I looked at Dr. Shavez and took to heart the seriousness of our discussion. He looked at me without blinking as his owlish eyes held mine from behind his black rimmed glasses.
“No, doctor, I’m not willing to gamble my life away. I have children and a husband who depend on me to be there for them. There’s no way that I am giving up on them.”
“Good. In my opinion, chemotherapy is the way to go. Two drugs will be used in your treatment to kill any remaining cells. We will be careful and minimize damaging your normal cells by carefully monitoring the type of drugs that you will be receiving as well as minimizing the length of your treatment,” Dr. Shavez replied. “There are less aggressive treatments out there, but chemo is the route I prefer to take,” he added as an afterthought.
I perked up at this bit of news. “What other treatments are you talking about?”
“We could try radiation therapy and see how that goes. I could send you over to our radiation oncologist and see what he thinks. I also want you to start juicing to build up your immune system.”
“I have no problem with juicing, but will I lose my hair with radiation therapy?”
The stress had already taken its toll on my once thick and healthy coils. I crossed my fingers and whispered a silent prayer that the doctor’s answer would be in my favor.
“Not necessarily. With radiation therapy, you will most likely lose hair on the part of the body that’s being treated, not your entire body like with chemotherapy.”
I breathed an audible sigh of relief. “I like the sound of the radiation therapy more. What kind of side effects will I get from the radiation therapy, Dr. Shavez?”
“The early side effects from radiation therapy are fatigue and in some cases skin problems. There are also other side effects such as nausea. These symptoms are stronger in some than others,” he said.
“I’m already dealing with nausea. The medicine you prescribed helps a lot, so I can deal with that,” I said.
“Also, if you need help coping with this rapid change in your life, I recommend this psychologist,” he said slipping a card from his white lab coat and handing it over to me.
I glanced briefly at the business card before dropping it into my handbag. “Thank you, doctor. I may have to use this later,” I said, touched by his consideration and his patience with me.
“And, Mrs. Michaels, one more thing, I’ve been doing this for almost thirty years and have seen the benefits of a good support system. I must urge you again to talk to your husband. I’m sure he’ll want to help you go through this. You’re lucky not to be alone, so don’t isolate yourself.”
“I have a friend who knows about what’s going on with my health. I talk to her,” I said.
“I guess that will have to do for now,” he said as his face held a doubtful expression. “Come and lie on the table for a quick examination.”
I complied, laying back on the examining table.
Dr. Shavez eased down my skirt at the waist where he could inspect my small incision. “Your incision is healing nicely. Keep the bandages changed and don’t allow them to become wet,” he instructed.
I sat up and adjusted my skirt around my waist. Dr. Shavez walked over to a drawer and shuffled through it before walking back over to me with something in his hand.
“I want you to go home and think about your options for a couple of days. Call the office to let me know what you decide. It is my professional opinion that chemotherapy is the best course of action for you, Mrs. Michaels, however, it is up to you. Here’s a pamphlet on what you can expect from both treatments.”
“I have one more question, doctor. Which is the shortest treatment, radiation therapy or chemotherapy?” I asked as I added the pamphlet to my handbag.
He pinned his serious gaze on me for a moment. “In your case, chemotherapy would last four to five months but given to you in cycles of two days every three weeks. Radiation therapy will only last a month, but you will have to come in Monday through Friday with rest time on the weekends,” he said. “More general information is in the pamphlet.”
“Thanks, I’ll let you know what I decide, Dr. Shavez. Thank you for your patience with me.”
“You are welcome. Weigh your options carefully and then we will proceed. I’m confident you will be feeling up to speed soon with either treatment,” he said encouragingly as we walked out the door.
A decision had to be made. A decision that could very well mean life or death for me and heartbreak for my family. The surgery had gotten all of the tumor. My next step was to make sure the cancer was completely eradicated from my body.
I went to the payment desk and paid cash for my visit. I used my personal account to pay all my medical bills and the mail regarding the treatments went to my personal Post Office box.
After settling my account, I walked outside into the dry heat and eased behind the wheel of my silver Lexus GS 450. There was a small twinge in my side as I backed out of the Medical Arts parking lot.
Heading home, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I didn’t want to die. I pulled into a gas station about two miles from the doctor’s office and pulled my cell phone from my purse to punch in a phone number. I had made up my mind. If I didn’t call the doctor’s office now, I would change my mind later. I had to set my decision in stone.
“Dr. Shavez’s office, how may I help you?” a warm voice answered.
“Hello, this is Ruby Michaels. I just left your office a few minutes ago.”
“Yes, Mrs. Michaels, I remember,” said the receptionist politely. “How may I help you?”
“I’m calling back with my decision about having the radiation therapy,” I nervously said, taking in deep breaths to keep from having a panic attack.
“Let me transfer you over to a nurse so she can make an appointment. Hold please,” was the last thing I heard before elevator music started playing over the line.
“Mrs. Michaels, this is Lucy speaking,” the nurse said in greeting.
“Hi, again, Lucy, I am ready to make an appointment to begin my treatment,” I informed Lucy.
“Which method of treatment did you decide on Mrs. Michaels?”
