I slipped out without a response.
Thankfully, because Ethan always stopped and had conversations with virtually everyone, I learned from the evening janitor at the office that he’d left for the airport nearly a half hour before I arrived. The man hadn’t known why, but he’d been pretty certain that there was still a chance that I could catch him if I left immediately. He’d also said that Ethan mentioned that he was on his way to Florida, which wouldn’t really do much to narrow down the flights that I had to look for, but it was still worth a shot. If I was even going to consider accepting Roderick’s second proposal, then I had to see Ethan first.
I broke all kinds of speeding laws driving to the airport and quickly made my way around the terminal loop, angrily honking at anyone in my way driving below the speed limit.
I parked and raced through the terminal and into the area designated for departing flights. I looked up at the monitor and, as expected, there were tons of flights headed to Florida. I had no idea which city Ethan was headed to, or even if the janitor had been right in the first place.
Not knowing in which direction to head, I remained still and looked around for his face. I looked for anything that might lead me to him: a scent, a sound, a stirring in the pit of my stomach, or even the tickling of the fine hairs on my arms as they stood on end. I didn’t have to wait very long.
“Alexandra?”
I turned around and sucked in a breath. It had been the longest I’d ever gone without seeing him and now he stood as satiation for my thirst. He was wearing a navy blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his forearms, and casual khaki brown shorts. I looked into his eyes expecting to find anger or disgust, but neither were present. He just looked at me in confusion, no doubt waiting for me to utter something instead of staring at him as though he wasn’t real.
“Ethan. Hi.”
“Hi,” he echoed.
The words “I missed you,” were battling with the seal of my lips to slip out, but I didn’t want to make things awkward. After all, it was my fault that I could no longer find home in his arms.
“I have a question,” I began. “I won’t take up much of your time because obviously, you have somewhere to be.”
He tipped his head to the side. “Technically, but take your time.”
“Hypothetically speaking,” I started for a second time, “say that my grandmother’s punch really did what she claimed it could do. Could you be with me knowing that one day, the ‘potion’ could wear off and your feelings for me could disappear?”
His brows came together. “What’s the real question, Alexandra?”
I sighed and tried again. “I guess what I’m asking is, do you think what happened between us was real?”
His gaze traveled to every corner of my face before it was stolen by a distraction behind my head. Then, he tipped his head down and ran his fingers through his hair before meeting my eyes again. “I’ve thought about it,” he said. “I’ve thought about how intense everything seemed and how being with you caused me to do things that I always said I would never do.”
I slowly nodded. Being with him had also caused me to do things that I’d only ever dreamed of, act in ways that I had only envied, and find a comfort that was only rivaled by my closest personal relationships.
“As a doctor, I have to believe in logic,” he went on. “Logic says that our body cleanses itself. We only shared that pitcher one time, so the likelihood of whatever was in it being sustained in our system for months on end are slim to none. However, our brains are built for both logic and creativity. The other side of my brain says that there are things that cannot be explained by science, numbers, and formulas. It says that we are limited by what we know and what can be explained, although we experience numerous unexplainable things every day. That part of my brain believes that two people can be fated to each other. So yes, I do think that what we could have had would have been real.”
He lifted the handle of his suitcase, but I put up a hand to stop him.
“Ethan, I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I realized that I never apologized for everything I’ve caused.”
“You didn’t make me fall for you.”
“But, I should’ve been up front and honest with you. I’m terrified about life outside of my window. Backing out now could ruin a lot of things, including Rick’s campaign and—”
I stopped as a slow, wry curve appeared on his face. Despite it being a smile, I could still sense the small flint of anger powering the expression.
“You’re still doing it,” he said.
“Doing what?”
“Asking for permission.”
“I’m not—”
“Yes, you are,” he interrupted. “Alexandra, just once, think about what would be best for you. Not best for society, your parents, or Roderick…just you. The only person you need permission from is yourself. Even if, at the end of the day, you made the decision to be alone, make sure that it’s your own damn decision. Anyone who expects you to be who they want you to be, and not who you want to be, doesn’t deserve the consideration you’re giving their opinion.”
As I watched the anger dance across his face, I realized that he wasn’t upset with me. He was upset for the same reason that I was; I’d gone right back to the lifestyle that I’d claimed I so wanted to escape from. There was also a major difference between a life with Roderick and a life with Ethan. There was life with Ethan. Marrying Roderick would relegate me to being a robot for the rest of my life. A Stepford. A piece of plastic…like my mother.
I pulled in a breath so deep that my lungs felt crushed.
“Did I give you what you needed?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered. In more ways than one, he did.
We stood in complete silence for a moment, playing a game of tag with eye contact. It was like the food science class all over again. I didn’t want to leave him. I didn’t want to exit the terminal without him.
“Ethan,” I began, my throat quivering. “At this point, do you think there could still be anything between us?”
His chest expanded in his shirt. The knuckles that were wrapped around the handle of his suitcase turned white. He glanced up at the flight monitor and the muscle in his jaw pulsed.
