Now, it was all dark and they had the view of the city. The fairy lights were still on and Katie grimaced as the atmosphere hit her in the gut. She couldn’t have chosen a worse, more romantic place to take Chris. Maybe she had better run down and tell Inca to take her place instead. But no. She wasn’t going to run away. She never ran away from anything. All right, fine. She did once even if at the time she thought it was for a good reason. And look what it cost her. She had lost her best friend. Was that the price of being a coward? Was that the price she was still willing to pay?
She took the bottle of tequila from Chris and poured herself a shot. He held out his glass and she filled it too. She clinked her shot glass against his and said, “To Tasha and Tom.”
For a moment, Chris looked confused, as if he had forgotten why they were there in the first place. Then quickly recovering, he nodded. “To Tasha and Tom. May they be together forever.”
After two more shots and toasts to Megan and Inca and Fred, Katie found two plastic chairs and sank down into one. “My heels are killing me!” She kicked them off and stretched her legs. “This feels great. I don’t know why I forgot to bring my flip-flops. I always bring them to weddings since the long gowns hide them anyway. And really, I love wearing heels, but I don’t know when I’m ever going to be comfortable in them. They should invent something like comfort heels that don’t break your back and feel like rubber shoes or…” Then noticing that Chris was just quietly looking at her, she stopped and dissolved into giggles. “Oh no. I think I’m hit.”
Chris grinned. “The better to talk to you then.”
All of a sudden, she felt anger rise up inside her. Three years’ worth of anger. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? You can’t talk to me when I’m sober?!”
“That’s not what I meant. Forget it,” he answered quietly and poured them another shot. He gently clinked his glass to hers and said, “Here’s to old friends.”
Katie drained her glass and handed it to Chris. “No more. I can’t take it anymore.” She closed her eyes for a few seconds. When she opened them, Chris was looking at her again. Suddenly, a wave of nostalgia hit her. She knew that look. That was exactly how he used to look at her three years ago before she went ahead and ruined everything. Then, before she could stop herself, she blurted out, “I was horrible. I’m so sorry, Chris.”
“What are you talking about?”
“All those years ago… when I…” she trailed off. Courage, Katie. You can do it, she told herself, albeit in a drunken voice, but still. “When I found your drawings of us.” She felt her heart hammering so hard, it was actually shaking the beads on her sheer silver dress. Then when she looked down at her hands, she realized they were shaking too. Quickly shoving them underneath her thighs, she bravely faced Chris. There. She had said it. No more hiding. No more pretending. She was tired of it. And she wanted her best friend back. She didn’t care about how this was going to turn out anymore. As far as she was concerned, she had thrown away three years of their friendship and she didn’t even know why.
Then his phone rang. She saw Celine’s pretty face on the screen and remembered why. She told him to answer it even though he was about to put it on silent. She got up and wobbled barefoot over to the nearest ledge, but she could still hear him. “Yes, I’m still at the wedding. I’ll see you tomorrow, I promise. We’ll talk tomorrow, Celine. I gotta go.” He didn’t sound warm. In fact, he sounded distant. Or maybe she was imagining things. And hoping. Hoping, hoping, hoping. She hated hoping. She preferred action. Hoping was for the weak, and no way was she weak.
Then she felt him behind her. She felt his arms go around her and squeeze her tight. She leaned back and closed her eyes, savoring the moment. Even when they were at their closest, they were never physically close like this. Sure they hugged, told each other they loved each other, and kissed each other on the cheek the way friends did, but never just leaned on each other like this. It felt too affectionate, too romantic. And that was not what they were about. Not for a while anyway. Maybe it was different now. Or maybe she was just drunk. Then she felt him whisper against her hair, “I’m sorry too, Kate. These past three years have been so difficult. That’s why I wanted to go away. I’m such a coward, but then I thought you didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore and I couldn’t handle that. Celine knows this. And she hates it. She hates me. I have no idea what our relationship is like anymore. But she knows that it’s always been you. It’s always been you, Kate.”