“I’m going to do radiation therapy.”
“This is great, Mrs. Michaels. I honestly think you have made a wise decision. Let me see when I can get you in to meet with the radiation oncologist.” There was a pause on the line. “Will next Monday work for you around 9:00 in the morning?” she asked.
It would have to work. What other choice did I have?
“Yes, that time will work for me just fine.”
“Okay, your appointment will be with Dr. Rampey’s office, which is a couple doors down from our office,” Lucy said.
“Thanks,” I said, ending the call.
I pulled out into the busy mid-day traffic with my decision weighing heavy on my spirit. One month of daily treatments Monday through Friday with a rest on the weekends. How was I going to pull this off and keep my illness from my family?
Chapter 9
Ronan
“Hey honey, I’m home,” I said calling out through the silence. I had a long day and was eager to spend time with the lady of the house…and my children too.
I went to the kitchen in hopes that I would find Ruby whipping up a masterpiece. My stomach growled in anticipation of one of her home cooked meals, but the kitchen was spotless and there was no evidence of anything cooking on the stove. I walked over and peered into the oven and there was nothing there either.
“Ruby?” I called out.
There was no answer. I didn’t even hear the kids scurrying around making noise. I sat my briefcase down and walked over to the stairs that led to the upstairs bedrooms. I climbed them two at a time. First, I peeped in Benedict’s room. It was dark, so I reached for the light switch. The room flooded in light but there was no sign of my son. Toys were scattered over the floor, but his bed was made.
I switched off the light and walked across the hall to Yasmine’s room.
Her room was dark and empty, as well. At least her room was neater than Benedict’s. I went down the hall to our master bedroom in search of Ruby. Her car was in its usual space and she hadn’t texted or called me to say she would be gone.
Frustrated with what I knew I would find, I flipped on the light switch and saw Ruby huddled beneath the bed covers sound asleep. I walked over to the bed and peered down at her. Once again, her even breathing let me know she was asleep.
It was only 5:15 p.m. and she was already in bed. This kind of shit had been going on for two weeks. Along with her waking up in the mornings, making me breakfast and kissing me goodbye but not allowing me to touch her. The kids were always with Shauntay and she was always tired.
My loins tightened in my slacks as I took in my wife’s beauty outlined beneath the covers. Her beautiful full lips were slightly open as she breathed in and out. Something had to give.
“Ruby,” I called her name to wake her.
Her eyes fluttered open between her long lashes. Wiping the sleep from her eyes, she looked at me in confusion for a moment. “Hey, Ronan,” she said softly.
“Why are you in bed so early?” I was past talking sweetly to her about her new behavior. I demanded answers. “And I want the truth this time, Ruby.”
“I laid down for a short nap, but I didn’t mean to sleep this long. I’m so sorry. What time is it?”
“It’s 5:16. Where are the kids?”
“Shauntay took them home with her. They wanted to go play with Contessa,” she said as she sat fully up in bed. “She’s going to bring them back at 6:00, so they can do their homework, get dinner, and get ready for bed.”
“I checked the stove and there’s no dinner to be had in the kitchen,” I said, as the covers fell down around her waist exposing her chocolate nipples through her sheer gown. My anger faded, and my insatiable appetite for my wife began to build as my eyes feasted hungrily on her. My mouth watered from the thought of tasting and licking her pretty brown nipples.
“I’m sorry that I haven’t cooked yet,” she said throwing the covers aside exposing her tempting brown thighs.
“I’m not hungry for food any longer. I have another feast in mind,” I said thinking of how her sticky juices would taste coating my tongue with delicious flavor. I wanted to start from her lush lips and lick my way down to her moist center.
Her face wrinkled into a frown. “Not right now, Ronan,” she said standing and reaching for her robe that was lying at the end of the bed. She put her arms through it and fastened it at her small waist.
“Then when, Ruby? It’s been three whole weeks since you let me touch you. And you’re not on your cycle because I haven’t seen one sanitary napkin in the trash for the past couple of days. How long are you going to keep dodging me?” I guessed the better question was why was she dodging me?
“Ronan… I just don’t feel like it.”
“This is not like us, baby. We’ve never gone weeks without being intimate, and I want you,” I said as I took her hand and placed it on top of my erection.
“I want you too, Ronan. It’s just that–“ Tears sprang to the corners of her eyes and leaked down her cheeks.
“It’s just what, Ruby? Talk to me.”
“I’m sorry, I just can’t right now,” she said as she quickly dashed away her runaway tears.
My heart softened when worry lines appeared on her forehead. Her tears caused me to take a step towards her. Every step I took, she took a step back, avoiding me as if I had the plague. In that moment, I saw something in her. Something deep and painful. She didn’t want me near her, and she’d been acting as if she loathed my touch.
“What’s wrong with you, Ruby? Please talk to me.”
“Don’t feel sympathy for me, Ronan! I’m fine!” she said with her eyes casted downward. Her head trembled as she hollered.
Confused, I said, “Ruby, I’m just trying to be here for you like I always have. I want things to be the way they were three weeks ago, before I left to go to the retreat. I want to hold you, kiss you and love you in every way. Is that also too much to ask?”
