Hold Me: Delos Series, 5B1

by Lindsay McKenna

  “Yeah, gotta go back into Muslim mode,” he joked, rubbing the side of his bristly face. “What’s the weather like where you are?”

  “Clear. In fact, the sky is so blue it hurts your eyes to look at this morning, Beau. When I got up earlier, I was staring out the kitchen window wishing you were here. Oh, it would be a great day for a horseback ride on one of those trails.” She saw sadness cross his face, but he rallied quickly and said, “Don’t I wish …” Beau was sitting at the computer monitor, a plywood board for a desk in a small room, the door closed so they could have some modicum of privacy. How she treasured these moments.

  “Think June, sweetheart,” he urged. “Every day here is a day closer to coming home to you. How are you doing?”

  She forced a smile and said, “I’m doing okay, but I miss you a lot.” She wanted to add: terribly, but bit back on the word. Beau was missing her just as much as she was missing him.

  “Good. Has Graham got any plans for you today?”

  “Yes,” she said, her voice lighter. She grinned, “In fact, we’re going out to the tack room in a little while because we’ve got to clean a lot of leather. With half the wranglers gone for the winter, things like that fall on him to handle.” She held up her hand, wriggling her fingers. “He asked if I wanted to help and I said I would. It makes no sense for him to do all those saddles, bridles, and martingales alone.”

  “How warm will it be in there? I know that tack room isn’t heated.”

  “Probably above freezing. He went out earlier and put a big heater in there to start warming it up, so it ought to be fine. My mom is making a big pot of vegetable beef soup for lunch and dinner, and my grandma is in the kitchen making six loaves of bread. I think by the time I get done cleaning leather at noon, I’ll be more than ready to eat.”

  “Good. At least at your place, no one gets food poisoning! I really wish I was there with you,” he said, smiling a little.

  Callie could feel him wanting to say so much more, but black ops had top secret clearances and the CIA wanted to make sure they didn’t slip up and give away classified intel. “I wish I could pack up some of my mom’s soup, put it in dry ice, and send it to you.”

  “Wish you could, too, but it would never work.”

  “Grandma Maisy was talking about maybe tomorrow having me come into the kitchen and help make up about ten dozen chocolate chip cookies and send them to you. That way you could share them with your brothers.” She saw Beau perk up, since he loved desserts.

  “That would be right nice. We’ve only got about half our teams here. The rest are stateside until February one. Wrap the cookies well, and I’m sure everyone will get at least two.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll tell Grams.” She gave him a wicked look. “And of course, you can stash a few away for yourself in your room, can’t you, Gardner?”

  He nodded. “Caught!” he grinned, and his cheeks flushed. He could be so boyish when he was alone with her and she loved that he’d let himself be vulnerable with her. That was the man she fell in love with.

  “Well, I’d be tellin’ a big fib if I didn’t agree that I’d probably take a dozen and parcel ’em out for myself, one cookie a day. That way, when I eat it, I’ll close my eyes, visualize the ranch, and see you beside me.”

  Her heart turned over. “I’d love that,” she said. And then, speaking more softly, she whispered, “I miss you so much, Beau.”

  “I know you do. I miss you just as much, believe me. But we’ll get through this. We have our whole lives ahead of us. Speaking of which, have you and Maisy and Stacy had a chance to go into Butte, to the wedding shops? Did you look at any wedding gowns, yet?”

  “We’ll probably go this Saturday. Grams made an appointment at one shop at ten in the morning. We’re all looking forward to having some girl fun on our visit there.”

  “Girl fun is good for you,” he agreed amiably.

  “My grandpa and dad will be watching the Saturday college football games while we’re shopping in Butte.”

  He rubbed his hands. “Now, you’re really making me jealous! I’d like to be right there in that big living room watching with ’em.”

  Laughing, Callie said, “Yes, you sure would be right there with them. Hey, on another topic? Grandpa said he’s working on some blueprints for an addition to our little cabin out back. I’m going to find some way to email them as a zip file to you so you can look at them. He’d love your feedback.”

  “Great. He and I talked a lot about the size of the rooms and where they’d be before I left.”

