Embracing Darkness

by Christopher D. Roe

  Robert froze in place as the carriage stopped in front of him. He turned in Edith’s direction as she ran up to him.

  “It was three months ago, Robert. Think. Was anything different around that time when you thought you were lying with her?”

  He began to reflect back, trying desperately to remember the slightest thing. He’d made love to his wife nearly every night since they’d been married. It was the same routine each time.

  “It was a Wednesday night.” Edith continued. “You were working late at the hospital. You came home and… .”

  “It was different one night,” Robert blurted out. “It just felt different.”

  “And you asked me why I had started shaving my legs.”

  “That’s right!” he exclaimed. “I completely forgot to bring it up again the next day.”

  Then he stopped, realizing what it all meant. After that night he hadn’t seen his wife’s legs shaved. She’d never shaved them, and now he couldn’t believe that he never made the connection. He recognized this as Edith’s proof.

  “Oh Edith, Edith.” Robert sat down on a nearby bench. “Are you sure it’s mine?” he asked. “I mean, you and Ralph. Couldn’t it possibly be… ?”

  She put her hand on his and said softly, “Ralph and I don’t have much of a life together anymore. It’s as though we’re strangers now. We share a bed, but that’s the extent of things. It’s an empty shell of a marriage, Robert. It’s why Mary Margaret was able to manipulate me into agreeing to do this in the first place. She had knowledge about something that could destroy both me and my marriage.”

  “You said that Mary Margaret had done something terrible.” Robert said, sounding genuinely concerned. “Forcing you into this is bad enough, but is she blackmailing you too?”

  Edith then told Robert about Mary Margaret’s scheme in detail. She stopped short, however, of vilifying her. “She’s all messed up, Robert. Her father built up this idea in her head all these years about how she needs to give him a grandson. Sometimes I think that’s all she thinks she’s good for in her father’s eyes. Don’t blame her, Robert. It took me a while, but I do forgive her. I may not agree with how she went about it, but I feel sorry for her.”

  “So it was she after all,” he said.

  “What do you mean?”

  He got up and began to walk again, as if in a fog, on his way to the hospital. Edith followed him. “She was the one who was barren,” he said. “All the while she blamed me.”

  “The baby is still yours, Robert.”

  “I know that.”

  “I know that you feel outraged, dirty even. Just think how I feel,” added Edith. “I had no choice.”

  “How could she have forced you to do such a thing?”

  Edith decided to be completely honest with Robert. “She was going to tell my husband that I’d been having an affair. My reputation in the community would have been ruined. Please don’t hate me, Robert. I’m as much a victim in this as you.”

  “I don’t hate you.”

  “At least you’ll have a child to raise.”

  “And you, Edith? What will you have?”

  “I’ll have my reputation intact.”

  “And will you and she act as though nothing’s happened? See your own child and pretend it’s not yours?”

  “I haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”

  “What made her think she could have hidden a false pregnancy from me? I’m a doctor, for Christ’s sake.”

  “She said that she was going to tell you the truth eventually, but that may have been a lie. She’s enlisting the help of a midwife to assist in the birth, perhaps so that you don’t get involved. I was expecting that she already would have told you by now, but I guess all signs point to her keeping quiet about this forever.”

  When they reached the hospital, Robert turned to Edith and kissed her on the cheek. “I’m sorry this happened to you. Just know that I can help you.”

  “Help me?”

  “I can… .” He paused and checked around to make sure no one could hear him. “I can terminate… .”

  Edith gasped.

  “I’ve helped several ladies, young girls even, in your predicament.”

  “My predicament?” she asked.

  “Your condition,” he said.

  “Robert,” she snapped. “I’m carrying your baby. How could you even think of killing your own child?”

  “Please. No one can know what I do,” he whispered. “I can lose my license to practice medicine and perhaps even go to prison.”

  They both surveyed the floor. There was only one nurse that they could see, and she was at the end of the hall talking to the family of a recently admitted patient.

