I was finally home encircled by the arms of my love and I never wanted to let her go. She completed me in every way. She made our home a real home filled with love. Ruby was my gem, my sweet Ruby. She was my every-thing. I pulled her closer to take in the scent that was all hers and thanked God that she was all mine.
Chapter 7
Ruby
When Ronan returned home with the kids, I had spruced my hair up by putting on one of my favorite wigs and was dressed in a comfortable teal dress. At the moment when he walked through the door and smiled at me, I felt pretty good compared to how I had been feeling earlier in the day.
The pain from the surgery was decreasing. It only showed its ugly face when I did something strenuous. I had to constantly remind myself to not lift anything too heavy or do more around the house than I should do.
“Hey mom,” my eight year old daughter, Yasmine said. She was following her father into the kitchen with a food bag in her hand.
“I missed you, momma,” Benedict said bringing up the rear. He’d just turned six and was looking more and more like his father with each passing moment. Benedict walked over to me and gave me a hug before going into the kitchen to join his father and sister.
“That’s my spunky lady. Good to see you’re up and dressed,” Ronan said when I walked fully into the kitchen. He was setting the table and laying out cutlery so we could eat the food he had picked up from our favorite Thai restaurant.
“I’m feeling better, darling,” I said walking over to him and placing my arms around his waist from the back. He stopped what he was doing and turned in my arms and placed a nice and long kiss to my lips.
My lips clung to his for dear life. I would’ve kissed him much longer had twinge from my lower body not reminded me of my condition.
“Ooh!” chorused the children over Ronan and me showing our affection for one another.
I pulled my lips away from my husband’s and went to greet our children with a hug and placed a kiss on top of each of their heads. “I missed you guys, but I hope you had fun with Shauntay,” I said as we all took a seat at the table.
“We had so much fun!” Benedict’s excitement brought my attention to him. “She took us to Jungle Island, and we got to see all the different animals. And Uncle Mark took us on the giant water slide. It was the most fun I ever had!”
“Yeah,” added Yasmine. “The slide was so much fun. I got to get on it four times.”
“That sounds like fun,” I said taking the plate Ronan fixed for me. The kids were already digging into their food as they talked.
“Hold up a minute,” Ronan said, staring at the kids.
“Sorry dad,” they muttered, knowing we had to say grace before each meal we consumed.
As a family, we clasped hands around the kitchen table and bent our heads. Ronan uttered a prayer of thanks.
“Dear God, thanks for the food we are about to receive. Thank you for allowing us to be able to partake of this meal as one unit. Thank you for bringing me back to my family for moments like this. And thank you for Yassi and Benny who cannot wait to dig in, Amen.”
“Amen,” Yasmine and Benedict said, and wasted no time digging into their meals once again.
My appetite wasn’t up to par, but I didn’t want Ronan to get suspicious. I pretended I was eating by shuffling food around my plate from one side to the next. I had been taking a medication to settle the nauseous feeling I’d had to deal with since the surgery.
“Is anything wrong with your food?” Ronan asked with a raised brow.
“No, the food is good,” I lied and put a forkful into my mouth to prove it. “Simply delicious.”
I could feel Ronan’s eyes still on me. I breathed a sigh of relief when my darling daughter began to speak. “We also went on the Safari tour when we were at Jungle Island,” said Yasmine.
“Oh wow, what all did you see on the tour?” I asked trying to redirect Ronan’s gaze from studying me to Yasmine as she told us about her adventure.
“Uncle Mark let us see the lemurs and we got to touch one,” replied Yasmine.
Ronan and I were blessed to have such great friends as the Andrews in our lives. Mark loved our children as much as we did. And even though he and Shauntay had been blessed with a new baby, they still treated our kids the same.
“It was so cool seeing the kangaroos and tortoises,” added an excited Benedict who even wore the same serious expression as his father.
“Can we go again sometime soon?” asked Yasmine, directing her question between her dad and me. “Please?”