My eyes narrowed as I assessed my trembling wife. She was hiding something huge from me, and I couldn’t help but to wonder if she had found someone else. The thought of another man touching my wife sent my blood raging through every vessel in my body. My hands clenched tightly in anger. I never feel so insecure as I did that moment. Had Ruby left me while I was busting my ass building a legacy for our family?
Grandma Michaels died and left every cent of her fortune in my control. I had the means to quit working and be there completely for her while we lived off my trust fund. But I wanted my children to witness hard work in motion. So, I worked hard and long hours each day.
Maybe that’s why she was so tired suddenly. I trusted her for years and would’ve never thought such a thing before, but lately these unwanted doubts were creeping into my head causing me to have crazy thoughts. I shook those thoughts as hard as I could. I reasoned that it was sex deprivation wearing on me. Of course, Ruby wasn’t cheating.
“Why is Shauntay keeping our children all the time, Ruby? You’re their mother, not Shauntay,” I said, continuing to drill Ruby for answers. “Besides it’s not fair for her to keep our children when she has a new baby of her own. Contessa deserves her attention.”
Her head tilted to the side. “First, I know who Yasmine and Benedicts mother is. I was the one that birthed them! Second, Shauntay doesn’t keep our children all the time. They’re here with me mostly. She just offered to take them for ice cream and they wanted to go with her,” she said with indignation shooting from her eyes like darts.
“Oh yeah, what about yesterday and the day before?” I asked but continued before she answered. “Listen, I’m just going to be blunt. Are you having an affair, Ruby? Is that why you are sending the children away? Is that the reason you no longer want me to touch you?”
“An affair, Ronan? I can’t believe you just asked me something like that. Of course, I’m not having an affair. How dare you question me like you don’t trust me?”
“I reach out to you at night and you shrink away from me like I’m some kind of rapist. You look at me with disgust every time I walk into the room. I’m your husband for Christ sakes. How am I supposed to feel?” I asked feeling the anger and hurt of the past weeks building and coming to a boiling point. “This is not us. You have done a one eighty and I want to know why!”
“I have never given you any reason to distrust me in all of the years we have been married,” she muttered angrily.
“Well, I feel like that has changed somewhere along the line. But I’m willing to start this conversation over if you tell me what’s going on with you, because something is going on. Give me a reasonable explanation of the change in you.”
“Ronan, I have not changed.”
“Yes, you have, and I want my wife back! Talk to me, baby,” I pleaded, stepping closer to her. My hand grasped her arm, and she quickly pulled away from me as if my hand was on fire. “See! This is the type of bullshit I’m talking about. You won’t even let me touch you. For the sake of decency, tell me what is wrong with you. I don’t like the way I’m feeling right now or the crazy thoughts that’re going through my mind.”
“I just don’t feel like having sex. I’m not a fucking sex machine,” she said, still avoiding looking into my eyes. “I’m going downstairs to warm you up some leftovers from the refrigerator,” she said, walking out of the room.
“Don’t bother, Ruby. I’m going out, and I’ll get me something fresh and hot to eat at a diner or something,” I said through gritted teeth. I needed to defuse my anger and come back when I wasn’t ready to punch something.
“I don’t mind making you something, Ronan. You don’t have to go out,” she said softly, as she walked back into our bedroom finally sounding like the sweet Ruby I loved so much.
I looked at her. She was truly the love of my life, but at this moment I didn’t know her. She was
wearing a nice, new wig and had on a coat of worn makeup on her face. It was as if she was dolling herself up for someone else and had nothing left to give me by the time I got home from the office.
She was a total stranger in my wife’s body that I couldn’t trust. And I was supposed to be able to trust my sweet Ruby, the mother of my children, with my life. My God, when did our marriage get to this point?
I tore my eyes away from her and walked over to my closet to gather a pair of jeans and a shirt. I walked to my drawer and removed a clean pair of boxer shorts along with a clean pair of socks and took them into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. The beautiful sight of my made-up wife wearing a fake wig disgusted me at the moment. This level of disgust I was feeling for Ruby surprised even me. She had blindsided me with her mysterious ways.
I was hoping the steamy shower would simmer my anger, but nothing helped as I washed my body from head to toe. One thing I couldn’t tolerate was disloyalty from the person I vowed to my loyalty to forevermore.
I shut off the shower and dried off before putting on my clothes. I left the bathroom to see Ruby sitting on the bed wringing her hands and biting her lower lip with a frown between her brows.
“Are you still leaving?” she asked, jumping from the bed.
“What do you think?” I questioned her with an anger tinged voice.
No reply was forthcoming as she looked at me with sadness lurking from her eyes. I no longer cared how she looked, or if she was upset that I was going out. I gathered my billfold and car keys and walked out of the room, leaving her behind to stew in her own deceit.
Chapter 10
Ruby
I fell back on the bed and tears leaked freely from my eyes. My covert mission had taken a drastic turn. As planned, Ronan didn’t suspect that I was having health problems. Instead, he thought I was having an affair. My actions had left Ronan feeling cheated and betrayed, when there was no man on this earth that could ever take his place.
To The Woman He Loves Page 5
