On A Silent Night

by Sterling, S. L.

  Me: Thanks, Josie, I'll call you later.

  I sighed but continued to laugh at her response. I missed her so, she was always so much fun to be around. I made a mental note to give her a call later in the week and maybe arrange a visit with her and the family.

  The rest of the afternoon was quiet and went by smoothly. Thanks to Ray, I ended up getting the whole new shipment put away while he started clearing the shelves for the book drive. I wanted to start collecting whatever I could, and I was happy to be able to concentrate on nothing but sales for the rest of the week. I had shut the open sign off in the front window and was going to help the last couple of customers in the shop. Ray came out from the back carrying a couple of boxes of the books that were donated and started placing them on the shelf.

  “You want these in any particular order?” he asked as he walked over to the empty shelves.

  “Whatever you do is fine.” I would have plenty of time tomorrow to arrange things how I wanted. What mattered to me right now was they at least got filled. “Just make sure any doubles are put together.”

  “I can do that. Did you want to come to my place tonight for dinner? I was going to pick up a pizza on the way home,” Ray asked as he collapsed the last box he had emptied.

  “Sure, that sounds great,” I answered as I locked up the door behind the last customer.

  “Alright, I'm going to head out and let you finish. I'll pop over and feed Missy for you as well.”

  “Sounds good. Thank you.”

  * * *

  By the time I pulled into Ray's driveway, it was close to six-thirty. Ray greeted me at the door, pulling me in for a kiss, then stepped aside to let me in.

  “Smells great, I'm starved,” I said as my stomach let out a large growl. I threw my coat on the back of the chair by the door and followed Ray into the kitchen.

  “So, I went over to feed Missy.”

  “Great thank you.”

  “Who's the handsome guy in the picture with you on the end table?” he asked grabbing two plates from the cupboard.

  I took in a deep breath. I normally kept that picture of Jackson and me in my bedroom, but I must have forgotten to put it away.

  “That was my husband.”

  Ray stopped what he was doing and turned to face me. “He was a good-looking guy.”

  “I know I haven't told you much about him other than he passed away.”

  “No, you haven't.”

  “He was a firefighter. They were fighting a fire in an apartment building just outside of Greyfield. He was doing search and rescue on the fifth floor. They had reports two people were still inside, so he went in. It was just a routine part of his job he had done thousands of times. He was on the last floor, at the last two apartments. He took a step, and the floor collapsed under him, and he fell two floors. When he fell, he hit his head and cracked his helmet. He suffered smoke inhalation, and when they found him, he was unconscious. He was rushed to the hospital where they decided to keep him overnight for observation. I stayed with him for most of the evening, but he was adamant I go home. He went into cardiac arrest later that night and passed away. He’s my inspiration why I wanted to do this book drive. When those families lost their loved ones in that fire last summer, I felt a strong need to give back. I know what that kind of loss is like first-hand, and it breaks my heart to know every one of those men had young kids who will grow up without their dads.”

  “Oh, Cass, I had no idea.”

  “Don't be silly, of course, you didn't know,” I smiled, trying to make him feel comfortable again.

  “So, is that when you gave up your writing career?”

  “It was around that time, yes. I was just drowning. But I got an email the other night. I was approached by an author friend of mine, and they are working on an anthology. They want me to join them and write something for it. I told them I would do it.”

  “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

  “Honestly, yes, it would be a good comeback for me. I could re-cover and publish all my other books again, rebrand myself, and get back out there.”

  “What about the store?”

  “Well, I'd still do that, of course, until, you know, things pick up for me. I used to be pretty popular.”

  “I see. I just don't see how you can do both, Cass. I think you're taking on too much.”

  I had been so excited about this, but I instantly quieted down. How one person could deflate you in an instant was beyond me. But at the sign of his displeasure, that was exactly how I felt, completely deflated, instead of supported.

  “I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I’ll see how it goes, but you're probably right.”

  “I know I am, you'll see. You barely have time now for anything. And you can't afford to hire anyone at the shop. I saw your books, I know.”

  I hung my head as he passed me my plate and a can of pop and opened the pizza box, displaying a large pepperoni pizza with mushrooms. I grabbed two slices from the box and followed Ray into the living room. I honestly felt like I could cry. I had worked so hard, but the truth was, my passion just didn't lie with running the bookstore, and that was part of the problem. My passion was writing, and maybe if it took off for me again, I could get rid of the store or possibly keep both. Or maybe he was right, and I was being silly even thinking that.

  We ate in silence, watching the news. Afterward, we sat on the couch in the quiet, talking about our day. When Ray finally became quiet, I checked the time on my watch.

  “Ray, I should go, it's getting late.” Truth was, I had wanted to leave as soon as he started putting me down, but I had sucked it up. I grabbed our plates and headed into the kitchen.

  “You can just leave those on the counter. I'll take care of them.”

  “You sure? I don't mind washing them up.”

  “I'm positive.”

