Surrender

by HELEN HARDT

  “Didn’t the coroner figure it out?”

  “He’s an old family friend, so he didn’t do an autopsy and he kept it quiet.”

  “I see.”

  “Papa got involved in some bad investments after I got sick. We didn’t have any health insurance, and as you can guess, cancer treatment is expensive. He went a little crazy when I was diagnosed, probably because of what had happened to Mama. He was determined I was going to live, because he couldn’t go through losing someone again.”

  “He loved you very much.”

  “Yeah. Yeah, he did. So he researched all the options for treatment. He actually considered sending me to the Mayo Clinic, until my oncologist in Billings assured him that my type of leukemia was fairly common as far as cancers go, and the treatment was standard and would be the same no matter where we went. Anyway, a couple months after I went into remission, Papa started selling off our livestock. I was still so happy to be well that I didn’t ask a lot of questions. Soon we had nothing left. He let me keep Regina, though.” She choked up, but took a drink of water and continued.

  “After Papa died, Sam and I found out there were several mortgages on the ranch. He had left us a note saying he was sorry, that he knew we were young and strong and we’d be better off without him. Truth is, we needed him.”

  “I know.” Zach nodded.

  “We didn’t have a lot of income coming in because the animals were gone. So we started competing in local rodeos and then we went regional. The stock show was our first national.”

  “Why’d you wait so long to go national? You’re both real good.”

  “Money. You and your family probably don’t think anything of the entry fees, but to us they were astronomical.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  “Anyway, I got paid a little for my work with local bulls as well, and that helped. Sam wanted to go out and get full-time work in Billings, but I couldn’t handle the ranch myself, and we had worked so hard to keep it during the last four years since Papa died.” She sighed. “That’s about it in a nutshell.”

  “Well, your worries are over, darlin’.”

  “If only that were true.”

  “Yeah, if only. But at least your worries about money are over.”

  “How so?”

  “What do you mean, how so? You’ll come to Colorado and live on my ranch. I mean, our ranch.”

  “Of course I’ll come with you. But I’m still half-owner of a bankrupt ranch, and I can’t leave Sam to fend for himself.”

  “We’ll figure something out.” Zach played with Dusty’s hand, entwining their fingers together across the table. “You all can sell the ranch, and Sam can come work for me.”

  “Maybe. But I think he’d rather have his own operation.”

  “Then he can work for me until he saves up enough.”

  A spark of hope bloomed in Dusty. “He might go for that.”

  “Or I’ll loan him the money for his own ranch.”

  “Would you really?”

  “Hell I’d buy it for him, to tell you the truth, but I know he wouldn’t let me.”

  Dusty smiled. “No, he wouldn’t, but it’s sweet of you to be willing.”

  “Anything for you.”

  “I think I’m going to be a big expense for you, Zach.”

  “First of all, no, you’re not. My insurance will pay your medical bills. Second of all, even if you were, I can’t think of anything better to spend my money on.”

  Dusty smiled as two tears fell.

  “Come on now, darlin’, don’t start the waterworks again.”

  “You’re so good to me, and I feel so awful for…”

  “For what?”

  “For leaving you. I…I was so scared to stay. I loved you so much, so much that I wanted better for you than a sick woman, an infertile woman.”

  “Stop that right now.”

  “Please, let me finish. I felt terrible, like the world’s biggest coward for trying to sneak away without telling you goodbye, but I was afraid if I went to you I wouldn’t be able to leave, and I was convinced leaving was the best thing I could do for you.”

  “You were wrong.”

  “I was wrong. I made a decision that wasn’t mine to make. It was yours. I should have told you the truth and let you decide. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay, darlin’.”

  She smiled. “But I couldn’t just up and leave. So I went to see Diablo. I thought if I said goodbye to him, I would be saying goodbye to you.”

  “Please don’t say I look anything like that ugly cuss.”

  “He’s a beautiful animal, but no, you don’t look anything like him. It was just me being silly.”

