by Jani Kay
“Oh yes, he’s so tall and handsome. You did well.”
Red grinned. “I’m pleased you think so. But here’s the thing . . .” She paused and looked at me for a long moment before continuing. “Monty here has met a man just like my Beckham. He’s crazy for her, and I think Monty likes him too.”
My mother turned to stare at me, her eyes wide with shock. “Is that why you haven’t been to see me in so long, Montana? Because of a man?”
What started off well was fast unravelling into a disaster. “No, of course not. I’ve worked hard at two jobs and getting a higher degree. I’ve never had a real relationship with a man. All because of a vow I made to you when I was a kid.”
“You know why, Monty. To protect you . . . so you never have to endure what I’ve been through.”
“I appreciate that and everything you’ve sacrificed for me more than I can ever express or repay. But I’ve come here to ask you to release me from that oath. I’m in love with a man, and I think I’ve just pushed him away because of my fears and it’s breaking my heart.”
Mom stared at me as if I were crazy. Her eyes were even darker in their hollows than before. “Monty, what have you done?”
Red intervened. “Mrs. M, I understand that you did what you thought was best for your daughter. Any good mother would do that and I admire you for it. But Montana is no longer a girl. She’s smart and tough, and she can take good care of herself. And what’s more, I guarantee that if you met Levi, you’d like him as much as you like my guy.”
“What does he do, this Levi?” Mom asked warily.
Again, Red jumped in before I could answer. “Oh he runs a family business with his father and grandfather. I heard his great-grandfather was from the south, just like us.”
“Well, when do I get to meet this man? Or are you ashamed of me?” Mom looked at me with hurt in her eyes.
“Mom,” I groaned. “Don’t be silly.”
“So then why didn’t he come with you, like Red’s fella did?”
“Because I told him I was never getting married or having children. Repeatedly. I think he got tired of me telling him and he left without a word.”
Mom turned to Red as if she didn’t believe me. “Is this true?”
Red nodded. “He’s a real catch. All the women in New York want him, but he only wants your daughter.”
Mom clasped her hands together. “So what are we going to do about it?”
I sucked in a breath. We? “What do you mean?” I asked cagily, not putting too much hope into it.
“Just what I said, my girl. If this Levi fella is half as good as Red’s man, you’re a lucky girl.”
Never in a million years did I expect to hear those worlds from my mother’s mouth. She’d drummed it into me that men were not to be trusted and only brought heartache.
Red winked at me over her head. “Close your mouth, Monty.”
I understood what Red had done. She’d softened my mother by introducing her to Beckham, appealing to her feminine side, the side that still believed in love and romance even if she denied it. If Red had told me before now, I would have laughed at her silly plan and told her it wouldn’t work, but she’d proven me wrong.
Red opened a can of soft drink and held it out to my mother. It was Mom’s favorite, and she eagerly took a few sips. I cringed at the amount of sugar it contained, but how could I deny her this small pleasure?
“Remember how I said I’d never live in the big smoke?” Red watched my mother gulp down a few more mouthfuls of soda and smiled. “Well, I have to admit it has its advantages, and I don’t regret the move. I really think you should consider moving closer to Montana. We’ll both come and see you more often if you did. You’ll have the biggest stash of candy ever.”
Funny how as we grew older we became more like children again. Mom’s eyes gleamed at the prospect. I wanted to kick Red in the shins for using tricks on my mother, but hell, it was working, and the best thing I could do was to shut up and listen.
Mom spoke to Red as if I wasn’t even there. “I want to meet this Levi before I made up my mind. I may not have been the best judge of character when I was younger, but I’ve learned the hard way and I’m much better at it now.”
Red and I stared at one another without saying a word. Bringing Levi was near impossible. After all, I didn’t even know where I stood with him anymore.
I shook my head as my heart twisted. “I can’t promise that I can do that. I don’t know if Levi still wants me. Maybe he’s changed his mind already and moved on.”
“How does that make you feel?” Mom’s voice was laced with concern.
I closed my eyes to shut the hurt out, yet tears still spilled over onto my cheeks. I answered the only way I could—with the truth. “As if I’ve lost everything that really mattered. As if my life would be empty without him in it.”
My mother put her hand on my arm and squeezed and I opened my eyes even though the lids were heavy and resistant. Her tone was soft with a touch of sadness. “Oh. I’m so sorry.”
Because I didn’t know what to say to that, I simply shrugged and wiped the tears away with the back of my hands.
Her eyes misted over. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about the past. Maybe you’re right and I shouldn’t lay my fears on you.” She swallowed hard, clutching the string of antique pearls she’d inherited from her mother around her neck. “As long as you understand that I never blamed you for what happened and that I wasn’t trying to punish you. I was just trying to protect you from the hurt and degradation I went through. I’d never felt so helpless and humiliated in my life.” The sincere sorrow in her tone made my heart ache for her and I rubbed my chest with my palm, wanting the pain to disappear.
“Adrian did enough damage to both of us,” I choked out, relieved that finally we were talking about it. “It’s time to put that behind us.”
Her eyes were hard and her voice cold. “If you didn’t kill the bastard, I would’ve anyway. One night I would have cut his balls in his sleep and let him bleed to death.”
