Beneath the Stands: An Enemies to Lovers, Best Friend's Brother Romance (Sugarlake Series, Book Two)

by Emily McIntire

  My heart kicks my chest, bruising me from the inside out.

  Lee.

  52

  Eli

  The grass crunches underneath my feet as I walk toward Lee, my throat swelling with all the things I want to say. And all the things I don’t.

  My nerves are so tangible I’m surprised she hasn’t felt them. They expel from my body like fireworks, shooting through my fingertips and ricocheting off the ground.

  I clear my throat as I sit beside her, ignoring the way the contents of my stomach whirl and tumble from sitting on top of Ma’s remains.

  Lee’s body stiffens, but she stares straight ahead, not sparing me a glance.

  Aesthetically, the cemetery is quite pleasing. But there’s grief in the air. It’s thick, and it sticks to your bones, until you feel the weight of a hundred broken souls bleeding out their sorrow.

  There are pink tulips on both sides of the marble slab. They were her favorite, and my stomach tightens, wishing like hell I would have thought to pick some up on the way.

  Stupid.

  Even when she was alive, I always missed out on the things that made her smile.

  Being here makes me reflect on the past, and maybe that’s part of why it’s so hard for me to come. Because when I show up, so do the memories.

  “When I was about ten,” I start.

  Lee jumps, finally giving me her attention.

  “Ma brought me to the basketball court that’s on the side of the church… right over there.” I twist and point across the lot where you can vaguely make out faded concrete and an old, torn up net. “I couldn’t understand why she’d brought me here of all places, when we had a perfectly good hoop in our drive.” I shake my head, chuckling slightly. “Even back then this cemetery freaked me out.”

  “It did?” Lee asks, her voice hoarse.

  “Yeah, still does.” I nod. “It wasn’t until we were almost all the way back to the car when Ma dropped the real reason we were here. To visit MeeMee and Paw.”

  Both of our grandparents passed when we were young, and Lee doesn’t remember them. I do, but barely. Just foggy smiles and stories told through Ma. She visited their graves weekly, but we rarely went with.

  “I remember looking at each headstone as we passed, gripping my basketball tight while I imagined who each person was. The life they lived…” I swallow. “Whether they had a chance to grow into everything people expected, or if they died a disappointment.”

  “Dang, Eli. That’s depressin’.”

  I shrug. “Doesn’t mean it’s not true. That’s always been my biggest fear, you know?”

  Lee faces me fully now, her head cocking. “What was? Dyin’ a disappointment?”

  “Just being one in general, I guess. Life was different for you growing up, Lee. Pops was different with you.”

  She scoffs. “Don’t gimme that, Eli. I had the same childhood you did. We grew up in the same dang house.”

  Irritation cuts at old wounds. Lee never looks at things from my point of view. She never wants to. “I’m not surprised you think that.”

  “Was there a point to your morbid story?”

  My defenses bristle, scaling along my skin like armor, bitterness that instead of asking why it was different, she brushes me off. Again. Like she always has. But I let it go because it isn’t what’s important, and despite her not realizing the ways she’s wronged me over the years, I do realize the ways I’ve wronged her. And I’d like to try and rectify that.

  “Anyway, we get to Paw’s grave and after a few minutes, I ask Ma how he passed. I knew MeeMee had cancer, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember how he died.”

  “Huh,” Lee murmurs. “I can’t remember either.”

  I glance at the headstones across the way—where both my grandparents rest—the memory playing like a movie while the words slide off my tongue.

  “Ma, how did Paw die?”

  Ma’s hand smooths over my hair, pushing it off my forehead. Her touch sends a blanket of comfort cascading through me and I smile as she looks down at me.

  “He died of a broken heart, baby.”

  My face scrunches. “A broken heart? I ain’t know you could die from that.”

  “Well, now ya do.” She winks before her lips tug down in the corners. “Sometimes, when you lose the other half of your soul, you lose the will to live with it.”

