Mr Gum and the Goblins
Page 5
‘That’s right,’ said Old Danny. ‘Call me if you have any adventures. Bye.’
Well, Old Granny sat there for some time, having a bit of a daydream. After a while, she decided to go out to buy some milk, a bag of those special horrible sweets that only old people are allowed to buy and some more sherry – and that’s when the adventure began.
‘I can’t find my cardigan!’ she said in amazement. ‘Where can it be?’
My goodness, what an adventure! Old Granny must have looked for that cardigan for nearly three minutes! But finally she found it. It was lying on the kitchen floor.
‘Just wait till Old Danny hears about this!’ chuckled Old Granny, picking up the phone once more. ‘He’ll have to call me Old CARDIGRANNY!’
And he did.
THE END
About the author
Andy Stanton lives in North London. He studied English at Oxford but they kicked him out. He has been a stand-up comedian, a film script reader, a cartoonist, an NHS lackey and lots of other things. He has many interests, but best of all he likes cartoons, books and music (even jazz). One day he’d like to live in New York or Berlin or one of those places because he’s got fantasies of bohemia. His favourite expression is ‘I’m going to have to kill you, now,’ and his favourite word is ‘Mexico’. This is his third book.
About the illustrator
David Tazzyman lives in South London with his girlfriend, Melanie, and their son, Stanley. He grew up in Leicester, studied illustration at Manchester Metropolitan University and then travelled around Asia for three years before moving to London in 1997. He likes football, cricket, biscuits, music and drawing. He still dislikes celery.
Yes, here it is! The book that started it all! Full of all your favourite characters, including Mr Gum, Billy William the Third, Friday O’Leary, Polly and Crafty Tom – the Tyrannosaurus rex with a heart of gold.*
Gasp! As Mr Gum tries to poison a massive whopper of a dog!
Giggle! As Friday O’Leary juggles five ping pong balls and a banana!
Do something else beginning with a ‘G’! As Polly races to save the day with her Pollyness!
You’re A Bad Man, Mr Gum!
Shabba me whiskers – it’s barking bonkers!
Well, what do you know? Mr Gum’s back! And this time he’s trying to steal tonnes of cash off a poor defenceless gingerbread man with electric muscles!
BOO! SHAME ON YOU, SIR!
But you don’t just get Mr Gum, oh golly gosh no!
You’ll also meet:
ALAN TAYLOR! He’s tiny!
MONSIEUR BELLYBUTTON! He’s stinky!
Nine-year-old POLLY! She’s lovely!
FRIDAY O’LEARY! He’s Friday!
Yes, you know it’s a fact,
Mr Gum and the Biscuit Billionaire
is a Right Royal Treat!
So don’t delay! Read it today! Yipee-aye!
Yipee-aye! Yipee-aye! READ IT!
*Actual book may not include Crafty Tom
Shabba me whiskers! This is barking bonkers . . .
You’re A Bad Man, Mr Gum!
won the Red House Children’s Book Award! AND was shortlisted for the Sheffield Children’s Book Award AND the Leicester Children’s Book Award AND the Branford Boase Book Award AND heaps of people love it . . . Here’s what they say:
‘Funny? You bet . . . Worryingly splendid.’ Philip Ardagh, Guardian
‘We laughed so much it hurt.’ Sophie, aged 9
‘This is a riot, it is hilarious, it is brilliant . . . best book I’ve read in a long time, no matter what age it is for . . . Stanton’s the Guv’nor, The Boss.’ Danny Baker, BBC London Radio
‘An irresistible, laughter-inducing romp.’ Sunday Times
‘The truth is a lemon meringue.’ Friday O’Leary
‘A wickedly entertaining story.’ Bookseller
‘Funniest book I have ever and will ever read . . . When I read this to my Mum she burst out laughing and nearly wet herself it is so funny.’ Bryony, aged 8
‘Utterly zany and deliciously revolting!’ Junior Education
‘Do not even think about buying another book – this is gut spillingly funty.’ Alex, aged 13
‘Weird, wacky and one-in-a-million.’ First News
‘When Mr Gum steps on an old slice of pizza . . . riding it like a cheese and tomato surfboard, my friend Ethan burst out laughing, and wanted me to read it to him again and again.’ Theo, aged 7
‘Mr Gum is the most hilarious book I’ve ever read, all of my family cried with laughter when we read it.’ Katy, aged 9
Mr Gum and the Biscuit Billionaire
will have you hiccupping with hilarity too!
‘A riotous read.’ Sunday Express
‘This second book in the Mr Gum series zings with originality, wit and ridiculousness.’ Scotland on Sunday
‘Cranks up children’s storytelling conventions to hilarious extremes.’ Jewish Chronicle
‘Mr Gum is back in this second hilarious book and he’s as nasty as ever.’ First News
‘Your brain’s too small for your head!’
Hello. Andy Stanton here, announcing the winner of the world famous ‘Make Up An Insult For Mr Gum To Say’ Competition. Catchy title, huh? Well, no, but anyway, the winner is . . . Maya Lingam! Well done, Miss Lingam!
You can see Mr Gum saying the winning phrase in Chapter 9, but in the meantime here are some facts about Maya herself. They are all true, except for one which I made up. See if you can spot the imposter:
1 Maya was born in 1997!
2 Maya’s favourite colour is purple!
3 Maya doesn’t like onions!
4 Maya’s favourite Mr Gum character is Monsieur Bellybutton!
5 Maya can change into any sort of animal just by thinking about it!
BYE!
Andy Stanton
Yes, that’s right, number 3 is a lie. Maya DOES like onions.
Surf the Net in Style! at
www.egmont.co.uk/mrgum
Why do exercise and healthy outdoors pursuits when you can sit all hunched up in front of a tiny computer screen, laughing your little face off at the all-new, all-fantastic, all-bonkers
OFFICIAL MR GUM OFFICIAL WEBSITE?!
Yes, no lie, it’s true! The OFFICIAL
MR GUM OFFICIAL WEBSITE features:
Things!
Games!
Photos of the author with beard and without!
News about Mr Gum books and other stuff!
Loud noises!
Words like ‘YANKLE’, ‘BLITTLER’ and ‘FLOINK’!
Crafty Tom – the Tyrannosaurus rex with a heart of gold!*
You’ll never need to go outdoors again!
*Actual website may not include Crafty Tom