Siren's Song

by Alexi Raymond

  Her home was as she’d left it. No added dishes in the sink or obnoxiously loud video game noises coming from her television. Another reminder that she was alone. Equal amounts anxiety and excitement filled her at the thought of it. After collapsing on the couch, Victoria flipped through the television channels. Somewhere in her apartment, her phone was ringing. She knew she was abusing herself by not talking it through with Gabe, but she was more than hurt. She was shamed. Todd had warned her no one in the band would be interested in friendship, and somehow she really believed Gabe wanted to have a relationship? She couldn’t blame the cosmo. Even as she had gotten ready, she knew something like this was going to happen. Her mistakes were hers alone.

  Slipping an oversized sweatshirt over her head, Victoria slipped into sweatpants and plopped down at the computer. Her e-mail had its assorted junk from stores she frequented plus three e-mails from an address she didn’t know. If the subject line hadn’t consisted of I’m worried, Please call me, and Please, she wouldn’t have opened them at all. Please was the first of the three, time stamped only minutes after she left his apartment. Gabe begged for her to listen, to understand where he was coming from. The second left his phone number and another message that he really had wanted to tell her. Third came the message Victoria read until her eyes were threatening tears again.

  I’m worried you have the wrong idea of me. Tori, you said groupies…I don’t have groupies. I’m still me, the guy you were comfortable talking to online, and I wanted to tell you the truth, but I didn’t do it fast enough. I hated not telling you. But how do I tell you and not sound creepy? And I didn’t want you to know when I first met you online because I didn’t want you to be weirded out. What kind of lame-ass band has their lead singer as their site administrator? Some rock star I am. Thirty-two years old, alone and the administrator for a band no one’s heard of. I don’t know what caused the connection between us, but I need to know you. I need to have you around. For the first time in a long time, Tori, I’m happy. And it’s because of you. It has to be. You’re the only variable in my life that has changed. I told you, you wrecked me. Please. Please, give me a chance.

  Trembling fingers covered her lips. She wanted to believe him, but it was still too much. He sounded like a man about to propose, and they’d barely even met. No, she needed to stay away from him long enough to clear her head and see what she really wanted to do about their whatever.

  Finally answering her phone, Victoria held it up with her shoulder while she deleted his emails from her inbox and the trash.

  “Oh my God! You’re alive!” Sarah squealed through the phone.

  “Yes, I’m alive. Glad to know you were worried.”

  “Please, you left with Gabe, my concern was that he’d orgasmed you to death,” Sarah said dryly.

  Victoria breathed silently into the phone. “Yeah, he was great.” Her voice sounded sad, not the excited and sexy-feeling girl she’d been when she was still in his apartment.

  “So why do you sound so glum? I’m sure he’ll do you again! Oh God, unless, did you do something gross in front of him?”

  “No. Turns out, dude has multiple personalities.” Victoria really didn’t want to get into it. She moved to the sink and made a noise, hoping her friend would think she was busy and hang up.

  “He’s an artist, Victoria. Of course he has multiple personalities.” Sarah didn’t get it, and Victoria knew she wouldn’t unless she spelled it out, which was not going to happen. Not then, not when she was torn between his words and his actions. Especially not when she’d gone from feeling worthless to a million dollars and then back to trash. Her chest was heavy. She needed to not think about any of it for a while.

  Victoria wouldn’t see him again. She’d stay off the computer and out of earshot of his songs. When she never heard from him again, he could chalk her up as a pathetic groupie. Not even Sarah needed to know the truth. No one needed to know he was a real guy with real feelings that knew her and her body better than she’d thought anyone could. No one needed to see that it was already killing her not to log on and talk to WriterGuy. Taking a deep breath, Victoria made herself remember they were the same messed up person.

  “Hello? Listen, I want details, but you sound distracted, so I’ll let you go. For now.” Sarah’s warning was more of a real threat to Victoria than she could have imagined.

  “Yeah…Okay…” Victoria hung up and sat back at her computer chair, rubbing her face in her hands. Someone was wrecked all right, but she wasn’t so sure it was Gabe.

