Plain Jane

by Beaton, M. C.

  Jane remembered the snow. ‘It is beginning to snow heavily,’ she ventured, but neither Euphemia nor her mother paid her the slightest heed. Euphemia’s large eyes were now fastened on Lady Doyle’s unlovely face with an expression of greedy hope. Mrs Hart stood like a statue, the silver teapot in her hand. ‘How much?’ she asked.

  ‘Eighty pounds, and that includes furnishings and trained staff.’

  ‘Clarges Street,’ mused Mrs Hart. ‘A fine address. That runs between Piccadilly and Curzon Street, does it not?’

  Lady Doyle nodded. ‘In the centre of everything,’ she said, helping herself to the last slice of seed cake. ‘I have told you before,’ she went on, her voice muffled with cake, ‘that with my connections, you could secure a great match for Euphemia.’

  Mr Hart got up and left the room. No one noticed him leave, except Jane.

  ‘I am not a rich woman, and yet . . .’ Mrs Hart bent over the tea table to replace the pot and the firelight winked and sparkled on the heavy diamond pendant about her neck.

  ‘You have heard me speak of Sally, Lady Jersey?’ demanded Lady Doyle.

  ‘Yes, indeed.’

  ‘A dear friend. We are as close as inkle weavers. Lady Jersey has only to hear from me and she will arrange vouchers for Euphemia.’

  ‘To Almack’s?’ breathed Euphemia.

  ‘To Almack’s,’ confirmed Lady Doyle.

  Almack’s, that temple of society, held assemblies every Wednesday throughout the Season. To attend Almack’s was to be In.

  ‘There must be something up with this house,’ said Mrs Hart cautiously. ‘Eighty pounds! And servants!’

  ‘It could be a printing error,’ admitted Lady Doyle, ‘but nothing ventured, nothing gained, as my dear husband used to say.’

  ‘We do not need town servants,’ said Mrs Hart. ‘I do not want mine left here, eating their heads off.’

  ‘But the servants in Mayfair come with the house,’ pointed out Lady Doyle. ‘And,’ she added, ‘you could rent this house to some genteel family desirous of sea breezes.’ Twelve miles away, the sullen sea rolled against the pebbly beach of Brighton, but that was a mere bagatelle.

  ‘I have hesitated to incur the expense of a Season,’ said Mrs Hart while her busy mind was turning over the possibilities of gaining a profitable rent for her home. ‘The thing that held me back was lack of connections.’

  ‘But you have my connections,’ pointed out Lady Doyle. ‘Do I not know the Countess Lieven and Mr Brummell himself . . . dear George, who calls me “his darling Harry”?’ Then she gave a genteel cough and brushed cake crumbs from the panniers of her gown. ‘She is going to get money out of mama somehow,’ thought Jane, who knew that cough of old. It always presaged some delicate request for contributions to this or that charity. Jane sometimes wondered if the money did not go into Lady Doyle’s reticule and stay there.

  ‘Of course,’ said Lady Doyle with a wide smile, ‘it does incur a certain leetle expense. Our dear members of the ton like to be thanked with tasteful gifts. However, if you will leave the choosing of such items to me, for I know the tastes of each one, and furnish me with the money, I will despatch them with the carrier – with one of your cards in each one.’

  Mrs Hart winced, but the fires of ambition had been lit in her breast. ‘I will furnish you with any amount you think necessary,’ she said, with a look of pain on her faded features as if contemplating an amputation.

  Lady Doyle’s pale eye moved from the now empty cake plate to the window where large snow flakes were crowding thick and fast against the glass. ‘Goodness! I must leave,’ she said. ‘Pray ring for my carriage. You will find, Mrs Hart, that any money you give me for gifts will be well spent. It is not as if you have to go to any expense for Jane. She will never take.’

  Euphemia gave her charming, rippling laugh and glanced sideways at Jane, and then frowned. For there was no hurt look on Jane’s face.

  Jane was lost in a dream.

  For by simply going to London, she might see him again.

  The fact that he might be married after eight long years never crossed her mind.

  She had first seen Beau Tregarthan in the summer of 1800 when she was ten years old and had dreamed of him ever since.