  My brows draw in, trying to make sense of her words. I didn’t know your soul was something you could lose. I wonder what it feels like. “That’s sad.”

  The hand that was on my head trails down my arm, squeezing my fingers. “No, baby. Not sad. Your paw was one of the lucky ones. Instead of havin’ to exist with half his heart, the Lord took mercy on his soul and let him live in Heaven.”

  “With MeeMee.”

  She grins. “That’s right, sugar. With MeeMee.”

  I think about that for a moment, confusion twisting up my insides. “But what if he wasn’t done?”

  Her head tilts, eyes squinting against the sun. “What’dya mean, baby?”

  “With livin’.”

  Ma squats down beside me, her hands framing my face. “Now you listen close. Just because he’s dead, doesn’t mean he’s gone.”

  “Then how come we can’t see him?”

  “Because he’s an angel now, baby. Him and MeeMee. They shine too bright for our eyes to see.”

  “Oh.”

  “But you can feel them,” she says.

  “You can?”

  Ma nods, pressing her hand to the center of my chest. “They’re right here. Always.”

  “How d’ya know?” I whisper.

  “Because that’s where we keep all the people we love.” She taps her fingers against me. “In our hearts, so we can feel them with every beat.”

  She stands up, wiping a stray tear from the side of her face.

  My chest pulls tight. I don’t like it when Ma cries. It makes me want to do something to take away the sadness, but I don’t know how.

  “Hey, Ma. I’m gonna win the game on Friday. Just for you.” I grin big and wide, expecting to see her frown disappear just like Pops’s would—to see her eyes spark with expectation and distract her from her tears.

  But she just smiles softly, interlocking our fingers as we walk back to the car.

  “I’m sure you will, baby. But I’m proud of you either way.”

  “Paw died of a broken heart?” Lee asks.

  I nod, my heart squeezing so tight I can barely get the words out. “So the story goes.”

  She looks down, picking at the blades of grass. “You think that’s why Daddy is the way he is? ‘Cause he’s livin’ with half his heart and God didn’t show him mercy?”

  My elbows rest on my knees, emotion rising into my throat and burning behind my nose. “I don’t pretend to know the first thing about God, sis. But yeah.” I blow out a breath. “I think when Ma ended up here in this grave, Pops stayed behind with her.” I pause, looking over at her. “I’m sorry I never listened.”

  She sucks in a breath.

  “I don’t know that it woulda made a difference if I had, but…”

  “Do you remember Lily?” she asks, suddenly.

  My forehead creases, the abrupt shift in our conversation throwing me off-kilter. “Of course I do. Chase’s sister, and your other sidekick.”

  “Yeah, the one you didn’t go and fall in love with behind my back.” She smirks.

  “Lee, I—”

  “It’s okay, Eli.” She waves me off. “My issue is with Becca lyin’ to me, not with y’all two together. I mean… I think you’re an absolute jerk for doin’ Sarah dirty but that’s between you, her, and the Almighty.”

  “But I’m not—”

  “Lily overdosed, did you know that?”

  The words die on my lips, because no, I didn’t know that. It’s just another reminder of how much I missed while I was trying like hell to stay away.

  “No,” I whisper.

  Lee nods
. “Yep. She was lost for a long time… probably longer than any of us realized. And by the time anyone did, it was too late.” She shakes her head. “But I knew, Eli. I knew and I…” She closes her eyes and shakes her head. “I didn’t speak up. I didn’t try to help when there was still somethin’ tangible to grab on to. And I can’t help but feel like I did the same thing with Daddy.”

  A sob breaks free and both her hands come up to cover her mouth, her knees curling into her stomach as she rocks back and forth.

  I’m frozen. I have absolutely zero clue how to make this better, and just like when I was ten years old and watching Ma cry, I don’t know how to take away Lee’s sadness. I only know that I want to.

  Pulling her into my arms, I cradle her as she cries against my chest, her tears soaking through my shirt and seeping into my skin.