  “The only silly thing you did was leave me. My heart broke right in two.”

  “I’m so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”

  “Maybe.” His unusual eyes gleamed. “If you make love to me all night.”

  Dusty sipped her espresso. “I might be able to manage that. I’m feeling better tonight than I have in weeks. Thank you for that.”

  “I didn’t do anything. Except make sure you got a decent meal. Have you been eating?”

  “Sort of. Sam’s been after me about it. I just haven’t felt much like eating.”

  “I know, darlin’. Everything’s going to be all right, no matter what happens. I’ll make it all right. But you have to do your part to keep your body strong.”

  “You’re right.” She nodded. “I will.”

  “Good. Or I might have to get nasty with you.”

  Dusty couldn’t help smiling at him. “In that case, I may have to starve myself.”

  Zach shook his head, and his lips curled into that wicked grin that stole Dusty’s breath. “You’re so damned adorable. So damned perfect.”

  “Sweetheart?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Since I now have no secrets from you, could you tell me something?”

  He sighed. “You want to know the whole sordid Angelina story, don’t you?”

  “Mmm hmm.”

  “Are you sure? It’s long and boring and I come off bad in it.”

  “I can’t imagine you coming off bad in anything. Although what you ever saw in that Mary Ann Summers clone is beyond me.”

  “Who the hell is Mary Ann Summers?”

  “From Gilligan’s Island? Geez, Zach, don’t you ever watch old reruns?”

  “Mary Ann? The girl next door from Kansas? Heck, she’s hot.” His tone was teasing.

  “Don’t get any ideas about dumping me for Angelina, darlin’.”

  Zach let out a guffaw. “Believe me, you have nothing to worry about.”

  “Then tell me the saga of the McCrays and the Bays.”

  “They own the ranch adjacent to ours.”

  “I thought Angelina said they were on the western slope.”

  “They are. That’s Bay Crossing. But they also own a couple thousand acres that Angie’s ma inherited from an uncle. They live there now. Angie and Harper went to high school in Bakersville. Angie was in Chad’s class.”

  “Was she after you then?”

  “Heck no. She was too young, and I already told you I didn’t have any luck with girls in high school.”

  “I still don’t understand that.”

  “I was all arms and legs, darlin’. Didn’t fill out till later. Plus my eyes.”

  “I love your eyes.”

  “I’m glad. But most girls were just freaked out by them. I remember a certain little golden-haired tomboy who didn’t much like them.”

  “Because you told me they’d melt my brain, you big bully!”

  “Touché, darlin’. Anyway, Angie’s ma and my ma became good friends and decided it would be a really great thing to combine the two ranches. Well, neither my pa nor Angie’s would think about selling or partnering, so the women decided to push Angie and me together. This was a couple years ago.”

  “Why you?”

  “Dallas was already married to
Chelsea, and Chad was involved with someone else then.”

  “And?”

  “And I wasn’t seeing anyone at the time, and neither was she, so we decided to give it a try.”

  “Were you attracted to her at all?”

  “She’s a pretty girl. Not as hot as Mary Ann,” he teased. “We found out later the scheme wouldn’t have worked. Although I’d inherit my third of McCray Landing, Angie wouldn’t get her ranch. It will go to Harper. Angie and her sister Caitlyn will jointly inherit Bay Crossing, the one on the western slope.”

  “Angie’s mother didn’t know any of this?”

  “Nope.”

  “But it was her ranch.”

  “Owned jointly with her husband. Some men don’t confide in their wives.”

  “Will you?”

  “Darlin’, you’ll know everything that I do. Which sometimes is precious little.”

  “So what happened? Why did Angelina break up with you?”

  “She said she didn’t think I loved her.”

  “Did you?”

  “No.”

  “So that’s how you come off bad in the story. You were willing to marry a woman you didn’t love.”