“Wow, that’s fierce, Mrs. M.” Red had a look of admiration in her eyes. “Adrian deserved what he got, so we all agree with that. But I also think you’re beginning to understand that neither you nor Monty should have a life sentence against you by not allowing yourself to find peace and happiness. If Monty doesn’t find love it will mean the fucker won. We don’t want that, do we?”
“No.” Mom shook her head, her lips pursed tightly. “Of course we can’t let him win, even after all these years. Enough already. If Monty finds happiness with a good man, that will make up for all the horrible years we’ve had to endure.”
“Exactly. Adrian tried to control your lives and if you let fear hold you back, it’ll mean he’s still ruling from his damn grave. It’s time to show him the finger, Mrs. M., and show him he doesn’t have the power over you any longer when you come to Montana’s wedding and see how happy she is.”
Wedding? How the fuck did we get to that part? I hadn’t allowed my mind to go there for a millisecond because what if all was lost and Levi shunned me?
“Um . . . I think we’re a little ahead of ourselves, Red. I’ve got to get Levi back first,” I said in a shaky voice.
Red gave me a shit-eating grin. “So you’re not just going to give up on Levi like you’ve been talking all this time?”
Damn, she wasn’t only using tricks on my mother.
“No, she can’t let Adrian win,” Mom said, before I could answer. “You’ve got to help my daughter with her fella. I want to be at her wedding.” She got a faraway look in her eyes. “When Monty was a little girl she always played dress-ups and talked about her wedding day. I still remember her look of joy whenever she talked about it.” Melancholy flickered across her face. “And then I went and crushed her dreams.” She placed her scrawny arms around my shoulder and rubbed up and down my arm. “I’m so sorry, Montana. Can you forgive me? It’s time we forget the past and live our damn lives in the p
resent.”
A weight the size of a brick house lifted from my shoulders. Red was right. This was what I needed to finally get to the next level with Levi. I smiled at both women while wiping a few pesky tears from my face.
“And I’m coming to the big smoke to see where my daughter lives.”
Lord help me.
I looked over at Red. “Thank you,” I said simply. Two small words that held so much gratitude that my heart was bursting.
Chapter 40 — Levi
It had been three days.
Three of the longest fucking days of my life.
Days I’d not spoken to her or known where she was.
Days I couldn’t function properly or care about anything else.
Pottering aimlessly around the rooftop garden of the loft, I stared out over Manhattan. I had everything a man could ever want except the one thing money couldn’t buy; the woman who had invaded my thoughts and dreams had been the only one to ever deny me, and it hurt like fuck.
Not because of my ego—okay, maybe a little—but because she couldn’t see a future with me like I could with her.
I was at a crossroads. Either I had to accept that Montana never wanted anything more from me than a fuck buddy arrangement, or else I’d have to go on without her. The latter was impossible because she’d become an inextricable part of me, and I needed her like I needed my next breath.
I smiled wryly at the small concession she’d offered, and I knew in that instant that I’d be her boyfriend for the rest of our lives if that was all she was prepared to give me. She’d left me no other choice and it was better than nothing. Since I’d had time to cool off and think about things rationally, I realized that a life without her in it would be meaningless.
I’ll take anything she gives me. Anything.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I quickly got it out and checked the caller ID. Tyler. He had the uncanny knack of calling at the strangest times, but I was grateful for his ear.
“Hello Tyler.”
“Hey, what’s up?” His voice was upbeat, and he sounded in a good mood.
“Nothing much,” I lied, not able to go into the details of my dilemma with him, as much as what I wondered if he’d have any stellar advice for my situation.
“Well, I’m just reporting back that my client who owns half of ABN has decided to can Jake for the business show. He’s passed his use-by date, and apparently they need fresh blood because the ratings have been dwindling for the past twelve months. They’re offering to ship Jake out to Minnesota for a talk-show gig they have planned. That’s if the cops don’t lock him up first. But either way he’ll be out of your life for good.”
That at least was good news. Jake would be too far away to cause Montana further harm, and I’d make sure he was watched just for good measure. As for jail, he’d deserve that, so either way it was a win for us.
“Did Jake go for it?” I held my breath, waiting for his reply.
Tyler chuckled. “Fucker jumped at the chance. My client threw in a few incentives to make it worth his while.”
“Thank you, Tyler. Nailing Jake is a great team effort and this part is crucial to getting Jake out of New York.”
“If you don’t mind me saying so, I’m surprised you didn’t hang the Snake by the balls and let him bleed instead of helping him disappear with a modicum of self-respect.”
“A smart woman taught me about Karma. We could have destroyed Jake Monroe so that he never worked again, and I still can’t be sure that he won’t end up in jail, but that would just have made us stoop down to his level. And if he went underground after he got out of prison, we’d always be watching our backs, wondering when he’d pop up again. This way we have a handle on him and we know exactly where he is, and that’s miles from Montana.”
“I’d love to meet this woman of yours. She sounds amazing.”
“She is.”
“You don’t sound convincing. Something wrong?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Let me help?”
“Until Montana, I never wanted more . . . You know, a wife, kids, that kind of shit.”