All her inhibitions and all her thoughts seemed to have evaporated with her sobriety. All she felt were the sincerity in his words and the gap between the two of them closing. The gap that had left her so empty these past few years. With tears in her eyes, Katie turned and put her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers. Her eyes flew open as she instantaneously felt all the frustration, all the pain, and all the love Chris had kept bottled up inside him. His grip around her tightened and it was as if everything that had been unsaid and hidden away in their hearts was finally breaking free, moving between them like a current. When he finally let her go, she gasped for air and was conscious of the night sky spinning around her. She didn’t know if it was because of the kiss or because of the alcohol—because she felt completely sober.
“I don’t want to be the good guy anymore,” he whispered. “Andrew is a great guy, but when I was in Sydney, I realized a lot of things about myself. And I’m tired of just letting things happen. I can’t live like that anymore. And when I thought about what I really wanted, it was you, Kate. I thought it was being friends with you that I wanted above all. And it is, but when I realized that we’d sort of lost that, then I figured, I had nothing else to lose. Except you. I couldn’t lose you.”
Something inside Katie plummeted. Andrew. She wasn’t thinking about him. In fact, she had totally forgotten that he existed. She saw Chris’s expression change. “I know that look. You’re worried about him, aren’t you?”
Katie looked away. “I thought you had forgotten how to read me.”
Chris smiled and shook his head. “Never.” Then he stepped back and reached into his pocket. He took out a folded piece of paper and handed it to her. She slowly unfolded it and saw her face, but this sketch was new. She had never seen it before. She looked a little older somehow, but it was still her. She was looking over her shoulder and she looked incredibly happy. Oh, and she had a veil on her head. How could she have missed that? “In class, we were supposed to draw our future,” he said. “My classmates drew large buildings, islands, some even drew comic books and magazines, but all I could draw was this. Tasha’s wedding was the perfect excuse to come home. But that’s not why I’m here.”
Katie smiled, her heart in her eyes. “I think I could get used to this new take-charge version of you.”
He pulled her to him and held her tight. “This, all this, finally feels right.”
KATIE DIDN’T WANT to think of what she was going to tell Andrew the next day. All she wanted to feel was the happiness bubbling inside her. When she and Chris returned to the reception, her friends were already on the dance floor, their bottle of tequila empty. Chris put theirs on the table and sat down to watch the fun. Tasha stumbled toward them, her long, lacy train in her arms. “Where were you guys?” she whined. “This dress is awful. I should have chosen one with a short skirt!”
Katie laughed. “It’s gorgeous, Tash. And so are you.”
Tasha collapsed onto Chris’s lap in a heap of white lace, tulle, and satin and hugged him. “And so is this handsome guy. Kate, why don’t you just leave that one you’ve been with for ages and make my buddy here happy? God knows he’s had it bad for like, ever.” Okay, she was drunk too.
Katie took out her phone and snapped a pic of the two of them. “Gorgeous couple, right there.” She winked.
“Quit changing the subject. It’s my wedding. I can say what I want, right, Chris?” She was still sitting on him and was now on the verge of falling asleep.
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br /> Chris nodded solemnly. “Yes you can, Tash. And you’re absolutely right. It’s Katie’s duty to finally make me happy.” He smiled at her behind the drunken bride on his lap. “In fact, I think it’s part of her job as a bridesmaid. To do as the bride wishes.”
Tasha’s eyes widened and she looked at Chris in bleary wonder. “Wow, you sure are assertive tonight. What have you done to our Chris? I think you’re some Aussie guy in disguise!”
“I like him this way.” Katie smiled, getting up and pulling Tasha to her feet. “But you, my dear bride, have to get to bed. I think your groom is looking for you.” As if on cue, Tom came running up to them, ready to catch Tasha in his arms.
“Sorry, guys, I don’t think she got to eat anything. And when the toasts started, the champagne just went straight to her head.” Tom scooped her up in his arms as easily as if she were a rag doll, voluminous bridal skirts and all. “I guess we’re just going to sleep tonight.” He gave Chris a rueful grin.
