“I was really, really stupid drunk, so I didn’t quite comprehend what was going on. I gathered myself enough to go sit on the sidewalk the twenty or something minutes that it took Gabriel to come and get me. I remembered, somewhere within the fog of my brain, that I could hear thunder in the near distance. It had started to rain by the time Gabriel pulled up.” My voice cracked, and I was shaking.
Liam reached for my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. I looked down, staring at our intertwined hands and the perfect shape that they seemed to make together. His hand was so warm, and strong. I couldn’t help but notice the electric surge that seemed to pulse between our palms; like his touch had awoken something inside my veins that sparked with a force of its own. Like my hand had been inanimate before he touched me, and now was fully alive.
“Is this okay?” he asked, gesturing to our linked hands. I never wanted him to let go. I nodded in response because I was struck with a complete loss for words. “Okay,” he said, beginning to trace soothing circles on the surface of my skin with his thumb. I swore I saw a light trail of sparks that were fleeting in its wake.
I recovered a moment later. “Thank you.” I managed weakly.
“You don’t have to keep going right now; I understand if you want to pick up some other time. Whatever is easiest for you, I’ve got time,” he said. It reminded me of the first night we had really spent any time together–standing at the kitchen sink. It was the first time I had taken comfort in his presence. It was the first time in a long time that I had felt myself standing still.
“I’m okay,” I said. “You’re just the first person I’ve told any of this to since it happened. I thought it would be easier now, but it’s almost like I’m reliving it a little. Like, saying it out loud makes it more real somehow.”
“You don’t have to,” he said reassuringly.
“It’s okay,” I started again. I needed to get it out there in the open. I took another deep breath. “So, Gabriel showed up at Luke’s and immediately started lecturing me about how irresponsible I was being.” I chuckled, wishing he was here to spell out my faults just one more time. “He told me about what he’d walked in on at home, and I remember feeling like my whole world was crumbling in on itself. Even through the drunken haze, it was sobering. At the time, it was the worst feeling I could have ever imagined…” I paused.
“I followed Gabriel to his car, but it wouldn’t start. There was something wrong with his ignition switch and he hadn’t had time to get it fixed.” I shook my head. “I gave him the keys to my car, promising that we’d come back in the morning to get his, or whatever. Gabriel hated driving my car; he said it had a terrible blind spot, but I never even noticed.
“We started scheming on the drive home, discussing what had happened and what we were going to do to fix it. That was Gabriel though; he had always been the problem solver. He could fix anything, and the more he talked the more I believed him. His enthusiasm was contagious and inspiring.
“It started raining pretty hard, and I couldn’t see anything through the windshield. Gabriel leaned forward to turn the volume down on the radio; he was always such a cautious driver. I just sat in the passenger’s seat and tried to focus on the steady drumming of the rain. I remember watching as the wipers danced frantically back and forth, back and forth. And then there were bright lights…
“The truck came out of nowhere,” I choked.
Liam’s arms were around me, pulling me into his chest. I tilted my face into the crook of his neck and inhaled the scent of his skin. He smelled wild; like the wind and the earth and everything that was good and lasting. My arms circled his waist, and I pressed my fingertips into the sides of his ribs, holding tightly.
We stayed like that until the sky had grown dark, and a few silver stars had shown their brightness in the vast canvas above. I let my mind wander; using my physical senses to explore what was right in front of me. Every time I took a breath, I could feel my body pressing into his, absorbing his warmth. I seemed to fit there, perfectly, without trying. He had become a part of me; where I ended, he began.
I didn’t know the exact moment that it happened; I just knew–soul deep, with an unwavering indisputable confidence, that I was completely in love with him.
The security light on the barn flicked on, practically blinding us. We broke apart to shield our eyes from the brightness, and laughed lightly at the realization of losing track of time.
“Are you okay?” he asked, reaching forward to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I could feel his thumb lingering on the scar through my brow.
“I’m fine,” I told him, and for once it felt true.
“I guess I never really got around to giving you any advice,” he joked.
“I guess I didn’t finish the story about my mom or why I was upset to begin with.” I grinned. “That all seems kind of irrelevant now.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
I nodded.
“You know, your family is lucky to have you. I can’t imagine going through everything that happened and coming out as strong as you have been,” he said.
I shook my head. “I don’t feel very strong.”
“You don’t see yourself through my eyes,” he said, barely above a whisper. There was a seductive tone to his voice; a sound that made my insides feel like molten lava. His hand slipped to the back of my head, gripping gently at the nape of my neck. His thumb pressed against the corner of my jaw.
I felt the air leave my lungs.
“I have to tell you something,” he whispered, the breath from his mouth was warm on my lips. “It’s kind of important.”
“Yes?” My eyes closed.