  “I didn’t know what I was missing. I never loved anyone until you. Angie and I, we got along all right, and our mothers are so close, it just seemed the thing to do. I had affection for her.”

  “You were willing to spend your life without love?”

  “Why not? I didn’t know any better.” He grinned at her. “I do now.”

  “Did she love you?”

  “She claims she did. I don’t think so though. I think she only wanted to start things up again because her biological clock is ticking and she doesn’t have any other prospects at the moment.”

  “Oh.” Dusty looked at her lap. That spark of hope she’d been feeling flickered and died.

  “Jesus, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up.”

  “It’s okay. At least that’s one thing I don’t have to worry about.”

  “What?”

  “My biological clock, of course. What a load off my mind.” She put her elbows on the table and buried her face in her hands.

  “Come on, darlin’.” Zach quickly signed the credit card receipt and stood up. He helped Dusty to her feet and brought her hand to his lips. The bristly brush of his beard against her skin comforted her. “You’re the only woman I want, biological clock or no. Let’s go home and make love all night.”

  When they got home, Dusty wanted to check on Jemma and the kittens, so she and Zach headed for the barn. One of the kittens was having trouble nursing. His mouth was slightly deformed and he couldn’t latch on. It had been many hours since the kittens had been born, so he was near starving.

  “Is there a vet you can call?” Zach asked.

  “She’s out of town,” Dusty said. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’ll have to take care of him tonight.”

  “We’ll take care of him,” Zach said. “But I have to tell you, I’m clueless. Chad would know what to do, but I always stayed away at birthing time.”

  “I don’t have any cat formula, so he’ll have to make do with cow’s milk. We’ll dilute it and warm it up and then drop it on his tongue with a syringe. He’ll have to sleep in the bedroom with us.”

  “The more the merrier.” Zach curved his lips into his adorable grin.

  Dusty smiled back, cradling the kitten in her arms. “Come on. We’ll make a bed for him and feed him, and once he’s settled, I’m all yours.”

  But Nigel, as Dusty had named the kitten, turned out to be high maintenance. It took Dusty over two hours to get him fed and settled, and she was exhausted when she finally joined Zach in bed. He kissed her, told her he loved her, and cradled her in his arms, where she stayed until the kitten wailed for her again.

  * * *

  Watching Dusty care for the helpless kitten throughout the night, Zach fell in love with her all the more. He vowed to make her a mother. Somehow. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d prayed, but he did so now, silently pleading for Dusty’s life. If things didn’t go right, how would he live without her?

  When Dusty crawled back into bed shortly before dawn after nursing the kitten once more, she climbed on top of Zach.

  “Are you awake?” she asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m sorry I’ve kept you up all night.”

  “Darlin’, I’m so happy to be here with you. I couldn’t give a damn about sleep.”

  “In that case…” Dusty lifted off her T-shirt.

  Zach sucked in his breath at the sight of her breasts falling gently. This woman would take his breath away for the rest of his life. He hardened instantly.

  “I was determined to leave you alone,” he said.

  “I thought you wanted to make love all night.”

  “I did, but you’ve been up all night tending to the cat. I didn’t want to bother you.”

  “You’re hardly a bother.” She lowered her head and twirled her tongue around his nipple. She feathered tiny kisses over his chest, up his neck, and nuzzled his Adam’s apple. “Zach?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Promise me something.”

  “Anything.”

  “Well, I don’t know how much time I’ll have.”

  “Hush, darlin’. You’re going to have lots of time.”

  “I hope so, but…”

  “What?”

  “I don’t want to waste a precious second of it. Promise me we’ll always make love. At least once every day.”

  “I think I can make that promise.” He grinned.

  “I’m serious.” She caressed his cheeks lightly, ran her finger over his lips and over the edge of his beard. “No matter how tired we are. Or even if we’re angry with each other. It’s important…”

  “Darlin’, I’d make love with you twenty-four-seven if I could, and I’ll never be so angry with you that I won’t love you. I promise. I’ll always desire you.”