  The normally sleepy village of Upper Patchett had been alive with gossip about the great prize fight that was to be held on the downs. Sir Bartholomew Anstey was putting his man, Jack Death, into the ring against an unknown contender, promised and sponsored by Beau Tregarthan. The odds were running ten to one in Jack Death’s favour, although many would have loved to see the most savage bruiser of the English boxing scene get his comeuppance. He had beaten his last opponent to death. But very few wanted to stake money on an unknown.

  Bored with endless lessons given by a governess who was strict towards herself and dotingly lenient towards Euphemia, Jane longed for adventure. Finally, on the day of the prize fight, she slipped from the house with one of her father’s old beaver hats down about her ears and a muffler up to her eyes. She wore one of her father’s old coats, which trailed on the ground at her heels. She hoped anyone seeing her would take her for some village boy.

  She reached the outer edge of the crowd that had gathered that hot August day on the downs. For several minutes, she stared despairingly at the row of masculine backs blocking her view. Then retreating up the slope of the downs, she saw a small tree and, hampered by her heavy coat, she managed to climb it with difficulty.

  The ring was in the middle of a hollow, the slope of the downs all about forming a natural amphitheatre. In the very middle stood the Master of the Ring, Gentleman Jackson. Jane fished out her father’s telescope from one capacious pocket and put it in her eye. Jackson was a splendid figure in a scarlet coat worked with gold at the button-holes, a white stock, a looped hat with a broad black band, buff knee breeches, white silk stockings, and paste buckles. He had a hard, high-boned face and piercing eyes, in all a magnificent figure with those splendid ‘balustrade’ calves that had helped him to be the finest runner and jumper in England as well as the most formidable pugilist.

  Around the edge of the ring stood the beaters-off in their high white hats. Their job was to wield their whips and stop any spectator setting foot in the ring.

  A cheer went up as a white hat with scarlet ribbons sailed into the ring. Jack Death had arrived, and, amid a roar from the crowd, he followed his hat into the ring. His chest was bare, and he wore a pair of white calico drawers, white silk stockings, and running shoes. Round his waist was a scarlet sash, and dainty scarlet ribbons fluttered at his knees. He was broad-chested and swarthy. There was something almost ape-like about his long slingy arms and his thrusting jaw.

  Two men below the tree in which Jane crouched were becoming anxious that the fight might not take place. ‘Lord Tregarthan’s man has not arrived and there’s only five minutes to go,’ said one. The crowd craned their necks this way and that. Soon, there was only a minute left.

  Then a jaunty black beaver hat sailed into the ring. The cheer that followed its appearance was so loud, so exuberant, that Jane clung onto the branch on which she was lying, afraid it might throw her off her perch like some great wave.

  ‘Who’s his man?’ asked the man below her.

  ‘’Fore George,’ cried his companion, ‘it’s Tregarthan himself.’

  Jane peered down her telescope and then held her breath. The cheers of the crowd had become mixed with laughter. A London exquisite had strolled into the ring. Beau Tregarthan himself. He drew off his gloves and tossed them to a stocky man, who was fussing about him. Gentleman Jackson appeared to be remonstrating with Lord Tregarthan, but the beau just smiled and stripped off his coat, his waistcoat, and his shirt. Then he turned and faced his opponent.

  The laughter died and there was a murmur of admiration. Jane screwed the telescope so hard into her eye that she carried a red mark around it for all of the next day.

  The beau stood in the middle of the ring, stripped to the wa
ist. His skin was white and fine. When he moved, the light of the sun caught the beautiful liquid rippling of his muscles.

  ‘Strips well,’ murmured the man below Jane. ‘How stand the odds?’

  ‘Seven to one now,’ grunted his companion.

  The beau waved to the crowd. His hair gleamed guinea-gold. He had a high-nosed handsome profile. A great silence fell on the crowd as Gentleman Jackson held up his hands. His stentorian voice carried far over the downs in the still air. There was not even a breath of wind.

  ‘Gentlemen!’ cried Jackson. ‘Sir Bartholomew Anstey’s nominee is Jack Death, fighting at thirteen-eight, and Lord Tregarthan’s nominee is . . . Lord Tregarthan, fighting at eleven stone-three. No person can be allowed at the inner ropes save the referee and time-keeper. All ready?’

  ‘Too light,’ complained the voice below. ‘Shan’t bet on Tregarthan. Too light. Corinthian though he is, Jack Death’ll kill him.’

