Afterlife e-4

by Клаудия Грэй

  Snap out of it! I told myself. I was in shock.

  “Oh, this is fun,” Charity laughed from her place atop the boxes. She clapped her hands like a little girl who’s just seen her birthday cake. “Save her, Lucas! Save her while you still can! Or.. maybe you can ‘ t?”

  Lucas’s face took on an expression I recognized, though I’d only seern it once before. I could never have forgotten it — the look of pure torment he’d worn at my bedside the night I died.

  At that moment I realized that I couldn’t break him out of this memory. I couldn’t do anything in this dream except make it more frightening for Lucas. That meant I had to leave.

  I closed myself away from sight. Away from him. When I could see again, I stood in his dark dorm room, at the foot of his bed. Lucas twisted beneath his sheets, then slumped, drifting from the nightmare to deeper, dreamless sleep.

  At least it’s over, I told myself. Yet even in my ethereal form, I could feel physical pain; that had never happened before. Confused, I glanced at my burning, aching shoulder.

  The lines of Erich’s scratches still showed upon my skin, and each one glimmered with droplets of silver blood.

  Chapter Seven

  I LEFT THE DORM ROOM, GOING THROUGH THE door and down the hallway as though I were mortal. More time must have passed than I’d realized, because nearly everyone was quiet, asleep or at least settled in for the night. Although I badly wanted to revisit Vic and Ranulf, in the feeble hope that they could cheer me up, I Wouldn’t wake them for my own selfish reasons.

  Without them, I realized, there was literally nobody else in the world I could talk to, or even watch, without it causing pain.

  How did we screw up so badly? I thought as I descended the long, winding stone stairs. Around me I could hear the crackling of ice. I was leaving evidence, but at this point I didn’t much care. The only thing we ever wanted was to be together, and to live honestly without all the lies. How did so many people get hurt?

  For the first time, I realized how easy it would be to follow Maxie’s advice and let go of the mortal world completely. Effortless, mindless drifting within blue mist seemed really good to me right now. It would have been a relief to be free from sorrow and guilt, from responsibility for the people I’d left behind.

  Was that true for the ghosts trapped at Evernight Academy now? Maybe trapped wasn’t the right word. This could be a sanctuary for them, too — a place where they didn’t have to remain in their old haunts and habitations, taunted by the lives they’d lost.

  But Mrs. Bethany had attacked Maxie once, and was no friend to the wraiths. There was no way she’d built this place as a refuge for them. Tentatively, I stretched my consciousness, seeking the other wraiths who lived here. Can you hear me?

  No response — but I could sense a shift in the air, like knowing that someone was watching. Then the visions began to flood my mind.

  They were like vivid daydreams, almost hallucinations, except that I knew they didn’t come from within my own mind. The wraiths were forcing me to see them: Vampires, each of them at their most monstrous, as though students went around Evemight unwashed, bloody, and fanged. They were attacking human students in the hallways, in the classrooms. one brutal assault after another.

  “None of that is real,” I said, hoping they could hear. “They mostly leave the human students alone, and when somebody screws up, Mrs.

  Bethany’s all over them. The humans you followed here — they’re safe.”

  The wraiths must not have believed me. Every image intensified, coming closer, and now they had sound (screaming) and smell (blood). Disgusted, I tried to turn away, but how can you turn away from something in your own head?

  One of the vampires in the visions suddenly went blue and turned into ice. I watched, fascinated and horrified, as deep cracks appeared in his hardening flesh, fragmenting his cheeks, his lips, his whole head. He fell, a crash of bloody slush, and I knew that was what the wraiths hoped to do to the vampires.

  What they wanted me to help them do. “I’m not helping you attack anyone!”

  And like that, I was alone. Nothing vanished or went away, but I simply knew that I Wasn’t being paid attention to any longer.

  What were the ghosts going to do? If I’d been terrified of them before, it was so much worse now. I’d learned some new powers, but nothing that could defend me or my loved ones against an attack like that. Could the wraiths hurt Lucas? Balthazar? My parents? If they tried anything, would I be able to help?

