To The Woman He Loves

by Theresa Hodge

“God, I’ve been a good, faithful person. I prayed…took care of my family...and treated others the way I wanted to be treated. I even remained faithful after losing my mother, the one person who I used to be able to count on to lift my spirits, to cancer. Why did you give me cancer? I did nothing to deserve this!”

  It was perplexing that I would be inflicted with such a scary disease after living such a humble and faithful life. And after believing there was a God above watching over me. It just wasn’t fair.

  “I hate you John Henry!” I said, shifting the questions from God, to blaming my father. Thinking of the day he left my mother on her dying bed hit harder than ever today.

  The way dad reacted to mom’s cancer diagnosis was the reason I kept my diagnosis from Ronan. If only my father had been a real man, I wouldn’t second guess the real man I knew Ronan to be.

  After questioning God and blasting dad, I still felt like shit. Numbness overtook my body, as I lay on the bed with a piercing pain in my heart. I didn’t want to move, think or even breathe. The only silver lining was that my kids were not home to witness me in this state.

  Balling myself into a tight knot, I began to listen to the tiny voice that was trying to push through. You will make it through this…

  “God, you said you would not leave or forsake me,” I said, holding onto the part of me that wanted to believe in blessings. “So, I will continue to believe that by Your stripes, I am healed. This illness will be removed permanently from my body…in Jesus name.”

  Shaken by my own words, I just lifted my hand in the air. I questioned the Lord, but a deep part of me believed the Holy Spirit would move in my favor. Just as much as I believed in my healing, I believed there was a chance Ronan would see me as a burden, a sick and shut in, if he knew I had cancer. The last thing I ever wanted to feel was disposable, like mom had been to my dad. Therefore, keeping this secret was one thing I was adamant about.

  “Oh Ronan,” I cried out as the disgusting way he looked at me replayed in my mind. I would have to stand strong under his scrutiny – at least until I was able to once again perform my wifely duties.

  Ronan thought he despised the new me, not knowing what he really despised was the cover up of a devastating six letter word. Cancer.

  “By God’s grace and mercy, I am healed. By Your stripes, my condition is turned around for the better. Dear God, please heal my body so that I can be a better wife to my husband and mother to my children. Lord, forgive me for my sins committed and the ones I’m going to commit. Be my compass Lord, and I pray that I have the guts to walk not by sight but by faith. I want to trust in your Lord, I want to…”

  Subconsciously, the prayers just kept coming, until the doorbell rang at about the same time my phone started buzzing. I looked down and saw it was Shauntay texting that she was at the door. I dried my eyes and fixed my face before going downstairs to open the door.

  “Hey Shauntay,” I said, as she walked in with the children.

  “Hey Ruby…” she said. The kids ran off into the den and started tussling over the remote control.

  “Give it! I want to watch Turtle Jam,” Benedict yelled.

  “No, I’m about to watch Disney,” Yasmine said.

  Of course, Yasmine won the battle. She turned to the Disney channel and sat down in front of the TV. Benedict plopped down on the floor beside her and said, “It’s my choice after this show goes off.”

  I shook my head at the two of them.

  “Do we need to have a chat?” Shauntay asked as she studied me with her eyes forming into slits.

  “The last thing I want to do is talk right now,” I said walking into the kitchen.

  Shauntay slid up on a barstool. “Wait, did Ronan find out?”

  “Find out what mommy,” Benedict asked as he walked in. Worry was in the shadow of his eyes, as well.

  “Nothing Benny. Go on back in there and watch TV.”

  “I don’t want to watch that girl show. What are we having for dinner? Can I have mine early?” he asked.

  “You have to wait on everyone else. And it will be something you like, trust me,” I said, knowing I hadn’t even taken anything out to cook. I was going to have to call for delivery, again.

  “Yay! I hope it’s pizza.” Benedict jumped and clapped his hands together.

  “We’ll see, now go up in your room and play the video game since you don’t want to watch TV. Your Aunt Shantay and I are talking. I’ll be up there in a minute,” I told him.

