by Jani Kay
Chapter 38 — Montana
Looking into the mirror, I applied red lipstick and checked my hair. On the outside I looked fine, except for dark circles under my eyes due to lack of sleep the night before, but those were easy to cover with make-up.
Inside was another story—I was a mess. Levi hadn’t called since he’d left the restaurant and I’d picked up my phone about a hundred times to call him, but every time my nerves failed me.
Until Red and I had been to see my mom, nothing could really change. There wasn’t anything I could say to Levi that would make things better. Marriage and kids were never part of the deal and I’d wrongly thought that’s what he wanted too.
No strings attached.
No emotions.
What happened to all of that?
I was so far out of my depth that I was drowning and nothing made sense any more. I hated feeling so out of control, so fucking helpless.
Red was right, I needed to fix things.
Put on your big girl panties, Montana, and face your fears. Emotions are part of the human condition, you’re never going to avoid them.
It was silly to ever think I could go into an arrangement and not be affected one way or another. I’d tried to guard my heart but clearly I’d failed miserably at that.
I had to dig deep and find an inner strength.
I can do this.
As soon as I’d arrived at the office that morning, I’d texted Jake to invite him to a café close by and he’d agreed to meet me at ten thirty A.M. after his morning show.
This was one thing I could handle. I had no other option. I wanted to live the rest of my life without the angst of worrying that Jake could hurt me or lash out at Levi again.
It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate everything that Levi, Red and Beckham had done to stop Jake from being a threat to me, but deep inside I knew I had to face my fears head on and confront Jake face to face.
With only a five minute walk from my office, I was exactly on time.
Would Jake show up or bail on me?
I sucked in a breath and walked into the café. My gaze went directly to Jake sitting in the corner, dressed in jeans and a casual shirt. That wasn’t what I expected. I pulled my shoulders back and raised my chin as I approached the table.
How things had changed. I was the one making an entrance and turning heads instead of him.
Jake rose to his feet to greet me with a cold smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Good morning, Montana. You look lovely.”
“Hello, Jake. You look like shit.” I took a seat across from Jake and scrutinized his face. I’d never imagined seeing him so disheveled.
He wiped a hand over his stubble and combed his hand through his unruly hair. No styling products holding every strand in place, no make up to hide the bags under his eyes.
He shrugged. “I cancelled my morning show at the last minute.”
The waitress arrive with two coffees and placed them in front of us. “I hope you don’t mind that I ordered for you. I need that caffeine injection.”
“No problem. I need it too.” It wasn’t what I usually ordered, but it was caffeine, so I wasn’t going to make a fuss.
“I’m assuming you know all about Levi’s visit yesterday?” He almost sounded defeated.
I’d come to meet Jake the Snake, the cocky bastard, the master manipulator, and instead I was faced with a vulnerable man who looked as if his pet just died.
“I do,” I said, taking a few sips of coffee and letting it infuse my body.
“Then you also know about everything else?”
“Yes. Everything.”
Jake sighed and his shoulders slumped. “I’ve had the whole night to think things through. Life hasn’t always been easy for me. I realize it’s not a great excuse, and I hope you can understand where I’m coming from.”
“I’m listening,” I said softly, giving him the benefit of the doubt.
“I’ve always had to fight for what I wanted. My parents wanted a girl, but I’ve always been a boy. It’s confusing when you don’t have a clear identity and you’re trying to please someone else . . . trying to give them what they want from you. ”
Wasn’t that the truth? I could totally identify with that. I wouldn’t be in this predicament with Levi if I hadn’t made those promises to my mother.
I swallowed hard and nodded, encouraging Jake to continue.
Jake cleared his throat. “Most of my life I’ve been angry. Asking why me? Even when I switched from Jacqui to Jake it wasn’t enough. I’d been shunned and rejected so often and I wanted other people to hurt as much as I was. That’s lame, but it’s the truth.”
Narrowing my eyes, I stared at him over my cup. “Well, I can ask the same question. Why me? Why are you trying to ruin my life and why did you sabotage my apartment?”
Jake hung his head, his hair falling forward over one eye. His jaw locked and he sat quietly for a few moments. When he looked up at me, his eyes were dull. “Because I could. You’re an easy target, Montana.”
“So are hundreds of other people. That still doesn’t explain anything.”
His fingers speared his hair, pushing it back. “You really want to know why you?”
My throat too dry to speak, I simply nodded.
“Because your life’s perfect. Because you were one of the few people who wasn’t nasty to me. Because I want you . . . and if I can’t have you then I don’t want you to be with anyone else.”
I threw back my head and laughed. It wasn’t a pretty laugh. “You don’t honestly believe I have a perfect life do you? You must have heard the rumors around school about Adrian?”
“You have a mother who loves you . . . protects you. Mine didn’t want to know me after I refused to stay a girl.”
All the breath left my lungs.
“I’m sorry for your pain, Jake. I won’t even pretend to understand what you must’ve gone through. If only you had someone to speak to who could’ve helped you—”
He cut me short. “Anyway, Levi threatened me if I didn’t leave the city and he’d probably kill me if he saw me here with you now. He must know a lot of influential people, because this morning before my show, I got called into the head honcho’s office and told I was being transferred and that it was for my own good.”