“We’ll have to see about that,” Ronan said. “It depends on how well you two keep your rooms clean, and I’m not talking about having your mom coming behind you to pick up after you. If you both do a good job, I can make another trip to Jungle Island happen very soon,” he promised.
“Alright,” Yasmine and Benedict high fived each other as if they had accomplished a great feat.
I looked at Ronan and smiled. He was a loving father and husband. I was glad he was home and safe with our family under one roof. I didn’t want to ever lose him. If I was healthy and whole again, we would’ve been near perfection.
“Yasmine and Benedict, finish up your dinner. Then, it’s off to bed for you both,” Ronan said.
“Aww dad, can we just stay up for a bit longer?” Benedict asked, bestowing upon his father a pleading look. “Aunt Shauntay lets us stay up past our bedtime,” Benedict innocently revealed.
“Good move, dummy!” cried Yasmine. “You wasn’t supposed to tell.”
Ronan looked at his daughter and then his son sternly, without saying one word. His glare told Yasmine he wasn’t pleased with her words to her brother and told Benedict that his orders weren’t up for debate.
“I’m sorry, Benedict,” Yasmine said, following her father’s unspoken orders.
“It’s okay,” Benedict said smiling at his sister. “Good night, mom,” Benedict rose from the table quickly before coming around to give me a hug.
“Good night, baby,” I said holding him close to my heart and kissing him on his cheek.
“Good night, mom,” Yasmine stood as we went through the same ritual that I had given her brother.
Ronan stood up from the table, “I’m going to make sure the kids get settled down for the night, and then we can have some quality time,” he said with a heated look in his eyes before walking out of the kitchen with our children.
I watched my husband walk down the hall and out of my sight. An amazingly large lump grew in my throat. I was going to have to reject him when all he wanted to do was make love to me.
An unsettling feeling overtook me. In all the years we’d been married, I never avoided intimacy with Ronan, and I never wanted to. My desire for Ronan was as natural as the air I breathed, until the big C came in and stole my every intimate desire; desire a woman is supposed to have for her husband.
I sighed inwardly, stood up and gathered the dirty dishes to put in the dishwasher. I stored the leftovers in plastic containers before refrigerating them. I moved slowly around the kitchen, glad Ronan had gone with the children so he wouldn’t notice my impeded steps. I wiped down the table and switched off the light in the kitchen before heading upstairs to my bedroom.
Ronan entered the bedroom just as I was sliding into bed. “After their baths, I read them a bedtime story and they are both out like a light,” he said standing in the doorway watching me with a lusty stare. “And now, it’s all about you, Ruby.”
“Ronan, I—”
“Oh, I missed you so much, baby.” Ronan took off his shirt and put it on the chair by the door. He began removing his pants.
“I missed you too, Ronan. I’m glad you had a safe trip,” I said truthfully. “Did you accomplish all that you wished to?” I prolonged having to deny him what was rightfully his, and what I would’ve been glad to give him at any time before this dreadful disease claimed my body.
“Everything went well, sweetheart. A lot was accomplished for the sak
e of the employees of Turner Enterprises. We’re rolling out a new benefit package that I feel every employee will be happy about, including a gym membership so everyone can stay fit and healthy. But the part that was most eventful for me was learning about the new technologies and equipment coming to light in this ever-advancing world of tech innovation.”
“That’s great to hear, honey. Great for your employees, and I know you’ll put all the new advances to good use. You’re excellent at what you do,” I said, watching my husband undress down to his briefs.
He slid into bed beside my gown clad body and instantly reached for me, placing his hand on my shoulder. He smothered hot kisses down the side of my neck as he nuzzled and breathed in my scent.
“I missed holding you in my arms at night when I was away, and I definitely missed reaching over to kiss you like this, Ruby,” he said peppering kisses to the side of my face and the corners of my mouth before turning my face to capture my lips fully beneath his own.
“I missed you too,” I whispered into his mouth.
