Dastardly Deeds

by Evans, Ilsa

  ‘You two should have come with us! It was amazing! There’s a whole other town over there.’ She put the tray down and pointed towards the far curve of Santorini. ‘Absolutely spectacular.’

  Lew positioned himself at the end of the table and took a glass from the tray. ‘True. And much less touristy.’

  ‘Well, we had a good day anyway,’ I said.

  ‘Speak for yourself,’ said Petra. She frowned at his shirt, which was open enough to display a broad and surprisingly hairy chest adorned with a gold chain. ‘Are you trying to channel the European look?’

  ‘Yep. Gotta go with your best assets.’

  ‘We’re getting divorced when we get home,’ said Deb complacently. She sat down beside Petra, who ended up squished against Enid. The latter wasn’t budging. ‘And how was your day, Enid?’

  ‘Peachy.’

  I noticed there were still two glasses left on the tray. ‘Where’s Donald and Scott? And Phoebe?’

  ‘Don’t know and don’t care,’ said Lew. ‘My wife’s spending the day with me today. And afterwards we’re adjourning to our cabin for a spot of hanky-panky.’

  ‘Dream on,’ said Deb.

  Enid looked interested. ‘Now if that was actually on the menu, I might do the same.’

  ‘Want a piece of me, do you?’ asked Lew, giving her an exaggerated leer. ‘Have to warn you, I don’t come cheap.’

  She looked him up and down. ‘You’d be paying me, young man, if I was that way inclined. And trust me, it’d be worth it.’

  Being a visual person was sometimes a curse. I nodded towards the extra glasses. ‘Who are they for then?’

  ‘Ash and Nick,’ explained Lew. ‘They just detoured via their cabin on the way here. Ah, speak of the devil!’

  I hated the way my stomach tightened whenever his name was mentioned or when he unexpectedly appeared, but I rather liked it as well. He looked a little windblown, and had caught some sun across his cheeks. He grinned at me.

  ‘Had a good day? Here, scoot over.’

  I did that, leaving enough room for them both. ‘Fine, thanks.’

  ‘Really? Everything okay?’

  ‘Of course it is. Fine and dandy.’

  ‘I’m fine too,’ said Petra. ‘Thanks for asking.’

  ‘Excellent.’ Lew took a deep drink of his beer. He smacked his lips and then turned to Ashley and Nick. ‘So, any news?’

  Nick nodded. ‘Blake emailed through the draft. Looks good. Heard from Paul as well. Everything’s on track. Ash spoke to James. He’ll fill you in.’

  Ashley proceeded to do just that. Apart from the fact I didn’t know either Blake or Paul, and didn’t care that much for James Sheridan, it seemed talking about golf was just as boring as playing it. Enid must have felt the same because she began to snore gently. Ashley’s thigh was pressed against mine. I felt like a teenager. But the conversation went on and on, and on. At one stage a waiter came over and delivered fresh drinks. Finally I scooted around the bench a little, regretfully leaving Ashley’s thigh behind, and leant over Enid towards Petra and Deb. I spoke in a low voice.

  ‘I need to talk to you both.’

  ‘Talk away,’ said Petra, clearly still annoyed.

  ‘Fine. Deb, can I ask you a rather insensitive question?’

  ‘Um, I suppose. It’s not about my sex life, is it?’

  I blinked. ‘Of course not! Why on earth would I ask about your sex life?’

  ‘You’d be surprised,’ she said grimly. ‘People often do.’

  ‘Who’s asking about our sex life?’ asked Lew loudly. ‘Is it you, Nell? Not going to put it in one of your columns, are you? Will you have enough inches?’

  ‘I’m sure we’ve got more than enough,’ I replied. ‘But I can assure you I am supremely uninterested in your sex life.’

  He looked disappointed. ‘Pity. It’d make for a good column. Maybe a serial.’

  ‘Fifty shades of Lew,’ said Nick, grinning. Ashley laughed.

  ‘So what was it then?’ asked Deb. ‘The insensitive question?’

  Everyone was now looking at me, except Enid. Five minutes ago I had wished fervently for all talk about golf to cease, now I just wanted it to continue. I would have left if not for the fact I was well and truly hemmed in. Woman spontaneously combusts. Full stop. ‘Ah, it was actually about April.’

