by Jo Ramsey
“Let go of me,” I said firmly. “I don’t know what your problem is. We’re sitting here talking, and that’s great. Now I tell you I have to go home, and you’re acting kind of creepy.”
He immediately let go of my arm. “Sorry. I just don’t want to be here by myself for the next few hours. Part of the reason I didn’t go with Dad was because I hoped you’d come over. I wanted to see you.”
That made me feel even more creeped out. It sounded as if he was thinking about me way too much. I didn’t mind if he liked me. I just didn’t want him to obsess about me or something.
Maybe he didn’t know how he was coming across. He was just lonely and wanted someone else around. I understood that. I felt that way sometimes myself, especially during the times Mom had left me to watch Cece. I hadn’t been alone because Cece had been there, but I hadn’t had anyone else to talk to or anyone to back me up. I wanted to believe that was Noah’s issue. Otherwise, he had some serious problems.
“I wanted to see you, or I wouldn’t have come over,” I said. “The way you’re acting right now isn’t cool. Back off a little.”
He took me literally, stepping back until he almost fell onto the couch. “Sorry,” he said again. “I’m making a real mess of this. I don’t mean to. Maybe you’re right. Maybe you should leave, because I’m just going to keep screwing this up. At least if you leave now, maybe you’ll come back.”
Damn it. He wasn’t making it easy for me to stay, but he wasn’t making it all that easy for me to want to leave either. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and I knew he felt like I was rejecting him. But he was crossing a line I hadn’t even realized existed by acting like I had to stick around just because he said so.
“You aren’t screwing things up,” I lied. “You are kind of making me uncomfortable. I mean, when you like someone, you shouldn’t be in their face about it. I like you, and I’m not telling you I think about you or begging you to come back to my house or anything.”
“You do like me?” He had this hopeful expression that kind of made me regret saying it.
“I said I did before.” I was done with the conversation. No matter what I said, I doubted he’d comprehend. “I’m going home now to make sure Dad’s okay with Cece. Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow or something.”
“Sure.” His face fell. “I hope you hear something from your mom. Maybe she’ll be back sooner than you think.”
“If she comes back at all, it’ll be sooner than I think. See you.”
I took off before he could try to stop me again.
Chapter Nine
THAT NIGHT at home went all right. If Cece noticed that Mom still hadn’t come home, she didn’t act like it. I made sure Dad and I stuck to the schedule, and we were fine.
The next morning, Dad left for work at his usual, way-too-early time, and I started helping Cece get ready for school. Jillian showed up before we’d even had a chance to eat breakfast, and she took over from there. I was relieved not to be completely in charge of Cece for the second day in a row.
At school, some kids asked me about my mom. Brad had apparently been busy spreading the word, since he was the only one I’d told other than Noah. I mostly just told people that Mom had gone on vacation or something and would be back. Of course, they didn’t believe me. It was hard to convince other people about something I didn’t believe myself.
When my bus dropped me off at the end of the day, I waited for Cece’s van and then brought her home. We had snack and exercised before Jillian showed up. Once she took over, I shut myself in my bedroom to do homework. I hadn’t bothered with it at all the past couple nights, and I’d almost been given detention because of it. When I’d explained to the teachers about Mom leaving, they’d all given me an extra day to finish the assignments I’d blown off. So I had a crapload of assignments due the next day, but at least I wouldn’t have to serve detention or lose points off my grades.
While I worked, my mind wandered to the possibility of visiting Noah sometime that afternoon, either after I finished my homework or when I decided to take a break from it. I decided not to go. I didn’t want a repeat of the drama from the day before. The last thing I needed in my life right then was more drama.
A shout from the living room distracted me from both homework and Noah. I hurried out of my room to find Cece banging one of her dolphins against the window that overlooked the cove. “Doph!” she shouted. “Want doph!”
That was new. She didn’t often use the word “want.”