“I hope you never doubt how much I love you,” he said when our kiss broke.
I breathed in my husband’s scent and clasped his broad shoulders beneath my fingertips. “I love you too, Ronan, more than anything. You and the children mean the world to me,” I said.
Staring into his eyes, I tried to think of a way to let him down gently. Judging by the hungry look in his eyes, it wasn’t going to be easy.
His hands inched down to my thighs and he pushed my gown up. Lord, the warmth of his hand felt so good on my skin. Being swept away by his kisses and intoxicating touch was only halted by a strong tinge of pain coursing through my pelvis.
Instantly, my hand flew down to stop him before he could reach closer to the juncture of my thighs. I swallowed the lump in my throat and blinked away the threatening tears that I fought like hell to keep from falling. I tore my lips away from his heated kiss and found my voice. I had to tell him something, anything to stop him from trying to make love to me.
“Ronan, I can’t!” I screamed as I pushed him away frantically.
“What? What’s wrong Ruby?” he asked as he pulled away with furrowing brows.
“I…I got my monthly visitor this morning…and I… I can’t do anything tonight.”
“I thought you were just on your period two weeks and four days ago. Why is it on again this soon?”
“Sometimes menstrual cycles are irregular like that,” I said.
“Yours has never been irregular though. It always starts and ends on the same day of the month, give or take a day. I have your start date programed into my phone’s calendar,” he replied as his frown began to turn into concern. “That’s it. Tomorrow, you’re going to see your GYN,” he demanded.
“Honey, there’s no need for concern. It’s normal for some women to be irregular.”
“Yes, there is concern for you. You’re tired, looked drained, and now your period is irregular. You should see your doctor, just so we both can rest assured that there are no problems.”
“I’m one step ahead of you. I called the doctor’s office today, and they told me what I’m experiencing is normal and to only call back if my period lasts greater than ten days,” I said, which wasn’t entirely a lie. I had called my doctor’s office. The rest was fluff.
“That doesn’t satisfy me. I’m still worried about you, so we’ll just have to see another doctor.”
“Other than menstrual cramps, I’ll be alright, Ronan.” I slid away from him and winced from my surgical incision.
“Baby, you’re in pain,” Ronan said lying down beside me to hold me gently in his arms.
I took great care to place his arm above my incision. “I should be better after a good night’s sleep and this cycle ends.”
“If not, you’re going to see a new doctor,” he said and kissed the back of my neck. He settled comfortably behind me, and I could feel his large, stiff erection against my backside.
Guilt shook me to my core for lying to Ronan about the reason he was going to sleep unappeased. There were other ways I could’ve satisfied him, but I was in no condition to do so tonight or any time soon.
I lie in his arms wondering in the back of my mind if, even after I healed, I would ever make love to Ronan again. This illness had me feeling like half a woman, unsexy in every sense of the word. I was still in a stupor myself since the surgery.
I closed my eyes and prayed for a miracle, whispering in the darkness as Ronan slept beside me.
“Heavenly Father, please let this be a dream. When I wake up tomorrow, please let me be healthy and whole again, Amen.” I finished my softly spoken prayer with hot tears falling from my eyes.
Take it one day at a time. Force one foot in front of the other. I was going to have to do that just to keep going.
Meanwhile, Ronan continued to sleep beside me as I stared into the darkness not knowing which way to turn. The emptiness overtook me and forced me into a troubled slumber.
Chapter 8
Ruby
“Mrs. Ruby Michaels, Dr. Shavez will see you now,” Nurse Lucy said. I stood from my seat in the waiting room to follow her back to see my oncologist. “How are you feeling today?” she asked as she seated me in room four.
“I’m doing as well as can be expected, I suppose.” I hadn’t ever gone through anything like it, so I had no other situations to compare it to.
Lucy smiled at me with sympathy in her eyes. “It takes time, Mrs. Michaels, to come to grips when something like this hits. You’ll get through this, but don’t lose faith,” she said.
