My phone vibrates in my pocket and I know exactly who it is since he’s the only one with this number. Perfect fucking timing. I have no choice but to answer it to keep him from sending the whole damn team in after me. I’ve got a plan for Mr. Fitzgerald, and I need time to carry it out before I’m ready for them to carry his mutilated, lifeless body away.
“Yeah,” I answer curtly.
“Where the hell are you going?” There’s an edge of irritation in his words, but his question damn near stops me dead in my tracks as realization hits.
“You’re having me tracked?” I don’t try to hide the disgust in my tone. He doesn’t trust me and feels the need to babysit me? Well, fuck him.
“Hell yeah I am. It was for your safety, but now I’m thinking—”
“Did you know?” I cut him off, not giving a shit why he did it.
“What?”
“Did you know about the baby?” I scream into the phone as loud as I can, making my throat raw. All of the emotions I couldn’t show in front of Elizabeth are coming to the surface and pouring out of me.
“Calm down, what the hell are you talking about?”
I swerve to the side of the road and slam on the breaks before throwing it into park. My vision starts to blur as new tears fill my eyes. “She was pregnant and that bastard took it from her—from us. Tell me, did you know?” I ask through clenched teeth.
“I knew he slapped her around once, but Tyler never said anything about him hitting her so hard she miscarried.” I hear the remorse over the phone, but he’s got it all wrong. What Cal did was much, much worse.
“She didn’t miscarry.” I rub my eyes with the heel of my hand to wipe away the tears. “He drugged her and had a doctor come in and abort it.” My head falls back against the headrest and my eyes shut as exhaustion hits. The tears I had been holding back leak out of the corners of my eyes and down my face.
“Christ,” is his only response. What else can he say? I don’t think any of us truly knew the type of monster we were dealing with coming into this. There were so many variables that none of us could have accounted for. The big one being me falling in love with Elizabeth.
“I’m so sorry, man.” He pauses for just a second. “Wait a minute, what the hell are you going to do?” There’s a sense of urgency and concern in his question.
And there should be. Lifting my head up, I put the car back in drive and pull onto the road.
“I’m going to kill him.”
Slowly. And with my bare hands.
I’m so calm and collected when I say this, completely resolute in my decision that I almost scare myself.
“No, you’re not.” He’s firm, and I can picture him standing tall in the authoritative stance he gets when he’s chewing one of us out for something dumb.
“You can arrest me when I’m done. I don’t give a flying fuck, but that son of a bitch doesn’t deserve to live.” He deserves to die a very painful death. I want to beat him until I can’t lift my arms anymore. To torture him just like he’s tortured Elizabeth. And he will be. I’ll make sure of it.
“I don’t disagree, but you’re not thinking rationally. Think about Elizabeth. You just left her alone to do what? She has no car, no phone, and probably very little money. You left her stranded to fend for herself. What’ll happen to her if they find her? They don’t know what she knows so she’s one more loose end to tie up. You’ll be in jail and there will be nothing I can do to stop it. Who’s going to save her then?”
“No, she’ll be fine.” As I say this, I know it’s a lie. She has no one she can really depend on except me and I just abandoned her.
“Like hell she will! Turn your ass around, cool off, and go to her. Don’t push me. I’ll have someone intercept you and bring you in if I have to!” he shouts down the line at me.
“Son of a bitch,” I mutter as my fist hits the steering wheel. I know he’s right, but that doesn’t make me want to choke the life out of Cal any less. Glancing at my mirrors, I make sure I’m clear before flipping a U-turn in the middle of this two-way road.
“Look, I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, but I can’t afford for you to fly off the deep end like this again. If I can’t trust you, I’ll have no choice but to bring you in and have you under watch until this case is over. I’ll do what I can to help you pin down the doctor who did this. I’m sure there’s some kind of law against performing procedures without patient consent.”
Patient consent.
Those two words make my stomach twist at the thought of Elizabeth being unconscious during all of this. She must have felt so confused, terrified, hurt.
Violated.
My foot gives the car more gas, accelerating past eighty miles per hour. I need to be with her right now. “I’ll call you later.” I hang up the phone and throw it into the seat next to me.
The thirty-minute drive back to the motel takes an eternity. I was so fucking stupid. I should be holding her, letting her know that she doesn’t have to burden the pain of this alone. I’m there for her in any way she needs me and we’ll get through this together. I might not have known she was pregnant before, but the instant loss I felt when she confessed tore me in two. I’m sure it’s only a fraction of what she’s been dealing with, but I couldn’t stop the violent images that popped into my head. My only focus was to wrap my hands around Cal’s neck and watch the life drain right out of him. I’ve never felt anger like that before. Not even when I was being shot at overseas, and trust me, nothing pisses you off more than some asshole trying to kill you.
Even though I thought I was doing this for Elizabeth and the life he took away from us, truth is I was really doing this for me. I was being selfish and not thinking about how this would affect her. I abandoned her in her time of need, leaving her to pick up the pieces on her own again. Well, that stops now. As long as I’m alive, she’ll never have to suffer in silence and I’ll do everything in my power to take her pain away.
