Beware of the Purple Peanut Butter

by R. L. Stine

You open the glove compartment partway. The lizard is gone. But — oh, no!

  You glance up through the car window. The car is caught in a gigantic machine. The machine is pushing the car toward the huge steel jaws of a car crusher!

  You’ve got to get out of here!

  You jump out of the glove compartment. You race across the seat. If you can just make it back out the window … But the vibrations throw you to the floor.

  You scramble up again. Maybe there’s a hole in the floor! Or maybe you can get the car door open! You hurl yourself against the car door. It doesn’t budge.

  The sound of the car crusher is deafening. With a jolt, you are thrown off your feet again. As you peer up from the floor, you see that the roof of the car is coming closer.

  And closer.

  And closer.

  In another few seconds, the car crusher will mash the car — and you — into a metal pancake.

  Alas, for you, this adventure has come to a SMASHING

  END

  That floor is a long way down.

  You decide it would be safer to climb down and then back up the other table. It may take a bit longer, but at least you’ll get there in one piece.

  You work your way down the table leg. Luckily, the table leg has carvings that give you good places to put your feet.

  Once you make it to the floor, you scurry over to the lab table. You peer up and see that Dr. Abbott is more than halfway to the top.

  “I’m right behind you,” you call up to him. You quickly begin your climb. You pull yourself up, hand over hand. It’s tough going, but you are making progress. You glance up again. Dr. Abbott is just pulling himself up onto the top of the table.

  Unfortunately, he grabs on to the corner of a huge encyclopedia. The enormous volume tips over the edge of the table. Dr. Abbott manages to swing his legs up and scrambles out of the way.

  You’re not so lucky.

  “Oh, no!” you squeak. The book tumbles off the table, knocking you from the table leg. You land on the floor with a bone-shattering thud. A pile of books crashes on top of you.

  Too bad.

  What’s the scientific term for SQUASHED?

  THE END

  You’ve decided to make friends with the mouse. You want it to know you aren’t a threat.

  “Hello, mousey, mousey,” you say sweetly. You try not to think about its long, yellow teeth.

  The mouse stops stalking you. It stares at you with its little beady eyes. You think back on all the mice you’ve seen in school science projects. You know they’re curious animals. How can you make it curious — instead of hungry?

  You begin to make faces at it. You rub your stomach with one hand while patting your head with the other. The mouse continues to gaze at you. It seems much less dangerous now. It starts to appear interested.

  Now you do a cartwheel. When you’re upside down, you hit your heel on a pot lid.

  “Ow!” you cry. The mouse squeaks at you, as if it understands that you hurt yourself.

  You make squeaking sounds back at the mouse. Maybe you can convince it that you’re just a strange-looking mouse.

  “SQUEAK!” the mouse cries.

  “SCREEK!” you reply.

  And then, suddenly, the mouse lunges at you. Its mouth is wide open. Have you made a mistake? Did you say something terrible in mouse squeaks?

  Turn to PAGE 45.

  It’s a sound you never thought you’d be happy to hear — the voice of your cousin. “Puff!” Dora cries. “What are you doing by the dollhouse?”

  You hear a creaking noise and light floods the kitchen. Dora pulls the roof off the dollhouse. “See?” she tells Puff. “There’s nothing in here, it’s — what’s that?”

  Now you see her round eyes staring in at you.

  “Why, it looks like a little person!” she exclaims, reaching for you.

  “I’m your cousin!” you shout. “Don’t you recognize me?”

  But your voice is a pathetic squeak. No way she can hear you. “Cool!” she murmurs. “Another doll to play with!”

  “But I’m not a doll!” you protest.

  “Stay right here,” Dora goes on. “I’ll go get some goodies for you to eat. We can play tea party. Won’t it be fun?”

  “Wait!” you cry. But before you can protest again, she replaces the lid on the dollhouse. All you can do now is wait for her to return. Maybe you’ll be able to talk some sense into her. Or maybe not.

  If only Puff would go away.

  And then you hear another voice. From inside the dollhouse.

  Turn to PAGE 82.

  You can’t join the circus! You have to find a way to make yourself smaller. “Thanks for your offer,” you tell the clown. “But I’m not usually this big.” You explain your problem.

  “I understand,” the clown tells you. “I appreciate your honesty. In return, I may be able to help you. One of our workers is a fortune-teller who has strange powers. She may be able to return you to your normal size.”

  After the show, the clown introduces you to a very small white-haired woman in a long pink robe. Her face is so wrinkled she appears to be hundreds of years old.

  “I predict,” she begins in a strange accent, “you will make lots of money and live a long, happy life.”

  “No, no,” the clown says. “We don’t need a fortune told. This person needs help!”

  “That’s different,” she says. “My fortunes are all fake.” You notice her accent has now disappeared.

  Your heart sinks. You thought she was going to be someone with real powers.

  “But my powers are very real,” she says, as if she had read your mind. “But I don’t use them on fortunes. Everyone wants the same thing. Fame, money, success….” She sighs. “Now, tell me — what’s your problem?”

  Tell her on PAGE 7.

