On A Silent Night

by Sterling, S. L.

  “Thanks, but I'm good, Ray. You may as well head home.” Ray had worked all day at his garage, and he looked tired.

  “Alright, I won't argue. Are you coming by tonight then?”

  “Somewhere between seven and seven thirty?”

  Ray nodded at May. “See you then, Cass.” He leaned in to give me a warm kiss goodbye and headed out the front door, leaving May and me alone.

  May gave me a knowing smile as I passed her the debit machine. “What's that look for?” I asked.

  “He really likes you.”

  I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks. Ray and I had been dating for a little over a year. We started out as friends—he had helped me out greatly since I had moved here and started the store. He was my neighbor and had started coming around the first summer I moved into the little cottage Jackson and I had owned together. He spent a lot of time helping me clean up the property, and I had been grateful for the help. We started to spend time together, and finally, he had asked me out. I wasn't sure how far things would go between us, but I was choosing to take things as they came. He was quite a bit older than me which normally wouldn't have bothered me, but twenty years apart got you some strange looks.

  “Really, May? You think so?”

  She nodded and passed me back the debit machine. “Yes.”

  “He’s a great guy. He’s been super helpful around here, and well, whatever happens between us happens. We’ll see.”

  “I've known Ray a long time, and I've never seen him so happy. I would even say, judging from the look on his face before he left, he may want to get a little more serious with you,” May winked.

  I didn't know what to say, I wasn't sure I would be capable of dealing with anything more than what we already had.

  “Alright, lovely, I'll let you get closed up. It's going to be a busy few weeks with all the tourists arriving next week for the Christmas season, then the book drive. Get yourself home and get some rest.”

  May grabbed her bag and headed out the front door. I waited the last five minutes, right until the clock read five before I locked up. I shut off the sign in the front window and started my nightly closing routine. It took me another half hour to count the till, quickly mop the floors, put the money in the safe, and make a shopping list for the store before I could leave.

  * * *

  The clock on the dashboard read seven as I pulled into the supermarket parking lot. I had already sent Ray a quick text as I was leaving the store to let him know I was running late. I grabbed my purse and headed across the parking lot to the front of the store.

  I was wandering up and down every aisle, occasionally stopping to check out items, my buggy getting fuller every aisle I walked down. I rounded the corner to the next aisle and ran into Maggie.

  “Hey, Cass! You're in town late tonight. Everything okay?” she asked smiling.

  “Yes, I just had to pick up a few things,” I said, looking into my buggy. “Well, more than a few I guess. You were pretty busy today.”

  “Yes, I was planning to run over a coffee and fresh donut to you today, but I couldn't seem to get away. Maddy called in sick.”

  “Ah, that’s okay. Thank you though. I hope it wasn't anything too serious.”

  “No, I don't think so.”

  “Well, I really should get going, I'm supposed to be having dinner with Ray tonight.”

  “Yes, me too, the kids are probably starving to death,” Maggie laughed.

  “I'm sure. Rebecca came into the store this morning and spent her allowance on books. Thought I would let you know.”

  “Well, at least it's on something other than video games. Oh, speaking of which, I had someone stop in the shop the other night and sign up to volunteer for the book drive.”

  “Oh, that’s great, do you remember their name?”

  “Well, off the top of my head I can't remember his name, he is actually one of Coldhaven Fire's new hires.”

  “Oh, I didn't know they were taking on anyone else.”

  “He told me he was a transfer, a young guy, really handsome. About five-ten, dark brown hair, crystal blue eyes, five o'clock shadow, and a body, girl, you should have seen. I'd give anything to be able to spend the night with that. I think his name was Brady or Bobby, something close to that, anyway.”

  A funny feeling came over me—she had described Brody, but it couldn't have been him. There was no way he was here, he wouldn't dare, would he?

  “Cass? Are you alright?”

  I said nothing, I barely heard her speak to me. I just stood staring ahead, tears coming to my eyes.

  “Cass?”

  After she said my name three more times and my phone vibrated in my pocket, I finally came back to where I was.

  “Are you alright?”

  “Hmmm, yes. Sorry. I'm fine. I have to go.” I didn't give her another chance to ask me if I was alright. I walked away in a rush, taking my cart straight to the cashier. I had to get home.

  Once I got everything loaded into the car, I climbed into the driver’s seat and just sat there, my heart pounding. I was still slowly healing from everything that had happened, and even though it had been almost three years, I still wasn't completely healed. To be honest, I probably never would be. I closed my eyes, praying Maggie had been mistaken, and she had described someone else. After everything, things were finally starting to go as well as I imagined they were going to go from here on out. If Brody was truly back, I had a feeling this Christmas was going to be pure hell, just like the last few years.

  Chapter Three

  Brody

  I drove through the streets of Greyfield. Not much had changed since I left, it seriously looked as if time had stood still. I turned onto Oak Street and drove slowly down the road. The last time I had driven down this street was the night I left, running like the coward I was, in the early morning hours, away from the best thing that had ever happened to me. I wished I had been able to see it then. Instead, I had let so much time pass, I really felt it may be too late. A girl like Cass was probably remarried by now, and the bastard who got her would be the luckiest guy in the world. But I still felt the need to try.