  I placed the dishes on the counter and headed to the front door, Ray following behind. He grabbed my coat from the hook, helping me put it on. I spun around and met Ray's chest. He reached out and grabbed my hair to pull it out of my jacket, grazing my neck with his fingers as he did so.

  We stood for a moment, looking into one another's eyes, saying nothing. Ray slowly leaned in, getting closer and placed a soft kiss on my mouth. He pulled back a little, looking deeper into my eyes, placing his hands on my waist.

  I bit my bottom lip. His eyes never leaving mine, he leaned in again and kissed me again, deeper this time, pulling me against him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, his rough hands grazing my bare skin as my shirt rose.

  “I’m sorry it was a bad day. Stay the night with me,” he whispered as he pulled me against him tighter, deepening the kiss more, his hand running up my shirt, cupping my breast, brushing his thumb over my hardened nipple. I could feel his hardness pressing into my thigh. He continued his assault down my neck, slowly removing my jacket from my shoulders.

  “I guess I could stay for a bit.” I moaned as he met my mouth again. I let my jacket fall to the floor as he picked me up and carried me up the stairs toward the bedroom.

  * * *

  I stood outside Ray’s front door. He kissed the top of my shoulder.

  “Ray I have to get going, it's late. I still have a little work to get done tonight. I didn't have a lot of time at work today to get the outline for this book done, and I have a deadline to hit.”

  He kissed me again. “It’s okay, I understand. Just would have been nice to fall asleep with you in my arms.”

  Even though he said it was okay, I could see the disappointment in his eyes as I looked at him. I leaned in and gave him a kiss and hug. He had just let me go, and I was about to start walking to my car when he spoke up.

  “Cass, I really don't understand this need you have to write. Honestly, as I said, the bookstore should be enough.”

  “Ray, this was always my dream, I have to do this. I had it taken away from me, and it's rare you get second chances in this life. I can't let it pass me by.” I wasn't
going to stand here and argue with him or let him put me down anymore.

  “Fine, whatever, go home get some rest,” he said, clearing his throat.

  I pressed the remote start Ray had installed for me. “Oh, before I forget, I need you to order me some new tires for winter.”

  “You’ll be fine.”

  “My winters are five years old, Ray, they were getting really slippery last year.”

  “You barely go anywhere, they’ll be fine.”

  With my head down, I walked toward my car, climbed into the front seat, and put my seatbelt on. I jumped when I felt my phone vibrate with a notification. I frowned, pulling it from my pocket. It was after midnight, and I was with the only person who would have messaged me unless there was an emergency. I glanced up and saw Ray had already shut the front door and shut the outside light off. Opening the messenger app, my breath hitched, a funny feeling coming over me as my heart started pumping hard. Tears filled my eyes as I read the message.

  Brody: I need to see you. When is a good time?

  Chapter Six

  Brody

  When I returned from Greyfield the other night, the disappointment that hit me had been debilitating. I wanted so bad to find her—if she wasn't here, I had no clue where she could be. I had begged Josie to give me her number or at least confirm if I had the correct one, but she out and out refused. As the night progressed and Josie had turned in, I begged Bryan for her number. After promising him I would never speak a word of this to Josie, he confirmed I had the correct number.

  Now that I knew I had the right number, I wished she would just respond and tell me to go away if she didn't want anything to do with me. I didn't know what to do. Showing up on her doorstep may not be the wisest thing, but I needed to know the truth—it was going to be the only way I would be able to move on with my life.

  The sun shone as I drove slowly down Main Street until I found a parking spot. Last night, my suspicions had been confirmed on my way back to the fire station. I happened to see her walking to her car, parked out behind Coldhaven Books. She had dropped a box into the back seat, then headed back inside.

  I'd parked my truck across the street last night and watched her for a bit through the window. She was just as attractive as I remembered—her mid-length brown hair perfectly cut to frame her face, her dress snug against all her curves. She looked happy, but when the last customer left, once she had closed the store, a look of sadness came over her face. I had no idea why the hell she was working in a bookstore, she was a popular author, it should have been enough to support her. I watched as she worked on the window display, but the sadness in her eyes was almost unbearable for me to see. I decided to Google her name to see when her last release came out and was shocked to find the last release was before Jackson died. Which meant what she had been working on when I had left had never been released, possibly never even finished. There was barely any other information on her, her website was gone. It was like everything I remembered about her had vanished like it had been a dream. It was like she had just disappeared.

  I figured maybe time away would help how I felt about her, but it did the exact opposite. Seeing her now had confirmed how awful I felt for leaving and just how deep my feelings for her ran. I still felt the same way for her as I had so long ago. I had tried burying myself in work and dating, I had even been in a relationship for two years, but all we did was argue. All I did was find faults with her and wonder what could have been if things had gone differently with Cass. There were so many times I wanted to kick myself in the ass for walking away from her. I should have come back to her, but I didn't—until now. It didn't help that I felt like I had betrayed my best friend. Even though he was gone, I still couldn't forgive myself for abandoning her when she needed me the most, and I hated the fact I wanted so much more with her than just to be her shoulder to lean on.