  “I’m keeping the baby, Robert,” said Edith flatly.

  At first he thought that she meant to keep the child for her own, raise it, and deal with accusations of infidelity by Ralph Fisher. Robert’s interpretation, however, was quickly corrected when Edith clarified her last statement.

  “What I mean is that I’m not terminating this pregnancy,” she said.

  Robert tried in vain to think of something to say. “I have to get to work now, Edith. I’m sorry.”

  “Just one more thing,” Edith called to Robert as he began to walk away. “When are you going to confront Mary Margaret?”

  He didn’t respond at first, not knowing what his answer to that question might be. He wanted to let his wife know that he’d found out, but he didn’t think that it would do anyone any good. In fact, he saw the situation becoming worse than it already was. He thus needed to contain it as best he could.

  “I’m not going to,” he said finally.

  “What? Why not?” asked Edith.

  “First, because I want to protect you. She might become furious that you told me and in retaliation reveal your affair to Ralph. Second, because her father must never find out what she did. I’ll go along with this lie. As you said, the baby is still mine.”

  The charade of Mary Margaret’s pregnancy went on for the next five months. As Edith began showing, two things happened. Mary Margaret imitated Edith’s swelling girth by padding her stomach so as to appear with child; and Edith had to buy a few new dresses to hide her belly area.

  These new garments gave Edith the appearance of a thin woman who had recently begun putting on weight. This seemed to be the only thing she needed to do in order to hide the pregnancy from Ralph Fisher, since he hadn’t touched his wife or seen her naked in two years. In fact, she was so good at hiding her pregnancy that one of Robert’s colleagues at the hospital referred to her as “Dr. Poole’s round friend” when he’d see her. Edith was often at the hospital because Robert had taken it upon himself to care for her during their baby’s gestation. On her first visit to Dr. Poole in her fourth month, Edith and Robert talked about things they would have done had they chosen different paths in life.

  Robert Poole had wanted to be a circus clown, but the glamor of moving from town to town for the rest of his life was spoiled when he was fourteen years old and had to spend one night in his Aunt Allison’s house, another night in his maternal grandmother’s house, and two nights in his Uncle Fred’s house after a fire in the Poole residence caused the family to become temporary refugees.

  Edith, on the other hand, had wanted to be a great pianist. However, because her family didn’t own a piano while she was growing up and also because her parents couldn’t afford music lessons, she resigned herself to learning how to crochet, a skill taught to her by her mother.

  So, while Mary Margaret knitted feverishly on her sofa, Edith added to the infant’s wardrobe by crocheting tiny sweaters. She even began on a large afghan blanket for the baby, one that would no longer be hers once she gave birth.

  She finished the afghan by the time she saw Dr. Po
ole for her second visit. “My,” he exclaimed. “This is some blanket!” As Robert began the examination, he put the flat end of his stethoscope on Edith’s belly, which was now swelling a good amount.

  As he listened, Edith pointed to the crocheted blanket sitting on the stool near the examination room’s door. “It took only a few weeks, Robert. I can’t believe it myself, but I worked on it with such intensity and passion, as if this child were my own.”

  Edith stopped, suddenly realizing that the child was her own and that she did love it. She then began to worry that she might not be able to relinquish the child after its birth. She wanted Robert to deliver it and make sure that she would not see the baby. Edith knew, however, that Robert couldn’t deliver the child since he wasn’t even supposed to know about the scheme.

  Mary Margaret’s instructions were clear, and Edith related to Robert his wife’s exact words: “We’ll find you a midwife to deliver the baby. In fact, a Jew neighbor of mine, Mrs. Levine, does just that sort of thing. We won’t need to be getting a medical man involved. That way Robert will think I’ve given birth while at home. I’ll pay the Jew to keep her quiet. You know how those people will do anything for money, even keep their gossipy mouths shut and their big noses out of what don’t concern them.”

  Robert said nothing.

