterday," the ugliest of the group said with great reluctance as the other bobble heads nodded in agreement. "We will not do it again."

  "Damn right, you won't," Mac growled as he took his place at my side. He took my bruised and still bleeding hand gently in his.

  "You owe me half a mil," Fat Bastard told the warlocks as he sharpened his kitty claws.

  Jango and Boba were too busy grooming their nads to back their partner up, but it was unnecessary. The warlock pulled out a checkbook and grudgingly wrote out a check.

  "While you have that out, I'll take my three million," Dad said as he sheepishly grinned at me. "What? I have to buy you all new clothes!"

  I rolled my eyes and laughed. My Dad was a piece of work and I was so happy he was mine. It never would have worked between us if he was normal.

  "Are those checks any good?" I asked.

  "Yes," Baba Yaga said. "My boys are loaded, but shitty poker players. I've warned them time and time again about this very thing."

  "They cheat," one of the warlocks groused.

  "Can you prove it?" Dad inquired with an evil little grin.

  The warlock turned an unbecoming shade of red and stayed silent.

  "I like your dad," Fat Bastard said. Then he over-extended his back leg and joined his cohorts in the ball-licking contest they were obviously having.

  "Me too," I agreed. "Me too."

  With a grand wave of his hand, my dad made all of the carnage disappear except for the fallen Shifters. Wanda, Simon, DeeDee and Roger, with great care and respect, began to retrieve their bodies. We watched in silence until they had gently covered all the dead and laid them in one of the military vehicles the badgers had used.

  It tore at me that it was too late to save them, but there were still many injured I needed to attend to.

  "If you're hurt, please line up," I instructed. "I'm kind of running low here so those with the worst wounds need to go first."

  I worked quickly and efficiently as I healed my friends and neighbors. It was painful and it sucked wads, but I was so grateful to be able to do it. I even healed Sassy who gaped at me with wonder.

  "That was fucking cool," she gushed as the burns on her arms disappeared. "Why can't I do somet
hing like that?"

  "Because you blow things up and dig through gray matter," I told her as I flopped down on the ground in exhaustion.

  "Don't forget fornicating," Jango added.

  "She's quite wonderful at that," Jeeves chimed in and then blushed like a tomato. “Dad?" he asked Mac.

  "Yes?" Mac replied warily.

  "I was wondering if it would be okay for Sassy to spend the night for a few months since she doesn't have a house anymore."

  "Um…" Mac was at a total loss for words and quite honestly so was I.

  I didn't have a house either. Where were Dad and I supposed to go? I couldn't move in with Mac. That would complicate matters to clusterfuck levels. I was still going to leave.

  "We will camp out for a few days until I can find some warlocks who specialize in construction," Dad cut in before Mac insisted we come with him.

  "Witches specialize in construction?" I asked, surprised yet again about how much I didn't know.

  "He's making that up," Baba Yoknowitall said with a laugh as she slapped my Dad's ass. "I can rebuild your house right now."

  I gulped and wondered if it would be an 80's wonderland, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

  "Fix it, please," I said as Mac huffed his displeasure.

  With a frightening back flip and a couple of chants that sounded like fornicating cats, Carol the Baba Yaga, rebuilt my house. The mirror balls in every room were evident from the yard and I sighed in defeat.

  "Boys, get the newly turned mortal and bring her with us. I have a few choice words for her when she wakes up," Baba Yaga said as the warlocks obeyed her. "Fabio, I'll see you on Tuesday. Wear the yoga pants."

  On that gag-inducing note, she and her cronies poofed away in a cloud of crouch smoke.

  "I say we call it a night," Dad advised as he wandered up to the house to hit the hay.

  The cats followed behind and the Shifters all thanked me before they made their way home. I sighed and ran my hands through my tangled hair. Goddess, I must look like hell.

  "You're beautiful," Mac said reverently.

  "You're in my head," I accused with another sigh.

  "Yep," he agreed and began to massage my shoulders. "We need to talk."

  Oh shit.

  Chapter 19

  "I'm kind of tired," I said, wanting to avoid everything and anything he had to say.

  "Too bad," he shot back as he led me to the backyard and arranged us on a chaise by the pool.

  The area was ransacked. Most everything I'd conjured up had been destroyed.

  "Was it hard to kill the vampire?" I asked as I let my body relax against his.

  "I didn't want to kill him, but he gave me no choice," he said, playing with my hair.

  "How so?"

  "I offered him an out if he talked, but he insisted he was hungry and went for my neck. So I went for his head. I won. He lost. End of story."

