Dream a Little Dream

by Joan Jonker

  ‘Is that what you want for me, Dad? That I marry a man from a good family with plenty of money?’

  ‘All I want is for you to be happy, Abbie. I want that for all of my children.’

  ‘As you said, Dad, I’ll be eighteen soon, and I believe that’s old enough for me to know what I want from life. I am not going to criticise any of my family, that would be unfair and futile, but suffice to say the life they enjoy would not be for me. I don’t want to spend my time lounging around, and then marrying a man because he has money. When I do marry, Dad, it will be for love. But that’s years off, and in the meantime I want to achieve something, to justify my being on this earth. If it means going against Mother, then I shall have to face that problem when it arises.’

  ‘Are you absolutely certain, my dear? Have you given it plenty of thought?’

  ‘I’ve known all along it’s what I want, Dad! It’s not something I’ve just thought of. You said Milly left school at sixteen – well, that is what I would have liked to do. But Mother insisted on the extra two years’ private tuition, and I didn’t have a choice. I know she had my welfare at heart, but I can’t let her keep on running my life for me when I know I won’t be happy. I’m sorry, Dad, because I know it will cause a lot of bad feeling, but I really am quite determined to make a stand on this.’

  Robert gazed into his daughter’s pretty face and his heart went out to her. She was very young and very tender-hearted. No match for his wife’s venomous tongue and her sister’s scorn. ‘I’ll be standing right beside you, Abbie; you won’t be alone. I’ll tell your mother tonight that your future has been decided, and that you have my blessing. And tomorrow you can make enquiries on how to enrol at commercial college, and find out when their term starts.’

  Abbie left her chair and flung her arms around him. ‘Oh, thank you, Daddy! I won’t let you down, I promise.’

  Robert felt a lump form in his throat at the show of affection and her use of the word Daddy. She’d always called him that until Edwina decided it was too childish. Hugs and kisses, they were childish, too! And loud laughter was frowned on as being very common. In her quest for perfection, his wife had thrown out the very things that make a house into a home – love, warmth and laughter. ‘I know you won’t let me down, Abbie, and I admire your determination.’

  Abbie returned to her chair with a smile on her face. ‘Now I want to know how the business grew to what it is today, and how the auction houses came about.’

  ‘Hard work and good fortune, I suppose. As you know, I have six furniture-removal depots across Lancashire, and they bring in enough money to allow us to live in comfort. Plus, I have a good manager in Jeff, who makes sure things run smoothly. He replaces vans when they are too old, and he can hire and fire. As for the auction houses, they are not something I intended, they just seemed to happen. It started in a very small way when I was asked if I would buy the contents of a house in Orrell Park. The elderly lady who lived there had died and her family didn’t want her furniture. They weren’t asking much for it, and I bought it more as a favour to them. I emptied the house and took the furniture to a second-hand shop, where I got four bob more than I had paid for it. Remember, this was 1924, and four bob was a lot of money in those days. A couple of weeks later the same thing happened, but this time I decided to sell the furniture myself. My thinking was that if the man in the second-hand shop could give me four bob over the odds for the other furniture, and make a profit himself, the money was better in my pocket, seeing as I had to remove the stuff. So I rented a small shop on Hawthorne Road in Bootle, and stored the furniture there until I had enough to open it up as a second-hand shop. It did very well because there were a lot of poor people in the area and I kept the prices as low as possible.’

  As Abbie listened, she was filled with admiration for her father. He must have worked very hard, and yet his achievements were never mentioned! At least not in her presence. ‘It’s a wonderful story, Dad, you must be very clever. There’s not many men could do what you have.’