“Darcy?” The light pooled in from the hallway, illuminating a path that led directly to the window. I turned my head and found my mom standing just inside the bedroom.
“Perfect timing, Mom,” I called.
“Sorry,” she said, walking over to the window, “I didn’t know you had company.” Mom bent and poked her head out the window to get a better look.
“Hi, again,” Liam said, acknowledging her. “I just came by to say goodnight. I climbed up the trellis.”
“Uh-huh.” Mom clucked her tongue.
“I guess I should probably go now,” he said.
“Uh-huh,” she said again. There was smile playing at the corner of her mouth; she couldn’t hide the amusement she was getting out of this even if she’d tried.
“Goodnight,” he said to me, and tipped his head politely to my mother before disappearing over the side of the stoop. I listened to the vines rustling as he climbed down, and then backed away with a wave before turning for his truck.
I turned to face my mom who was just staring at me. “What? It’s not like you can punish me for this. I didn’t have a boy in my bedroom, and I’m eighteen so it’s not like I was sneaking around or anything.”
“Uh-huh,” she said again.
“Would you please stop doing that,” I said, “It’s very annoying.”
Mom decided to climb out onto the stoop as Liam’s truck left the gravel drive. It was a beautiful, crisp spring night that had only been seconds away from being perfect. I was frustrated that she had unintentionally ruined the moment, but it gave me something to look forward to for the next time.
“It’s been ages since I’ve been out here,” she said, sitting down beside me. “I’m honestly surprised the trellis hasn’t broken by now with all the boys I used to sneak up on the roof.” She laughed.
“You’re kidding?” I asked.
“Afraid not,” she replied. She looked up at the sky, taking in the view before she spoke again. “Are you still mad at me?” she asked.
“I was never mad at you, Mom.”
“No? Then why have you been avoiding me all day?”
I sighed, leaning back against the brick to rest my back. “I reacted poorly to the news about the letter. I’m sorry for that.”
“You don’t need to apologize,” she said, shaking her head gently.
I shifted my weight, reaching into my back pocket to free the folded up piece of paper, and handed it to her.
She took it, and I waited for her to finish. After she was done, she folded the letter and handed it back to me. I waited to see if I could gauge her expression, but her mask was in place, poised and perfected.
“Was it true?” I asked.
“Was what true?”
“Were you planning on leaving each other after we graduated?” I asked.
She was quiet for a minute, dipping her head to stare at her shoes. “Yes,” she answered finally. “We were in the process is filing for a dissolution before the accident happened.” She sighed deeply. “We were going to tell the both of you after everything had been finalized.”
I knew I should be hurt, or angry by the deception, but I just couldn’t produce any more feelings to the surface tonight. There was no point anyway. I couldn’t change anything that had already been done, and my body and soul were exhausted from trying.
“We should have told you before. We just wanted the both of you to be focused on school and your futures.”
“That’s ironic,” I said bitterly.
“Darcy, please don’t.”
“I’m sorry.” I leaned my head back into the brick wall, and gazed up at the blanket of stars. “I just don’t understand why you thought keeping anything from us was necessary, but I know it doesn’t matter now. I just wish you would have told us the moment you weren’t happy anymore. I personally don’t believe that something could ever be so broken that it can’t be fixed, but Gabriel and I wouldn’t have wanted either of you to stay in a relationship for our benefits. None of it was fair.”
“I know,” Mom said, reaching out to cup my hand with hers. “Lesson learned, okay?” She lowered her eyes, and I could tell she was searching for forgiveness. I stared back into her eyes, and hoped to God that she knew I was done fighting and holding on to everything that wasn’t worth holding onto. She squeezed my hand and then looked away.
“So. Liam huh?”
“What about him?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said, “he’s really dreamy.”
“You’re unbelievable, Mom.” I laughed.
She joined in the laughter, and both of our voices rang out into the night with the promise of a new beginning.
***
A saddle was draped over Maverick’s stall door when I visited the barn the next morning. Maverick was standing in the middle, happily grinding on some hay. I propped my arms on the railing, smelling peppermint.
“Hey boy,” I said, reaching out to pet him. “You’re not bothered at all by this thing, are you?” I leaned forward, sniffing. Liam must have rubbed the saddle down with peppermint oil. “Clever,” I said aloud.
“Morning,” Liam said from behind me.
“Hey.” I smiled at him, keeping my ground in front of Maverick’s stall. I wasn’t exactly sure where we stood after last night and what had nearly almost happened. I wanted to pick up where we had left off, but only if I hadn’t been misreading the signals somehow.
“Do you like my idea?” he nodded toward the saddle.
“Dousing it in peppermint oil,” I stated, “wouldn’t have thought of that.”
“Seems to be working as far as desensitizing goes,” he said. “We’ll have that saddle on him in no time.”
