Essence of Time (Stewart Realty)

by Crowe, Liz

  But the breathtaking way the two men transported her between them, as if trying to one up each other between the sheets, using hands, fingers, lips, tongues and of course their amazing cocks in, around, and all over her…she bit her lip. One night was especially memorable when she’d said simply: “I want to watch.” The amazing erotic vision of the men, her men, pleasuring each other without regard to her as audience still had the power to bring moisture between her legs.

  Running a shaking hand over her eyes, she clutched a giant stack of Diet Cokes, tried to catch her breath. What a stupid, stupid thing she’d agreed to. Out of some combination of lust, desperation and a greedy desire to feel a child growing inside her again, within a couple of quick discussions with Sara, and a down and dirty grope session with Blake, she’d signed her body over, like it was some kind of womb-for-hire. She clenched her eyes shut, willed the tears back down. She was a womb-for-hire. Pure and simple and nothing more. The men had been doing nothing more than fulfilling their end of the bargain. She had, so far, not upheld hers.

  “Lila?” A voice behind her made her swallow the sob and turn. Sara, with Katie in tow, cart full of the usual compromises of wheat bread, fresh fruit and a gallon of vanilla ice cream stood, like an oasis in a dessert. “You okay, hon?” Lila opened her mouth, but nothing would come out. She shook her head so hard she nearly rattled her own teeth.

  In her usual efficient fashion, Sara had Katie and Maddie deposited in front of a video and Lila sitting at her kitchen table with two giant glasses of wine and some snacks within a half hour. Dazed, more than a little sore from all the male attention she’d received in the past months, heart aching with a reality she didn’t want to acknowledge, she stared into the deep purple liquid. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Her voice sounded raspy to her own ears. Sara patted her hand.

  “Give them time. They’re both so…alpha, I guess. It’s probably hard for them too, you know, to sort out who’s doing what to whom and how they feel about it.” She sipped her wine, played with an olive. Lila sighed.

  “No. I mean, maybe that but the problem is…well….I guess I’ve…”

  “You’re in love with them.” Sara’s voice stayed soft. Lila stared at her.

  “Yeah. That. And Rob’s…”

  “Did you guys fight or something?”

  Lila gulped, tried the no-doubt expensive wine. It tasted like vinegar. She never had been much of a drinker and the copious amounts everyone around her consumed was at times a little intimidating.

  Sara clutched her hand, searched her soul with those eyes that could easily be Blake’s. “Are you…did you…?”

  “Not yet. Not for lack of very enthusiastic trying.” Lila shook her head. Sara sat back.

  Lila took a breath and tried to explain. “Rob is so damn stoic. Such a rock, you know? Calm, cool, collected. Even when it comes to his illness. And Blake…” Lila looked away. How in god’s name could she possibly love two men equally and as bone-grindingly much as she did these two? “Blake is like that cartoon puppy, jumping around the bulldog, always wanting to go, to do, to see, to move around.” Sara smiled. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean it as an insult. They’re perfect together. I feel worse than a fifth wheel.” Sara patted her hand again.

  “No, you’ve just given me a visual of my brother I won’t ever forget.” The women laughed. Lila tried to relax, but jumped up, started pacing Sara’s kitchen.

  “I want so badly to give them a baby. And I’m certain I will. It’s just…” she stared out onto Sara’s perfectly manicured lawn. “I want to stay. I want to be mother to the baby, with them both.”

  Sara sipped, then spoke. “I think they’d like that.”

  “Don’t humor me. We have an arrangement.”

  Sara laughed, but it was a harsh, unpleasant thing. “I know my brother, Lila, and I’ve seen his eyes when he talks about you. I’m jealous frankly, that you have found two perfect men and I can seem to figure out one for myself.”

  Lila snapped her mouth shut. “Really? I mean, you think…oh god.” She paced some more. “But we had such a fight, I mean…” Her head spun, trying to sort out how to approach them again.

  “Oh, you will fight. Those two may seem different but they both harbor a very male, very selfish perspective. They won’t always ‘share’ you well. But give them time. I told Rob already to just get over himself and invite you in, you know, permanently.”