  ‘Ah, but I had the good fortune to have such a staunch friend as Jeff. From day one he’s been there for me and he’s never let me down. He’s not afraid to speak his mind, either, which is what I like about him. If he thinks I’m wrong, he’ll look me straight in the eye and tell me. And I listen to him because he has a good head for business. For instance, it was Jeff who told me that some of the furniture we were selling in the second-hand shop was worth a lot more than we were asking for it. I approached an antique specialist who is a member of my club, and after inspecting a few pieces he agreed with Jeff that they were indeed quite valuable. And so the idea was born for our first auction sales room in the city. I remember the first day as though it was yesterday. We had advertised the opening in the local newspapers and booked an auctioneer to handle the affair. Imagine our dismay when only ten people turned up, and they’d only come out of curiosity. Jeff and I often have a laugh about it, and he said it was a lesson to warn us not to get too big-headed.’

  Abbie’s eyes were wide and her mouth gaped. ‘Only ten people, Dad! Oh, you must have been very disappointed.’

  Robert chuckled. ‘Agnes would have loved it there, the air was blue with my language. Not because we hadn’t made any money, because that’s hardly life-threatening, is it? No, it was because we felt foolish. Not so much Jeff, but I must have looked ridiculous, standing out like a sore thumb in my hard bowler hat, immaculate shirt and cravat, best overcoat with red carnation in the buttonhole, spats, kid gloves – and I was carrying a cane. The great businessman not doing any business.’

  ‘Oh Dad, I know it probably wasn’t funny at the time, but you describe yourself so well I can see you in my mind’s eye and it must have been hilarious.’

  ‘I can assure you I didn’t find any humour in it at the time. I was all for closing the place down but Jeff persuaded me to give it a couple of months. The auction was only going to be held every two weeks, and he said there was no need for me to go along, he would attend to it. Once again he was right, Abbie, because in three months the business was up and running and has never looked back. And as you know, we started a similar scheme over in Chester five years ago, and that is also very successful.’ Robert took out his fobwatch and pulled a face. ‘That’s all for tonight, young lady, it’s very late. Besides, I think you know all you need to know about the business for the time being.’

  ‘Can I ask a favour of you, Dad?’

  ‘Of course you can. And if it is in my power I will grant it.’

  ‘Will you take me to see Milly’s house one day? I’d love to see her.’

  Robert lowered his head. This youngest daughter of his was really stirring up a hornet’s nest. Her young friend Milly was part of the past that Edwina had gone to great pains never to mention. It was as if seven years in Balfour Road had never been; she had erased them from her mind. And whether by word or deed, she seemed to have been successful in erasing them from the minds of her two eldest children. Victoria and Nigel also had friends in the street where Milly lived, but they appeared to have forgotten them. Yet was it right that Abbie should be encouraged to also forget the friends of her childhood? No, there was no justification for that. She had a right to choose her own destiny. ‘Yes, I’ll take you down to see her one night. I’m sure she’ll be delighted because she never fails to ask after you. But I’ll have to let her know when you’re coming and that may take a week or two, so you’ll have to be patient.’

  He was smothered in kisses. ‘You are the best father in the world, and I do love you.’ Abbie picked up the tray and made for the door. ‘I’ll wash these before I go to bed. Goodnight and God bless.’

  ‘Goodnight and God bless, my dear.’ Robert sat deep in thought when his daughter had left. Then he spoke to the empty room. ‘I’ve tried to be a good father, and on the whole I believe I have. But I’ve also been a coward, and turned a blind eye when I should have put my foot down. Because of that, my two eldest children are snobs who spen
d their days playing tennis, swimming, shopping for clothes they don’t need, or going to afternoon tea dances. They don’t know any other kind of life, and I must take the blame for that. Now my youngest child wants to be free to lead a different life, one I would dearly love her to have. But she’ll have to fight every foot of the way to get it. Unless I do what I should have done in the first place, and that’s to be master in my own home.’

  Edwina was sitting up in bed pretending to read when Robert entered the bedroom. She was wearing a plain white cotton nightdress, long-sleeved and buttoned to the neck. She would never show an inch of flesh if it was possible to cover it. And her face revealed she was not in the best of tempers. ‘You have been shut in that study for over two hours, Robert,’ she said shrilly. ‘What could a seventeen-year-old girl possibly have to say that would hold your attention for so long?’