  “Yes ma’am.”

  Once we were alone again, Shauntay began. “Ronan’s not here? I thought he would be off by now.”

  “Oh, he’s off, but he went out to grab something to eat.”

  “What are you guys having?”

  “I don’t know. He didn’t tell me,” I said getting frustrated with her questions.

  She tilted her head and looked at me suspiciously. “Ruby, don’t let being secretive ruin your marriage. I promise you this seems worse than it is. You can’t let Ronan carry the cross your father built. You have a good husband who’ll support you. Come on friend, think about how your secret is changing the way you two treat each other.”

  “I don’t need to hear this right now. I have too much on my mind already.”

  “Yeah, like the fact that you’re going to lose your husband if you keep hiding this?”

  “Thanks for the reminder, Shauntay. I truly appreciate everything that you’ve been doing, but I have to deal with this in my own way. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” I said as I led the way out of the kitchen and to the foyer.

  “So you gonna play me to the left? Okay,” Shauntay said as she walked to the door. “Any good friend would tell you that what you are doing will ruin you. If Ronan ever finds out that you have cancer and didn’t let him know it’s going to crush him that you didn’t trust him to be there for you during your weakest point.”

  “I’ll just have to take my chances. If it’s meant for us to be together, we’ll get through that too, but he will not find out about this, Shauntay. Do you understand?”

  “Oh, I understand. Just as long as you know I tried to tell you,” Shauntay said hugging me. “I love you, Ruby.”

  “Love you too sis,” I said closing the door behind her, knowing every word she spoke was the truth.

  Chapter 11

  Ronan

  I entered the JCT Kitchen & Bar. The roof-top restaurant had an air space with an outdoor patio area, which was perfect to accommodate the many customers that were there on this long, hot summer night—possibly the longest night of the entire summer.

  “Good evening,” the waiter approached me promptly at the door. “Would you like to be seated at the bar or at a table?”

  “I would rather sit at the bar as long as I can grab a sandwich to go with my drink order,” I replied.

  “Of course you can, sir, follow me,” the waiter said.

  I followed him into the bar where a band was playing live music, which added a serene ambience to the dimly lit atmosphere. Once I was seated, I gave the waiter my order for a sirloin burger with a side of sweet potato fries. “Hold the onion,” I said to him on second thought.

  “Got it,” he said writing on his pad. “I will be back with your food order shortly. The bartender will be coming around for your drink order,” he said with a smile before walking off towards the kitchen to place my order. The bartender approached as I listened to the band play some kind of jazzy rendition.

  “Good evening sir.”

  “I would like a Pilsner Urquell in a glass,” I said.

  “Coming right up, sir.”

  The bartender padded away to fill my request. He soon slid a frothy mug of chilled beer in front of me. I thanked him and turned up the drink, taking a healthy swig from the mug.

  “Looks like you’re having the kind of day I’m having,” the tall, muscular guy with dreads sitting beside me said. I was so into my thoughts, I hadn’t even noticed anyone sitting there.

  “Hey Jason,
man, I’m sorry. I didn’t even notice you sitting there,” I said to my friend of several years.

  Jason and his identical twin brother, Jonathan Knight, were both good friends of mine since childhood. I also worked out in one of several well-known gyms they owned in the Miami area. After much convincing and planning, Knight & Knight had taken the steps to expand into different cities throughout the United States.

  “It must be woman problems,” Jason said cutting into my thoughts.

  “Man, how can you tell?”

  “You don’t have to say a word, man. The story is written all over your face,” Jason replied. “I know the feeling. I’m going through something too. The kind of problems I’m having though, I wouldn’t wish on anyone,” he said raking his tangled, brown dreads back from his forehead with a troubled look in his eyes.

  “Damn, Jason, we really are a pair, aren’t we?” I said this with a harsh laugh.

  “It sure does look like it, Ronan. It’s like damned if you do and damned if you don’t,” he said before downing the contents in his tumbler. He signaled the bartender for another drink.