“Would you rather go to jail until your case comes up?” My tone hardened. “Levi has proof it was you who wrecked my apartment. Breaking and entering with the intent to harm someone is a crime, and you’ll certainly spend a few years in prison. The forensics will come to the same conclusion after their investigation as well as the insurance company. You did a fine job of ruining the whole place and the damages run into tens of thousands of dollars.”
“You have insurance. They’ll take care of it.”
I had to remind myself to breath.
Just when I actually felt sorry for this person, he said something that ridiculous.
“You don’t get it, do you?” I huffed. “There were things in my apartment that were precious to me—they may not have had high monetary value, but they’re irreplaceable. Some things money can’t buy.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “I could have died in there Jake. Did you ever think of that? Or do you just not care?”
Jake went pale, his mouth opening and closing a few times like a fish out of water.
“I was angry and I didn’t think it through.” He slumped forward and dropped his head into his hands. “I’m sorry.”
“I want you to promise me something.”
“What?”
“Think about other people instead of just yourself. Karma has a way of righting wrongs and even if you think you’re getting away with something bad, believe me . . . Karma will make you pay. It always does.”
“That’s just wishy washy bullshit. I don’t believe in that crap.”
“You don’t have to believe in it for it to affect your life. It’s a universal law and it’s called the Golden Rule for a reason. I pity you Jake. Until you learn
the lesson, the Mack truck of life will hit you time and time again. There’s no avoiding it. It’s how people learn and grow.”
I pushed to my feet and threw a ten dollar bill on the table. “I hope our paths never cross again.”
I walked out of the café with my head held high. I was proud of myself that I’d faced my fears head on and told Jake what I thought. It would have been easy to hide behind Levi and everyone else who helped me through tough times.
Already a weight lifted off my shoulders and I felt better as I walked the short distance back to my office.
I had one more fear to face. My mother.
Chapter 39 — Montana
The drive to see my mom was excruciating. Red and I had taken turns behind the wheel of the car and I’d been sleeping in the back for the past hour.
Beckham had to be the best boss on the planet. He’d given me three days off—assuring me that I could have more if I needed it—even though we had urgent work to deal with. He swore that he’d cope in my absence and teased that the company would survive without me. It was Red he was going to miss most. They’d been inseparable since the first day and guilt ate at me for dragging her along to help me, but at that point I needed her more.
I woke with a start as she cut the engine and called my name. “Monty, I’m going to check us in at the motel so we can freshen up before we go to visit Mrs. M.” Her voice was tender, as if she were speaking to a child.
Confused, and with my head still fuzzy from sleep, I sat up and nodded. My dress was crumbled and my hair a mess, not to mention the streaks of tears that had dried on my cheeks. I rubbed my nose and looked around. I hadn’t been to see my mother for five years and now I was about to tell her I was going to break my oath.
As soon as Red opened the car door, a wave of humidity hit me, and I remembered why I hated coming to this town so much. Too many bad memories that threatened to overwhelm me flooded back to my mind.
I watched as she walked to the reception area, her chin raised as if she was ready to take on anyone who challenged her. I counted my blessings for having a best friend like Red. She didn’t take crap from anyone and I was damn grateful that she was on my side.
Mostly southerners were known for their hospitality, but they’d just as soon stab a person in the back if they felt wronged. It was human nature, but it was so much more painful in a small community where everyone knew one another’s business. That was why New York was the only place for me. It swallowed me whole and didn’t care where I came from or what I’d done. Everyone was too tied up in their own little bubbles in the big city to really bother about their neighbor’s problems, and that suited me just fine.
I’d worked hard to become Montana Marx, top executive at thirty-three. As much as New York demanded from me, it had also rewarded me handsomely. I’d paid it back by becoming engrossed—no, consumed—with my new life, never looking behind me at the past on purpose.
Startled, I realized that I’d taken my demons with me. I’d thought I’d run away to escape them, but in reality they were there with me all the time, buried deep inside.
There was no escape. Our demons had to be dealt with or be part of our lives forever.
I found the bottle of water that had rolled under the front seat and gulped it down, even though my bladder was already pretty full and I’d need to go to the bathroom as soon as we got to our room.
Red appeared about ten minutes later, got back in the car, and drove a short distance to park in front of our room. As I got out from the back seat, the hot, humid air assaulted my skin and lungs, so we grabbed our overnight bags and quickly made our way inside.
The room smelled musty and damp, and the AC rattled against the wall, but at least the dank space was cold. Too cold. Goosebumps scattered over my skin as I placed my bag on the bed against the wall. Red could have the bed closest to the air-conditioner because her body was always hot while mine ran cooler.
We took turns in the shower and I changed into a skirt and top and flats. I didn’t want to navigate my way on heels when we got to the special nursing home Mom was in.