  “I think that’s what he tried to do the other day. I blew up at him. But they are so…”

  “Yeah. Both thick-headed, bossy, male assholes. It comes naturally.”

  Lila dropped back into the chair across from her friend. “Why aren’t you and Jack together, Sara?” She grabbed the other woman’s hand before she could walk away…

  “Because.” Sara said. “Now. I have a long weekend, but Craig is taking Katie up to the Traverse Tourney. Want him to take Maddie too? So you guys can… you know… kiss and make up?” Lila blushed.

  “Maybe. Do you think he would mind?”

  “No. Not at all.” Sara gave her a sad smile. Which Lila saw, then forgot, as her mind already raced with ways to make it up to her men.

  ****

  On her way home her phone buzzed. She answered it on the way up the steps to her apartment. “Hey Lila.” Rob’s deep, rumbling voice made her tingle. Damn she had missed them.

  “Hey.” She let him lead the conversation.

  “Blake is going to take Maddie up to Traverse this weekend. For the tournament. That okay?”

  She’d stopped, confused. Then blood rushed to her face, realizing what he was telling her. “Sure.” She dropped her keys onto the coffee table, and sat before her knees gave out.

  “I want to take you out, to a nice dinner, a movie, concert, whatever you want. How does that sound?”

  Her throat constricted. A date. She’d not been on a real date since…hardly ever. “Sounds great. How should I dress?”

  “Dress up. Blake is going to grab Maddie after school, bring her home and let her pack. You’ll see him then. I’ll pick you up around seven.”

  “Wait.” She said before he could hang up. “What is this about?”

  “It’s about you, getting to know me. It was his idea.” She heard a hitch in his voice. It nearly broke her heart, but she straightened up, sent a silent thanks to Blake.

  “It’s a great idea. I’m looking forward to it.” She tried to sound stronger than she felt.

  “Me too. See you tonight.”

  Later, Blake stood at her door, hands in his pockets as Maddie rushed around like a banshee, thrilled to be going somewhere without her mom. Lila invited Blake to the kitchen where they could have a private conversation while the girl packed her stuff. He pulled her close the second they got out of eyeshot, kissed her long and hard, leaving her breathless. “I love you, Lila.” She gasped, tried to wrench out his arms. “No, stop.” He held her closer. “That’s why I’m doing this. Because I love you and I love him and I need you to… you told me this weekend was…” she nodded, cradled his face.

  “I love you too Blake,” She surprised herself with the confession but it felt perfect so she said it again, kissed him once more and stepped back. “Yes, this is a good weekend for me. I think it will be perfect. Thank you.” Blake nodded and hollered for Maddie, unwilling to meet Lila’s eyes again. Sara’s words about stubborn, thick headed, selfish alpha males floated across her vision. It had to be incredibly difficult for him to give them this time. She loved him all the more for it.

  “Bye, Mommy!” Maddie kissed her then took Blake’s hand and headed out to his truck. She held herself close a minute, took a breath, then jumped in the shower and soaked in the tub afterward, letting herself drift, running a hand over her stomach, imagining their child inside her. Then them together, but as she floated along in a relaxed, semi-sleep a picture emerged. Her, the baby, Maddie by her side, and one man. Just one, standing with her. She knew this weekend for what it was.

&nbs
p; A last chance.

  Chapter Four

  Rob fiddled with his shirt collar, shot his cuffs for the millionth time, changed shoes once, and then sat, staring out the window. He tried a newly bottled beer of Blake’s but it tasted sour to him. Wine was no better. He was a nervous wreck, headed out on a date. Jesus. Finally, he grabbed the keys to the SUV, pulled out of the garage, and headed toward Lila’s apartment. His mind ran a thousand miles a minute. Words from doctors, from Blake, from more doctors, spilled around on each other, making him breathless.

  The fucking shadow was back. Smaller this time, and they’d put him on some low-dose meds he could take orally. They had assured him all his radiation and chemotherapies had not rendered him infertile. He’d made sure to have that test again. Tapping his fingers nervously on the open window as he waited at a red light, he caught the eye of an extremely attractive blond woman in the car next to him. She stared, blatantly, then smiled in a way he recognized. He smiled back, flashed the ring he and Blake had started wearing on their left hands and sped off.