  No, I thought, depression sinking deeper into me. There’s nothing I can do for any ofthem. I’m useless.

  I’m dead.

  I drifted through the great hall on the ground floor, which looked larger when it was empty of students. Although it was always a majestic space, it became more beautiful and austere when it stretched out vast and silent. The moonlight streamed through the many stained — glass windows, which stretched from floor to ceiling, but it was brightest through the one window of plain glass. The original stained glass had been destroyed by a member of Black Cross — Lucas’s long — ago predecessor here — making hiis escape. Lucas had damaged it himself once, maybe living up to the family tradition. I’d always wondered why Mrs. Bethany didn’t have it repaired so that it would look like the others.

  Now, at last, I understood. She’d left it this way so she would always remember. So she would never be careless again.

  This building was scarred. Lucas was scarred. And I, too, felt like I would never heal. I was trapped forever with my regrets and cut off from the living world. Lucas suffered the same way. The main difference was that he could end it for himself and probably would, if he weren’t sticking around for my sake.

  At that moment, I felt like all I’d ever done was hurt everybody who’d tried to love me. I felt worthless. I wanted to give up.

  I saw that I was close to the school library. There probably wasn’t anything accurate in there about the wraiths, but maybe there was. I decided to search and see. At that point, one question loomed in my mind, larger than any other: whether wraiths had any way to — well, to die. Again. For good.

  Not that I wanted to do anything drastic right that moment, but I had to know if there was an out, ever. And maybe I was starting to want to take it.

  The library would ‘ve cheered me up, most days. I loved the heavy oaken tables, the high walls stacked with books to the ceiling, the musty smell of old pages and the heavy brass fixtures that had gone dark with age and wear. It reminded me of hanging out with Raquel, or flirting with Lucas, or studying with Balthazar. Of everything happy, simple, and alive.

  I didn’t belong there anymore.

  Resolutely I traveled farther into the library, wondering where ghost — related books might be kept — and felt the wall start to pull me in.

  It was sickening, overwhelming, like that terrible sensation when you’re looking over a high ledge and for one second feel like you want to jump, only this time the pull was taking me over whether I wanted it or not. The east wall of the library had some strange magnetism that tied in to the core of me. A thick vibration muffled every sound and nearly deafened me, and a kind of static blurred my vision.

  I tried to make myself more substantial, so maybe I could push myself backward, but I couldn’t become entirely solid. A strange black gap — not in the world but in my senses — was opening in front of me, towing me forward.

  From within that gap, I could hear terrible cries. I realized they were the screams of other ghosts trapped by whatever force held me. Were they the same ones who had taunted me before? Others? No way to know. At any rate, they couldn’t rescue themselves, much less me.

  “Is anybody there?” I shouted. “Somebody, help! Can anybody hear me?” No answers.

  Well, you wanted to die, said that vicious little voice in my head. I wondered if I was wrong to even fight this. Maybe I needed to let it happen.

  Then I realized that if I did that, I’d never see Lucas again, or any of th
e other people I loved.

  “Lucas!” I screamed. My mind filled with the image of the nightmarish scene where I’ d left him, and I envisioned myself in the records room. It solidified around me, taking shape. Lucas and Erich were again locked in battle — a dream fight so much longer than the real one could have been sweaty and bloody. The nightmare had begun again, apparently a night — long torment for him. Charity had vanished, like any other whim within dreams, but otherwise everything was just as terrible. This time, though, I had to break through. Once again, with every bit of my might, I called, “Lucas!”

  He turned his head from Erich, startled. Lucas’s expression was so confused that I thought he couldn’t see me, but at least he could hear.

  “Lucas, this is a dream, only a dream. I’m in the library and something’s got me — you have to find me!”

  The scene faded as quickly as it had arrived. Had I reached him, or was that only my own wishful thinking? Already the dark gap had swallowed almost everything I could see, everything I could feel. Of my hearing, all that was left was the wailing of the other wraiths.