Jillian looked at me helplessly. “I don’t know what’s going on. She was watching TV, and I was in the kitchen washing dishes. Then she started yelling.”
“Were there dolphins on the show she was watching?” Why am I the only one who seems to have a clue about my sister?
“I don’t know. I was in the kitchen.” Someone knocked on the door, and Jillian took a deep breath. “I’ll answer that. Do you think you can calm her down? I hate to ask you, but I don’t know what to do.”
“No problem.” She did sound genuinely sorry. Even if she had experience with kids with special needs, she hadn’t encountered Cece during one of her moments before, so I kind of understood why she was lost.
She went to open the door, and I went over to my sister. She waved the stuffed dolphin in my face. “Doph!”
“Yes, you have a dolphin.” I knelt beside her so I was looking up at her. Sometimes that made her more comfortable, which meant she’d calm down sooner.
She banged the window again. “Doph.”
“Come in,” Jillian said from the door. I figured probably one of Cece’s therapists had arrived. It was about the right time for them.
“Thank you.” I recognized the voice of Kadie, the physical therapist.
“Doph!” Cece repeated, raising her voice again. Apparently she was irked that I hadn’t answered her right away.
Suddenly I understood what she was talking about. I glanced out the window but didn’t see anything unusual in the cove. Which was probably why she’d said she wanted a dolphin. She wanted them to come back to the cove, and she was upset that they weren’t complying with her wishes.
“There are no dolphins out there,” I told her. “They’re in the ocean swimming and eating fish.”
“Want doph!” she said again, thumping the window for emphasis.
“Did she say she wants something?” Kadie asked.
Another knock sounded on the door. I figured it was probably Nina, the speech therapist. I hadn’t figured out why she and Kadie showed up at the same time, but it seemed to work for Cece.
I tuned out the adults and focused on my sister. I didn’t know why she’d suddenly picked now to start demanding dolphins in the cove. Then again, I didn’t understand how her brain worked most of the time anyway.
“The dolphins don’t belong here,” I said quietly. “They need to swim. They can’t swim here when the tide is low. They get hurt like last time. So they aren’t here.”
I wasn’t sure how much she comprehended of what I said. She set her dolphin on the floor and leaned against the window. “No doph.”
“Right,” I agreed.
“No Mum.”
She sounded kind of sad and scared. For the first time, I realized no one had explained to her why Mom wasn’t around. I didn’t quite know what to say to her, but I doubted the adults would have a clue either, so I gave it a shot. I didn’t know if she’d understand, but she deserved some kind of answer.
“That’s right,” I said. “No Mom. Mom went—” I stopped to think of what I should say. “Mom went on a trip. She’ll be gone a while. Dad and Jillian and I will take care of you.”
I looked over at the women. Nina smiled and nodded. I guessed I hadn’t done too badly.
Cece sat down on the floor, hugged her dolphin, and started rocking. I hadn’t even been sure how much she’d noticed about what was going on. Obviously she had realized Mom wasn’t there, and it bothered her. She just didn’t know how to say how she felt.
“Chris, is your dad around?” Kadie asked softly.
“He’s at work,” I replied. “You can try calling him, but he doesn’t usually have much time to talk.”
“Okay, then can you tell us a little about what’s going on with your mother?” Nina asked. “We shouldn’t even be here without one of your parents.”
“Didn’t Dad call you?” I went over to them so we wouldn’t bother Cece with the conversation. “He said he would call you and tell you what was going on.”
“I didn’t get a call from him.” Kadie looked at Nina, who shook her head. “When did he say he was going to call?”
“Last night,” I replied. “I gave him the cell numbers Mom wrote down, and he said he’d take care of it.” I should have figured he wouldn’t. He’d had too many things going on at once. He probably hadn’t even remembered I’d mentioned the therapists.
That wasn’t an excuse, though. Once again, I had to be responsible for something my parents should have done.
