Ignite Me (The Annihilate Me Series)

by Ross, Christina

  “When you said all of that to me, I listened to you because I remember those days myself. I also knew that everything you wanted to achieve in your professional life could happen for you right here at Wenn—and that if you worked hard enough, you would realize your goals. But when Brock interrupted our interview, I saw how both of you mooned over each other, I caught the fireworks ricocheting off my office walls and slamming against the windows, and I feared that if you did get involved with him, there was a good possibility that you might underperform.”

  “Have I?”

  “Despite the heat that apparently has been exploding between you two behind my back, you haven’t. With the exception of a few blips, you’ve done an excellent job and, in the process, you’ve proved me wrong when it comes to you getting involved with him. But did I know that at the time? Of course not. I might be the tiniest bit older than you, but I know for a fact that workplace affairs can send people off their game, which I didn’t want to have happen to you because I saw so much potential in you. And then there was the potential I knew that you saw in yourself. During our interview, I asked if you had a boyfriend, and you said that you were too focused on your career to even consider a boyfriend at this point in your life. In fact, you said a boyfriend was out of the question. And then Brock came along, and I knew that I needed to make a decision.”

  “What decision?”

  “Since your future seemed so goddamned important to you when you interviewed with me, I didn’t want you to screw it up by falling for someone when you were right on the cusp of realizing the very dreams that you yourself told me you wanted to achieve. So for those reasons alone, I made an effort to quash what clearly can’t be quashed—your attraction to Brock, now fully consummated on some random bed at a suite at the Plaza. Not that I’m here to judge that.”

  “Really?” I said. “Because it certainly sounds as if you are.”

  “Here’s what you need to understand, Madison. I couldn’t give a damn about who you sleep with. My only intent through all of this has been to quietly assist you in your career, because I’ll say it again, you were the one who told me that that’s the one thing you’ve been struggling to get off the ground since you first arrived in Manhattan. I’ve been trying to help you to that end because I thought you wanted to lock down your career more than you wanted anything else.”

  At that point in our conversation, I was so far removed from my body in terms of which way this was going to go, I was floating in the ether.

  “You’ve been trying to help me?” I said.

  “Yes. Based on everything you said to me during the interview, I have been. I didn’t think that you could handle putting up with me and potentially entertaining the idea of seeing someone on the side. The last thing I wanted for you was for your head to be in the clouds thinking about some man when you told me that what you really wanted was to focus on your career. I didn’t want you to fail. Does any of this make sense to you? Do you see where I’m coming from?”

  “In an invasive sort of way, I do.”

  “Apparently, I was wrong when it comes to what you can handle. Sue me. But I only acted in what I thought was your best interest.”

  “During our interview, I meant everything I said to you. And I still mean it. Did I expect to be blown away when Brock walked through the door? No. But it happened.”

  “So you like him,” she said. “Despite his past.”

  “I do,” I said. “And about his past. Brock isn’t the womanizer you remember him to be, Ms. Blackwell, even though you used that term in an effort to drive a wedge between us.”

  “For the very reasons I’ve already outlined.”

  “Maybe so. But at length, he and I have since talked about his past. One of his greatest concerns when he came to Wenn is that he thought he would forever be judged for how he behaved during the few years when he modeled. But that ended seven years ago, which is plenty of time for people to change, as he has done. On his own, he chose to reject his father’s wealth and earn his own way through Wharton. What does that tell you about him? What do you think it tells me about him? After our weekend together, I can say with certainty that he’s far from the womanizing young man you remember, and that’s why I’m paying attention to him today.”

  “How deep are you into this?”

  For a moment, I considered not answering her question, because it was none of her business. But then I decided that if she and I were going to work together, she needed to know the truth, if only so that we could move forward.

  “I think that I’m falling in love with him,” I said. “Not that he knows that. And he mustn’t know that.”

  “He’ll hear nothing about that from me. All of our conversations are confidential.” She folded her arms in front of herself again, and then she just looked at me. Studied me. Consumed me. “I’m not against love, Madison. Far from it. I’ve experienced great love in my life, but also great pain from loving and trusting someone too much. That kind of hurt can do real damage to a person, especially in the early days of one’s career.”

  “I can have a career and a relationship, Ms. Blackwell.”

  “And I’m here to tell you that not many people can. Not with the pressures of trying to make a living in this city. It’s too much for most people, especially those who are just starting out. Often, it can be ruinous.”

  “I didn’t come here expecting anything to happen between myself and a stranger,” I said. “But it nevertheless happened, and I’m glad that it happened. It’s been years since I’ve allowed another man into my life. What you don’t know is that I completely shut down Brock’s initial advances when we had coffee earlier last week. I told him that, because I feared for my job, there could be no ‘us.’ But he was persistent. A couple of days later, after work, he followed me to Wenn Fitness. And then I tried to shut him down again when he asked me to meet him at a pub called Gordon’s. But that didn’t work out so well, because in the end, there was no denying that there was something between us, which led to our weekend together. Do I regret any of it? Not for one minute. And here’s why. The man I choose to see at this point in my life needs to have substance, goals, ethics, morals, and drive. Brock has all of those things in spades. He doesn’t give a damn that I come from a poor family, and over this past weekend, we became close and intimate in a whole host of ways that I could never have imagined.”