“I hope so.”
Neither of us said anything for a minute, gazing into the others eyes.
“I didn’t get you in any trouble last night, did I?” he asked.
“No, my mom was actually kind of amused by the whole thing,” I said. “Apparently I wasn’t the only one sneaking boys up on the roof.”
“Sounds like she was a bit of a wild card in her day?”
“Maybe.” I shrugged. “It’s hard to imagine my mom as boy-crazy, or, any kind of crazy, actually. She’s always been so gentle, and humble. ‘Wild’ would never be a term I’d use to describe her.”
Liam nodded thoughtfully. “Did you work things out with her last night?”
I sighed, and Maverick nudged the side of my face affectionately. I reached up, scratching below his chin. “The whole thing was about a letter my dad sent me. She’d wanted to know if I’d read it… See, I sort of haven’t spoken to him since my brother’s funeral. I was just so angry, and I blamed him so much for what happened. I shouldn’t have, though. Gabriel and I weren’t aware that my parents were filing for a dissolution. I just can’t believe they tried to hide it from us. Even after the accident, they didn’t explain. Mom just kept trying to make excuses, but I was too angry to really listen.”
Liam tucked his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “Usually when people hide something from someone they care about, it’s because they want to protect them.” He shrugged. His demeanor shifted–ever so slightly, like a dark shadow being pulled over his features. There was a tightness to his voice, like maybe he was speaking from personal experience. “Darcy, there’s something I–”
The screen door on the porch cracked open, and I heard Grandma’s voice ringing out through the morning air. “Breakfast!”
“You hungry?” I asked.
“No, that’s okay. I ate before I came. Your grandpa finally conceded to letting me help him with the tractor, so I should probably get to work.”
“Okay,” I said. “Were you trying to tell me something?”
“Some other time,” he said, forcing his lips to tilt upward.
“Okay.” I started to stride past him. Before I could lose my nerve, I spun at the door and turned back to face him. “Hey, Liam?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you have any plans this weekend? We’re running a booth at that festival thing on the beach. Beck says there’s a bonfire afterward, and I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go?”
“Are you asking me out on a date?” He smirked.
I felt the heat rising under my skin, flaming in my cheeks with crimson embarrassment. “Well, I… Um,” I stammered hopelessly.
“Darcy?” he asked, the velvety tone of his voice hanging in the air between us.
“Yes?”
“Would you consider going the bonfire with me on Saturday night?” He grinned. “And before you ask, yes, I am asking you out on a date.”
I smiled. “I’ll see you Saturday.”
“Good.”
Before I could say something else to humiliate myself any further, I turned from the barn and started for the porch. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, a silent gesture to keep the butterflies at bay.
Chapter Seventeen
“I still think a coral tablecloth will clash with our lavender tent,” Layla said. She was sorting through a box of fabric that Grandma had brought down from the loft in the barn. Beck was still holding onto the black satin cloth, gesturing to it every other second as a promising alternative.
“That’s why we should go with black. It’s classic,” Beck said.
“It’s lovely dear, but it’s not very springy,” Grandma finally said, reaching over to take it away from her. Beck let go reluctantly.
“What about this?” my mom asked. She had found an ivory colored cloth with delicate lace doily patterns spread throughout the fabric.
&nbs
p; “Oh, now this is perfect,” Layla said, snatching the fabric from her hands. “Beck, what do you think?”
“I think it’s not black.” She crossed her arms in disapproval.
“Darcy?” Grandma asked.
“I like it.” I shrugged.
“Traitor,” Beck retorted.
“Ivory lace it is,” Layla said, carefully folding the cloth into a perfect square. “Okay, let’s go over the list one more time.”
The entire room groaned on cue. It was the night before the Havenport Beach Festival, and we had spent the entire week in preparation. My hands physically ached from the amount of baking we had done, not to mention the countless hours we had put in for all of Layla’s specific instruction and attention to detail. She was a stickler for lists, and I imagined we had gone over the final carefully-condensed version at least a hundred times.
“Please.” Layla held up her hands. “Just humor me.”
I picked up the list, and started reading from the top: “Tablecloth, paper-plates, and to-go boxes.”
“Check,” Layla said.
“Napkins, serving and eating utensils.”
“Check.”
“Drinking cups, water and lemonade.”
“We’ll be bringing those along with the pies,” Grandma said.
“Cash box, and change,” I finished.
“I’ve got it,” Layla declared. “Okay everyone, I think that does it. Beck and I will bring an assortment of baked pastries and cookies and meet everyone for set up tomorrow morning–seven thirty sharp.”
The festival didn’t officially start until nine, but Layla wanted to make sure we’d have plenty of time to set up the tent and get settled in before the town’s folk started to show up.
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