MY KNUCKLES GENTLY wrap on the door, needing Elizabeth to let me in. In my blind rage, I left the key card to the room behind along with my shirt. Only a few moments go by, but my need to see her has me on edge and I consider kicking the door in. My hand rakes roughly through my hair and I begin pacing.
“Elizabeth! Let me in, please.” My head hits the door with a thud, frustration and anxiety coursing through my body. I hear a click and quickly lean back. The image that stands before me sends a knife straight to my heart. Cal might have been the catalyst to her hurt, but I just added to it.
Her eyes are red rimmed and puffy, tears still streaming down her cheeks as her breath hitches from hyperventilation. Emptiness stares back at me and I can’t resist touching her a second longer.
“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” I close the distance between us and cup my hands around her face. My thumbs wipe away her tears, hoping I can wipe away the sadness just as easily. I know it’s not possible, but it doesn’t stop me from trying. She crashes into my chest and clings to me like I’m the only lifeline she has. Walking us into the room, I close and lock the door behind me and lead us to the bed. She follows step for step, never lifting her head and trusting me to guide her. I back up to the bed and slowly lay down and bring her with me so she’s on top of me. The harder she cries, the tighter I hold her.
I wish I could say I’m being strong for her, but that would be a lie. With each drop that lands on my bare chest, I break a little inside. Knowing that she’s been holding this in and coming to terms with what will never be hits me like a ton of bricks. The initial rage has settled down to a low simmer and pain and sadness takes over. A few tears escape from the corner of my eyes while we hold onto each other and mourn.
The sun has started to set when she finally sits up. “I’m sorry I left.” My voice is raw with emotion.
“I needed you, Alex. You have no idea how hard that was to tell you. To relive it and open up all those wounds again.” The honesty of her words feels like a slap to the face. I’m an as
shole.
“I know. I just didn’t know how to process it. I wanted to yell and scream and hit something but didn’t want to do it in front of you. I didn’t want you to think I was angry or directing any of that toward you.”
“I wasn’t sure you were coming back.” Her lip trembles as she holds in the tears.
“Sweetheart, I’ll always come back to you. Don’t ever doubt that.” I tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I feel like I’m constantly failing you. I should be keeping you safe and you’re always getting hurt.”
She shakes her head. “You couldn’t have stopped it any more than I could have. I know that now. I often wondered if there was anything I could have done differently to change the outcome. During my darkest days, I blamed myself. I felt so worthless. I mean, I couldn’t even protect a child inside my body. I’d think about it constantly, and eventually it got to be too much. That’s when I started contemplating suicide.” Her voice cracks on the last word. This is the first time I’m hearing her say it out loud, and I’m a little shocked she’s being so direct, but at the same time, it shows progress.
“Then you came back and saved me. I’m not over what happened and I still have my tough days, but I really believe I—we—can get through this.”
“God, you amaze me.” Where did she get this strength from? I don’t know many people who’d be as resilient as she is with everything she’s gone through. “Come back over here.” I hold my arms out to her and she snuggles into me. Inhaling the scent of her hair, I find a small piece of calm. She’s always had this effect on me though. Something about her puts me at ease. Even with all this shit going on in our lives, I know I can always come back to her to find solid ground. God, I just want to be that for her too.
Several moments pass by and neither of us says a word. My hand rubs her back lightly while each of us is lost in thought. “I’ve never gotten closure,” she says just above a whisper. “I think that’s why it’s been so hard to move on. I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to let go of the pain and anger. It probably sounds ridiculous since it was so early in the pregnancy, but I was already attached and thinking of what it’d be like to be a mother.”
Mother.
I don’t miss how that word breaks as it leaves her mouth. Knowing how much she’s wanted kids only for it to be stolen from her in the most vicious way has the hate that’s festering beneath the surface growing at an exponential rate. I take a deep breath, clear my mind, and get control over my emotions. For Elizabeth, I’ll push it all back and be here for her.
“It’s not ridiculous. I was crushed when you told me. I still am. I thought about all the things I wouldn’t get to do and wanted to literally kill someone. But, like you said, we’ll get through it together. Will the pain ever go away? Probably not, but I’ll always be here for you to talk, cry, vent, whatever you need to get through it.”
“Yeah, together,” she murmurs. “Thank you,” she says sleepily. The emotions from the day have taken their toll on her and soon after she’s fast asleep on my chest.
The next morning I woke up and left a note for Elizabeth in case she got up before I made it back. There’s no way I’ll be able to heal her right away, but I want to help. Elizabeth thinks her problem is that she didn’t get closure, so maybe I can give her a little today.
Parking outside the hotel room, I get out of the car and walk to the door. Opening it slowly, I peek in and see her sitting up in bed, eyes glued to the television. “Hey,” I greet her.
“Oh my God, have you seen this?” She doesn’t turn away from whatever she’s watching when she asks. I focus in on the screen and instantly want to punch something.
“And the top story tonight is of the missing wife of Senator Callahan Fitzgerald. As you probably know, Senator Fitzgerald is in the race to become the next President of the United States. His wife, Elizabeth Fitzgerald, pictured here, was last seen in her home—” I walk up to the television and turn it off.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
“We don’t need to watch that shit.” Mainly, I don’t want her to worry more than she already is.