  I pulled up outside the old two-story red brick house and just sat there. At first, I wasn't even sure I should turn the engine off, but I did. I couldn't help remembering the last time I had been in that house. It had been the day of that big fire down at the old factory. Cass had panicked when she couldn't get hold of me, and I rushed to get to the house. I had left my cell phone at the station, and when I got out of the shower and checked my messages, I knew she was worried. I drove as fast as I could, and as I approached her front door, she came flying out of the house right into my arms, almost knocking me over. I could almost see her running out that front door right now.

  That was the night that virtually ended us if there ever was an us. As much as I wanted to forget, my heart wouldn't let me. Instead, I remembered everything about it, the wound still so fresh like it happened yesterday.

  * * *

  Three years ago

  “Whoa, Cass, what is it?”

  “You can't leave me,” she sobbed into my chest as tears fell down her cheeks.

  “Cass, baby, calm down.” I wrapped my arms around her, taking her back into the house and shutting the door. “What has you so worked up?” I asked, brushing the loose strands of hair from her tear-covered face and looked into her watery eyes.

  “Josie, she told me there were two firefighters missing at the fire. I tried to text you, but you didn't respond. I was afraid it was you.” She sniffled, wiping her eyes with the palms of her hands.

  “Babe, you know I don't take my phone on calls, I left it in my locker.” I pulled her back against my chest, holding her tight, rubbing her arms to warm them. She let a tiny moan escape her lips. I placed two fingers under her chin and gently lifted her head. I slowly leaned down, hesitating at first until my lips gently brushed hers, sending a wave of pleasure through my body. She backed away, but then lea
ned back into me, placing her hand on my cheek, inviting me in for another kiss. This time her lips met mine with force, and I gently pried her lips open, gently sweeping my tongue through her mouth.

  I shrugged out of my coat, letting it fall to the floor as I grabbed hold of her, lifting her so she could wrap her legs around my waist, my hands locking under her ass. I carried her over to the couch and sat down while she straddled my lap. As I kissed her deeply, I reached for the blanket at the end of the couch wrapping her in it—she was so cold.

  We continued to kiss, and as I ran my hands over her body, I could feel my arousal growing. It was when I felt her grind against me that almost did me in. I tilted her head to the side to expose her neck and started kissing her, while my other hand ran down the outside of her shirt, cupping her breast. I rubbed my thumbs over her hardened nipples, another moan escaping her lips.

  I quickly shifted out from under her, lifting her up and laying her down on the couch. I lay on her, grinding into her as I kissed her harder. I was crazy with want and desire.

  She put her hands on my chest, pushing me back. I didn't listen to her plea, instead I kissed down her neck, and ran my hands down to the button on her jeans. I fumbled with it for a minute, then flicked it open, my fingers dancing along her waist.

  “Brody,” she whispered.

  “I want you, Cass, I've wanted you for so fucking long, and now that I've had you, you’re like a damn drug, I can't get enough of you.”

  “Brody, please.” She gripped my hand, stopping me from exploring her body any further.

  I stopped, a little worried, and studied the look in her eyes. I wanted her, fuck I wanted her, and I could see the want in her eyes too, but something was stopping her.

  “Baby, just relax.” I slowed my pace. Kissing her slower, my hands caressing her body. I unzipped her pants and slid my hand inside her panties. Running my fingers through her wet center, I started running circles over her clit. She moaned into my mouth, arching her back as I kissed her deeply. When she was just about to cum, I stopped kissing her and watched her face. I wanted to watch her come undone, but again, she reached down and grabbed my hand stopping me.

  “Brody, please stop.”

  I instantly stopped, taking my hand away. I wasn't sure why she had stopped me this time, but when she opened her eyes, the look she gave me was not the one she had given me before—this one showed nothing but fear and uncertainty. I pushed myself up off her, turning away and headed over to the door.

  “Brody, wait,” she called from behind me.

  “I'm sorry Cass. I don't know what came over me.” I stood still for a moment, adjusting myself, then I turned to look at her, but she instantly averted her eyes.

  I placed my hand on the doorknob and was just about to leave when her hand gripped my arm.

  “Brody, wait, it's not that I don't want...”

  “I've got to go.” I felt like I was drowning. I had made a stupid mistake by ever getting into bed with her.

  I heard her calling me as I crossed the street toward my house, but I didn't turn around, I couldn't. I had to get away. I couldn't believe what had happened between us over the past few weeks, I didn't know what had come over me. I had promised myself I would never act on my feelings for her. As soon as I was safely inside my house and the door was shut, I leaned against it and looked around the main floor of my house. I had run before after Jackson and Cass had gotten married.

  We had been friends through college. I had crushed on her all through school, and at times, I thought Jackson had known it, but I could never be too sure. He finally asked her out, the same day I was planning to. Of course, I never said anything, and I don't think he ever knew how I truly felt about them. I tried to deal with it, but after they got married, I couldn't stay. I ran and got a job up in Canada. Lately, running was looking like a great option again.