“And now you do?”
“Yeah. More than I realized. It’s fucking with my mind, because I was the one who suggested the fuck buddy agreement, and now I’m the one who wants to break the rules.”
“Nothing wrong with that, Levi. When love knocks you on your ass, that’s kinda what happens.”
“You sound as if you’re talking from experience. I though Mr. Debonair was immune to feelings? That it’s all about pussy and nothing more?”
“Yeah, that’s what I believed, until one woman with a smart brain and smarter attitude proved me wrong. And boy, was I mistaken. She knocked me off my feet before I knew what was going on.”
“At least I’m not alone. It turns a man into a lovesick fuck and there’s nothing I can do about it. Women should come with a warning label.”
“Listen, come over for a few beers later. We can go out for a steak and talk. I’ve got to run . . . I have a meeting in four minutes.”
“I’ll see,” I said as I hung up, not willing to make any promises I couldn’t keep.
“Suit yourself. Just keep me in the loop, okay?”
I laughed. His life wasn’t much different to mine. We were always juggling clients, business and our personal lives. I’d always believed that the latter didn’t really count for much as long as I had a good time when I was out and somebody to fuck.
Wrong.
Now, I couldn’t care less about clients or business. While my head was a mess and my heart painfully reminding me of its existence, I didn’t give two shits about anything else.
My fingers ran over the ropes of the sex swing. Images of a naked Montana filled my mind as I remembered the first night we’d used it. How perfect things were then. If only I hadn’t fucked it all up with wanting more than she was willing to give.
“Levi?”
Montana’s voice drifted to me on the evening breeze. I looked up to see her standing at the top of the stairwell, uncertainty on her beautiful face.
“Baby,” I groaned, moving forward to grab hold of her in case she was just a figment of my overactive imagination. I’d hoped she’d come back to the loft.
I was about to lose my shit and then she appeared like a vision.
She stood there, frozen to the spot, her hands twisting together as she took her lower lip between her teeth. Jesus, did she even know how she made me crazy for her just by staring at me with those big blue eyes?
“I hoped you’d be here,” she breathed, her voice quivering.
“Where else, baby?”
“I . . . um . . . I wasn’t sure after . . .” Her voice faltered as I reached her and stopped, standing inches from her but not reaching out to touch her. I was afraid if I did I’d never let her go again and maybe she was just there to collect her things and go again.
“I’ve been waiting for you to come home.” There was no point in speaking anything but the truth.
“Home? You aren’t kicking me out?”
I tilted my head as I studied her face. “Why would I do that? This is your home for as long as you want it. Maybe you didn’t come back because you didn’t want to bump into me?”
She shook her head, her curls shifting loosely around her head. “No, nothing like that.”
I couldn’t stand not touching her for a second longer. I closed the gap between us and lifted her chin with my thumb so that she was forced to look into my eyes. “I missed you.”
Her eyes misted up and she bit into her lip again.
Fuck. Why did I have to go spoil everything by sounding like a fucking lovesick teenager? I was a man of the world—why couldn’t I act cool and confident instead of sounding needy and desperate? Wasn’t that what chicks usually did? I had to get a grip and steel myself for what she came to say.
Her palms pressed against my chest, as if she needed someone to hold her up. She could probably feel how out of
whack my heartbeat was under her fingertips. Screw being in control and pretending I didn’t care. I wanted her to see and feel how much I fucking wanted her.
Needed her.
“I missed you too, Levi.” Her words were a whisper above the city noise far below us, but nothing could have sounded sweeter.
“Baby,” I groaned, as I wrapped her in my arms and smothered her with kisses. She trembled in my embrace, but she kissed me back as if she needed it as much as I did.
When I eventually let her lips go, I leaned in so our foreheads touched. Having her back in my arms was heaven. Fuck if I was ever letting my grip on her loosen again.
“We need to talk,” she said against my chest, her warm breath on my skin sending my senses into overdrive. I wanted inside her so badly I wasn’t sure I was capable of a coherent sentence.
“Where were you for three days? I was worried sick when you didn’t come back to the loft.”
“Really? I’m sorry.” Her palms against my chest pushed gently until there were a few inches between us. She tilted her head back so she could meet my gaze. “Red took me on a road trip to see my mom. We drove there and back. It’s really far, but it was worth it. We talked a lot and solved a lifetime’s worth of problems.”
“Yeah?”
I’m such a fucking idiot.
At first I’d thought she’d come to the loft, even if only to get her things.
When that didn’t happen, I’d reminded myself that all she ever wanted was a fuck buddy. No strings attached. I’d crossed the damn line and I’d fucked up our agreement.
Then as days passed and she still didn’t show up, I got angry and I was too stubborn to call. I’d picked up the phone a million times, stopping myself every time. By day three I’d conjured up all kinds of scenarios about where Montana could be and driven myself crazy with mixed feelings of worry and jealousy that she was in some other dude’s bed.
If I wasn’t so fucking relieved that she’d finally appeared, I’d pull her onto my lap and spank the shit out of her for putting me through such a mind-fuck. My cock jerked at the thought of her ass beneath my palms.