  Chapter 14

  “Calm down, dude!” Ti grabbed Gabe by the shoulders and sat him down on the edge of his bed. “What’s your deal?” Ti cast a glance around the apartment. Gabe followed his eyes, but he didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, so Ti shouldn’t be able to, either. To the naked eye, nothing had changed. The gaping hole he felt and the tear stains on the desk would mean nothing. And still, somehow, Gabe watched as Ti’s eyes went wide, and his head whipped back to Gabe.

  “The restaurant chick. You brought her here, didn’t you?”

  Gabe looked at his tossed pillows and messy sheets. He ran his fingers over the sheets where Victoria’s legs and ass had been right before he’d left her for the shower. He was almost sharing her ghost’s spot.

  “So, what? She was bad? You farted?” Ti pressured for information, but all Gabe could feel was loss. He’d lost her when he was only beginning to know her. What he felt shouldn’t be this strong. Breaking down in tears wasn’t what he should be fighting. She was just a chick. Ti squatted to his eye level. “Chick was a dude, wasn’t she?”

  Ti fell onto his ass with one swift push from Gabe. The tension-cracking joke didn’t work. If anything, it made the blood pump through his veins faster and hotter.

  “I can’t help you if you won’t talk. And isn’t that why you called me here? To fix you?” Falling had knocked any amusement out of Ti’s eyes. He was a fierce friend, even if you were fighting yourself. There was no way out of the situation Gabe could see. He needed every ounce of help he could get.

  “Remember how I said computer girl and restaurant girl were the same?” Gabe braced his elbows on his thighs.

  “Yeah?” Ti followed, but Gabe could tell he didn’t know where this was going.

  Gabe took a deep breath. “Well, she found out this morning. About who I am.”

  Ti’s eyebrows were low on his face, his eyes moving slowly as if something in the room would give it away.

  “She didn’t know I was who she was talking to online. She thought we were separate people.”

  “Oh! Well, that’s dumb. Of course you’re you. What’s your screen name, Lead Singer?” Ti was doing a great job having his friend’s back, but Gabe knew he was in the wrong on this one.

  “Uh, WriterGuy…and she’s SongSiren…”

  “Oh brother. So you told her, and she didn’t like that she’d been talking to you about you.” Ti nodded but Gabe cringed.

  “No, not exactly. I got up to get in the shower, and while I was waiting for her to join me, she hit the mouse on the computer…and my screen name was up.”

  Ti smacked his hand against his forehead. “I’m guessing she didn’t join you?” At Gabe’s frowning swing of his head, Ti spoke again. “Well. How much do you want this? I’m not blind. You look like someone kicked your puppy. Onto a railroad. She’s obviously more than a groupie. And you wrote a damn song about her.” The insight instead of mockery took Gabe by surprise.

  But since he was clearing the air anyway, Gabe held up two fingers.

  “Two? Which other song is about her? I thought you just met?”

  “We did. The other one isn’t done, the lyrics were up on the screen with my log-in.”

  Ti straightened himself and looked at Gabe. Gabe could almost read what he was about to say. How bad could it be? What girl wouldn’t want a song about them? So Gabe stopped him. “It’s about something she said online, about being afraid of talking in her sleep…I do
n’t remember, she may have still been with her ex. And it may have eluded to the fact that I’d like to have her around so I could hear what she dreams…” Gabe’s voice trailed off, and he let out a sad laugh. “I’m completely screwed.”

  Ti stuck out his hand and helped Gabe stand. “Nah, you’re not screwed. We’ll get her back.”

  Gabe accepted the help and stood face-to-face with his friend. “We’ve just met. I shouldn’t feel like this.”

  Ti laughed. “Yeah, okay, man, but you do.” He begged off with his hands and threw Gabe a guitar pick. “Let’s work through our songs for the Street Fest while you deal a little. We’ll get her tomorrow.”

  The sky was black, and his body ached from all of the playing by the time they’d finished. Even with a part of him still feeling missing, Gabe had to admit that playing made him feel a little bit better.