Chris laughed. “You have the rest of your lives, man. Congratulations.”
As Tom carried Tasha away, Katie grabbed Chris’s hand and said, “Come on, let’s join our drunk friends on the dance floor before they kick us out of here.”
KATIE’S OFFICEMATE CARLA offered to drive her and Chris home. Katie was going to ride with Inca and Fred, but Carla lived closer to her. As she drove, Carla asked Chris all sorts of questions about himself. Katie had never told her about him and Carla was brimming with curiosity. “So when do you head back to Australia?” Carla asked, pulling up in front of Katie’s house.
Katie turned her head to glare at Chris in the back seat. “You mean you’re still going back?!” she demanded, not caring that Carla was still in the car with them.
Chris leaned over and put his hand on Carla’s shoulder. “Thanks for the ride, Carla. I can walk from here.” Then he got out of the car, opened Katie’s door, and pulled her out. She still had her arms crossed and was pouting the way she used to when she didn’t get her way as a little girl… or a teenager. Come to think about it, she never really stopped doing it even if she was already twenty-two.
After waving goodbye to Carla, Chris took Katie by the arm and gently steered her toward the front door. “Aren’t you going in? It’s pretty late.”
“Just tell me. What were you thinking, Chris? You were going to fly here, confess your love for me, and leave? What kind of half-assed plan is that?” Katie shoved her key into the lock and pushed the door open. She felt like her bubble of happiness had just deflated a little and she was seriously upset about it.
Chris shushed her, probably worried about waking everyone. He didn’t know how soundly they all slept. They stood in the hallway in front of the abstract painting where they had posed for his senior ball photos all those years ago. Katie was impatiently looking up at him waiting for an answer. “Kate,” he began with a sigh. “I honestly had no plan. All I knew was I wanted to get back here the second I realized what I wanted. I still have a year of school to go. I can’t come home now. I won’t have a degree! You wouldn’t want that, right?”
Katie grimaced. Fine. He was right. And he knew exactly what to say to get her to change her mind. “It’s just so frustrating,” she said. “I feel like I’ve gotten you back and now I have to lose you all over again.”
Chris’s gaze softened and he took her hands. “I really thought I’d have to beg on my knees and tell you that no one in the world will love you the way I do.”
Katie shook her head, a small smile on her face. “Let me show you something. But don’t get any ideas.” She climbed the stairs and made her way to her bedroom. She turned on the lights and walked over to a big, wooden closet she had to unlock with a key she took from her clutch bag. She pulled the doors wide open and gestured for Chris to stand next to her. Then she sat down on her bed and watched Chris take it all in. Inside the closet doors were his sketches of the two of them. The ones he had ripped in half and thrown away. She had pieced them back together and framed them. And they now covered the inside of her secret closet.
Every single one was of her and Chris looking very much in love—holding hands, sitting on the bench near the library in school as he drew her, dancing with their arms around each other, sitting side by side with his head resting on her shoulder, walking on what seemed like a hill with their arms around each other, and her favorite one, sitting on a sidewalk outside a café laughing, her hand casually resting on his arm. Her heart ached every time she looked at them, but she put them up as a reminder of him, as a reminder of them.
“Kate…” She watched his eyes fill with tears. “I thought they were gone…”
She smiled and moved closer to him. “That day you threw them away, I went to your room to talk. I had no idea how I was feeling, but I knew whatever it was I felt for you, I never felt for anyone else. Not even Andrew. But I didn’t really understand it. When I saw the sketches ripped in two and in the trash, my heart broke and I didn’t know what to do. So I took them, brought them here, and put them back together. I couldn’t bear to see them thrown away. I felt like you were throwing us away.”
“You didn’t say anything. All this time…”
“I know. And that’s another thing I want to apologize for. I was a coward too and didn’t say anything. I guess I was more confused than anything else.” Katie looked away.
Chris put his hand under her chin and tilted her face up. “I want to stay in this room forever.”
