War Babies

by Annie Murray

  Rachel saw that Danny was looking down into his lap and she was sorry that she had raised the question.

  ‘If my poor sister Mary hadn’t gone the way she did, things would’ve been different, I’d’ve seen to that, somehow – you know, made sure Danny and the others were all right, whatever their father got up to. But Wilf Booker would’ve drowned those children rather than let them come anywhere near me. That’s the sort of man he was. And God alone knows where he’s gone . . .’ She shook her head. ‘I’m sorry, Danny – I’d like to be able to speak better of your father but you know it’s the truth.’

  Danny nodded, looking glum.

  ‘That’s enough of that anyway,’ Gladys said. ‘What’s done’s done. Want another bit, Dolly?’ She reached to cut the last bits of cake.

  ‘Sorry,’ Rachel whispered to Danny, ‘didn’t mean to be nosey.’

  ‘S’all right,’ he said, but he couldn’t quite meet her eyes at that moment. Rachel looked around the room, watching Gladys and Dolly chatting easily, Dolly smoking away and Mo falling into a snooze in the best chair. Dolly looked affectionately at him.

  ‘They’ve been drilling up the park,’ she said. ‘Poor old sod, it’s taken it out of him. They’ve got uniforms at last though!’

  Rachel realized, as they talked, that they meant the LDV or Home Guard. She also noticed again that Dolly was a good deal younger than her husband.

  Now the last of the cake had been polished off, their boys had all run outside and peace descended on the room. Danny looked round at Rachel, reached out his hand and took hers for a moment, giving it a squeeze. And at that moment Rachel thought there could not be anyone in the world happier than she was.

  It was already growing dark when Danny walked her back to the tram stop. Once the Morrisons drifted off home and the afternoon turned chilly, Gladys closed the door and lit the fire and the lamps. The room became warm and fuggy. While she reminisced about Danny when he was very small and the mischief he used to get up to, Danny sat leaning forward, elbows on his thighs, looking up sometimes with a shy delight that filled Rachel with tender emotions.

  Now, they walked together, as they had done over the past few months, whenever they could manage. But tonight there was an extra feeling between them.

  They passed along the side street off Summer Lane. Now it was dusk they had to strain to make out each other’s faces. Cooking smells and smoke filled the air.

  After the happy afternoon, silence grew between them suddenly.

  ‘Today was the best,’ Danny said eventually. He added, ‘’Cause you came.’

  She flicked a smile sideways at him. ‘I really liked it. Your auntie’s ever so nice.’

  Danny nodded, pleased. ‘Yeah.’

  It felt as if the walk was not long enough. As soon as they reached the end of the street they would be almost at the tram stop. Danny slowed to a halt, near the opening into an alley between two factory buildings.

  ‘C’m’ere – will yer?’ He beckoned her into the shelter between the walls. They stood awkwardly close together for a moment, until their arms wrapped round each other and they were standing looking into each other’s faces. Rachel could just see the lustre of Danny’s eyes in the gloom and the shape of his face. He was quiet and serious. She felt his lean, skinny body close to her, marvelling at how strong he felt while looking so slight. One of his hands stroked tentatively up and down her back.

  ‘You’re lovely, you are,’ he said. ‘Can I kiss yer, Rach?’ His voice was uncertain.

  She nodded her head. Her heart was pounding: Danny, so close to her, in her arms. She held him, feeling so much for him. She closed her eyes as their lips met, clumsily, neither quite sure what to do, feeling their way into their first kiss in the dark chill of the evening. She felt the tickle of his tongue against her lips and for a few minutes they explored each other before drawing apart. Rachel knew she ought to get home.

  They looked into each other’s eyes, holding on for a moment. Rachel smiled.

  ‘What would Jack and Patch think?’ she said.

  Danny grinned. ‘Oh, they’d be happy as anything.’

  ‘I’ll have to go,’ she said. Danny took her arm as they moved out to the street again. At the tram stop, he turned and took each of her hands in his. ‘Will you be my girl?’

  In the gloom, as the tram came rocking and clanking towards them, she nodded her head.