  “What’s the condition?” Barney sobs. “I’ll do anything you say. Anything at all.”

  “First,” you say, “you have to promise not to call the police.”

  “I promise,” Barney cries.

  “You must also promise that from now on you’ll be nice to your cousin. You’ll share your bike and all your toys. And you’ll never pound anyone ever again.”

  “I promise,” Barney gulps.

  “Very well,” you announce. “You may live.”

  You prepare to set him down when your whole body suddenly begins to feel warm. It feels almost as if —

  Uh-oh.

  What’s happening? Find out on PAGE 46.

  You figure the best thing to do is see a doctor.

  But how will you find one? You check by the phone. That’s where parents usually keep emergency phone numbers. And this is definitely an emergency.

  You’re in luck! There’s a list posted on the wall. And right between the phone number for the police and the phone number for pizza delivery, there’s a number for a Dr. Jenner.

  You dial quickly. You try not to notice how far you have to stretch to reach the phone.

  A woman’s voice comes on the line. “Dr. Jenner’s office.”

  “I have to see the doctor right away,” you say.

  “What’s the problem?” the woman asks.

  “I’m shrinking!” you blurt out.

  There’s dead silence on the other end of the line.

  “Please! You have to help me,” you beg. “My clothes are too big, I can’t reach the phone, and my watch —”

  “May I speak to an adult?” the woman breaks in.

  You can tell she doesn’t believe you. “No one is home,” you explain. “And this is an emergency.”

  “The doctor is very busy,” the woman says coldly. “And I don’t have time for prank phone calls.”

  You slam down the phone in frustration.

  Now what? Turn to PAGE 12.

  The police are still after you. And they’ve sent for reinforcements. You head away from the circus, toward the highway.

  The sirens are growing closer. Your heart pounds in terror
as you see blinking emergency lights approaching on the highway. How will you ever get out of here?

  You glance in the other direction. More lights. More sirens.

  And an elephant!

  “AROOOOO!” Dodo trumpets. She must have followed you.

  You glance at the elephant. She definitely likes you. She actually seems to be smiling.

  You stare back at the highway. Then you get an idea.

  “Dodo,” you whisper, “how would you like to do me a really big favor?”

  “AROOOO!” the elephant answers. It’s as if Dodo understands you.

  “Dodo,” you tell the elephant. “Here’s the plan. You distract them while I run away.”

  You could swear Dodo nods at you. You pat Dodo on the rear. The elephant lumbers down the highway. Right toward the police.

  You watch as the police cars skid and swerve to avoid the elephant. Dodo swings her trunk at the cars. She seems to be having a good time.

  You take off in the opposite direction.

  Run to PAGE 41.

  Dora reaches into the box and pulls out Aunt Fiona’s eye makeup. Then she leans closer to the mirror.

  You jump up and grab a large bath towel that’s dangling from the towel rack next to the sink. You begin to climb it, using the rough threads for handholds.

  You’ve nearly reached the sink when the towel starts to slip. Your weight is pulling it down!

  Your only choice is to leap onto the sink. You barely make it. You hang on to the slippery porcelain by your fingertips. Then you pull yourself all the way onto the sink.

  All this time Dora continues to put on makeup. Badly. She’s now applying mascara. “Dora!” you yell.

  She picks up a tube and pulls off the top. Then she starts to put on lipstick. She’s smearing it all over her face.

  “Dora!” you repeat. You try to get right under her and nearly trip over a toothbrush. As you regain your balance, one of your feet slides out from under you. You’re skidding on a smear of toothpaste on the porcelain. Somehow, you keep from sliding off the edge of the sink.

  Dora is still gazing at herself in the mirror.

  This isn’t working. You’ve got to do something more obvious.

  Get noticed on PAGE 70.

  “I’ll never surrender!” you reply. You turn to run.

  “Capture the alien!” Dr. Harlan shouts. “Don’t let it get away!”

  You wish! you think. How can they catch you? You’re twenty times as big as any of them.

  But on the other hand, where can you go?

  Do you really want to spend the rest of your life trying to escape? Maybe if you talk to Dr. Harlan, you can convince him you’re not an alien. Maybe he can use his scientific knowledge to return you to your normal size.

  You stop running and turn back. Dr. Harlan’s red van is heading right for you.

  “I want to talk,” you announce.

  The van stops. Dr. Harlan steps out. “I’m listening!” he calls. “You have thirty seconds to explain yourself.”

  You think carefully. Whatever you say next could affect your whole future. But before you can begin, you suddenly feel very strange. You’re dizzy, and your mouth has become dry. Painfully dry.

  What’s going on?

  Find out on PAGE 20.

  You wait for Puff to lift her paw. Then you dash for the door as fast as you can.

  But Puff is too quick for you. With amazing force, she smashes you with her paw. You fly across the porch. Everything goes black.

  When you come to, you are in bed. Aunt Fiona must have found you and brought you upstairs, you figure.

  Then you realize something — something wonderful! The bed is the right size! The pillow fits your head perfectly! You pull up the blankets, and your toes pop out the other end. You’re back to normal! You are your regular size again.