  ‘Oh, Christ,’ said Ashley. ‘Oh, what the hell. Okay. Fire away.’

  I took a sip of wine. When I put it down, everyone was still gazing at me expectantly. In for a penny, in for a pound. ‘Well, it’s like this. I was wondering if there was any chance you thought it might not have been suicide.’

  For a moment, everybody’s expressions remained unchanged. Then Lew exchanged a fleeting glance with his wife. Nick just looked confused.

  Deb’s face was hard to read. ‘Why would you even ask that?’

  ‘You already thought of it,’ said Petra slowly. ‘Both of you.’

  ‘Well, yes. But not for long. Only because she seemed so happy. What I want to know, though, is why this is coming up now?’

  ‘Because of the other death,’ I replied simply. ‘It just seemed too much of a coincidence. And there were similarities. Both were women, both happened around the same group of people, and both, if they were murder, appeared to be opportunistic.’ I paused to let this sink in. Deb and Lew were watching me intently. ‘It never occurred to me until after Kim Satchwell died, when—’

  ‘Hang on,’ interrupted Deb, putting up a hand. ‘Kim Satchwell? The woman who died at Gallipoli? What’s she got to do with anything?’

  I stared at her for a moment. ‘Ah, I see. You thought I meant Anna. That she was the one with similarities to April.’

  ‘Does someone want to tell me what the hell is going on?’ asked Nick, a little piteously. ‘Who’s Anna?’

  ‘Good question.’ Ashley was looking at me. ‘Who is Anna?’

  ‘She was a university friend as well,’ I explained, keeping my gaze on Deb. ‘Shared accommodation with them. She and Scott were an item but she broke it off just after graduation. About six months later they all caught up one evening. There were some indications that she and Scott would get back together but when he offered her a lift home, she said no. Went to catch a taxi instead. Am I right so far?’

  ‘More or less,’ said Deb in a low voice.

  ‘She was killed in a hit-and-run at the taxi stand. The driver was never caught.’

  ‘Christ,’ said Nick. ‘I hate hit-and-runs. Fucking cowards. Excuse the French.’

  Ashley was still looking at me. ‘And when exactly did you find all this out?’

  ‘Today. I had lunch with Donald at Santorini.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘Hold your horses.’ Lew was frowning. ‘We can discuss Anna in a minute, but what d’you mean about Kim Satchwell? What the hell does her death have to do with anything?’

  ‘So Anna was murdered too!’ exclaimed Petra, coming in a little late.

  ‘Stop. Let me think.’ Ashley drummed his fingers on the table for a minute. ‘I’ll get to you later,’ he said to me before turning to Deb. ‘When Nell said there were similarities before, you did think she was talking about between Anna and April. In other words, you already thought there was a chance the same person who ran down Anna also killed April in Rome. When did you start thinking that way? After Anna died, or only when it happened again?’

  Deb shook her head, refusing to answer. She looked ill.

  ‘Both,’ said Lew. He reached over to grab his wife’s hand. ‘It occurred to her after Anna died, but only briefly. She felt guilty for even thinking it. But then after April, naturally there were … misgivings. Nothing concrete though. Easily dismissed. Now, tell me why you think this has anything to do with that Kim.’

  ‘We know she was murdered by someone in our group,’ said Petra. She put her hand on Deb’s other arm. ‘Actually, most probably someone in your group.’

  ‘How?’ asked Deb hoarsely.

 
‘Kim Satchwell had a ten lira note with a name and phone number on it. Her money was stolen when she was killed. Nell got the same note in change from that sunglasses seller in Istanbul, just after everybody else had bought some.’

  Nobody spoke. The only sound was Enid’s rhythmic snoring. Lew drained his glass and looked around for the waiter. He arrived quickly, taking orders. I saw Ruby and Quinn exit the foyer on the pool deck. Both were wearing bathers and they had towels draped over their shoulders. Ruby walked with the easy confidence of a woman in her mid-twenties while Quinn scuttled nervously, tugging at her towel to cover her breasts. They disappeared in the direction of the spa section. I shuffled back around the bench until I was sitting beside Ashley once more. He dropped his left hand and rested it gently on my thigh. It felt hot.

  ‘Are you sure?’ asked Deb.