  “I know.” She sighed. “My Grandpa loves you so much, Beau. He’s had nothing but girls surrounding him, and now you’re the only boy in the family. He feels like you’re his long-awaited grandson.”

  “We sure get along well,” he agreed, looking pleased. He looked at the watch on his wrist. “Uh, oh! Looks like my twenty minutes are up, sweetheart, so I gotta go. Things are quiet around here. Tomorrow’s my first day at Hope Charity doing security rounds and baby diapering.” He grinned. “Maggie’s jumping with joy that I’ve come back to help.”

  “I wish I were there with you,” she said, frowning. “But my PTSD is still too raw.”

  “But it’s quieting down a little?”

  Callie felt Beau’s concern. She waved her hands. “I’m doing fine. I’m sleeping like a baby, and much of that is thanks to Grandpa! He has me working outside every day we don’t have snow. With all that physical exercise and fresh air, I have less anxiety. Hey, don’t worry about me, Beau. I’m fine.”

  *

  February 14

  “Hey, Callie,” Stacy called down the hall of the main ranch house, “there’s someone here to see you.”

  Callie poked her head out of the kitchen where she was making another batch of cookies to send over to Beau and the guys at Bagram. “Who?” Callie asked, puzzled. She wasn’t expecting anyone.

  Her mother’s green eyes shone with mirth. At forty-five, she was vibrant and a picture of health. She kept busy balancing the accounting books for the ranch, and could usually be found in her small office keeping up with expenses.

  Now, she stood at the half-opened door. “Come here,” she beckoned mysteriously.”

  Intrigued, Callie wiped her hands on her apron and walked down the hall to see what was making her mother smile. “What’s going on?” she demanded, seeing a sly look in her mother’s face.

  “Come see,” she urged, stepping aside.

  Callie opened the front door, her eyes widening. It was the FTD florist from Butte, and the delivery man was holding two parcels in his hands.

  “Ma’am, are you Ms. Callie McKinley?” he asked.

  “Well … yes.” She saw the young man smile. He had a long box under one arm and another box beneath it.

  “These are for you, Ma’am. Would you like to take them? I need you to sign for them.”

  Frowning, she said, “Well, yes, but who are they from?”

  “A Mr. Beau Gardner.”

  Gasping, Callie heard her mother chuckle and come up, sliding her arm around her shoulders. Callie gave her a look. “You knew?”

  “Well,” Stacy admitted coyly, touching her blond ponytail, “Sort of … go ahead, get your flowers and gift.”

  Callie opened the screen door. Stacy helped her bring in the two boxes, setting them on the family’s hundred-year-old mahogany table. She signed for the delivery and thanked the young FTD driver. He tipped his hat and then hurried down the walkway her grandpa had cleared of snow earlier that morning. The winter sky was heavy and dark, promising another blizzard in the area in about twelve hours.

  Shutting the door, she looked at the gift. “Beau sent these?”

  “Well,” Stacy said, picking up the box containing the flowers, “let’s open them in the kitchen and find out. I’ll call Graham and Maisy to come join us.”

  Callie picked up a large box that weighed at least three pounds and followed her mother into the kitchen. The women placed the boxe
s on the trestle table. “Tell me more, Mom. Did Beau really send these to me?”

  “Well, honey, he emailed Grandpa and asked him to get you flowers and chocolates for Valentine’s Day. Want to open them up?”

  Touched to the point of tears, Callie opened the flower box. A dozen red roses wrapped in a gold ribbon stared back at her. Gasping, she eased them out of the box that also held a pink translucent vase. “Oh,” she whispered, her voice shaky, “these are beautiful, Mom. They smell so good!”

  At that moment, Graham and Maisy entered the kitchen, all smiles.

  “Look, aren’t these beautiful?” Callie asked, lifting her head.

  “Sure are, baby girl,” Graham said, grinning broadly.

  Maisy leaned over, smelling the roses, keeping her red hair now sprinkled with silver, to one side. “Oh, what a wonderful fragrance, Callie. They’ll fill your cabin with it.”

  “Open the other box,” Graham suggested, gesturing toward it.

  “I’ll put the roses in the vase,” Stacy said taking them from her daughter.