  She opened the door before he had a chance to knock. He had to take a step back at the sight. Her petite, perfect frame was draped in deep red dress, simply cut, highlighting her womanly curves. Long black hair swept up in a casual style, with small pearl earrings dangling from her ears, she grinned, went up on the tiptoes she still needed even with four-inch patent leather pumps and brushed his lips with hers. A subtle, deep floral scent wafted from her skin. He put his hand over his heart.

  “Dear Lord woman. You are magnificent.” He meant it. If he could get away with it, he’d sweep her up right now, plunk her down on the floor of this crappy apartment and take her. But he’d promised a date. He held out an elbow.

  “Yes, well, I figure I’ve got an hour at best in these shoes. So make the most of it.” He took her in once more, head to luscious toe, and grinned.

  “I’d like to get you out of the dress before that…” She took his elbow and shut the door behind them.

  “Nope. Expensive meal at least first, please.”

  “Naturally. Anything for you, my goddess.” He was delighted to see a blush creep up her neck. Without thinking about it, he kissed her cheek. “You truly do look amazing.”

  “You clean up pretty well yourself,” She let him hand her up into the truck, and shut the door. He climbed in behind the wheel. Gripped it, then turned to her. Her soft brown eyes were calm, questioning.

  “I love you Lila. I need you to know that now. It does not mean I love Blake any less. But we, he and I, have admitted to ourselves how we really feel.”

  She slid a hand up his thigh. He stopped her. “If you do that another second you can forget the expensive meal.” He growled. She lifted her chin.

  “I love you too Rob. And Blake. And I’m starving….for more than food.”

  “Good, me too.” He gunned the engine, pulled up to his house again and ushered her in. Once inside, she held him close, enveloping him with her amazing scent. Her lips tasted delicious, the newly familiar curves of her body were perfect under his hands. “But wait, I did promise dinner.” He led her to the dining room, lit two candles and revealed a perfect table set for two. He pulled her chair out, put the napkin in her lap and poured her a glass of wine. She sipped as he sautéed the scallops in butter, then added them to the bed of fresh spinach, sprinkled it with crumbled apple smoked bacon then set the plate in front of her. “Wait.” He insisted, pulling his chair next to her. “I want to feed you.” She blushed again.

  He dredged a firm, white scallop in the golden butter and put it to her lips. She accepted it, sucking butter from his fingers. He kissed her neck after she swallowed, then did it again, and again until the food was gone. A bowl of fresh strawberries dipped in dark chocolate followed. She fed him some too, and they laughed about baby names, nursery colors, Maddie’s new obsession with wanting a bunny rabbit, just regular, domestic crap but he kept kissing her, running his lips down her neck, cupping one full breast then the other. Teasing, nipping, licking. Finally she stood, dragging him with her.

  “Jesus Christ, Robert, take me on this table or something.” He grinned, shoved the dishes aside and pushed her back on the thick walnut surface, unzipped his cock and did just that. The exquisite tight velvet glove of her body tugged him toward a quick release. The pulsing spasm of her lightning fast orgasm sent him over the edge. “Rob, look at me.” She gasped at the last minute. “Look me in the eye.” He did, and his vision got fuzzy as his eyes filled with tears that dripped onto the perfect silk of her dress as he groaned and came, deep inside her body.

  Lila lay awake, draped across Rob’s torso, listening to the soft snores of his sleep. Blake was right about one thing. The man could sleep through a tornado. She sighed, feeling more content than she had in her entire life. If only…she ran a hand across his lean abs. They’d laughed at themselves, still mostly dressed, boinking like rabbits on the dining room table. After cleaning up the mess of spilled food and wine they’d stood and stared at each other. “How did I get so lucky?” she whispered, sliding into his arms, taking long breaths of him.

  He kissed her hair, tilted her face up to his, slanted his lips over hers with a tenderness that turned her on nearly as much as the rough play he usually preferred. Keeping their lips together he picked up her and carried her into the bedroom, unzipped the dress and let it puddle around her feet, then proceeded to kiss each and every inch of her flesh, ending with her writhing on the bed, legs draped over his shoulder, his lips and fingers bringing her to climax after climax, leaving her drained and quivering.