Katie laughed. “Well, you can’t! My mom will freak and so will Summer when she wakes me up in the morning. She’s six now, you know, and has a lot of opinions about everything.” She pulled him out of her room and down the stairs. “You’re free to sleep on the couch though. But I don’t know why you would since your bed is just a few houses away.”
“Come with me.” He pulled her to him again, his face serious.
“No,” she said gently. “I love you, Chris, but I want to do this right. I have to talk to Andrew. You have to talk to Celine. We can’t start this with sneaking around.” When he looked unconvinced, she widened her eyes and gave him the stern look she had been giving him since they were kids.
He chuckled. “Okay. You’re right.” Then he leaned down and kissed her softly. “Good night, Kate. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Good night, Chris.”
KATIE FELT A sense of dread as she waited for Andrew in the hospital parking lot. He had a short break in between lectures and said it was the only time he had to see her that week. She had sandwiches and iced tea in a jug prepared for them. When Andrew got into the car, he looked exhausted. He had bags under his eyes and his skin looked as if it hadn’t seen the sun in years. Which was probably true. All of a sudden, Katie felt like there was a cramp in her heart. She never thought she’d have this talk with Andrew. Their current situation sucked, but she knew that when things settled down, everything would go back to normal and they could get married and be very happy together. But there was a problem, and she couldn’t pretend it away anymore.
When they got to the park, Katie waited for Andrew to finish eating before she began. Her mouth was dry, and her palms were sweaty. She was on the verge of tears, and she finally understood why Chris had just disappeared on the girls he didn’t want to date anymore in high school. She felt awful whenever she looked at Andrew. But she knew she had to do it. She was shortchanging him if she stuck it out just because she felt sorry for him or because she was too chicken to end things. And she couldn’t let that happen. He deserved so much more than that.
“Andrew,” she whispered.
“What’s up, Katie?” His brow furrowed in concern. He probably sensed there was something wrong. “Please don’t start on my hours. You know how I can’t do anything about them right now.”
“It’s not that.” Then she realized she had a way out. She could lie and just tell him that she couldn’t handle the hours anymore and that was that. Would that make him hate her less? But remembering all the years they h
ad been together and how she had loved him too felt like a slap in the face. She couldn’t do that to him—to them. “I’m in love with Chris.” She forced herself to look into Andrew’s eyes. She didn’t want to hide anything from him anymore.
She watched the sadness fill his face, but surprisingly, she didn’t see any anger take its place. She would have definitely been angry if their roles were reversed. “I know,” he said softly. “I think I’ve always known. Or at least been afraid it would happen. I love you, Katie. And I would do anything to keep you. But I also know you. I don’t think I could make you do anything you wouldn’t want to do.”
That’s when her tears started to fall. Tears of sadness and joy mingled together, without her knowing which ones were which. How could anyone feel this way? She felt as if her heart were splitting into two and didn’t know which way to go. But when Andrew got up and put his arms around her, Katie sobbed into his shirt. “I’m so sorry, Andrew.”
“I’m sorry too, Katie.”
When she dropped him off, she noticed a pretty girl standing in front of the hospital. She recognized her as one of his classmates. Right before he entered through the huge glass doors, Andrew turned around and gave Katie a wave and a sad smile. Then she noticed the girl put her hand on his arm, her head tilted as if asking him what was wrong. Katie waited for a pang of jealousy to hit the way it usually did—the way it should have—but she didn’t feel anything. What she did feel was relief that there was someone he could talk to about it—a pretty someone at that. She smiled, put her car in drive and hurried home—or more specifically, to the person who, to her, was home.
CHRIS WAS SITTING in her living room, on the couch where they had grown up watching cartoons. The TV wasn’t on, he wasn’t reading anything, and he was leaning forward, his forearms resting on his knees, his eyes on the floor. He looked nervous. Katie’s heart began to melt. Was he worried that Andrew would, in a flash of defiance, decide to ditch med school and carry her away to some godforsaken island? Or worse, was he worried that she would change her mind?
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