  I wanted to call for Maxie or Christopher, but I didn’t know if they would hear me, or whether Maxie would respond if I pleaded for help. And what if I dragged them in, too?

  A shudder passed through me, and I could feel the vapory outlines of my limbs beginning to dissipate. Oh, no, no, no, this is it, this is the end “Bianca!”

  “Lucas!” I tried to look for him, but I could gain only the dimmest sense of him in the room. He was an outline, a radiation of energy and fear and love, nothing else. “It’s got me.”

  “Give me your hand!” By that he meant, form a hand, give him something to hold on to; I understood that. I just wasn’t sure I could do it anymore, or that it would do any good. No simple physical force could pull me back from the vortex.

  But I wanted to hold Lucas’s hand at least one more time, even if I couldn’t do anything else. So with every ounce of my strength and concentration, I thought about the place where my hand should be, and carved out the image of the wrist, the palm, and the fingers. A soft blue form appeared, fragile as a wisp of smoke. It was nothing like it should have been; maybe this was what wraiths looked like just before they vanished forever.

  Then Lucas wrapped something around my wrist.

  The bracelet! I saw the coral and silver in the same second that I felt a jolt of inner power. Within an instant, my body became solid, and I fell hard to the floor. The answering pain was wonderful. It meant I was real, and that I had escaped. Something about turning solid negated the power of whatever it was that had grabbed me.

  Lucas dropped to his knees and gathered me in his arms. In horror, I saw the manifestation of the vortex that had nearly swallowed me — a swirl of fog and darkness that had opened up within the library wall. As we watched, though, it shrank and quieted, smoothing out into uneven plaster once more.

  “What the hell was that?” Lucas said, clutching me against his chest. “Are you okay?”

  “I think so.” My voice shook, and I felt a little like I’d throw up, ifl still had a stomach. But the disorientation diminished each moment. “Mrs. Bethany’s not just hunting the wraiths. She’s.. trapping them.”

  “Is that what that was?” His eyes narrowed. “Stand back.”

  Scooting backward, I put as much distance as I could between me and the wall as Lucas went to the wall, ran his hand against it, and then, with all his vampire strength, punched through. Fine motes of plaster dust puffed out as shards of the wall fell to the floor.

  “They’ll know somebody was here,” I said.

  “Let ‘em know. We need to figure this out.” Lucas reached into the wall and pulled out a small metal box — curiously shaped, with odd curves and angles: a little like a seashell made of silver and obsidian. The lid was open, revealing an interior of motl1er — of — pearl. At first I thought it was no more than a lovely antique jewelry box, but then — as I focused on the mother — of — pearl, on the living substance within, I felt its pull on me anew. With the bracelet strengthening me and keeping me solid, I was in no danger, but the sensation was still terrifying.

  “Lucas, close it! Put it back!” I cried. He did so at once, looking back at me in alarm. But as soon as the box was shut, I felt at ease again.

  As Lucas ran to my side, I said, “That’s a trap. A trap for wraiths. Mrs. Bethany put one here. She could — she’s got to have them all over the school. She’s hunting us and trapping us.” Why?I thought. What can she want with us? Is it only hate, or something more?

  He frowned as he cuddled me close. “jesus. Don’t ever come back in here.”

  “Not without the bracelet,” I said, with a glance down at it. “That was good thinking.”

  “Figured whatever was after you, you had a better chance if you could hit back.”

  I brushed my hand against his cheek. “You heard me. In your dream.”

  “Yeah.” Lucas raked his fingers through my hair, “How did you know about that nightmare? Were you trying to visit me, before?”

  “I tried, but I couldn’t break through. I couldn’t make you see me.”

  His lips brushed against my forehead as he spoke. “We’ll work on it. We can get better at it.”

  “Okay.” I realized that this was the first moment Lucas had truly seemed like himself since he’d risen from the dead. Saving me had given him back a sense of purpose — a reason to be here.

  And I realized that he was my reason to be here, too.