  ‘No! He cannot!’ squeaked Jane in alarm. She lost her grip and fell out of the tree at the feet of the two men below.

  Her hat tumbled from her head.

  One of the men turned out to be Mr Wright, the village blacksmith.

  ‘Miss Jane!’ he exclaimed. ‘Off along home with you.’

  ‘Don’t tell my mother,’ gasped Jane. ‘Oh, please, Mr Wright.’

  ‘Reckon I won’t,’ said the blacksmith who had no love for the cheese-paring Mrs Hart. ‘But I will, mark you, if you don’t get out o’ here sharpish.’

  Suddenly horrified at what would happen to her should anyone else spot her and tell her mother, Jane crammed her hat down on her eyes and ran all the way home. Although she managed to enter the house unobserved, she received a stern dressing-down from her governess for having missed her lessons in the schoolroom. But Jane escaped the birch beating she usually received for any misdemeanour by bursting into overwrought tears.

  Alarmed, and sure she had some dangerous infection, the governess rushed to tell Mrs Hart – for she had never known Jane cry before. Jane was promptly put to bed. The doctor, hurriedly summoned, diagnosed brain fever caused by an excess of lessons, for he had once made advances to the governess and had had them rejected. His prescription was that Jane should spend six weeks away from her books.

  Normally this would have delighted Jane, but all that day she tossed and turned, imagining the beautiful Lord Tregarthan being beaten to a pulp. When the maid came in with Jane’s bedtime glass of hot milk, Jane could bear the suspense no longer. Struggling up against the pillows, she asked as casually as she could. ‘What was the outcome of the prize fight?’

  ‘Young ladies should not know about such things,’ said the maid repressively, placing the glass of milk by the bedside and heading for the door.

  ‘Oh, Martha,’ pleaded Jane.

  Martha suddenly grinned and came and sat on the bed. ‘Well, Miss Jane, you never did! ’Tis said Lord Tregarthan himself went into the ring against Jack Death and he floored him in the fifteenth round. Jack Death was bleeding so hard about the face he could not see and my lord did not even have a mark on him. Seems my lord’s man was bedded with the fever the night before so my lord decided to fight himself. How they cheered him!’

  Jane burst into tears of relief.

  ‘Quiet,’ hissed Martha, looking anxiously at the door. ‘You’ll get me into trouble. You should never have asked me.’

  She waited anxiously until Jane gulped and smiled and said, ‘I shall do very well now, Martha.’

  During that night, Jane decided to marry Beau Tregarthan.

  As she grew older and plainer, she knew she could never hope to attract the attentions of such a god. But if she hoped and hoped and waited and waited and prayed very hard, perhaps the fates might allow her one glimpse of him – just one more time.

  THREE

  There’s no use in being young without being beautiful, and no use in being beautiful without being young.

  LA ROCHEFOUCAULD, MAXIMS

  The arrival of Joseph Palmer at Number 67 Clarges Street was most unexpected. Neither Rainbird nor any of the other servants had expected him to venture out in such weather.

  The snow had fallen steadily for days and then had frozen hard, squeaking beneath the Londoners’ feet as they scurried through the cold. A biting north-easter had blown the fog away. Blocks of ice churned about the steely waters of the Thames.

  MacGregor fortunately had espied the stocky figure of the agent in Bolton Row and had rushed to warn the others of his impending arrival. The blazing kitchen fire was doused with a bucket of water and the back door was opened to chill the servants’ hall and kitchen. Palmer knew they had not any money for coal and would immediately demand to know where they had found it.

  Lizzie, almost completely recovered, had been moved out of the upstairs bedroom, but still Alice and Jenny flew upstairs to make sure there was not the slightest trace of her recent occupation.

  The wind had abruptly died and a pale disk of a sun was moving down the sky as Jonas Palmer stood on the step and scraped the mud and snow from his boots on the iron scraper set into the wall of the house. He performed a brisk tattoo on the brass knocker and then fidgeted impatiently on the step while the pattering of hastening feet crossed and recrossed the hall inside.

  At last Rainbird opened the door. He did not look in the least surprised to see Palmer, and the agent crossly guessed that they had been forewarned of his arrival. Palmer stumped past the butler and went into the front parlour on the ground floor. A dim white light shone through the frost flowers on the window, and the room was as cold as the grave.