  ‘It was a very enjoyable two hours, Edwina.’ Robert pulled off his cravat and placed it on top of a tallboy. ‘I discovered that Abbie and I have a lot in common.’

  When he didn’t offer any further information, her nostrils flared. ‘More in common than with myself and your other two children?’

  ‘Good gracious, Edwina, aren’t you being a little dramatic? What is so wrong with a father spending some time with his daughter?’ Robert studied his wife’s pinched face before picking up his cravat and walking through to his dressing-room. What on earth had happened to them? They’d been madly in love with each other once, now they were like strangers. The girl he’d fallen in love with was a happy person, full of joy and laughter. A working-class lass from a working-class family, who spoke, like himself, with a Liverpool accent. Now that girl had grown into a woman and changed beyond all recognition. Gone was the loving nature, the laughter and the Liverpool accent. He had changed too, but his change had been brought about by necessity. Mixing with wealthy business people, it had been important to learn to speak, dress and live as they did. But underneath he hadn’t changed so much he’d forgotten where he came from or those who had once been his friends.

  Robert was very thoughtful as he undressed and hung his clothes in the built-in wardrobe. The love he and Edwina had shared was long gone, but since they both lived under the same roof, surely they could at least be pleasant with each other? But there was no point in asking himself this question when the only one who could answer it was his wife. God knows he had tried many times over the years to get close to her, but to no avail. For the sake of harmony in the house, though, he was prepared to try again.

  Edwina lowered her book when she sensed Robert standing at the foot of the bed. ‘Did you want to say something?’

  ‘I would like to know where the hell we went wrong, Edie?’

  She closed her eyes at the use of her old nickname. ‘I don’t know what you are talking about. What has gone wrong?’

  ‘You, me, the children – everything. When I leave work each day, I don’t come home, I come to a house where my belongings and my family just happen to be. Because it isn’t like any home I have ever known, where there is love and laughter, and where the family sit together and discuss things. I never understood why you suddenly took a dislike to my making love to you, but I went along with it because I would never force myself on you. That I could have tolerated, if we had remained friends. But we are not even that, Edie, and I’d like to know why? There are times when I think you actually hate me, and if it weren’t for the fact that I’m the one who supplies the money to enable you to have the lifestyle you revel in, you wouldn’t care if you never saw me again.’

  Edwina closed the book and put it on the bedside table. ‘Now who is the one being dramatic. Of course I don’t hate you, Robert, you are being childish.’

  ‘What are your feelings for me, then?’

  Edwina looked down at her clasped hands. ‘You are my husband.’

  ‘In name only, Edie.’ He could see anger flare in his wife’s eyes. ‘That was your name when I met you, so why are you ashamed of it now?’

  ‘Because it’s all in the past and I don’t want to live in the past.’

  ‘Is that why you never visit your old friends and neighbours, because they wouldn’t fit in with your new life?’ Robert knew what he was going to say would hurt her, but it was something he should have said years ago. ‘Even your own mother and father? Are you really so ashamed of them?’

  Edwina’s face drained of colour. ‘Why are you doing this to me? It will serve no purpose to go over all this again. We have a good life – why can’t you leave things be? Anyway, my mother and father are probably dead by now.’

  Robert shook his head sadly. ‘I daresay you would like them to be, to ease your conscience, but I can assure you they are very much alive. I visit them once a month, as I do all my old friends. I take them a food hamper from Coopers and make sure they don’t go short of coal in the cold weather.’ His sadness now turned to anger. How could this woman erase everything from her mind, even her elderly parents, and live with herself? Never once, in the last seventeen years, had she been to see them or mentioned their names. ‘I blame myself for allowing you to forget your duties. I should have insisted you keep in contact with your parents, even carrying you there if that was the only way to get you to visit them.’ He took a deep breath and blew the air out slowly. ‘You’ve told the children that they’re dead, haven’t you?’