  Fourteen

  June 1940

  She would never forget the sight of Danny’s face as she stepped out of the Bird’s that Friday night. He came tearing towards her, trouser legs flapping round his skinny legs, his face full of tense excitement.

  ‘What’s going on?’ she said, amused, as he skidded to a halt.

  ‘Auntie’s had a letter,’ he panted. ‘From . . . I dunno who from. It’s my sisters – they’re coming next week! They’re coming back! And Auntie wants you to—’

  ‘Your sisters?’ Rachel could hardly take all this in. ‘But where are they?’

  ‘Somewhere down south.’ Danny’s voice had thickened and Rachel realized with a pang that her tough boy was fighting back tears. ‘They’re coming up on the train. Auntie’s to meet them.’

  ‘Oh, Danny, that’s wonderful,’ she said softly, smiling up at him. ‘You’ll have some of your family back together again.’

  ‘You will come – tomorrow, won’t yer?’ he insisted. ‘Auntie says . . . Well, she says you’re almost part of the family, and what with them being girls and everything . . .’

  Rachel felt honoured. A warmth spread through her. Part of the family! It felt true – things had changed over these months.

  ‘You’ve made a big difference to our Danny,’ Gladys said to her one day, while they were working together on the market. ‘I could hardly get a word out of him when he first came back. Now the floodgates’ve opened!’

  Since their first kiss, Danny seemed hardly able to let go of her whenever they were together. He wanted to be close to her, feeling her touch. Rachel basked in his adoration, in the need he had for her. No one in her life had ever wanted her the way Danny did and she adored him back. They were completely caught up in each other. She thought of him constantly, aching to be near him whenever they were apart. And she felt very happy and gratified that Gladys wanted her to be there to meet Danny’s sisters. It also dawned on her that Gladys, though she always seemed capable of everything, might be nervous about welcoming back these girls who they had not seen for so long.

  ‘Course I will,’ she said.

  Rachel stepped from the glare of the boiling afternoon into the shade of the entry off Alma Street. Even in this weather it was still dank, the blue brick path, which had been wet and slimy all winter, only just drying out.

  She knew her way easily now, into the yard and along to Gladys’s house. She was very nervous today though. On Friday, Gladys had been to meet Danny’s sisters, Jess, Rose and Amy. They would all be in the house. They’re only little girls, Rachel told herself. What’s to be worried about? But her stomach was fluttering all the same.

  The doors of all the houses were flung wide in the heat and the yard tap was still dripping, its droplets catching the sunlight. There was a nasty smell of refuse coming from the end of the yard, but as ever the place looked well kept up and tidy. In the doorway of number four, one of the two houses at the side of the yard, a very old lady dressed all in black sat dozing on a wooden chair in the shade, her head sunk onto her chest.

  As Rachel reached Gladys’s door, she heard the murmur of voices and then a high shred of laughter. Her stomach tightened even further. She felt she was intruding. Danny had not seen his sisters for eight years and it meant so much to him. She was nervous on his behalf as much as her own. But they had asked her to come . . .

  She knocked timidly on the open door and stood back.

  ‘That you, Rachel?’ Gladys called. ‘Come on in, bab, don’t be shy!’

  Her eyes adjusting from the brightness outside as she went in
, she felt them all watching her. Four pairs of eyes. Four? Shouldn’t there be five? Gladys was at the table, Danny on a chair near the cold fireplace, a cigarette in his hand. A girl who Rachel guessed must be the eldest, Jess, was seated on the third chair facing him. The other child was on a stool close beside her. Rachel’s first thought was that they were older than she had expected. In her mind they were still very little girls.

  Both of them had severe haircuts, cropped roughly just below their ears and with very straight fringes. Jess was the fairer of the two, with a distinct likeness to Danny. She had the same honey-brown hair, almost fair at the temples as his was, and a sprinkling of freckles across her nose. The remains of guarded amusement were still evident on her face. The younger girl was swarthier in looks, with thicker, darker hair. She looked across at Rachel with wary eyes, her brows gathered into a frown. Was this Amy, or Rose? They both had a distant air to them, as if they were holding themselves outside everything.