“But did you see that? It’s on national news, Alex!” She’s starting to panic. I see it in her wide eyes and loud voice.
“Relax, sweetheart. We’re out in the middle of nowhere and we’ll make sure to keep a low profile. You’re going to be okay. I promise.”
She searches my features, seeming to decide if she believes me or not. Really, what choice does she have? There’s no going back so we have to keep pushing forward.
“I want to show you something. Will you come with me?” I hold my hand out to her. She stands with a curious look on her face and grabs my hand. We walk to the car where I need to get the two things I left in there.
“Yesterday you said you never got closure. I’m not sure if this will help, but I thought of a little way we can say good-bye.” I glance at her nervously. I’m not sure how she’ll take this. Tears fill her eyes and I hope I’m doing the right thing and not causing her more agony.
Reaching into my car, I pull out two balloons. One pink, one blue. “I know this doesn’t make everything better. I know there will be good days and bad days, but I’m hoping this can mark the beginning of our good days. Let’s go over here.” I point to a spot behind the hotel that has an open field. We walk quietly hand in hand. I can tell she’s not really understanding what’s going on. Once we get out toward the middle, I stop and turn to her.
“I thought we could release these balloons—one for me and one for you—as a tribute to our baby. A way to say good-bye.” Her hands go to her mouth and tears run down her cheeks. Just as I’m realizing that I’m the biggest fucking asshole in the world, she speaks up.
“I think it’s perfect,” she chokes out. Swallowing hard, she reaches her hand out for the pink balloon. “I don’t know why, but after I got over the shock of finding out I was pregnant, I always felt like it was a girl.” She tries to smile, but the quivering of her lips betrays the hurt she feels talking about it.
“You were probably right. On the count of three, okay?” She nods, staring into my eyes. In that moment, I see it. The strength, the life, the love that lives within her shows itself for the briefest of moments as she tries to find peace in the tragedy. “One . . . two . . . three.” We let go of the balloons together and watch them fly into the clear, blue sky.
She watches the balloons for a minute before she says, “Sometimes I wonder what she would’ve looked like, what she would’ve been when she grew up. There are nights I dream of a little girl running around, giggling as I chase her, but I can never see her face.”
“She would’ve been beautiful. She’d have your beautiful green eyes, your long, brown hair, my charm and wit.” She nudges me with her elbow. “And now she’s our little angel watching over us. We’ll see her again one day.”
She takes in a cleansing breath with her eyes closed. “Yeah, we’ll see her someday.”
Her hand wraps around my bicep and she holds on tight. I place my opposite hand over hers letting her know that I’m with her every step of the way. She’ll never have to battle anything on her own again. My hope is that this will start the mending process. She’ll bare the emotional scars of this, and I’ll love each and every one.
IT’S BEEN THREE days since we released the balloons, and to my frustration, there hasn’t been a whole lot going on. I want to throttle Turner for his lack of progress with this damn case. I get that they want this to be air tight so Cal can’t weasel his way out of it, but that doesn’t make me any less anxious. I’ve been keeping tabs on the news while Elizabeth showers. So far, I haven’t seen anything pop up about the two cartel guys I killed in the cabin. Looks like Turner was able to bury the story. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said about Elizabeth. Every news source is covering her “kidnapping,” which only adds to my stress. Making sure she’s occupied has been my primary objective to keep her from seeing all the coverage on her. I know she
’s aware of it, but I’m going for the out of sight, out of mind approach.
I’ve noticed a very subtle change in Elizabeth. She confessed that she had been taking antidepressants, which is why she was so good at masking the hurt when she was around me. With us leaving her house so quickly, she wasn’t able to grab them. I don’t want her to suffer, but I’m glad she left them behind. Who knows when I would’ve found out the truth if she hadn’t broken down.
As for me, I’m still having a hard time wrapping my mind around it all. I’ve seen evil before when I was deployed and as an FBI agent, but nothing compares to this. Cal is evil to his core, infecting those around him like a virus. The virus festers and causes a deadly infection that almost killed her. The memory of Elizabeth swallowing all of those pills is still with me, reminding me just how deep he corrupted her soul.
“Hey, Turner,” I say into the phone. We switched hotels again today and I’m calling to see if there are any updates.
“Matthews, looks like your hunch was right. We went through his voting record and Cal was instrumental in blocking a few bills that would allow port authorities to search all ships coming in and out of the United States. If I had to bet on it, I’d say Henry Williams uses his shipping company to transport drugs in and out of the country.”
“Great, arrest the asshole.” I start pacing, anxious for this to be over and for Elizabeth and I to have some semblance of a normal life together.
“You know it’s not that simple. This is just speculation. We need evidence to support the theory.”
“That shouldn’t be too hard.”
“We’ll see. We’re going to present what little we have to the judge and see if he’ll issue us a warrant. I’m sure there’s an email or something lying around that will give us enough to make an arrest.”
I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. This just won’t end. Right when I think Turner is finally bringing this to a close, I get let down by some stupid bullshit. “Once Cal gets word that there’s a warrant, he’ll start getting desperate.”
Uncovered by Truth Page 13