“The envelope that my grandfather gave me was a letter from my mother,” he said. “She was writing to let me know that she was released early from her sentence and relocated to Tampa. She was in prison for murder.”
My face blanched.
“Yeah, murder,” he continued. “She killed one of her boyfriends. The night before it happened, she’d said that we were going to escape in the middle of the night to get away from him. Just me and her. She’d even promised that she would be a better mother once we left. But just like that,” he snapped his fingers, “all of that went down the drain when I woke up to police lights flashing outside of my window. Next thing I knew, a man in uniform was trying to shield my eyes as he escorted me through a bloody crime scene. As I got older, I understood the weight of what happened.”
The people moving around us seemed to disappear as his despair bled into mine. All of a sudden, I could feel his six-year old anguish. I could feel his unanswered questions stretching inside of his body like a rubber ball about to burst.
“So, that’s where you’re headed?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yeah. I’m taking my own advice for once. Instead of trying to blame everybody else for their decision to not be with me, I’m taking responsibility for choosing myself. So, no Alexandra.” He looked at me and the grey in his eyes flickered. His brows softened. “I don’t think there’s any chance left for us.”
I couldn’t stop my hand from going to my chest as his words pierced my flesh, broke through my ribcage, and made a clean incision into my heart. My quivering throat shrunk to the size of a straw. The tears forming in my eyes scorched like acid.
“Oh,” was all I could manage, and it stumbled forth from my throat enshrouded in a burst of dry sand.
“I…have to go,” he replied.
I searched his voice for any sign of weakness, and his eyes for any indication that he hadn’t meant what he said, but I was too rattled. I could barely register that we were standing in the middle of an airport.
“Oh,” I said again, stepping to the side. “You do. I’m sorry.”
He gripped the handle on the suitcase and began to walk past me. When we were side by side, he turned to face me at the exact same moment that I looked up at him. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and wrap myself around him to prevent him from leaving. There was no life without Ethan. As Grandma Evelyn had said, I could have possibly mentally thrown myself into a relationship and be satisfied to a certain point, but that would have only been accurate if I’d never met Ethan. Everyone had that one person in their life, whether the relationship worked or not, that changed everything about them for the better. That introduced them to things that they never before knew they needed and experiences that would forever go unrivaled. That was Ethan for me. Ethan was it for me. There was no point in looking for love if he and I were completely done.
He continued on and I watched him until he disappeared. The minute that he left my sight, the incision in my heart stretched. On unsteady legs, I ambled back to my car and sat there for a few minutes, letting my sorrow consume me.
my blurry tears were still able to guide me home. I noticed my father’s silver Mercedes in the driveway and it brought with it a different feeling of dread. Leaden legs were somehow able to pull me out of the car and into the house, and both he and Roderick were standing in the kitchen as though I was the guest of honor that they’d been waiting for. Roderick’s face was apologetic, but my father looked pissed.
“Where have you been?” he asked, noticing my puffy eyes and heavy shoulders.
“Out,” I answered, brushing past them to the stairs.
I heard my father’s voice ring out the minute the bottom of my foot hit the first step. “You stop right there, Alexandra. Turn around and face me when I’m talking to you.”
I did as I was told. There was no longer even an ounce of the urge to fight left in my body.
“Now, where have you been?” he repeated.
“Out,” I repeated. “If you have a question, just ask it.”
His face reddened. “Alexandra, Roderick told me everything. He told me about your errant behavior and your relationship with Dr. Ethan Stewart. Alexandra, how could you? After everything your mother and I have given you? After everything you’ve accomplished?”
I groaned. “Daddy, no offense, but I don’t want to talk about this. Ever.”
A sound rumbled in his throat that made me think of an angry dog baring its teeth.
“Like I said before, Alexandra, don’t think that I will lose you like I lost Gia. I treasured watching the two of you grow up. I put so much effort into protecting you from the evils of the world and making sure that your lives were perfect. Look at how Gia repaid me.”
I turned to face him. “What exactly did Gia do? I’ve been curious. How did she disappoint you?”
“She could have been so much more,” he replied. “Gia possesses so much intellect, yet she wastes it on easels and crass words.”
“Do you think Da Vinci was a disappointment?” I challenged. “You have all sorts of renowned, expensive art pieces around the house, but somehow Gia’s decision to become an artist is a disappointment?”
He squared his shoulders. “I wanted her to be a scientist. I wanted both my girls to be PhDs, but I gave you a pass since you’d decided to help Roderick with his running for senate. That was noble of you and I respected that. But now, with your trysts with the doctor, no other man will want to touch you. Alexandra, you’ve been sullied. Do you know how big of a man it makes Roderick to still want to marry you despite the way you’ve damaged yourself?”
My eyes flickered over to Roderick and he looked away.
“Because I’m not a virgin?” I asked.
“You let some random man take your innocence,” my father proclaimed.