I glared at Cece, who of course didn’t notice since she was still rocking and staring out—or at—the window. None of this was her fault, anyway. She couldn’t help the way she was, and she definitely couldn’t help how our parents were. Maybe if Cece hadn’t had autism Mom would have stuck around, but Cece couldn’t do anything about that. Mom didn’t know how to handle a kid who needed as much as Cece did. Cece couldn’t help needing so much, though. And Mom had had alternatives.
I sighed. “Dad needs to step it up.”
“Your father’s doing his best,” Jillian said. “This isn’t easy for him.”
“It isn’t easy for me either!” I shouted.
The women jumped. Cece didn’t even move.
Words started pouring out of me, and I didn’t bother trying to stop them. “Listen. You don’t know how much I’ve been doing around here. Every day, Mom would take off for a few hours. I don’t know where she went. She said she was running errands. She told me not to tell Dad, because she didn’t want him to get mad at her for leaving me alone with Cece. So I was already doing that. Then I come home Monday and find Cece still sitting in her school van, waiting for someone to come for her, and the driver almost didn’t even let me have her. Then I had to—”
I stopped. All of them were staring at me like I’d gone nuts or something. Maybe I had. After everything that had happened the past few days, maybe going nuts was the sanest way to deal.
“I’ve been doing a lot for a long time,” I said, trying to keep my voice down.
“Your father didn’t know your mother was leaving you alone with Cecelia?” Kadie asked.
I shook my head. “I shouldn’t have said anything. It doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t think Mom will be back.” I glanced over at Cece. She was still staring out the window, so I hoped she hadn’t heard me.
“It does matter,” Nina said. “You shouldn’t have been put in that position.”
“Watching Cece isn’t a big deal.” I was starting to feel really uncomfortable now, like I’d done something wrong by tattling on Mom and by doing what she’d told me to do. Plus Kadie and Nina made it sound like I wasn’t capable of taking care of my sister. Obviously I was, since I’d done okay so far.
“That isn’t the point,” Kadie said. “We’ll talk to your father about it later. Do you think he’ll be home soon?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I just know I’m tired of having to do everything, so I hope he is.” I looked at Jillian. “No offense. You’re helping a lot right now, but you weren’t around before.”
“I would have been if I’d known,” she said quietly.
“Yeah. Thanks.” Mom wouldn’t have let Jillian help. She hated letting anyone other than me know she couldn’t handle Cece. The only reason she said anything to me was because she figured I wouldn’t tell anyone else.
Or maybe because she didn’t have anyone else to talk to. She could have made friends with Jillian and some of the other women in the neighborhood if she’d wanted to, but she hadn’t bothered trying. She shouldn’t have been leaning on me, but maybe she hadn’t known what else to do.
I took a deep breath. I needed to get out of that room. Someplace alone, where if I broke down again, at least no one would notice. “Are we done now? I have homework. I just came out here to find out why Cece was yelling.”
“What was the problem?” Nina asked.
I hesitated. Even when Cece didn’t seem to be listening, saying “dolphin” was guaranteed to attract her attention. I didn’t want to set her off again. “Did you hear about the stranding last Friday?”
“Ah.” Kadie nodded. She knew all about Cece’s dolphin fixation. “She believed they’d come back?”
“I guess. Or she wanted them to and got mad when she saw they hadn’t. Who knows what she thinks?” I faked a yawn, hoping that would be enough of a hint for them to leave me alone. “I need to go finish my homework. I have a lot to do.”
“What happened to your mother?” Kadie asked. “Since your father didn’t tell us.”
I didn’t want to tell them either. It wasn’t any of their business. On the other hand, they worked with Cece, and they needed to know about anything that might affect her.
“When I came home from school Monday, Cece’s van was still sitting there,” I said. “Mom didn’t show up to get her. The driver had to call the school to find out if he could let me have her, which he finally did. After I brought Cece home, I tried calling Mom a few times, and she didn’t answer her phone. Then Dad called, and I told him Mom wasn’t here. He came home and found a note from her in their bedroom. She said she needed some time to herself or something. That’s it. We don’t know where she is or if she’s coming back.”