  “Thanks, Mom.” Callie gave her grandparents a wicked look. “You two were in cahoots with Beau on this plan, weren’t you?”

  Graham rocked back on the heels of his cowboy boots, hands stuck in the pockets of his Levi’s. His gray eyes were filled with mirth. “Oh, just a little.” He gave Maisy a warm look of congratulations. “Actually, Maisy is the one who went to the florist in town, but I’m the one who ordered what Beau told me to, since he couldn’t be here.” He nodded toward the unopened box sitting on the table.

  Laughing, Callie hugged her grandparents. “You’re such sly foxes!”

  “Open it up,” Graham urged mildly.

  Callie did, and gasped. Inside was a huge, three-pound, heart-shaped box of chocolates. Pulling it out, she said, “This is a lot of candy, Grandpa.”

  “We figured,” Stacy said, bringing the roses back in the pink vase, “you might share a few pieces with all of us?”

  Laughing with them, she nodded. “If I ate them all myself, I wouldn’t fit into my wedding dress!”

  “Well,” Maisy said, tapping her shoulder, “Beau said we’re supposed to get you to eat more. You’re still underweight, Callie. He wanted a nice, big box for you.”

  Warmed by their caring, she opened the box of chocolates. There were truffles, others filled with nuts, some with fruit, and some caramels. “Oh, boy,” Callie laughed. “If Beau was here, he’d be gobbling these up, big time.”

  Graham chortled. “Yeah, you’d have to hide them from that boy. He’s got quite a sweet tooth.”

  “Yes,” Stacy said, smiling, “but he’s black ops. He’d find where Callie hid them and eat them anyway.”

  “That’s the truth!” Maisy laughed.

  “Here’s a card,” Stacy said, finding it hidden beneath the tissue in the flower box. She grinned as she handed it to Callie.

  “Now, Callie,” her grandfather said, becoming serious, “that card is from Beau. He sent it ahead of time, and Maisy drove in to town the other day so it would be with the flowers in the box.”

  The thick white parchment envelope tingled in Callie’s fingertips. “Oh, this is such a wonderful surprise,” she choked, giving them all a look of thanks.

  “This boy really loves you,” Graham said. “He’s a stellar guy in our book, baby girl.”

  Holding back tears, she said, “Thanks so much, to all of you,” and reached out to hug her mother and grandparents.

  Maisy slid her arm around Callie’s waist. “Tell you what, how about if Grandpa takes these beautiful roses to your cabin while it’s still warm outside? You can go to the living room and open up that card and read it privately.”

  Callie hugged her grandmother, who was almost exactly her height. Maisy always wore jeans and a warm sweater during the wintertime. She didn’t look her age of sixty-two, thanks to the physically active life she led on the ranch.

  “Okay, I’ll do that.” She gave them a merry look. “Why don’t you get some Ziploc bags out and take what you want from the box of chocolates?”

  “Good idea,” Stacy said, heading for a drawer near the sink. “We’ll leave you some, though.”

  “It will be Beau’s gift to all of us. He’d like that,” Callie said, pressing the envelope to her breast. “I’ll be back in a minute,” and she hurried down the hall to the huge living room.

  Callie sat down on a leather couch near the snapping, popping wood burning in the fireplace. Her fingers trembled as she held the envelope on her lap, feeling so much emotion flowing through her. She hoped this would be the last time they would be apart on this special holiday.

  Finally opening the envelope, she smiled as the front of the card revealed two people sitting on a wooden bench in front of a calm lake, the glowing sunrise reflected on its glassy surface. The couple sat close together, the man’s arm around his girl’s waist. She was leaning her head against his shoulder. At the top, in gold letters, it read, ‘To the woman I love …’

  She opened up the card. Instead of a verse was a handwritten message from Beau, spanning both sides of the card. In the corner, he’d drawn two hearts with smiling faces on them. She moved her fingertips across his handwritten scrawl, and her lips drew into a smile.

  I’m sorry I can’t be there to celebrate All Heart’s Day with you, Callie. But just know that you are snug in my heart and I’m thinking of you. I miss you so much. My cot feels cold without your warmth, your arms around me. I miss making love with you, hearing those happy sounds you make as I please you. I know this time is especially tough on you. With all my heart I wish I could be the one to knock on that screen door of your parents’ ranch home and present you with these red roses and box of chocolates. Your grandparents and parents all had a hand in this sneaky strategy to get you something for Valentine’s Day, even though I couldn’t be present to give them to you myself.