  After putting his guitar down on its stand, Gabe sat at the computer and took a deep breath. Closing his eyes, he pressed the sign in button. Something, sickness or happiness that her name wasn’t logged in, gave him goose bumps. On one hand, he wanted to clear all of it up and talk to her. On the other, he’d left her his phone number, and she could have called him. She obviously didn’t want to talk to him.

  Checking the message boards, he found several fans had made it out to Rock Bottom; the crowd wasn’t all by happenstance. Their reaction to Siren’s Song was overwhelming. They loved it. The guys posted that the lyrics were fresh, and the girls wanted to be the siren. Some of them got rather explicit, describing how they would “wreck” Gabe. For once, he was able to look through different eyes at the comments and not just see compliments. He really understood why Victoria panicked at the thought of being a groupie. Gabe could have these girls. He could get online and tell them where to meet him, and they’d show. But he didn’t want them, he already had a siren, and he’d never been interested enough before to recognize it.

  Comfort in his bed eluded him. From his left side to his right, stomach or back, nothing felt right. His eyes never tired, his muscles ached, and Gabe found himself switching out his pillow to keep the scent of Victoria’s coconut shampoo away. It was hell, wanting to curl into the scent and cry but deciding to push it away instead. Not to mention a little scary. What kind of pull did this chick have on him to have him acting so crazy? He’d never been like this before, never had reason to be. Hell, he didn’t have a reason this time, either, but damn if he wasn’t losing his mind all the same.

  Ti knocked on the door bright and early at six thirty, but Gabe had been awake, having given up on the idea of sleep around four. Anticipation at what she would say, how she would react to seeing him, built tension in his muscles and had him dressed well before Ti’s arrival. Dark denim jeans hung low on his hips, meeting with the hem of a long sleeve, navy blue shirt. His hair was gelled back, and a small bouquet of flowers rested on his desk. Not sleeping had its perks. He’d been up and at the market store when it opened at six and had first choice of the flowers.

  Ti let himself in and stared at Gabe. “Whoa, you’re ready. And it’s early. I thought I’d have to wake you up! Insomnia’s gone, huh?”

  “No, I never slept. Are you sure it’s not too soon?” Gabe’s voice shook with fear that he would hurt his chances with Victoria more than he already had. There was always the chance he could get her back, but the thought of pushing her away made him feel sick.

  “And let you mope around? Nope. We’re doing this.”

  As they saw the restaurant’s sign, Gabe’s stomach turned to instant regret. How was he supposed to woo her at work? She worked with a bunch of chicks who would probably attack him for what he did to her. He deserved an ass kicking, it would be totally acceptable, and he’d lie down and take it. But the host didn’t look at either of them twice as he led them to the back of the restaurant. It burned a little extra that the kid didn’t know him at all. Banshee Exodus was, after all, only one song away from the big times.

  A girl with a dark bob came around the corner to take their order. Her breasts were squeezed into a restaurant top at least a size too small, and her smile said “will flirt for food.” Ti kicked him under the table before she got close. “Mine,” he whispered, apparently forgetting Gabe wasn’t interested in calling dibs on this particular girl. This girl that he recognized as Tori’s friend. Her eyes caught Ti’s, and she smiled at him while she took his drink order. When she looked over at Gabe, her mouth dropped, and she pointed her pen at him.

  “You!” she said, but she didn’t sound mad.

  Gabe looked around nervously. “Is Tori here?”

  “Oh, she’s here all right! Want me to clear the kitchen so you two can eat in private?” She snickered. Gabe’s cheeks blazed as if they had caught fire. Next to him, Ti laughed too hard at the joke.

  “Do you think she’d like that?” Ti asked when he took a breath. The girl looked over at him, studying his fingers.

  “I would.” One eyebrow cocked without a hint of blushing or laughter. This girl was serious. Ti brought his hand to his mouth and rubbed around his lips.

  Flirtations aside, Gabe didn’t have time for their love connection. “Can you go get her, please?”

  The girl snapped her vision back to him, flustered. She nodded and walked away from them.

  “I like that girl,” Ti said, still smiling.

  “That’s great, but try to remember what we’re here for.”