  He’d stood, hand on his long elegant shaft, eyeing her. She smiled, reached up and tugged him down onto his back, then climbed on top, taking him inside her with a quick shift of her body, gasping at how deep he went at that angle. He’d gripped her hips, dug his fingers in as she rode him slowly at first, loving the delicious friction against her clit, then increasing the rhythm, sensing him near his release. He yanked her down to his lips. “I’m gonna come. Oh Jesus,” he groaned, kissing her. She felt him stiffen inside her then release, the warmth of his seed filling her deep as her body pulsed in response and their bodies completed the ancient dance of attraction, fulfilling their shared purpose.

  She sighed, and listened to him sleep for at least an hour, unable to settle, and praying to everything she knew that new life had started inside her already. She kissed his shoulder, and tasted the salt of her own tears, realizing this weekend for what it was before drifting off in a troubled, restless sleep, jerking awake when she heard him. He sat on the side of the bed, his broad shoulders shaking and heaving in a horrible coughing fit. He stood, held up a hand, tried to get control of himself. She ran to the kitchen for water, held it to his lips as he sputtered and tried to catch his breath. Then held him close, rocking back and forth as he settled back into sleep after taking some medicine he’d told her to grab from the cabinet. “I’m sorry.” He muttered, running his hand up and down her bare arm.

  “You have no reason to be sorry. Now sleep.” She kissed his soft golden hair and tried not to cry.

  Chapter Five

  Eight weeks later - Lake Michigan

  Rob stumbled to the bathroom, held himself up against the wall as he emptied his bladder, coughs rattling through his aching chest. Blake followed him, bleary eyed, and worried looking. “You don’t have to follow me all over the damn house.” He muttered, shoving past him on his way to the kitchen for water and a pill.

  “Sorry.” Blake flopped back on the bed, cradled Lila from behind and fell instantly asleep. Rob watched them a minute and tried like hell not to be so angry. This was how it would be; he knew it. Blake would have Lila, Lila would have the baby she wanted so damn badly, and he…he’d be fucking dead. He lurched out into the living room, needing something to break. He couldn’t draw a decent breath anymore, had to take medication to ward off pneumonia daily, and he was pissed beyond belief. Now, that his life was finally on track. Now the motherfucking,
goddamned, cock-sucking cancer librarian came back, and she was calling his book due.

  “We’ve isolated the cancer Rob. We can keep it inside your lungs. That seems to be working. But it keeps taking up more space. I’ve put your name as a priority on the donor list. I’d take one but would prefer both, if possible. In the meantime…you should prepare yourself…” The words echoed around his head, making him utterly insane.

  But today was a day he simply would not ruin. No. This day was Jack Gordon’s wedding day. He was determined not to fuck it up with his bullshit disease. Blake wandered into the lake house living room, made coffee, found some fruit and poured it over yogurt. “Hungry?” he asked. Rob shook his head. He had zero appetite anymore. The gross metallic feeling in his mouth precluded that. Sara’s dress lay across the couch, a light, floaty, white sundress style. Blake’s parents were at their lake house about a mile away. The ceremony was taking place on the stretch of beach in front of Blake and Rob’s house, near sunset.

  Sara’s one-time boyfriend Craig, now a doctor, had come with Suzanne, with whom he had struck up an easy, go-slow relationship. They were in a rental a little further down the beach. Jack, Evan and Julie were at a hotel where Jack and Sara would stay the night. They were heading to St. Bart’s on Monday for two weeks of honeymoon. Katie would stay with her grandparents on the lake. Rob sighed, and touched the nearly effervescent fabric of the dress.

  Blake put a hand on his shoulder, kissed his cheek. “Big day. One I never thought I’d see.” Rob nodded, looking up when Lila appeared at the doorway holding something that looked like a Popsicle stick. Her full lips were grinning, her dark eyes glistening. He smiled back. “What’s that?” he accepted the cup of coffee Blake handed him.