  Just know that I’m picturing us lying together on that bed in our small cabin, my arms around you, kissing you, drowning in your love, your heat, and heart that surrounds me. Let’s use this time apart to dream of our life the way we see it happening in the near future. I’m looking forward to those blueprints that Graham is having made of the three new rooms for our cabin. Send me paint chips for those rooms and the colors you’d like to see them painted. Send me jpegs of the type of furniture you’d like see in each room, and maybe even some fabric swatches. Let’s use this time to plan for those added on rooms.

  I love you, woman of my heart. You fill mine to overflowing. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone so beautiful and special as you, but I’m grateful. My life is yours. My heart is yours. And it will be forever. Love, Beau.

  Warm tears trickled down her cheeks as she pressed the card to her heart, her eyes closing. Soft sobs tore from her and she pressed her hand against her lips so no one could hear her.

  “Baby girl?”

  Callie opened her eyes, seeing her grandfather standing in front of her, regarding her tenderly.

  “I-I didn’t hear you.”

  One corner of his mouth quirked. “That’s probably because I was black ops, too, once upon a time. Could you use some company right now?”

  Nodding, she said, “Y-yes … sit down, Grandpa,” and she patted the couch next to her. She loved his scent. It was a combination of the cold Montana winter air, the fragrance of the pine trees that encircled half of the home area, and his own, special scent that was only him. His skin was tough, darkened by so many years beneath the sunlight, his hands scarred, calloused, and rough as he sat down and curved his arm around her hunched shoulders.

  “Come here,” he murmured against her hair, “and just let me hold you for a bit.”

  It was so easy to lean against her grandfather, feeling the warm strength of his gentle embrace as he held her. She pressed her face into his blue and white flannel shirt, the ache in her heart growing. “I-I miss him so much,” she sobbed.

  “I know you do, honey. But time is mo
ving along,” he said gruffly, patting her shoulder.

  “Beau doesn’t have anyone to hold him like you’re holding me,” she sobbed.

  “He’s strong in different ways from you, Callie, and that’s okay. Beau is mature for his age. He’s seen a lot. He knows what’s important and has a lot of patience. I’m sure he’s missing you just as much as you miss him.”

  “Yesterday was Valentine’s Day at Bagram,” she sniffed, wiping her eyes.

  “And I’m sure he’s thinking about you right now. Maybe, when you feel up to it, you can send him an email. I’m sure he’d like to hear from you, about how you liked the red roses and that big box of chocolates. Maybe you can take a few photos of them.”

  She smiled a little, hearing the amusement in his gruff voice. “You and he are like twins joined at the hip. I swear. You’re a big candy eater, too, Grandpa.”

  Chuckling, he said, “Guilty as charged.”

  “I did send him an e-card for Valentine’s Day but I didn’t hear from him. I know he’s working at Hope Charity for the next few days because his captain gave him the time off to do it.”

  “I’m sure when he gets back to base and he sees your card, he’ll be over the moon, Callie.”

  She eased away from him, holding his dark gray gaze. “How did you know?”

  “What?”

  “That I needed you?”

  His mouth compressed. “I’ve always had a special link with you, baby girl, ever since I held you for the first time shortly after your birth.” He eased his arm from around her. “Feel better now?”

  “Much,” she said, giving him a grateful look. “Thank you.”

  “Stacy will have lunch ready in an hour. We’ll see you then, okay?” He rose.

  Lifting her chin, she nodded. “Yes. I’ll go home and email Beau. He needs to know how much I love what he wrote to me.” She saw Graham place his hands on his hips and give her a pleased look.

  “That young man of yours is one in a billion, Callie. And I know his love for you is true and forever.”

  The word “forever” resonated strongly with her. “I didn’t have any idea when I met him how lucky I was, Grandpa. At first, I didn’t want anything to do with him because I believed he wanted me only for sex like thousands of other guys at Bagram. I hated how they stalked women like that.”