  His wife couldn’t meet his eyes. ‘I thought they would be.’

  ‘Thought or hoped? Didn’t you once acknowledge to yourself that every child has a right to know and love their grandparents, and the grandparents have the right to know their grandchildren? Especially as you were their only child, and when you deserted them they had no one. And the sickening thing is, they ask about you and the children every time I visit them. I used to make excuses for you at first, believing you would come to your senses eventually. But you can only make excuses for so long and expect them to be believed. I don’t like telling lies, and apparently I’m not very good at it. Because one day your mother took my hand and said, “It’s all right, Bob, you don’t have to lie to me and Joe. We’re just glad you come to see us, and very grateful”. Two lonely old people, Edie, who at best only have a few more years left to them. If you can live with yourself, knowing that, then the heart that beats inside of you is a heart of stone. My feelings for you, right now, are of sadness, pity and disgust.’

  ‘I don’t know what you had hoped to gain by raking all this up, but if you have finished castigating me, I would like to go to sleep. It’s been a very trying day.’

  ‘I’m afraid you’re going to have to force yourself to stay awake a little longer, because I still have much to say.’ Robert couldn’t remember being as angry as he was now. ‘I am the provider and master of this house and I intend taking more of an interest in what happens. There will be some changes, I can assure you. I have two children who are so idle they don’t make any contribution to either this house, or to society as a whole. They take everything for granted and expect to be waited on hand and foot. They look down on people who have to work for a living, as though it’s something to be ashamed of. And what gives them the right to think like this when they come from the working class themselves? Because they’ve never been told the truth. I have no intention of laying the law down unless it becomes necessary. So I’m going to leave it to you to suggest to Victoria and Nigel that they get involved in charity work. Perhaps helping children in the Cottage Homes, by taking them gifts of toys or clothing. Or they could visit the poor in almshouses and hospitals. There are thousands of poor people in Liverpool who need help, even if it’s only a visit to show somebody cares about them. And seeing the poverty in which some people are forced to live, might just change our children’s outlook on life, and make them appreciate how fortunate they are. It might even make them more sympathetic to the plight of others.’

  Edwina was livid. ‘I notice you don’t include your precious Abigail in this noble charity work you have in mind for Victoria and Nigel
. I wonder why?’

  ‘I don’t need to! Abbie will be starting at commercial college at the beginning of their term, and eventually she will find herself a job. She intends to do something useful with her life and I admire her for it. And I’ll make sure she is allowed to follow the course she’s set out for herself without interference from anyone in this house. I hope I make myself clear?’

  ‘Quite clear! And now, if I am allowed to speak, I want you to know that your plans for Victoria and Nigel will be met with stiff opposition. There is no way they will do this charity work you have in mind. It’s quite out of the question.’

  ‘That’s a pity, because I refuse to keep on giving them generous monthly allowances if they do nothing to deserve them. You are responsible for protecting them from the realities of life, so I suggest that it would be in the interest of both parties to seriously consider what contribution they can make to society. You are going to have to go along with me on this, Edwina, and any other proposals I may make in the future.’

  ‘This is not like you, Robert, to be so hard.’

  ‘I hope you understand that I mean every word. As I said earlier, I intend taking more of an interest in my family and my home. I want to hear laughter in the house instead of sarcasm, a smile in the place of a sneer, and most of all I want more care and consideration shown by every member of the family. Are you going to help me achieve this, Edwina?’

  ‘I have run this house to the best of my ability, and with you being away so much I’m the one who has had to make the decisions. Now, it seems, you don’t think I’ve made a very good job of it! That I don’t care!’

  ‘Do you care enough for us to be at least friends? To be pleasant with each other and show respect? To support any decision I make, even though it might not be popular with the children? I would not be unreasonable and of course would always discuss things with you first. If you were against any suggestion I made, we could argue the toss until we reached a suitable compromise. But once an agreement had been reached between us, I would expect you, as my wife, to stand firmly behind me. Can I have your word on this?’