  “Even when I’m bald?” She winced, her face contorting.

  He took her hands in his and brought them both to his lips, kissing each individual finger. “You’ll never be anything but beautiful to me. You’re the sun and the moon. You’re everything, Dusty. Everything. My whole world. I will always want to make love with you.”

  Her smile lit up her face like the morning sunrise peeking through the window. She scrambled out of her bikini panties and impaled herself on him. Already wet, she hugged him with sweet suction.

  “Love me,” she said, sliding up and down on his cock.

  “I do. I do.” He reached for her breasts and tugged gently on her nipples, relishing her sighs and whispers.

  She made love to him slowly, provocatively, telling him how much she loved him with each sweet stroke. He savored the closeness, savored her, holding back, enjoying the sweet caresses of her snug sex against his cock. When he couldn’t wait any longer, he reached down and thumbed her softly. Her climax came, and he let himself go and spilled into her, offering her his heart, his soul.

  “I love you, Dusty,” he said.

  He held her close and prayed again.

  Chapter Eighteen

  When dawn broke a little while later, Zach got up and helped Sam with the chores so Dusty could sleep. He attempted to feed Nigel but didn’t have much luck. The tiny kitten squalled and cried until Dusty finally woke up.

  “What are you doing to that poor thing?”

  “I’m sorry, darlin’. I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “It’s all right. Look at the time. I need to help Sam with the chores.”

  “Already done.” Zach smiled. “He and I took care of it. I wanted you to sleep.”

  “You’re an angel.”

  “Just the man who loves you. But I’m afraid I’m not having much luck with Nigel here.”

  “I’m coming.”

  Dusty rose, her peachy naked body a tempting sight for Zach. He willed himself to cool off while she pulled on a pair o
f sweat pants and a tank top. That woman could make army fatigues look sexy. He handed the kitten to Dusty and kissed her lips. “I’ll go get you some coffee.”

  “That’d be perfect. Thanks.”

  Zach walked to the kitchen, poured a cup of coffee for Dusty, and checked his watch. Only a little after nine. So he was startled when the phone rang. Sam was still outside, and Dusty made no move to answer it. He picked it up and said hello.

  “Hello. Is this Sam?”

  “Nope. Sorry. He’s outside. I’ll get him for you.”

  “No, no. I’m calling for Dusty, actually. This is Dr. Lloyd.”

  Zach’s heart thumped against his sternum. “Oh, yeah, yeah. I’ll get her for you. She’s just in the next room. Hold on.”

  He ran to the bedroom, neglecting to put down the coffee so it sloshed all over his jeans. “Dusty.” He took a deep breath, handing her the phone. “Dr. Lloyd.”

  Dusty put Nigel down on his bed and shakily reached for the phone. “Zach,” she whispered.

  “I’m here, darlin’.” He sat down on the bed and pulled her into his lap. “We face it together, okay?”

  She nodded and pressed the phone to her ear. “Good morning, Dr. Lloyd.”

  Zach felt Dusty tense on his lap. His own body was wound tighter than a bowstring. Why didn’t she say something? How long did it take a doctor to say yes, you have cancer or no, you don’t?

  She sat, rigid, her eyes and mouth revealing nothing to him. A lone tear fell. Shit.

  “It’s okay, darlin’,” he whispered. “We’ll get through it.”

  Then, “What?” She dropped the phone onto the floor. Zach reached for it and put it back to her ear.

  “I’m sorry, Doctor,” she said. “Could you repeat that, please?” A pause. “Are you absolutely sure?” Another pause. “But how?”

  Zach’s mind whirled with jumbled thoughts of illness and loss as he imagined the absolute worst. Up until now he hadn’t actually considered that he could lose Dusty. But now… He didn’t want to live without her. He wasn’t sure he could. Damn it, they would beat this!

  “Thank you, Doctor. I appreciate you calling me so quickly. You can’t imagine what you’ve done for me. Thank you!”