  Danny took a drag on the cigarette, put his head back and puffed out a succession of smoke rings, which made the older girl titter again. But in the tense atmosphere Rachel sensed a desperation in his clowning. She could see that Danny was trying to win his sisters back.

  ‘Ain’t yer going to say hello, Danny?’ Gladys ticked him off. ‘Where’re your manners?’

  ‘All right, Rachel?’ Danny said, obviously shy.

  ‘These two are Jess and Amy, Danny’s sisters,’ Gladys said. ‘This is Danny’s friend, Rachel.’ No one mentioned the third sister, Rose, and Rachel did not like to ask.

  ‘Hello,’ she said, making herself smile, though there was something forbidding about the two sisters, especially the younger one.

  Jess said a wary ‘Hello’ back. Amy said nothing.

  ‘Cup of tea?’ Gladys asked. ‘Come on, Danny – give her your chair.’

  Rachel pulled the chair closer to the table. Jess, who she realized must be thirteen, as she was three years younger than Danny, though she looked about ten, did take some interest in the conversation and she smiled at Danny’s antics. Amy sat stonily staring ahead of her and would not eat or drink anything, despite Gladys cajoling her. Rachel thought it might be better just to leave them alone and let them get used to things.

  ‘They had a proper time of it on the journey,’ Gladys said as they drank their tea. She had done her best to greet them with a spread, despite rationing and the plain dryness of the cake she had made. ‘They put them on a train packed full of the lads coming back from France! When I got to Snow Hill it was – oh, I’ve never seen anything like it.’

  The country was riveted by news of the evacuation of troops from Dunkirk, forced to the coast by the advancing German troops, the flotillas of boats all braving the channel to bring them in. It had been going on for days now.

  ‘The platforms were packed like tins of sardines,’ Gladys told Rachel. ‘They’ve turned the hotel dining room into a sort of hospital. And there were people calling out to the train as they came in, blokes hanging out of all the windows, people trying to find their lads and the lads all shouting out as well. Oh, they did look a sight – filthy – and you could see, well, they just looked all in, the poor devils. What a thing – it’s a miracle they’ve got so many out, praise God for it. And they had people from some of the bakeries there handing out sandwiches and cake for them and cups of tea. What a thing – they must be so glad to be getting home.’

  There was a silence which grew longer after she had finished. No one seemed sure what to say. Nothing in the room felt easy. Driven to break the silence, Rachel said to Jess, ‘Are you two going to be living with your auntie now then?’

  Amy’s large eyes turned on her sister, her face full of some desperate, imploring emotion. Rachel was not sure what she was trying to say. Jess gave a helpless lift of her shoulders. ‘I think so.’ She looked at Gladys.

  ‘Course you are. You’re Mary’s flesh and blood and Danny’s sisters – I’ve know you since you were babbies. Your home’s here and welcome,’ Gladys said with a tremor in her voice. She looked round at Rachel. ‘It was Jess remembering where I lived that got them here. You didn’t know the number, did yer, love, but she remembered Alma Street and Aston and they found it all right. I’ve lived here for years. God knows what would’ve happened if I’d moved. They’re emptying out the home, see – it’s out in the country somewhere, in Essex, I think. Probably to make a hospital out of it for the lads coming back. So the war’s done us a favour in its way.’

  Rachel wondered, looking at the girls’ sombre expressions, whether this was what they really felt.

  ‘What was it like – where you were before?’ she asked Jess. She saw Danny watching intently. She could almost feel his longing for things to be right, to have back the little sisters who he remembered.

  Speaking very quietly, Jess said, ‘It was big. There were fields and trees. And cows,’ she added as an afterthought, before adding bleakly, ‘not like here.’

  Rachel saw a troubled look cross Gladys’s face. Aston was going to take some getting used to.

  By the time they left the house, Rachel was at bursting point with the questions she wanted to ask. Danny walked her to the tram again through the warm evening, holding her hand so tightly that it almost hurt. He kept his head down, obviously upset. Once again she was struck and touched by the contrast between the clowning, joking Danny and the need in him.