  Ashley answered first. ‘Positive. And there’s something else. It’s possible that Kim’s death may have been a case of mistaken identity. Nell was wearing almost exactly the same outfit that day, including the same colour hat.’

  Deb transferred her gaze to me. ‘No.’

  ‘I’m not convinced,’ I said. ‘Because why would someone want to kill me?’

  ‘An ex-babysitter?’ suggested Petra.

  I rolled my eyes. Sometimes she was like a dog with a bone.

  Fresh drinks arrived and conversation ceased while the waiter cleared the empty glasses.

  ‘Why haven’t you taken this to the police?’ asked Lew brusquely.

  ‘It’s all supposition,’ replied Petra. ‘And also, we didn’t want to be hauled into a Turkish police station for questioning. But with this information about Anna …’

  Lew squeezed his wife’s hand. They gazed at each other for a few moments, as if having a private conversation. When he finally spoke out loud, it was still to her. ‘Well, this is a bugger.’

  ‘I have no freaking idea what’s going on,’ complained Nick. The setting sun glinted off his cap of red hair. He looked like he was wearing iridescent mandarin peel. ‘Can we go back to talking about golf?’

  ‘No,’ said Ashley. ‘Lew, what’re you thinking?’

  ‘I’m thinking Deb’s off your list of suspects. Otherwise you wouldn’t be telling us all this. Which leaves the other three.’

  ‘Hang on,’ said Petra suddenly. She still had her hand on Deb’s arm. ‘What were you wearing that day at Gallipoli? When Kim was killed?’

  Deb shook her head. ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

  I stared at her as I digested the possibilities. Everything would make sense. I almost didn’t want her to answer, in case it didn’t gel.

  ‘Red T-shirt,’ replied Lew, staring at his wife. ‘Cream jeans.’

  ‘But no hat!’ said Deb triumphantly.

  Lew was still watching her. ‘Not true. You borrowed my cap when we got to the cemetery. It was sunny.’

  ‘I knew it!’ said Petra triumphantly. ‘Red isn’t that far off deep pink. And Kim’s hat might have been more like Nell’s than Deb’s, but if you were at a distance and the person was walking towards the sun, and you were angry enough …’

  ‘Stop,’ said Deb. She shuffled in her seat as if about to rise, but then didn’t.

  I looked from one to the other. Anna, April, Deb. Suddenly we had a pattern. The gum in my doorjamb had been just one of those things. Probably Quinn.

  ‘What about Phoebe?’ asked Lew hoarsely. ‘What was she wearing?’

  ‘It would have been something flowing,’ said Deb flatly. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. ‘She never wears pants. And if she had a hat, it would have been one of those floppy big-brimmed ones. I can’t believe all this. We’re talking about people I’ve known for years.’

  ‘Where are they?’ asked Ashley, looking around as if they might have been hiding in the shadows. I stifled a laugh, fully aware it was mostly nerves. The whole conversation, and Deb’s obvious distress, was horribly awkward.

  Lew shrugged. ‘Haven’t seen them since we got back.’

  ‘And where are Darcy and Tessa?’

  ‘That I know. They were getting dolled up for that expensive restaurant. Apparently it’s an anniversary or something.’

  I frowned as I jolted my mind from serial killers to separation. Darcy had left me in the month of July, but had been seeing Tessa for a while at that point. I knew what this anniversary was for. And I didn’t feel like laughing now.

  ‘I can’t believe this,’ said Deb again. ‘I just can’t. We’ve caught up at least once a year since uni. Scott was emcee at our wedding!’ She turned to me. ‘You had lunch with Donald. Does he seem like a murderer?’

  ‘No, but then I don’t think he is.’ I paused for a moment. ‘I think it’s Scott.’

  Ashley glanced at me. ‘Yes. He does seem the most likely.’

  ‘Christ,’ said Nick, who finally seemed to be grasping the gravity of the situation. He took a gulp of beer.

  Enid suddenly stretched. It was like a Hawaiian mountain shifting position. She shuffled along the bench, forcing first Deb and then Petra to their feet. Enid rose stiffly and then turned to face us. ‘Dinnertime. And I can hear the casino calling me. It’s time to get my money back.’

  ‘Good luck,’ said Ashley, rather ineffectually.