  I was punishing myself in a sea of regret and had been since that night I drove away. It was enough, I had to do something about it. When I broke up with my last relationship, I started to crave Cass more, and now that she was within reach, it was like an itch I couldn't scratch. But I feared I would end up living with the repercussions of my choices, especially when she wouldn't respond to me.

  I put my truck in park and shut the engine off. She had stepped away from the window, but the lights were still on in the store, the open sign still blinking so I figured she would still be there for a while. I wanted to go see her tonight but wasn't sure what I was going to say to her or if I even had the courage to go. I just knew I needed to. I needed to explain to her why I left. I needed her to find her forgiveness. Fuck, I needed her, and I was going to use whatever I had to get her back. If there was anything this time apart had taught me, it was that I was totally in love with her and nothing would ever lessen those feelings.

  Instead of heading to the bookstore, I climbed out of the truck and walked across the street to the coffee shop. I needed to gather up some form of courage. As soon as I opened the door, the smell of coffee hit me. I walked up to the counter and waited to be served.

  “Ah, Brody, right? How are you? Have you spoken to Cass yet?” the girl behind the counter asked.

  I looked at her a little confused.

  “About the book drive? She's still there. If you wanted to speak with her, you should do it now, she’ll be closing soon. I mentioned to her you were going to volunteer,” she said, nodding her head in the direction of the little bookstore.

  I glanced across the street. All the lights were still on, and she was back working in the front window display. It was hard for me to take my eyes off her, she looked so beautiful. She finally reached up, and the illuminated open sign went dark.

  “Well looks like it won't be tonight, looks like she just closed up for the night.” I smiled at her. I breathed a sigh of relief. I felt like a total coward, I had been waiting for my out.

  “Well, there’s always tomorrow,” she smiled and handed me my coffee.

  “Always tomorrow.” I thanked her, took the cup, and went to sit in the front window, watching Cass from my seat. She was still working away on the window display when suddenly, an older man approached her from behind. I frowned as he said something to her, causing her to smile. I was irritated and got my back up a little as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him, a smile lighting up her face as he kissed her on the side of the neck. I could feel every muscle in my body tensing—it should be me over there, not him, and it would have been if I hadn't been such a coward. She walked away, leaving him in the window and disappeared from my sight.

  I grabbed my coffee and headed across the street. I pretended to be looking at her Christmas display in the window, but what I really wanted was to get a closer look at this guy. I wanted to know who and what my potential competition was. At first glance, I didn't recognize him, but when he turned and faced the window, he looked very familiar. I searched my mind and studied his face, then it came to me. It was that fucking mechanic—the asshole lied to me. He was easily twenty or so years older than her. I could feel rage build in me at the memory of his words.

  Before I did something completely stupid, I turned and headed in the direction of my truck before Cass came out from the back. I had been known to act irrationally at times and didn't want to get myself into trouble. Plus, I didn't want to come back into Cass's life acting that way to start. Instead, I sucked in a deep breath to try to calm down, climbed into my truck, and headed back to the firehouse.

  Chapter Seven

  Cass

  The week had gotten progressively busier with the influx of tourists coming in for the ski season. It was Saturday afternoon, Ray had been busier than normal at the garage as well and hadn't had time to come by and help me out as much.

  I was feeling defeated. I still didn't have many volunteers for the book sale, and I was desperately behind on my book for the anthology. The last few days Ray and I had been arguing, and he basically told me he wasn't going to support my ve
nture back into my writing. Instead, he would pull me away from writing every single chance he got. I was trying not to stress out too much and was looking forward to getting home tonight to have some alone time and get some writing done. The phone rang just as I was about to shut the open sign off and start my weekly cleaning. Tomorrow was my day off, and I preferred the store ready for Monday morning before I left on Saturday night.

  “Merry Christmas, Coldhaven Books, Cass speaking,” I sang into the phone.

  “Merry Christmas? It's only November,” Ray chuckled.

  “I'm just trying to get into the spirit early, I guess.” I had little to none of it, anyway and dealing with the public you had to have some.

  “I see. Well, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to catch a movie tonight in town? I can come by and pick you up if you like.” Ray’s deep voice poured over the phone.

  “I guess, what's playing?” I let out a deep breath. I didn't feel as if I could say no, we normally used Saturday night as our date night since we were both closed on Sunday.

  He chuckled into the phone. “Well, I'm pretty sure I saw that new Christmas movie you've been talking about is playing. Thought you might like to see that, it starts at six-thirty. Do you think you could be ready by then?”

  I glanced at the clock and mentally calculated the time in my head. “It will be close, but I think I can be.”

  “Alright, I'm just about to close up here. I'm going to shower, swing by the theater, grab the tickets, then come get you.”

  “Sounds good. I'll see you soon.” I hung up the phone and finished putting away the two boxes of used books that had been dropped off for the book drive. I had pretty much cleared out the set of shelves I had set aside for the drive today, so I wanted to get more books loaded for Monday. I quickly mopped the old wooden floors, finished counting the till, and was about to head back to the safe when I heard a gentle tap on the front door.