“Faith seems to have deserted me, at the moment,” I said with a tinge of sadness in my voice.
Lucy looked at me with understanding as she busied herself with taking my vital signs and making notations in my chart. “Make yourself comfortable and Dr. Shavez will be with you momentarily,” she said giving me a bright smile before leaving the room.
Dr. Shavez entered about ten minutes later with my chart in his hand. “Hello, Mrs. Michaels, Lucy tells me you’re a little down in spirit today.”
I grimaced at the tall and slim doctor. “She’s right, Dr. Shavez. I’m not feeling my usually cheerful self.”
“Don’t get discouraged, Mrs. Michaels,” he said looking through the chart he held in his hands. He looked up and said, “I do have some news that’ll cheer you up. Dr. Newberry’s report says the surgery went well as far as getting all the cancer out. It was localized to your right ovary, which was why he didn’t have to perform the total hysterectomy.”
“I was glad when the surgeon told me it was contained in one ovary, but do you think I should’ve gotten the hysterectomy, just to make sure it doesn’t come back?” I asked, fear still gripping me tight. The fact that my female organs were still in my body made me worry that one day they, too, would be in harm’s way.
“What I’ve seen in patients with similar findings, and according to the available literature on Stage one squamous cell cancer that is contained in the ovary, you have less than a ten percent chance of recurrence. Your tumor was very small, because we caught it early. Chances of it spreading are slim. I’m pretty confident and hopeful for complete curing in your case. However, you will need close follow up and I suggest further treatment to lower the chance of return even more.”
“What? Dr. Shavez, there is no way I can subject myself to chemotherapy treatments. I can’t get sick and have all my hair fall out. I’ve already resorted to wearing wigs because my hair is getting so thin from stress. My husband will know there’s something wrong with me for sure, if I suddenly go completely bald.” I was becoming more unsettled, causing me to babble out my secret.
Dr. Shavez put the chart down on the examining table and glared at me with questions in his eyes. “Mrs. Michaels, are you telling me that your husband doesn’t know what’s going on with your medical condition?”
“Yes, that is what I am telling you. I haven’t told him, and I don’t think I’ll ever tell hi
m,” I admitted, knowing it was the right thing to do. My heart told me I could trust Ronan with this information, but my mind, filled with memories of my father leaving my mother alone to die, was dead set against him knowing.
“I have to advise you to tell your husband, Mrs. Michaels. No one should go through what you’re dealing with alone, if they have a choice. It’s most important that you have as much support as you can get,” he said.
“I have God on my side and I’m leaning on him, Dr. Shavez. That’s my support system.”
“Yes, but telling your husband will make a big difference in rebuilding your health in the long run. You’d have your husband to celebrate the victories of your diagnosis. The first one being that you don’t have to have a hysterectomy. That in itself is something to be thankful for, don’t you think?” he asked me.
“Dr. Shavez, I’m very thankful, but I refuse to do chemotherapy,” I ignored his advice. I might’ve sounded irrational, but I was at my wit’s end. He had to see things from my point of view. “Surely, there’s something else we can do to treat the cancer. Maybe something holistic? I’ve been doing some research online…”
“Are you willing to gamble your life away on some information you found online? That’s all those online self-diagnosing and treatment sites are, Mrs. Michaels, a gamble. I’ve been a medical oncologist for nearly thirty years, and I can tell you that it’s best to talk to a professional.”
“Well, is there some other type of treatment I can take other than chemotherapy?”
“Hold on just a minute. I do recommend chemotherapy to eradicate chances of recurrence due to the type of cells that were found. You would use one of our lighter chemotherapy drugs, but it’s chemotherapy none the less.”
“Are there any other options besides chemotherapy?” I repeated feeling as if I was grasping at straws. My leg was shaking. It took everything for me to hold my composure.
“I will not paint any gray areas for you, Mrs. Michaels. If you deny treatment, you will be simply gambling. Is that what you want to do?”
To The Woman He Loves Page 4