  She sighed when I said that, but I couldn’t tell whether it was a sigh of disappointment or a memory of what it was like to be young and in love.

  “Where do you stand with him now?” she asked.

  “I’m not sure. Are you going to give him the lecture that you’ve just given me? You know, which might frighten him away from me forever? And by the way, if you do, thanks for that.”

  “That’s not the case.”

  “I plan to continue seeing him,” I said.

  “I figured as much, as did Alex and Jennifer when we spoke about the Plaza Hotel fiasco. And because of that, as of today, Brock is moving to another floor. If you are going to continue seeing him, I can’t have you fawning over each other because his office happens to be opposite yours. By now, he and Alex have had a similar talk. I’m sorry if his moving disappoints you, but when you started here, you already knew that his time in human resources was limited anyway.”

  “I’m fine with that,” I said, even though I felt a tug at my heart that I wouldn’t be able to look up from my desk and see Brock’s smiling face. I’d miss those days. But I also saw Blackwell’s point.

  “Before we leave all of this in the past so that it can die a quick death, I need to know if you understand where I’m coming from, Madison,” she said.

  “Now that it’s been explained to me, I guess so—in a weird kind of way. I just wish that you’d given me more credit.”

  “Perhaps I should have. And I apologize that I didn’t.”

  She’s apologizing to me? Say it isn’t so?

  And then I paused—I had come on strong
during our interview when it came to my career goals. And based on what I’d said to her, maybe she had been acting in what she believed was my best interest. And if she had? Maybe she wasn’t as closely related to the devil as I’d originally thought.

  Regardless, it was time to put this to bed.

  “I accept your apology,” I said.

  “I’m glad. Is this behind us now?”

  “It is if you won’t further interfere with my personal life.”

  “If I did, it would only be in a positive way. Will that suffice?”

  “It will.”

  “Fine, then. Enough of this. Good luck to you and Brock. And I mean that. For what it’s worth, over the past week, I’ve also seen a major change in him from the young man I used to know. He’s different. More grounded and focused. And he has an edge that he didn’t have before. I can see why you’re attracted to him beyond his good looks.”

  “He has a lot to offer,” I said.

  “Do you know what I think?”

  “What’s that?”

  “That you’re already in love with him.”

  “And what if I am?”

  “If you are, then I hope it works out for you, Madison. If it does—and if you’re still able to perform for me at a high level—I will be the first to cheer you on.”

  I felt so exhausted at this point, all I could manage was a mere “Thank you, Ms. Blackwell.”

  “After this conversation? It’s Barbara.”

  “All right. Thank you, Barbara.”

  “Tonight is Peachy Van Prout’s big party,” she said, switching subjects in a flash. “You remember. You picked up Jennifer’s necklace for tonight. Together, we found the right dress. Right? Right. So I’m going to ask you to work late tonight, because God only knows what can go wrong at the last minute. Bernie will be here to do Jennifer’s hair and makeup at seven—you will fall in love with him immediately. Today will be a long day for you, but at the very least, I know that being around Bernie and Jennifer will make up for it. You’ll see. We always have a catty little party when we doll Jennifer up for these events. So expect to stay late, expect to work hard—and then expect to have a bit of fun when the workday ends. In the meantime, see Margaret. I need to be out of the office this morning, but she has a pile of work for you, which I expect to be finished by day’s end.”

  And when she said that, she simply looked at me.

  “As far as I’m concerned, that’s it when it comes to my concerns about you and Brock. But I want you to know this, Madison—if for some reason it doesn’t work out, you can always come and talk to me about it. I am a mother, after all, and I have lived a full life. I’ll give you my ear just as I’ve given it to my daughters and especially to Jennifer, whom I should bill at this point. It’s a service I offer to those whom I admire.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “It’s the least I can do,” she said as she ran her fingers through her hair. “And in the end, you must know by now what this conversation really has been about.”

  “I’m sorry?”

  “Let me enlighten you. It’s called ‘relationship building.’ Now off you go. You have things to do. Shoo.”

  * * *

  When I left her office, it was with a massive sense of disappointment when I saw that Brock’s office door was already shut. While I was talking with Blackwell, he must have packed the few things he’d had in his office, and now he was somewhere else in the building.

  Somewhere that was no longer across from me.

  What had Alex said to him? Had he admonished him in ways that would come between us? Did he disapprove of us? And if he did, could he somehow sway Brock away from me? I didn’t know, but I nevertheless feared that there had to be a possibility of that happening. With my stomach suddenly queasy, I checked my email and Wenn’s IM service, and saw that Brock hadn’t reached out to me.

  And what was I to make of that?

  If Alex had gotten to him—if that even was his intent—what would that mean for Brock and me? Was this the end of us? Was it already over just when it had begun?