  ‘The windows will soon be cracking with frost if you don’t fire the house properly,’ said Palmer sourly. He was a heavy-set man who looked like a farmer with his great coarse red face. There were tufts of grey hair sprouting from each nostril and adorning his cheeks.

  ‘You did not give us any money for fuel, and sea coal is dear,’ pointed out Rainbird.

  Palmer stared at the floor.

  ‘Should any tenant come to inspect the premises first,’ pursued Rainbird, ‘they might not wish to take such a cold house.’

  ‘Had a hard winter, heh?’ grinned Palmer.

  ‘Like everyone else.’

  ‘We’ll see about getting you coal, for the house has been let.’

  Rainbird’s face remained impassive.

  ‘It’s a member of the gentry,’ said Palmer. ‘A Captain Hart, his wife and two daughters. But there’s a problem of sleeping space.’

  ‘There is enough,’ said Rainbird. There was a bedroom at the back of the dining room on the first floor and two bedrooms on the second.

  ‘Mrs Hart is bringing a fancy French lady’s maid and wishes her to have a room separate from the common servants.’

  ‘Then it can’t be done,’ said Rainbird, surprised, ‘unless the daughters share a room and give the other on the second floor to the maid. I gather Mr and Mrs Hart will wish to take the large bedroom next to the dining room.’

  ‘Seems the daughters must have a room apiece,’ said the agent. ‘So Mrs Middleton will have to give up her parlour.’

  Mrs Middleton, the housekeeper, had a small cosy parlour on a half-landing on the kitchen stairs. It was her pride and joy, but Rainbird knew that not one of them was in a position to protest. They all desperately needed a tenant for the Season.

  ‘And the Harts’ is the only offer?’ he asked.

  ‘The only one that I’m taking,’ said the agent. ‘They’re paying in advance.’

  Mrs Hart had been advised to do this by Lady Doyle in case the house should prove to be £800 instead of £80. ‘Pay in advance,’ Lady Doyle had urged, ‘and get the lease letters so that if they have made a mistake, they cannot go back on it.’

  ‘Very well,’ said Rainbird. ‘I shall tell Mrs Middleton to prepare the parlour for the French maid.’

  ‘And none of your womanizing tricks with the maid,’ said Palmer.

  ‘I do not go in for womanizing.’
/>
  ‘Ho, no? You what was dismissed from Lord Trumpington’s household for bedding his wife?’

  ‘The only crime there was that I was found out,’ said Rainbird stiffly.

  He had been a young footman at the time and had been well and truly seduced by Lady Trumpington, but her husband had cried rape and Rainbird was glad to escape with only the punishment of a bad reference. Still, the scandal clung to him wherever he went.

  ‘’Tis monstrous cold. Is there no tea?’ asked Palmer.

  ‘Alice will be along directly,’ said Rainbird, ringing the bell. He was torn between elation at the idea of having a tenant and worry over Mrs Middleton’s distress when she found out she had to give up her parlour.

  Because Palmer surmised they had been warned of his coming, he did not inspect the premises – which was just as well because the servants’ hall and the kitchen were both still suspiciously warm.

  Rainbird was glad to see him go after an hour of instructions. He had not liked the way Palmer’s pig-like eyes had rested on Alice’s bosom as the maid had bent over to deposit the tea tray on a low table.

  To Rainbird’s relief, Mrs Middleton stoically agreed to transform her parlour into a bedchamber for the lady’s maid. It was not the giving up of her sanctum that disturbed her, she said, but that the Harts should have employed a French maid. What was the world coming to when English servants were not considered good enough? This foreigner would probably murder them all in their beds in the way that Napoleon’s troops were murdering British men abroad. The French were savages. Everyone knew that!

  But Rainbird, wise in the ways of the ton, pointed out that society still interlarded their conversation with bad French, slavishly copied French fashion, hired French chefs, and generally went on as if there were not a war raging across the Channel.

  The new tenants were to arrive at the beginning of March and stay until the end of June. Surely a family who could indulge in the frivolity of a French maid would be open-handed and generous.

  In the late afternoon, Lizzie asked permission to go out. The previous tenant, Miss Fiona, now the missing Countess of Harrington, had once urged Lizzie to eat raw vegetables and to take as much fresh air as possible, and Lizzie, pleased that her disfiguring spots had gone, still followed her advice.