  The waitress came back around the corner, but her smile was missing. “She’s, uhh…she’s in the bathroom. So yeah, I’ll just finish you guys up.” She nodded and tried to push out a smile. Gabe peered around her and caught the tail end of Victoria’s ponytail whipping behind her as she hurriedly went behind a counter and ducked out of sight.

  “Bathroom, huh? I would swear I saw her.” Gabe looked at the girl and tried to smile but frowned instead.

  She huffed. “Listen, I don’t know what happened. I know you guys were together the other night, but she won’t talk about it. She just said she wanted me to take the table.”

  Gabe rubbed at his eyes. What could he do?

  “Gabe here made a mistake…What’s your name?” Ti looked at her and spoke quietly.

  “Sarah,” she said with a grin aimed only at him.

  “Sarah.” The name rolled off his tongue, and she batted her eyelashes at him. Gabe couldn’t sit there doing nothing. He got up and stormed away from the table with Sarah in tow. He walked directly up to the counter Victoria had ducked behind and started calling her name. The host came over and asked how he could help, but after disappearing into the back, he came back empty-handed. Gabe yelled again, his voice rising louder than it should be inside.

  “Tori, I need to talk to you! Give me one minute!”

  Victoria emerged from the back, her gray eyes set to hurricane and her arms crossed defiantly across her chest. “Turn it down!” she yelled at him. Her jaw set firmly, and Gabe had to steady himself, remember that she was mad at him. But she looked good all worked up.

  “Tori, I’m sorry. I know I keep saying it but, I don’t know how to make you believe me.”

  Tori’s jaw clenched. “You’ve wasted thirty of your sixty seconds, Gabe. WriterGuy, whoever the hell you are today.”

  Gabe moved to the small opening behind the counter. “Tori.” He said her name again, his breath short. He pulled her closer to him with a grab of her elbows. She looked up into his eyes, and he watched as her jaw softened. “Please, Tori. Please, just give me one more chance.” A small crowd had gathered around them, mostly waitresses and cooks, but a few customers had abandoned their omelets to watch the show.

  Her lips twitched, and she took a small breath. She looked like she was going to cry. Silent prayers left his heart that they were tears of relief at his sincerity. She had to know how sorry he was. “I don’t like being fooled like that, Gabe.” Her eyes averted to the floor.

  “I know. I was wrong. You have every right to be mad. You can still be mad, but…talk to me?�
�� Gabe wasn’t beyond begging. His voice came out a whisper. She leaned closer.

  Slowly, Victoria nodded. “We can start…” She took a deep breath. “We can start over…if you want.” Her face remained down, she stared at her toes, but her arms loosened and fell to her sides.

  Gabe picked her chin up and whispered into her ear, “I want.” He brushed a light kiss across her lips and leaned back. Her eyes were still closed, lips slightly open, waiting for more. But she wouldn’t get more. She wanted to start over, and this time Gabe was going to get it right.

  Chapter 15

  Something had changed inside her. The pain and anguish she felt and his trickery was replaced with the thought she chose to hold on to—he was for real. The late night talks, the casual meetings, the way he had cradled her as if she were his link to all that was good. Everything about him had screamed his emotions were real; she just had to choose now to believe them. In a daze, Victoria went back to the kitchen, leaned over the prep island, and breathed deeply. The cool surface of steel calmed her heated hands.

  “Tori?” Sarah squealed. “Who the hell calls you Tori? Oh, he is too cute. And he’s perfect for your stubborn ass!”

  Her chest tight, Victoria struggled to get a deep breath into her lungs. She had no idea what she was doing, and yet it was right. She knew him intimately, regardless of how little their time together really had been thus far.

  “Victoria!” Sarah’s voice was about three octaves too high for Victoria’s spinning mind. She turned to face her, a slow, steady smile growing on her face. Regardless of how dumb an idea it might be or what was causing her to follow through with it, Victoria felt ecstatic. She covered the most natural, genuine beam of happiness she’d had in a long time with her hands.

  “Am I crazy?” Her voice was light and bewildered, the pressure in her chest lifted at her friends excitement for her.