“Your father seems to think she’ll be back in a few weeks,” Jillian said.
I shrugged. “Dad might be right.” Or maybe he was delusional. I kind of leaned toward the second explanation. After the things Mom had said to me over the past several weeks and what she’d written in the note, I didn’t expect to see her again.
“Is there anything we can do?” Nina asked.
“You’d have to ask my dad about that.” Just like they should have asked him about Mom. I had no clue what made them think talking to me about any of this was okay. I definitely didn’t think it was. They should have been talking to one of Cece’s parents, not her older brother.
Nina nodded. “Thanks for filling us in, Chris. Go ahead and finish your homework.”
“Thanks.”
I went back into my room and closed the door, so I wouldn’t have to listen to the instructions Kadie and Nina gave Cece. I could still hear their voices through the door, but I couldn’t make out the words, so I was able to tune them out.
I still had trouble concentrating on my homework. Having to explain to them about Mom had brought it all back to me, and my mind raced through everything that might happen if Mom didn’t come back. Since she hadn’t had a job outside taking care of Cece, we wouldn’t lose any money, so we’d be able to keep the house. I didn’t know how we’d juggle Dad’s schedule and Cece’s, though. Not to mention mine. My plans of sports and maybe dating at some point had gone out the window.
Thinking about dating made me think about Noah, which was another complication I didn’t want to deal with. Or maybe I did. At least I could talk to him. He seemed to understand about Cece, and he definitely understood about being gay, even if he’d gone a little overboard about liking me. I’d been kind of goofy with my first crush too, and I’d grown out of it. Noah probably wouldn’t be so weird about it after he’d had time to get used to the idea.
I didn’t know whether I could handle someone as needy as him. On the other hand, hanging out with him would give me something to do besides worry about things I shouldn’t have had to worry about.
Since I couldn’t focus enough to do my homework, I figured it would be a good time to go see Noah, despite having decided earlier that I wouldn’t. Assuming his father would let me see him,
anyway. I hoped Mr. Silver hadn’t found out that I’d been there the day before, because I didn’t want Noah to get in trouble. Even if Mr. Silver didn’t know, he still might not be willing to let me into the house. He was probably still ticked off about Monday.
I shoved my books against the wall and went back into the living room. Kadie must have gone out to her car and come back while I’d been in my room, because a giant rubber ball now sat in the middle of the floor. Kadie lay on her stomach on top of the thing, rolling back and forth and telling Cece what she was doing. Cece wasn’t even looking at her.
“I’m going out for a while,” I announced.
“Where are you going?” Jillian sounded both concerned and desperate. She probably wanted to play parent and make sure I didn’t go too far away, but she also wanted me nearby in case Cece had another meltdown. The therapists would be able to manage her if she did, but if I wasn’t back by the time the therapists left, Jillian wouldn’t know what to do.
Which wasn’t my problem.
“To see a friend,” I said. I didn’t feel like telling her who. She would probably just gossip to the other people in the neighborhood about me spending time with Noah. “I won’t be gone long. You don’t need me here while Kadie and Nina are working with Cece anyway.”
“That wasn’t what I meant,” she said.
Yeah, right. “Okay, so I’m going.”
I grabbed my jacket on the way out the door and hoped one of the women would be smart enough to lock it behind me.
An unfamiliar car sat in front of Noah’s house. One of those expensive luxury things that cost so much the companies didn’t even bother advertising them. If you could afford to buy one, you went searching for it. I wondered if it belonged to Noah’s parents or if they had company.
Before I knocked on the door, I listened. I didn’t hear anything inside the house. Then again, I wasn’t sure what I’d expected to hear. For all I knew, they had the place soundproofed.