  Lucas studied me in the dim moonlight, once again focused and sure. “We’re going to fmd all these traps. Figure out a way to keep you clear of them. Nothing’s going to happen to you, Bianca. Not again. There’s no way I’m letting that happen.”

  “And I’m going to take care of you.” I remembered how frightened I had been for everyone I loved, even while the trap had been sucking me in. Yes, I was dead now, but my heart remained alive. For Lucas’s sake, and the sake of the people I cared about — for the love that endured after death — I had to find a place in this world. If that meant I was never wholly part of the living or undead worlds, well, I’d always been in — between. In the shadows. I knew how to do it, and maybe I could get better at it.

  Maybe it Wasn’t the afterlife preached from pulpits or envisioned by painters who liked harps, wings, and fluffy clouds. But looking out for the people I loved seemed like a pretty good way to spend eternity. As Lucas held me tightly, I knew he felt the same way.

  We still have something at stake, I realized. Something to fight for.

  Chapter Eight

  LUCAS AND I STAYED UP MOST OF THE REST OF that night, curled in each other’s arms out on the lawn. Death had made us immune to autumn’s winds or tfue chill of the soft earth beneath us. So we spooned together beneath one of the large oak trees, half covered by the first fallen leaves as the wind bRew them over us for a blanket. The leaves were the colors of our hair — deep red and dark gold. We were part of the fall. And, for the first time in far too long, we were truly part of each other. “You haven ‘t said we should leave Evernight,” I whispered.

  “Don’t think I haven ‘t thought it.” Lucas nuzzled the side of my face. “I hate knowing how dangerous this place is for you. But. . I have to trust you to make your own call about the risks. That’s the deal we made, and I’ll stick to it.”

  With my head still dizzy from the trap in the library, and the scratches on my shoulder sore, I wondered whether I needed to reassess the risks at Evernight Academy. But until Lucas was steadier, I knew, remaining here was our best option. “I’m just fine.” I kissed him, soft and deep. “Nothing worse can happen to me. In fact — it’s like I finally see that so many good things can still happen to me. That there’s a lot I can do here, for you and for everybody else.”

  Lucas half smiled. “Not a ghost, but an angel.”

  “There’s a lot you can do here as a vampire. Think about how many students my mother and father helped, or h
ow often Balthazar was able to bail us out. Being dead. . it’s not the worst thing that can happen.”

  He was quiet for a while after that. considering. “It’s just — this hunger.”

  “I know.”

  “If I ever snap, and if I hurt someone … kill! someone — ”

  “You won’t.” I wanted badly to believe that, and to help him believe it, too. “You’re strong, Lucas. As a kid, you made it thro111gh Black Cross training that would’ve crushed some adults. You went undercover when you were nineteen years old and you pulled it off. I mean, you fooled Mrs.

  Bethany, and you might just be the only person who’s ever done that for long.”

  At that, he actuaUy laughed; it was a rueful laugh rather than a happy one, but I’d take what I could get. It just felt so good, being here with him without the weight of the world crushing us down.

  I kept counting off points. “You think for yourself, which is a lot rarer than it ought to be. You can admit when you’re wrong, which is even rarer than that. You’re loyal, and you’re courageous, and you make friendships that last forever. That’s all part of you. The best part of you.”

  Very serious now, Lucas shook his head. “You’re wrong.”

  “Listen to me — ”

  “You listen.” He snuggled more tightly against me. “You’re the best part of me. Always.”

  I closed my eyes and rested my head against his arm, finally at peace — at least for one night.

  The next day, Evernight Academy continued along in its usual whirl of activity — in its own way, I thought, more alive than most of its student body. People jumbled together in the hallways, the vampires sleek and sophisticated, the rest wondering vaguely why they couldn’t fit in. Traveling down the hallways was scarier now, because I never knew where the next trap might lie. But I took it slow and proceeded carefully. So far, so good.

  I was searching for Lucas, intending to follow him into class. I wouldn’t distract him; he was honestly trying to do the course work, as a way of killing time if nothing else. After our reunion last night, it felt like enough just to be at his side, and I suspected he would feel the same way.