  You feel great. You leap to your feet and run over to inspect yourself in the mirror. It’s hanging at the perfect height. You don’t even have to stand on your toes to see your reflection. Maybe it was all just a bad dream, you think.

  But then you notice something terrifying outside the window. It’s a pair of giant yellow eyes, gazing down at you. Gigantic eyes in a huge tiger face.

  Puff!

  Somehow, you ended up in the dollhouse. No wonder the miniature furniture was just the right size for you.

  You are a miniature kid.

  Sorry. I guess this wasn’t your lucky day after all.

  THE END

  You lick up all the powder on your palm.

  A second later, your mouth feels as if it’s on fire! This is the hottest stuff you’ve ever tasted!

  You rush outside the big top searching for water. You spot a big tank that’s used to water the animals. You grab it up and drain it in one gulp!

  It doesn’t help. You’ve got to find more water!

  You rush away from the circus. In the distance you see a lake. You take three big steps, and you’re there. You kneel down and begin to sip from the lake.

  By the time the lake is empty, you start to feel better. You stand up — and notice that you’re bigger. Much, much bigger.

  You’re so big that the dry lake is a tiny dot far below you.

  A jet plane buzzes by your ear.

  You’re so big your feet cover a whole county!

  It appears that you took too much of the herbal powder. It’s having a reverse effect!

  Uh-oh! You can’t breathe. You’re so tall your head reaches into outer space.

  Too bad, it looks as if this big adventure was really out of this world!

  THE END

  Better stick to your original plan. Your aunt will definitely want to help you. These scientists might want to turn you into an experiment!

  You hurry toward the main building, but you aren’t getting very far. Since your feet are now the size of a normal human’s fingernail, it’s no surprise.

  You’re exhausted. But you finally spot the administration building. Just as you take a step, those pink dots swim in front of your eyes. That awful tingling starts again.

  When everything returns to normal you are shocked by how tiny you are. A blade of grass seems as big as an oak tree!

  Then, the dots appear again! Oh, no! You’re still shrinking!

  You took too long to get help. And now, it’s too late. You are shrinking down to nothing.

  Going, going,

  THE END

  You watch as the huge beast climbs through the hole toward you. Its face is covered with hair. It has a long, pointed snout and huge yellow teeth. It opens its mouth and lets out a loud SQUEAK!

  You realize that the terrifying monster is a mouse!

  And it’s three times bigger than you are.

  You are really small now!

  The mouse glances around the cupboard, probably looking for food. Then it spots you.

  Its long whiskers twitch as it sniffs in your direction. It begins to move toward you.

  What will you do now? Should you try to fight it off?

  Or maybe it’s as gentle as the mice in the cage in your school classroom. Maybe you should make friends with it.

  Whatever you decide, you’ve got to do something soon! There’s no way out of the cupboard except through the mouse hole. And the mouse is now less than a whisker away!

  Fight the mouse? Turn to PAGE 98.

  Or make friends with it? Try PAGE 116.

  The dinosaur’s long, gray body is covered with scales. It grips the ground with cruel-looking claws. Its narrow tongue flicks in and out of its wide mouth.

  But it can’t possibly be here! Dinosaurs became extinct millions of years ago.

  Then you realize that it’s not a dinosaur. It’s a gray, striped lizard. But you’re so small now, it might as well be Tyrannosaurus rex!

  The lizard fixes its beady eyes on you. It flicks its tongue out again. Then it begins marching toward you.

  It thinks you’re its dinner!

  Quick! Get out of here
now!

  Head for the pile of twisted metal on PAGE 99.

  Or run for the jungle — PAGE 60.

  “I know you were down there,” Dora continues in her whiny voice. “And if you won’t play tea party with me, I’ll tell.”

  Great, you think, I’ve been here less than a day, and I’m going to get into trouble already. Dora is such a pain.

  “I don’t want to play tea party!” you shout. Wow, you think, was that me? You can’t believe how loud your voice has become.

  Dora’s eyes grow big. She actually looks afraid.

  “You better not squeal on me,” you command.

  “Okay,” Dora says. “I won’t tell anybody you were in the basement.” She hurries down the hall.

  Getting bigger is great, you decide. Anything that makes both Barney and Dora stop bothering you is fantastic. This growth spurt happened at just the right time!

  Now that you’ve got your cousins off your back, you decide to explore the neighborhood. As you leave the house you realize that Uncle Harvey’s shoes fit really well. Too well. They aren’t big anymore. Weird, you think. You must still be growing. You push the thought out of your mind.

  You notice some kids playing baseball in an empty field across the street. You jog over to them.

  Then you hear, “Get out of here, shrimp!” Barney is glaring at you from center field.

  If you stand up to Barney and join the game, turn to PAGE 26.

  If you try to avoid him, turn to PAGE 89.

  In front of the sideshow tent is a big sign: SEE THE BEARDED LADY. MEET THE MONKEY-FACED MAN. THRILLS AND CHILLS!

  Quickly, you duck inside. You are amazed by what you see. Over in the corner a man covered from head to toe in tattoos is swallowing swords. A tiny woman and man in elegant clothes are watching his performance. They barely come up to the tattooed man’s knees.