  I hold her for who knows how long, absorbing her pain from the years I was gone, yearning for the right thing to say. But I don’t have a clue what it is.

  So instead of filling the air with worthless words, I sit at the foot of Ma’s grave and rock my grieving sister, wishing I could bring back Lily and cure Pops myself, just to take away her pain.

  53

  Becca

  It’s been a week since Eli fucked me then flipped me upside down when he said it couldn’t be more.

  I don’t know why I’m surprised.

  Right now, I’m at Chase’s place on the edge of town, getting ready for dinner with him and Lee. She’s no longer mad at me—she’s always been too forgiving for her own good—but this time, that forgiveness came with conditions. Number one being that I had to accept Chase in her life. Turns out he never really cheated on her in the first place. Not physically anyway, but that’s a conversation for another day.

  It’s hard for me to trust him, especially after being the one who cradled Lee while he was destroying everything that mattered. But I can’t deny it’s been a long time since I’ve seen Lee look so happy.

  There’s something magical about watching them together. A magnetism between them, one where she moves, he follows. You can’t see it, but it vibrates through the air so strong it’s impossible not to feel. It’s always been there, even when they were kids, but it’s changed. Matured to the point where it’s awe-inspiring to witness.

  They aren’t showcasing their love. They aren’t putting on a show.

  They simply are.

  There’s so much beauty in the way they effortlessly lift each other up, and that makes it impossible not to soften toward Chase, just a little.

  “So.” I smack my lips. “When are you gonna give up that tiny studio and move into this beauty?” I pivot from where I’m sitting at the island of the kitchen, waving my arm toward the spacious living room.

  Lee’s eyes widen, her knife pausing from where she is chopping vegetables.

  Chase chuckles, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and kissing her neck. “As soon as I convince her to.”

  She glares at me and I laugh. “My bad, Lee. Just an honest question.”

  She smiles, her eyes narrowing. “Since we’re talkin’ about honest things, let’s talk about you, Eli, and Florida, hmm?”

  I gasp into my wine, the liquid flowing down the wrong pipe, burning my esophagus as it chokes me.

  My hand flies to my chest, eyes watering. “We’ve already talked about that.”

  “Well, we’ve” —she points the knife between her and Chase— “already talked about when I’m movin’ in.”

  I throw my hands in the air. “Point taken.”

  She nods, her attention going back to her salad prep. I watch the slice of the knife as it slides through the tomatoes, the juice splattering on the cutting board. Chase grabs meat from the fridge and walks out back to grill.

  “There is somethin’ we wanted to tell you, though,” Lee says without looking up.

  “We?” I raise a brow, glancing at the back door.

  “Okay, I did… but Chase knows I’m tellin’ you.”

  “What is it?” I sit up straighter.

  Her eyes flick to me, but she never stops chopping. “Chase hired someone to look for Lily.”

  My heart stutters from how fast my stomach drops.

  Lily.

  I haven’t thought about her in a long time. Haven’t let myself. She was a big part of my teenage years, and although she was closer to Lee than she ever was to me, I still felt her absence when she disappeared. Still dealt with the aftermath of her choices affecting everyone she decided to leave behind.

  Fuck Lily.

  She didn’t care enough to stay so why the hell would I care about her?

  Even as I think the words, anger brews beneath the surface when I hear her name.

  I feel hurt. The kind that chomps at your very essence and punctures your lungs with its teeth.

  And then those feelings flow out and slingshot back, punching through my chest and cracking my heart in half, because I realize that everything I’m feeling, all the ways I’m upset at how she could just leave without a word…

  That’s exactly how Eli must feel about me.

  Oh my God.

  No wonder he doesn’t want to give us another chance. I’m surprised he can even stand the sight of me.

  “Maybe he doesn’t seem happy because he’s around you.” Jeremy’s earlier words fly from my brain and sink to my stomach, making bile climb up the back of my throat.

  “Hey, you okay, girlfriend?” Lee’s voice shocks me out of my stupor.