  Sure, I had promised him I would be here for her, but I was letting those feelings I had worked so hard to leave behind get in the way again, for real this time. We had been sleeping together for a little over a month, and things had changed between us. I couldn't do this to her, my feelings for her ran so deep, and I was afraid. She had just lost Jackson a year ago—what had I been thinking, making a move? I was foolish to think she would be ready to get involved with anyone, let alone me.

  My phone pinged. Grabbing it from my pocket, I saw a message from Cass waiting on my phone.

  Cass: Brody, please come back

  I closed my eyes, gripping my phone in my hand. It would be easier to walk away than to deal with having to see her. The hardest part of leaving would be knowing she truly needed me. I read the next message she sent—she was practically begging me to come back so we could talk.

  I walked over and threw myself down on the couch and ran my hands through my hair. I typed out a response to her and sat with my thumb over the send button, debating telling her exactly how I felt, but I couldn't do it. I deleted everything I had just typed and sat there staring at her message, another one coming through, followed by another one.

  I quickly sent a text to my landlord, got up and climbed the stairs to my bedroom. I grabbed a couple duffel bags from the closet, packed up the few clothes and small items I had, and went back downstairs. Then I sat down at the table with a piece of paper and a pen. Before I started writing, I sent off a short message to my boss in Canada to see if there was any work available. They were always looking for volunteer firefighters. Within minutes, I received my answer, and that was when I picked up the pen and started thinking about what to tell Cass.

  As I wrote, my phone kept pinging, receiving messages from her, reading every one—I felt like a total ass not answering her. The last message she sent let me know she was going to bed and would see me in the morning. It ended with a crying face emoji which made me feel like the son-of-a-bitch I was by doing this to her, but I was at a loss, I didn't know what else to do. I folded the letter and set it on the table. I cleaned the mountain of dishes that sat in the sink, washing and drying them all and putting them away in the cupboard, something I never did. Once the place was cleaned, I glanced at my watch and saw it was almost two in the morning. I looked around grabbing the last few things that belonged to me out of the fully furnished house I had rented and headed out to my truck. I threw everything into the back and went back into the house, shutting off all the lights. Walking to the door, I looked around.

  “Please forgive me, Jackson, I know I promised you, but everything considered, I just can't,” I whispered. I opened the front door and locked it behind me. As I went to walk down the stairs, I looked across the street at the dark house, hoping Cass was asleep.

  “I'm sorry, Cass, but I can't do this anymore. I love you,” I whispered to the house, tears clouding my vision. I walked down the front steps and climbed into my truck. The engine roared to life, and I hoped she didn't hear it and wake up. I drove slowly down the driveway, keeping my eyes glued to her bedroom window, but tonight, the light didn't come on like it had so many others. I drove slowly down the street and came to the stop sign. I looked in my rear-view mirror, fighting between knowing this was the right thing for me to do and knowing it was the wrong thing for her, and in the end, I was going to break her heart, let alone my own. She had come to depend on me so much. I sat at that stop sign for five minutes, maybe ten before I finally made the decision to turn that corner, and as I drove away from the street that had been my home for the last year, I prayed, in time, she would forgive me, and she would be okay.

  * * *

  Present

  The sound of a car door shutting finally jarred me from my memory. I blinked and looked toward the house I sat in front of. Everything was different. I frowned, it looked like new windows had just been put in, and two brand new cars sat in the driveway. The front porch had been painted. I climbed out of my truck and walked around to the driveway entrance, finally seeing the mailbox at the end of the driveway. In big white letters, the name Smith was painted on the
front.

  “Can I help you?” I heard a man’s voice call. I looked up and saw an older man coming toward me from the detached garage in the back.

  “I'm looking for an old friend who used to live here, Cass Reilly.”

  “Nope, sorry, don't know anyone by that name,” he smiled.

  “She used to own this place.”

  “Well, we just moved here a couple months ago, bought it off a guy by the last name of Davis.”

  “Do you know how long the previous owner may have lived here?”

  “No, I'm sorry. I sure hope you haven't traveled a long way.”

  “Long enough. Do you happen to know where the previous family may have moved to?”

  “I'm sorry, I don't.”

  “Okay, well, thanks.” I frowned, looking up at the house. I could almost see her in the upstairs window, looking down on me like I had caught her doing so many times.

  “Well, I hope you find your friend.”

  “Thanks. Sorry to bother you.”

  “It’s no bother.”

  I took another long look at the house, nodded at the man who stood in front of me, and walked back to my truck. Maybe this was fate’s way of telling me I needed to move on. I climbed back into my truck, started the engine, and pulled away from the curb, heading to my next stop.

  Chapter Four

  Cass

  I fought tears all the way home. As soon as I pulled into my driveway, I called Ray to cancel tonight. I felt awful to start, but when I heard the disappointment in his voice, it magnified that feeling. After hearing what Maggie had told me, I was in no mood to spend time with anyone. I don't really know why I was so worked up, I couldn't even be sure it was him. If it was indeed Brody who had wandered into the coffee shop, I wondered if he had been looking for me. He would think I was still down in Greyfield, but if he wandered into the bookstore anytime soon, he would find me, and honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to see him.