  I drank a swig of beer as I analyzed my friend. “At least you’re single and you can go home alone when things get too bad.”

  “You got me there. I can at least get away from these clingy ass women for a while,” he said with a smirk.

  I wish Ruby were clinging to me.

  I sat back in my seat and studied Jason. “Did you just say women? I have my hands full with one woman. I don’t envy you, even though most men would,” I said as I thought about how mysterious Ruby had been acting as of late.

  “Things must be really bad between you and Ruby for you to be talking like this. I always looked at you and Ruby as being the ideal couple. You have a beautiful wife and two wonderful children. I would give my right arm for what you have. I like being alone sometimes, but with all my dating and womanizing ways, I still need someone to go home to at the end of the day. Like I said, you have Ruby and the kids. What more can you ask for?”

  I turned my mug of beer up and drained the contents before I answered Jason’s question. “Man, I don’t know what the hell has been going on lately between Ruby and me. I went out of town on a business trip a couple weeks ago and came home to a different woman. I’ve tried to get her to talk to me, but it’s like she’s a hundred miles away. I let her know that if she has a problem she can talk to me, but she insists that everything is fine and dandy. Everything is far from fine and nothing about our fucked up situation is dandy!”

  “I’m sorry, Ronan. Hopefully things will get better between the two of you real soon. You two are my inspiration to find a woman I can marry, have my children, and be happy,” he said in a wistful tone.

  “I just don’t know anymore, Jason. Sometimes, I wonder if…” I let my voice trail off.

  “Sometimes you wonder what?” Jason awaited my reply by taking a drink from his glass that the bartender placed in front of him.

  “I think there’s a chance she may be having an affair. Like I said, I went out of town and when I came back she was different,” I said in a rush. Rage once again flooded in my heart. “Just thinking of Ruby stepping out on me makes me want to kill whoever it is that she’s seeing behind my back.”

  “Calm down, bro. You’re saying a lot of ‘I think’ and ‘maybe.’ Don’t jump to conclusions, if you don’t have the facts to back it up.”

  “Ruby is withholding sex from me, Jason. That’s all the facts I need. She has never turned me down in all of the years we’ve been married. There is no other excuse. Some other man is satisfying her needs. I believe this as surely as I am sitting here talking to you right now.”

  “Damn, that’s some fucked up shit, if that’s true,” Jason said shaking his head from side to side with a look of pure disbelief written on his face.

  “Yeah, I agree. But the facts speak for themselves. She’s cheating on me, man.”

  Jason stood and clasped his hand on my back to give me assurance. “I hate that you are having to deal with this, bro.”

  “I do too man,” I said after taking the rest of my drink to the head. “Looks like you’re about to get out of here. Good talking to you.”

  “Yeah, I have to go. I hate to leave you like this,” he said taking a glance at his watch. “But I have a personal training session at 8 p.m. One of my top paying clients.”

  I looked at my watch and saw that he had thirty minutes to make it to his appointment. “You better get out of here and go make that money,” I told him with a half-smile.

  “Keep your head up, Ronan, and keep your mind open. And give me a call soon, or better yet get your ass back in the gym and work off some of that aggression.”

  “Will do. I will see you soon,” I said before Jason left.

  Fifteen minutes later, the waiter brought my meal. I thanked him before adding some A-1 sauce to my burger and bit into its thick juiciness. I ate until my hunger was appeased and ordered another beer before leaving the bar area and walking out onto the patio area. The beer gave me a nice buzz, which in turn caused the tension I was feeling earlier to ease a bit.

  The night was warm and pleasant as I looked out at the view of Miami. The lights from the buildings lit the city aplenty, and the traffic of the noisy streets below drifted upward. I loved being in the midst of the Downtown District. I breathed in the night’s thick, balmy air and thought about the way I left things at home with my wife. I didn’t like to argue with Ruby. Out of all the years we’d been married, this was the first time I had ever walked out on her and that troubled me.