I’d bought her a teddy bear, flowers and chocolates. Everything I knew she loved, just to break the ice. She loved bears because she’d never had one of her own as a child, and her face always lit up when I got her a new one to add to her collection. Guilt-ridden that I’d ordered and sent gifts via online shopping for the last five years because it was easier that delivering them myself, I’d splurged on a limited edition bear that I hoped she’d adore.
We drove in silence to the place my mother had been living since I’d taken off to New York. She’d refused to move away from the area she’d grown up in, swearing she’d never put foot in a large city.
As we drove through the gates into the large grounds, I swallowed hard. My heart drummed against my ribs, erratic and way too fast.
Red slowed down to walking speed, as advised by the road signs. She was never one to heed traffic signs, so I knew she was doing it for me, giving me a chance to catch my breath and let it all sink in that I was finally doing this.
“Ready?” she asked as she turned to me and flashed me a reassuring smile.
I nodded. I’m fucking petrified. I wanted for Red to turn around and take me straight back home.
Back to what?
Due to police investigations and the insurance people stalling, my apartment wasn’t ready yet. And if Levi had walked out of my life for good, he most likely wouldn’t want me staying at the loft any longer.
It wasn’t only that I had nowhere to go back to, it was also that I didn’t really have anyone to go back to. Red and Beckham were so into one another that I wasn’t going to cramp their style.
Levi. I had to do this for him. And myself, of course. If I was very, very lucky, he’d give me another chance. A chance to show him how much I wanted to be with him. How much I loved him and how empty my world would be without him in it.
“Coming?” Red raised an eyebrow. I sat, frozen and stunned into silence. I hadn’t registered that she’d turned off the engine and was waiting for me to get out.
“Can we come back tomorrow?” I said in a small voice.
“Montana Marx, you aren’t fifteen. You’re strong and smart and you can do this.” Her voice softened. “I’m right here, babe. I’m not going anywhere.”
I reached out and laid my hand on her arm. “Thank you,” I choked out.
“You’d do the same for me,” she said, waving it off, but I caught her blinking fast before she turned her head away.
My mother had been expecting us, so she sat by the window waiting, dressed in her Sunday best, as she always called it. She was a lot thinner than the last time I’d seen her, but her cheeks were pink and she was smiling, so I took it as a good sign.
“Hey, Mom,” I greeted as I placed the gifts on the empty chair next to her and pulled her into a hug. Her skinny arms flew around my neck, and she buried her face against my shoulder.
“Oh Monty, it’s been too long, baby girl. I thought you’d never come back to see me.”
I gazed into her hazel eyes. They were set back into deep hollows and a pang of guilt ripped through me. “I’m sorry. I promise it won’t happen again.”
Promises. Why did I always feel the need to make them?
“Mom, you’re fading away. Are you eating okay?” As I helped her into her chair, I couldn’t help noticing how frail she’d become.
“Don’t even get me started on that. The food is terrible. They overcook it and it tastes like cardboard. I can’t eat most of what they serve us. It’s a disgrace.”
For what I paid monthly for Mom’s care, the food should be five-star. I made a mental note to look into it and find out why they didn’t make sure my mother ate properly. It was always the same—the person doing the sales job promised the earth, but that was where it ended once the customer signed on the dotted line.
Red had gone to find something to drink from a vending machine and I found myself wis
hing she’d hurry up. I needed her moral support.
“Maybe it’s time we move you to somewhere nice closer to New York? Then I can come see you a lot more often,” I said, hoping she’d agree this time. We’d had this conversation before and every time she’d stubbornly refused.
“Will you really come and see me if I moved closer?”
My heart twisted with the way she looked at me, as if she was finally ready to relent. I hated moving her away from her friends, but that would mean it would be easier for me to visit.
There was so much to say that I didn’t know where to start, so I let Mom do most of the talking, listening to her stories about her daily life and how much she missed me. Nothing she told me was any different from what I’d heard before whenever I called her.
“Hello Mrs. M.,” Red said with a smile as she joined us, her hands full of cans of soft drinks and bars of chocolates. “Look what I found.”
“Red, you spoil me.” Mom grinned. “I still have some candy left from last time when you came to see me with that nice fella of yours.”
What?
Red pulled her shoulders to her ears and looked at me with an apology in her eyes. I couldn’t believe she’d withheld that information from me.
“Red?”
“I’ll explain later, okay? Just trust me.”
Annoyed, I scraped a chair closer and sat down, my brows knitted together as I fumed in silence.
Ignoring me, Red grabbed hold of a chair and sat down too, directly in front of my mother.
“That nice fella is my fiancé. Beckham Drake is a wonderful man and he makes me very happy.”
Mom leaned forward and patted Red’s hand. “That’s lovely, my dear.”
Red cleared her throat. “We’re getting married in a few months—”
Mom’s hand flew to her mouth as her eyes darted to Red’s stomach. “You’re not pregnant are you?”
Red laughed, but she wasn’t exactly amused. Yet her voice stayed calm as she spoke again. “No, not yet. Although we’d love to start a family as soon as we can.” She took a deep breath. “You really liked Beckham, didn’t you?”