  I knew there was much more to the tale, but the details might be too much to handle after this evening's activities. I'd make him tell me tomorrow before I'd eaten. I expected it to be gag worthy.

  "I'm hungry," I said, trying to put off the inevitable.

  "You're always hungry," he commented as he lifted me up and turned me to face him. "You're not leaving, Zelda."

  "You're not the boss of me," I informed him.

  "True," he said. "And you're not a coward."

  "Maybe I am," I countered.

  He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "Why? Why are you so afraid of what's happening between us?"

  I got up and began to pace. His nearness clouded my judgment and I needed to think straight.

  "You saw my mother," I snapped.

  "Yes. And?"

  "Apples don't fall far from trees, Mac. You want puppies. I can't have puppies," I said in exasperation as my pacing sped up.

  "We'd have babies, Zelda."

  "Babies. Puppies. It doesn't matter. I'm not mother material. How do we know I wouldn't want to kill them?" I demanded shrilly.

  Mac's laugh made me want to smack him. He didn't get it at all.

  "Your tree also includes Hildy and your father. They are loving and good," he said calmly.

  "I wasn't raised by them. I was raised by the monster I made mortal tonight. That's the problem. I'm not lovable. I don't know how to love," I insisted, trying to make him see what a mistake I was.

  "I beg to differ," he said. "And you can't leave. We have a contract."

  "What?" I asked. He was nuts. "What contract?"

  "Eight more dates. I get eight more dates," he said with narrowed eyes that turned me on like a switch.

  "Oh my Goddess," I yelled. "You have got to be kidding me. After all we went through today, you'd hold me to those stupid dates?"

  "Yep," he said with a sexy smirk. "I most certainly will. If after eight more dates you want to leave, you're free to go. But I promise you, you'll want to stay."

  "You're that cocky?" I asked as I stopped my pacing and gaped at him.

  "Nope, I'm that good."

  I couldn't hold back my laughter. He was an arrogant ass and I adored him. He knew he had me when he challenged my word. A witch was only as good as her word and I'd made the damn deal in the first place.

  But even if he’d won the battle today, sadly I knew I'd win the war. Even eight more dates couldn't change my past. I was what I was and he deserved more. It would be even harder to leave when the dates were done, but I was growing up. I no longer came first.

  "Okay," I said. "Eight more dates, but that's all."

  "Whatever you say, baby," he replied as he scooped me up and marched us to the house.

  I couldn't say no. I didn't want to say no.

  I was exactly where I wanted to be.

  Epilogue

  I couldn't believe how professional the office looked. I expected something run down and seedy—just like his hobby. I was ten minutes early and was beyond pissed off at myself for being here. What kind of idiot was I? A big one. I'd lost a damn hand of poker to Dad and this was my payment.

  I was never playing poker with him again. The warlocks had been correct—he cheated.

  My Dad was a dick.

  "Doctor Roger will see you now," a cute fox Shifter named Susan told me in a professional tone.

  I snickered at the title and Susan gave me an odd look. I swallowed back all the snarky comments that were on the tip of my tongue and followed her back. I was going to shrink all of my Dad's clothes and shoes when I got home. The thought made me happy.

  "Welcome, Zelda. Good to see you," Roger said from behind a huge desk. He was clearly making up for his inadequacies.

  I waited for Susan to leave and then I laid it out.

  "I lost a bet. That's why I'm here. I do not want to be here—at all. If you look a below my neck, I will punch you in the head. Clear?"

  "Um… yes," Roger said somewhat alarmed, but staring straight at my face.

  "Good. I definitely need my head shrunk, but I just can't take you seriously," I explained. "I figured we could just chat about things other than my mental wellbeing while I'm here."

  "Exactly how many times will you be here?" Roger inquired as diplomatically as he could.

  "Nine," I ground out wanting to smite my Dad to hell. "Since you do them in hours, I figure we can do three a day for three days and I'll have paid my debt."

  "I have to be with you three hours a day for three days straight?" Roger choked out, clearly terrified.

  "Yes. Do you have a problem with it?" I asked with narrowed eyes.

  "No, no. Not at all," he said shakily.

  Damn it, I was starting to feel bad. I'd clearly scared the hell out of him. He didn't deserve the ire that was directed at my Dad. Poor Roger was just a porno-addicted therapist—not the enemy.

  "Look, I'm sorry. We might have gotten off to a bad start here," I conceded.

  "Ya think?" Roger asked with an eye roll.

  "Therapists are not supposed to roll their eyes," I told h
im with an eye roll of my own.

  "I didn't think I was actually your therapist," he logically answered.

  "You're not," I huffed.

  The silence got kind of boring as we both pretended to be absorbed in the office decor.