  As I looked out over the city, I thought long and hard about the turn our marriage was taking. When I turned away from the view to take a seat at one of the empty tables, my eyes collided with a pair of brown slanted eyes that appeared vaguely familiar. The woman was seated at a table with several other ladies, who seemed to be having a lively discussion.

  She whispered something to her friends before standing and crossing the room to where I was standing. I couldn’t help but notice how her two-toned faded shorts revealed her long, sun-kissed legs. She exuded sexiness, and I could feel it in places that I shouldn’t have. I tried to remember where I knew her from as I watched the tempting sway of her hips as she walked towards me. Was she one of the many employees or contractors that worked for Turner Enterprises?

  “Hello again,” she smiled revealing perfect, straight white teeth. I noticed a tiny speck of a mole that dotted the upper right side of her full lips, which made her appear more endearing.

  “Hi,” I said returning her greeting. “You look familiar, where do I know you from?” I asked her honestly.

  “I was your flight attendant on your flight back to Miami about two weeks ago,” she replied. “Should I be offended that I’m so forgettable?” She batted her eyes flirtatiously, which brought attention to her naturally long eyelashes.

  “Of course not,” I said as it dawned on me. “Nice to see you again Misty Crewe,” I added, remembering her unique name.

  “It’s nice to see you again too, Ronan Michaels,” she said, saying my name in a way to make sure I knew she hadn’t forgotten one detail about me. I found it intriguing that she remembered my name, given that she likely dealt with thousands upon thousands of people on a weekly basis. “Are you here alone?” she asked as she looked around the rooftop patio area before her eyes once again met mine.

  I was momentarily entranced with Misty’s exotic beauty. What man wouldn’t be?

  “I’m alone.”

  My mind returned back to the reason I was there solo in the first place.

  “Is something wrong?” she drew me away from my troubled thoughts. “You looked upset for a moment,” she said.

  “I just have some things on my mind. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

  Her hand reached out and touched my shoulder. “A man like you shouldn’t have any troubles,” she said as her hand moved soothingly against my shoulder. “If I was your woman, I woul
d make sure of that,” she said with a kittenish on her full, shiny lips.

  Her touch caused an instant, hot tingle against my skin. I looked into her slanted brown eyes once again. I allowed my eyes to sweep over her curvaceous body, for only a moment before the fact that I was married with a wife and children, whom I loved dearly, reentered my mind. My wedding band suddenly felt like a bright reminder that I was spoken for. “It’s nice seeing you again, Misty, but I must get home to my wife,” I said more for my sake than hers.

  Understanding dawned in her beautiful eyes as she removed her hand reluctantly from my shoulder. “Oh, it was nice seeing you again, Ronan Michaels,” she said flippantly. “I better get back to my friends.”

  She turned and walked away without giving me a chance to say another word. I stood there and watched the way her short shorts encased her rounded, bubble booty. Her ass cheeks swayed from side to side and jiggled a bit as she walked away. If she bent over, her ass cheeks would spill from beneath her shorts, begging to be set free. She looked back at me once as if she didn’t doubt that I was still watching her. She shot me another coy smile with an added wink before she rejoined her friends.

  I left the bar heading home, silently berating myself for having a reaction to Misty’s beauty. I popped a stick of minty gum in my mouth to dispel the building sour taste. I knew the bitter taste was brought on by what was going on with Ruby.

  I pushed remnant thoughts of Misty Crewe out of my mind. Somehow, she was a pleasant distraction from the tumultuous thoughts of my wife. I’d only had two spontaneous interactions with this lady, yet I knew, if given the chance, she could pose a problem. That thought alone had me more determined to find out what was happening with Ruby.

  Chapter 12

  Ruby

  That weekend, Ronan and I met up with some of our mutual friends for a barbecue at the Turner’s home. We were still very much at odds over my sudden decline in intimacy, so while I didn’t want to go to the party and pretend everything was peachy, I also wasn’t about to let people think we weren’t happy. When Ronan went to any type of function, I was always on his side, and I didn’t want that to change. I was bound and determined not to let cancer strip everything away from me.