“I see Roderick didn’t tell you everything,” I murmured. Neither seemed to hear. “Look, James, what I think you’re missing is the part where you love your children for who they are, not what you want them to be. Gia is not a disappointment. Actually, based on the strict way we were raised, I’d say she is a complete success. She was able to still retain her own mind even when you tried to warp it. I was not as strong, at least not in the beginning. I only wanted to please you. I enjoyed being seen as a star in your eyes, but as I got older, I realized that I wasn’t a star because I was your daughter. I was a star because I was your product. I became so preoccupied with not straying from the path that I turned into this nauseating version of myself. Everyday felt like a noose around my neck, and the only times I didn’t feel like I was being suffocated were the times I was with Ethan.”
He turned away. “I don’t want to hear any more of this. You will never see the doctor again and you will marry Roderick. Do you hear me?”
A small bit of fight ignited. “Or else, what?”
He faced me, a grin on his face that made him appear evil and conniving. His lips curled into a snarl. “I can get copies of those images and video of you and the doctor on demand, my sweet daughter. And with a flick of a wrist, they would be all over the internet.”
“And you’d risk your own reputation just to ruin mine?” I asked.
“You’re not thinking, Alexandra,” he replied. “Dr. Stewart is a pediatrician. He works with children. Children with developmental disorders. His practice is the only one in the area that delivers quality care for children with those issues. The only one. How many parents do you think would continue to seek his medical services if they found out that he performs lewd acts in places virtually visible to the public eye? What do you think the board would have to say about that? How long do you think it would take before they revoked his medical license?”
I’ll be the first to admit that I was wrong. My father was malicious. He was willing to ruin a man’s entire career just to get what he wanted. It was as though the levels to which he’d had to stoop in the military to bring about order in a country was being transferred to the way he handled his family.
I looked over at Roderick and his expression was once again like the little boy that I would often feel sorry for. He wouldn’t meet my eyes directly, but I knew that he was watching me from their corners.
“You know what? Fine,” I resigned. “I don’t care anymore. Ethan and I are over anyhow. I won’t do anything else to interfere with his life. If these are lengths you’re willing to go to, so be it. Whatever. I’ll marry Roderick. I just don’t fucking care anymore.”
I returned to the stairway and didn’t wait to see if either of them would stop me before I ascended the stairs.
Chapter Fourteen
* * *
Ethan
The address was a dead end. At least, it was something like it. The address my mother had left led me to a single-story house that looked as though it hadn’t had an inhabitant in at least five years. The grass had grown high enough to obscure the slatted windows at the front, a few of which had pieces of plywood nailed across. Grass had cracked the concrete driveway to grow its way through, and the chain-link fence surrounding the property was rusted and falling apart. The carport looked as though it was ready to collapse at the first strong breeze that passed through. From my position at the end of the driveway, I could see the rusted bumper of an old Buick peeking from the backyard.
I hopped out of my rental and made my way into the yard anyhow, looking for any signs of life other than a hyperactive squirrel or oversized insects. It was springtime in Florida, which was unrecognizable from summertime in Florida. Humid heat scorched the back of my neck and warmed the apex of the baseball cap I’d thrown on. My forearms were already beginning to tan even deeper and sweat slicked my hair to my forehead.
There were other single-storied houses o
n the street, some with dogs or children playing in the yard. This one stood eerily desolate.
I peered into one of windows and the situation inside didn’t prove to be much better. The house was darkened, but I could still make out paint-stripped walls, the exposed wooden beams of an unfinished remodel, and tile floors covered by twigs, leaves, and branches. Yellow caution tape stretched from one side to the other and I reflexively searched the floor for chalk outlines.
“Can I help you?” a voice asked from the vicinity of the house next door. I turned to face a middle-aged woman with blonde curly hair and a black lab tugging on a leash by her side.
“I’m looking for someone,” I replied, walking up to the section of the fence that separated the two properties. “A woman used to live here probably a few years back now. This is the last known address that I have for her.”
Her forehead wrinkled and she absent-mindedly yanked on the leash. “What she look like?”
I started to respond but then realized how far into my memory I had to search to come up with a response. I was pretty sure that my mother looked markedly different from my six-year old image of her, but I had nothing else to go on.
“Um, well, it’s been a while since I’ve seen her, but she had the same color hair as I do. Brown eyes. Around your height.”
Her forehead wrinkled even more as she squinted at me. She and the lab continued with their game of tug-of-war until it eventually gave in and rested on its haunches. A pink freckled tongue hung out the side of its mouth and I couldn’t tell if it was panting from the struggle or the overbearing heat.
“You a doctor?” she suddenly asked.
“I am,” I replied, cautious. “Why?”
“Oh, then you must be Annie’s son.”
I stepped close to the fence. “You knew her?”
“Yeah. She used to live here with a fella named Carl. He owns the repair shop that fixed up my husband’s old truck so it runs like new.”
Fated: An Alpha Male Romance Page 19