  She treated him to a withering glance. ‘And by the way, it wasn’t Scott.’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘I said it wasn’t that Scott. Apart from the fact he’s too much of a limp biscuit, he never paid for any sunglasses in Istanbul.’

  Everybody stared at her, not just surprised that she was contributing to the discussion but that she had even been aware of it in the first place. After a minute, I shook my head firmly. ‘That’s not right. He definitely had some.’

  ‘He might have had some, but he didn’t pay for them at the time.’ She was clearly enjoying the moment. ‘Because he didn’t have any lira.’

  ‘She’s right,’ said Lew. ‘Christ. He was asking around to see if anyone had some spare lira left. He only had euros.’

  Petra was the first to ask the million-dollar question. ‘Then who paid?’

  We all gazed at each other, waiting for someone to answer, and gradually everyone’s eyes turned back to Enid. She was wearing a smug smile. ‘I could use this opportunity to get some seed money for the pokies, but I won’t. I was standing right next to them. He got a ten lira note off the skinny guy. The one with the eyebrows.’

  Donald. Nobody said his name, but everyone knew exactly who she meant. Ashley abruptly removed his hand from my thigh and I knew he was annoyed. I’d had lunch with the man, sitting at a little secluded restaurant perched atop sheer cliffs. But then it had seemed that I was as safe as houses. Deb was staring at the table, no doubt thinking about the two friends who died at his hands, and the third woman, who should have been her. Donald of the eyebrows, the rimless glasses, the frustrated flirting, the Lego fanaticism. Donald the murderer.

  Chapter 23

  Our reading group has been quite perturbed by the fact you haven’t been given much column space lately. We decided we’d like to help by inviting you to speak at one of our meetings even though you’re not strictly an author. There’s only three of us but I think you’d agree that any publicity at this stage would be good publicity.

  I leant against the railing at the far end of the upper deck, holding my hat in my hands, waiting for Ashley. The light breeze felt invigorating, apart from the fact I was just around the corner from the smoking section. Our group had disbanded about twenty minutes earlier with most leaving to change for dinner. The ship left the Santorini cove at the same time and the island already looked like a crescent-shaped mountain range in the distance, with the whitewashed houses a snowdrift across the upper reaches. To the side, the glow of the crimson sun was like watery blood.

  Before we separated, Lew had appointed himself devil’s advocate, trying to find holes in the scenario that held Donald responsible for three murders and positioned Deb in the firing l
ine. There were a few, the main one being motive. Why on earth would Donald want to kill anyone, let alone some of his best friends? But I suspected the primary reason for Lew’s critique was to set his wife’s mind at rest. If so, it clearly didn’t work. Deb barely contributed to the conversation, her pale face indicating the depths of her distress.

  ‘Hey there.’ Ashley came up behind me and dropped a kiss on the top of my head. ‘Sorry, got caught up.’

  ‘What are we going to do?’

  ‘Well, I thought we could follow your lead. Nick can have breakfast with him, I’ll have lunch and Lew can take the dinner shift.’

  ‘Very funny.’

  ‘Seriously, though.’ He grabbed me by the shoulders, so that I had to look at him. ‘What the hell were you thinking?’

  I shook myself free. ‘If I hadn’t had lunch with him, we may never have found out the stuff about Anna. Not till it was too late. Besides, it looks like I was never in danger anyway. And I’ve been doing some thinking.’

  ‘Oh, well that’s a relief.’

  ‘He’s only recently broken up with a girlfriend so that may have set everything off. But my theory is that he hates women anyway, in particular the women who were at university with him. Perhaps they each rejected him at different times, or he saw them take up with other guys and built up this well of anger. When it looked like Anna might get together with Scott again, he ran her down on the spur of the moment. When April was flirting with everyone the night she died, it probably brought everything back. And I suspect he and the others were already annoyed at Deb for bringing Lew along on this trip, so maybe he just resented them playing the happy couple.’

  He nodded. ‘I agree.’

  ‘Good. Which means Phoebe is probably not in the line of fire, as long as she doesn’t start flirting, or ignoring him. Which doesn’t seem likely. But not worth the risk.’

  ‘I agree,’ said Ashley again. He rested his arms on the railing and stared towards the island, which was now just an elongated lump on the horizon.