  ‘Danny – what about Rose?’ she asked as soon as they were along the street. ‘You said you had three sisters. I thought when I got there she might be in the lav or something, but . . .’

  Danny was shaking his head. ‘They never told us!’ he burst out. ‘When Auntie got there to meet Jess and Amy, there they were, in all that crowd, with some woman who’d brought them up on the train. She handed them over like a couple of parcels. And Auntie said, “There’s s’posed to be three of them – where’s their other sister Rose?” The lady said she dain’t know about any Rose, there was only the two of them, and it seemed as if she really hadn’t known anything, she was just delivering them. When she’d gone, Auntie asked Jess, “Where’s Rose then?” and she said Jess started crying and said that Rose had been poorly, some time ago, last year. She had a fever and dain’t know who anyone was and they took her away somewhere so’s the rest of them dain’t catch it. They never saw her again.’

  Rachel felt herself swell inside with pity and outrage. ‘D’you think – well, did she pass away, Danny? Why wouldn’t they say?’

  He gave an angry shrug. ‘Must’ve done. They never told Jess or Amy.’

  ‘How old was she then?’

  Danny frowned. ‘Last year? She’d’ve been . . . ten.’

  ‘Oh, the poor little things – all of them. You must be so glad to have Jess and Amy back home.’

  ‘Yeah.’ He put his head down and she could not see his face properly. There was something so sad in the way he said it and she saw that he had his hand in his jacket pocket again, as if holding on tight to his little notebook. She thought of all the lost years in between now and when he last saw his sisters. This reunion had been nothing like what he had hoped for. Instead of the familiar sisters he had longed for, he found himself confronted with two shocked, frightened strangers. As she was thinking this, Danny said, ‘Amy was only a babby. She doesn’t know who we are – not really.’

  She squeezed Danny’s hand and he raised his head and looked round at her. ‘Rach, can we go somewhere – just you and me? I just want to be with you.’

  ‘What, now?’ she said, startled. She was having enough trouble convincing her mother that she was spending all this time at Lilian’s house. Mom must not know about Danny. She could just imagine how snooty Mom would be about the idea of her having anything to do with anyone from the markets now. So far as Peggy was concerned, she had raised her station in life. She’d have a fit at the thought of Rachel walking out with Danny.

  ‘No, not now. I just mean, on a day off, on Sunday. Just get out somewhere, you a
nd me. Away from all of it.’

  She was puzzled for a moment. Danny had only just got his sisters back and now all he wanted was to get away! But he looked at her so imploringly, and she liked the idea as well.

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘We could go on the tram – have a proper outing. Will Auntie mind?’

  ‘I doubt it.’

  ‘Next Sunday then?’

  Danny nodded. His eyes were suddenly intent and serious. Once again he drew her into the alley off the street and stood with his arms round her, clutching her tightly to him.

  ‘Rach – I . . . I think I love you,’ he said.

  She was moved as much by the stumbling way he said it as by the words themselves. He was subdued and fragile. And he loved her – Danny Booker, her lovely Danny!

  ‘Oh, Danny – I love you too,’ she said with a tremble in her voice. It seemed such a big thing to say. But she felt it welling up in her, wanting to pour out over him, to comfort him. For the moment that was all she needed to know. It felt as if Danny was fast becoming her home, her world and everything she needed.

  They stood kissing, lost in each other’s warm lips and hands, not caring that they were in a dark alley with scraggy weeds round their ankles. Heat came at them in waves off the bricks of the factory walls. Danny hugged her close and they stood silently for a long time.

  ‘Don’t ever go off and leave me, will yer?’ he said into her neck.

  ‘Danny?’ She pushed him away gently and looked into his eyes, disturbed by the pain in his voice. ‘Why would you say that? I’m not going to go off, am I? Where d’you think I’m going to go?’

  He looked down between them at his feet, seeming embarrassed by his own vulnerability. ‘I dunno,’ he mumbled. ‘I just want to know that . . . Well, that you’re there.’

  ‘Silly.’ She pulled him close and kissed him again. ‘I’m not going anywhere. You’re the one, you are. The one for me.’