  I sip my wine again, trying to numb the agony in my chest from where I just split it open with my hypocrisy. “Yep. Just fine.” I smile. “Hired someone? What’s that even mean?”

  She shrugs. “A private investigator. Big dude. Tattoos. Lots of ‘em.” Her eyes grow wide. “I only saw him for a second, but dang, Becca. He was kinda scary.”

  “Was he hot?” I smirk.

  She glances back at Chase before looking at me, her cheeks becoming splotchy and pink. “He was not not hot.”

  “That’s a double negative.” I point at her, my eyes squinting.

  “You’re missin’ the point. What if he finds her?”

  “I think…” What do I think? “I think if she wanted to come back here, she would have by now.”

  “Yeah. I’m just worried about what he’ll find.” She chews on her lip. “I don’t want Chase to be disappointed.”

  I grimace, remembering the younger version of Chase. The one who had the best bravado and a fragile soul underneath. He fooled a lot of people, but I always saw the truth. It’s easy to spot in someone what you try to hide yourself.

  I reach across the island and cover her hand with mine. “Look, Lee. I’ve never been Chase’s cheerleader, you know this.”

  She snorts. “That’s an understatement.”

  I smile. “But even I can see he’s changed. He’s grown. He’s… he’s stronger. I don’t think you need to worry about how he’ll handle Lily and this investigator.”

  Her mouth twists, a line forming between her brows. “Yeah. He is strong. I just don’t want him to go through more heartache, ya know? I want it to bring him peace.”

  “And what about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “Well… will findin’ Lily give you peace?”

  She lifts a shoulder. “I don’t know. I feel like I let her down when I didn’t speak up about my worries.”

  My stomach twists. “I didn’t speak up either. We’ve all made mistakes. But Lily is responsible for her own actions, Lee. People have to wanna save themselves.”

  She sniffles. “You sound like Chase.”

  I cringe. “Yuck. Hard pass.”

  She points the knife at me. “Don’t be a jerk.”

  I laugh. “I’m just playin’.”

  Chase waltzes back in with the steaks a few minutes later and we all sit down to eat. If you had bet me a million dollars, I wouldn’t have guessed Chase knew how to entertain guests, especially ones who were hateful to him
through most of our childhood. But he does it with grace, and I find myself in awe of the transformation.

  Who is this man?

  Lee’s phone rings, and when she says it’s Eli and excuses herself, the nausea I had pushed back down rolls to the surface. I take small sips of water to keep from throwing up my dinner.

  Chase is silent, leaning back in his chair and crossing his hands over his stomach.

  I squint my eyes at him from over the rim of my water. “I think I’m envious of you.”

  His dark brows shoot up. “I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before.”

  “Yeah, well, don’t let it go to your head. I’m just sayin’.” I cock my head to the side. “You were fucked-up before.”

  He smiles, making the dimples in his cheeks deepen. “We’re all a little fucked-up, Becca.”

  “Yeah, but, you’re so different now.” I look down, weakness swimming in my veins and urging me to keep up the facade. Hit him with an insult instead of showing him the truth. But if he can work through all his issues and become a better man, maybe he’s the key to helping me work through mine.

  “How’d you do it?” I ask.

  His lips turn down. “That’s a vague as fuck question. Care to narrow it down?”

  My curls knot through my fingers as I tug on the strands, the ends sticking to my clammy palms. “I just… there are some things I need to—some issues I’d like to tackle. To keep me from bein’ so…”

  “Fucked-up?” he guesses.

  I nod, blowing out a breath. “Yeah. Fucked-up.”

  He sucks on his teeth, his chair creaking as he rocks back.

  I shift in my seat, uncomfortable as the seconds tick by and he doesn’t say a word. Just stares at me, letting me stew in my vulnerability.

  Finally, he clicks his tongue, his chair snapping back into place as he rests his forearms on the table. “I know a guy who can help.”

  54

  Becca