  The thought of it would have ruined me if Margaret hadn’t come out of her office and swamped me with a whole host of directives that consumed the rest of my day.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Later that evening, just before the clock struck seven, I somehow managed to finish Margaret’s impossible list in time, and I went to Blackwell’s office. Throughout the day, I’d checked my email via my personal and business cells, and had received nothing from Brock, which made me feel sick inside, especially since I’d texted him twice and he hadn’t responded.

  Had Alex asked him to choose Wenn over me? I didn’t even want to think about it.

  “I just finished,” I said when I reached Blackwell’s office.

  “And if I do say so myself, you look as if you could use a Red Bull.”

  “Wenn Enterprises is huge,” I said. “But I can manage it.”

  “As you continue to. I asked you to be here by seven, and you’re five minutes early. Once again, you’ve come through, Madison. So, good for you.”

  “How can I help you with the Peachy Van Prout party?”

  “Follow me,” she said as she got up from her desk. “It’s all about getting Jennifer ready. She should be here at any moment. And when we’re through with her, she needs to shine, because if we get it right, that girl can and should land on Page Six.”

  “What time is the party?”

  “8:30.”

  “Is it for any particular event?”

  “With Peachy? God, no. She’s just throwing one of the first big flings of the summer. But here’s what matters to Wenn. Peachy and her husband Robert know everyone in the city. So, when they have a party, Alex and Jennifer always show, particularly because of something that Peachy once did for them that I have to say was practically heroic of her. She’s a good woman. But tonight is as much about business as it is fun, because Alex and Jennifer never know whom they might meet when they go to a party—and whom they might get into business with because of it.”

  “What is someone named Peachy like?”

  “In a way that I cannot fathom, she is truly something of an authentic peach. She’s wealthy as hell, but for some unknown reason, she’s remained a genuinely nice woman. In this city and in her crowd, the two don’t often coexist, but they come together when it comes to Peachy, which I commend her for.”

  “Barbara?” I heard a familiar voice call out from the hallway. “Are you here? Is Bernie here?”

  With that, Blackwell just rolled her eyes at me as she stepped out of her office and into the hallway. I joined her. “Do you honestly believe that I wouldn’t be here for you right now?” she said as Jennifer walked toward us.

  And as Jennifer came forward, I couldn’t help but be struck again by how beautiful and chic she was. She was wearing a simple white suit with black strappy sandals, and her hair was pulled away from her face in a way that allowed it to tumble down her back in loose brown curls.

  When she saw me, her smile brightened.

  “Hi, Madison,” she said as she gave me a hug.

  I remembered that she’d asked me to call her by her first name when we first met, so I said, “Hi, Jennifer. It’s good to see you.” And since I just wanted to get this out of the way, I decided to expose the elephant in the room. “I’m sorry about the mix-up at the Plaza.”

  She wrapped her arm around my waist and said, “Why? It wasn’t your fault, so I won’t hear another word about it, OK? What Alex and I hope is that Brock and you had a wonderful weekend together, and that you’ll continue to see each other. You have our support.”

  If I have their support, then why hasn’t Brock contacted me?

  She cocked a thumb at Blackwell. “And you also have that one’s support.”

  “Ms. Blackwell—”

  “Barbara,” she said, correcting me at once.

  “Barbara and I talked about Brock and a whole lot more for a goo
d half hour. There were some misunderstandings, there were times when it became heated, but now I feel as if she has my back in ways that I’d never anticipated.”

  Jennifer glanced over at Blackwell, they arched their eyebrows at each other, and then Jennifer turned back to me. “Barbara is one of my closest friends,” she said to me. “I consider her the mother I never had. I love her that much. I’m probably going to catch hell for saying this, but when you’re just coming to know her, I think it’s fair to say that you don’t know where you stand with her. And that she can be terrifying. Is that fair, Barbara?”

  “It’s actually rather generous of you, darling. Well said.”

  “Madison, what you should know is that Barbara and I also didn’t exactly start out on the right foot.”

  “An unadulterated understatement if there ever was one,” Blackwell said. “A dark cloud of poison hovered over us during those bleak early days.”

  “True enough,” Jennifer said. “And look at us now.”

  “Look at what?” Blackwell said.

  “How close we’ve become.”

  “Define ‘close.’”

  “Oh, whatever. God, you’re impossible. Stick it out with her, Madison. You’ll be happy that you did—and you’ll learn plenty along the way. Not that Barbara needs to hear this, but she really is brilliant.”

  “I’m like a goddamned black diamond,” Blackwell said.

  Was I actually being included in this group? It appeared as if I was, which took me by surprise, not to mention that it took a huge weight off my shoulders. Maybe I could work at Wenn. Maybe I could climb the ladder here. And perhaps even with Brock at my side—even if things looked dire when it came to that at the moment.

  Jennifer gave my waist a squeeze. “Anyway, Madison, you are about to witness an illusion of mammoth proportions,” she said to me. “Bernie is a magician. When he’s finished, you won’t even recognize me.”