  “Are you even listening to me?” Edith said. Then she recognized a mystified look on Robert’s face. “What is it?” she asked anxiously. “Is there something wrong with the baby?”

  “There are two heartbeats,” he said incredulously.

  Edith was stunned and couldn’t find the words with which to reply.

  “We’re having twins!” announced Robert.

  In the early afternoon of April 11, 1892, Edith Fisher, with Mrs. Levine’s help, gave birth five weeks prematurely, first to a son and two minutes later to a daughter.

  Robert had told Edith in her fifth month not to expect to carry to full term. “Your uterus won’t allow for the full weight of two babies. We’re talking maybe a month early, hopefully no more than that. However with a premature birth always comes the risk of complications. We need to be ready.” It was a surprise to Dr. Poole that given Edith Fisher’s small frame she was capable of carrying the twins as long as she did.

  Mary Margaret, on the other hand, was completely unaware that Edith was about to have twins. The fact that Edith was delivering earlier than expected didn’t seem to faze Mary Margaret in the least. She was ecstatic when the boy, who came out as quiet as a mouse, was born. She immediately took him from Mrs. Levine, wrapped him in a clean towel, and began gently to clean off the blood and amniotic fluid from his face.

  “I’m going to call you Phineas Seamus after me dear father’s father,” Mary Margaret said happily. “And I can’t wait till me dad lays eyes on you!” She kissed him at least ten times all over his face, and he fussed greatly, since all little Phineas Poole wanted was to sleep.

  “It appears we’re having twins!” the midwife exclaimed.

  “What?” said Mary Margaret, so shocked by the news that she almost forgot she was holding Phineas in her arms.

  Edith screamed because the pain was so intense. Mrs. Levine told her to breathe first and then push. Within two minutes the second baby was out. It was a girl, and unlike her brother she was screaming. Edith heard the baby and began to cry as well.

  “What is it?” Mary Margaret asked anxiously. “Another boy? Oh, me dad will be so happy!”

  “It’s a girl,” replied Mrs. Levine.

  Edith continued to sob, wanting more than anything to see and hold her babies just once.

  “A girl?” cried Mary Margaret. “But I don’t want a girl! Me dad only wanted a grandson. Have I been cursed by God?”

  Mary Margaret now held complete control over the situation. She excused Mrs. Levine an hour after the delivery once she’d tended to Edith and cleaned up the mess. Mary Margaret put the babies into the single crib that Robert had bought a month earlier and then began to gather some things together in a bag.

  Edith, exhausted from the delivery, observed what her friend was doing and didn’t understand what it was all about. “What are you doing, Mary Margaret?” asked Ellen weakly.

  “I’m getting rid of the girl,” replied Mary Margaret indifferently.

  Edith struggled in vain to sit up in the bed. “What? You’re doing what?”

  “I know how you feel, Edith, but it’s for the best. Truly it is. I wanted only one child, and I got him. What do I need two babies for?”

  “She’s my baby,” barked Edith.

  “Oh really?” Mary Margaret retorted. “And what do you think you’re gonna tell your husband? ‘Sorry, Ralph, you cuckold, but this here baby girl is the product of yet another affair between me and this time me best friend’s husband.’”

  “You can’t. You mustn’t,” Edith pleaded.

  “Watch me,” said Mary Margaret. “This baby’s going to an orphanage. There’s one in Exeter. There’s nothing else for it, Edith. Just be glad I ain’t drownin’ her, which is what I should be doin’. It’d be a lot less fuss.”

  “You wouldn’t!”

  “Oh, I would if I weren’t a God-fearin’ Christian woman.”

  “God?” whispered Edith as she sank back into her pillow. “You speak to me of God? God will punish you for this one day. You’ll see.”

  “You’re the one who’s to blame,” exclaimed Mary Margaret. “You had to be so damn fertile to have two babies!”

  Mary Margaret was almost out the door with the twins when Edith surprisingly got up from the bed. Mary Margaret was shocked to see Edith move as quickly as she did. Edith knew that she couldn’t be a mother to this daughter, but her maternal instincts took over nonetheless. She took the girl from Mary Margaret forcefully.

  “You can’t do such a thing,” declared Mary Margaret. “Your husband… .”

  “I’ll be the one who decides what is to be done with her,” said Edith.

  “You’re a stubborn woman,” replied Mary Margaret. “You stay here and rest. The female can stay until you’re strong enough to take her the hell outta here, but be sure you’re gone before me husband gets home.”

  She then put on her coat and took the newborn boy to Seamus Brennan. “He’ll be so proud to see you, me boy!” Edith heard Mary Margaret say as she slammed the front door shut.

  Within a few hours dusk began to settle in. Edith had gotten up a few times to feed the child, offering her breast to her, which she took immediately each time. The first time she fed the infant, Edith worried about the boy’s nourishment, wondering how Mary Margaret would feed him. Edith remembered Robert mention how newborns need to eat every two hours or so. This made Edith worry for her son.

  Robert Poole came home unexpectedly a short time later. He wasn’t due home until around 8:00, but he wasn’t feeling well and so had a colleague take over his shift for him. He called for Mary Margaret, and instead Edith responded. He opened the bedroom door and saw Edith sitting up in bed and cradling a newborn in her arms.

  “Oh, my God! When did this… ?”

  “Around 2:00,” Edith answered. “Meet your daughter.”

  A daughter? Robert thought, and Mary Margaret suddenly popped into his head. “Mary Margaret, where is she? Where’s the other baby? Was it a boy?”

  “She left,” replied Edith, as two of the newborn’s tiny fingers wrapped around her mother’s finger. “She took our son with her to show him to your father-in-law.”

  “A boy,” Robert said happily. “Now she’ll be satisfied.” He looked down at the infant as he sat on the edge of the bed. “And a girl.”

  “Yes,” replied Edith, beginning to cry, “and she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  Edith explained to Robert how Mary Margaret had reacted to the girl. They knew th
ey had to do something before she returned. They were well aware that Mary Margaret knew she had to get back to the house and get Edith out of there before Robert came home. Edith got the rest of her clothes on while Robert prepared a bag for the baby.

  “I have no say in this, do I?” Robert asked.

  “No, unless you want her to know that you knew the truth,” said Edith. “If you want to keep your secret, then you must forget that there was a twin.”

  They both observed the tiny girl asleep in Edith’s arms. Her mother kissed the tiny head as Robert’s eyes welled with tears.

  “This isn’t fair,” he said.

  “No, it isn’t, unless you’re willing to confront Mary Margaret, take our son away from her, divorce her, and marry me. Would you be willing to do that, Robert?”

  He stroked the baby’s cheek with his thumb. “And would you give up your reputation in the community and make known what you and I did?”

  They didn’t say it, but both of them knew that the answer to those questions was no.

  Robert Poole and Edith Fisher left the Poole residence shortly before Mary Margaret and Seamus Brennan returned there. By that time Edith had returned home, and Robert was off to the orphanage in Exeter.

  Edith would see Robert the next morning, as he had told her to come to the hospital early so that he could examine her to make sure she was alright after the childbirth. It would be the first of many encounters the two would have after the twins’ separation.

  Meanwhile Dr. Robert Poole had a very important delivery to make. He took a carriage taxi from Portsmouth to Exeter with his baby daughter in one hand and a bag in the other, a bag that contained a change of baby clothes, a few yards of diaper material, and the blanket that Edith Fisher had crocheted.

  There was a clap of thunder outside and the elderly doctor at 35 Faulkner Street stirred from his slumber and shifted in his armchair.

  As Father Poole’s bus left the third station, the driver shouted, “NEXT STOP KINGSTON. KINGSTON IS OUR NEXT STOP. WATCH YOUR STEP, PLEASE.” Phineas shifted once again in his seat, almost awakened by the boisterous call. He was tired after having awakened early that day to travel to Manchester in order to meet with Bishop Ramsey.