“Oh, hey,” Sabine said, looking up to see him standing nearby. She glanced at her watch. “I’m sorry to keep you waiting. We got here a little early and Jared can’t pass up some good mud.” She stood up and whipped the backpack off her shoulders.
“Not a problem,” he said as he watched her pull out an assortment of things including wet wipes, a large, plastic zip bag and a clean shirt.
“All right, buddy,” she said. “Time to go to the zoo with Gavin. Are you ready?”
“Yeah!” Jared said, immediately perking up at the suggestion of a new adventure.
“Give me your trucks first.” She put all the muddy toys in the bag and then used his dirty shirt to wipe up a good bit of the muck off his hands and feet before shoving it in there, as well. The baby wipes made quick work of the rest, then the clean shirt and the little socks and sneakers she’d taken off went back on. “Good job!” she praised, giving him a tiny high five and zipping up the backpack.
Gavin was amazed by the process. Not only did she let Jared get dirty, she was fully prepared for the eventuality. He’d always just thought of Sabine as the artistic type. She was laid-back and went with the flow as he expected, but she also had a meticulous bit of planning underneath it all that he appreciated. She had the motherhood thing down. It was very impressive.
“We’re ready,” she said, bending down to pick Jared up.
Gavin had to smile when he noticed the speck of mud on Sabine’s cheek. “Not quite yet,” he said. Without thinking, he reached out to her, running the pad of his thumb across her cheekbone and wiping it away. The moment he touched her, he sensed a change in the energy between them. Her pale green eyes widened, the irises darkening in the center to the deep hunter green he remembered from their lovemaking. A soft gasp of surprise escaped her glossy pink lips.
His body reacted, as well. The touch brought on the familiar tingle that settled between his shoulder blades and sent a shot of pure need down his spine. He wanted Sabine. There was no use in denying it. There was something about her that spoke to his most base instincts. Their time apart hadn’t changed or dulled the attraction. In fact, it seemed to have amplified it.
That night at her apartment, he had to kiss her. There was no way he could walk out of there without tasting her again. Once he did, he could feel the floodgates giving way. He had to leave. And right then. If he had lingered a moment longer, he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself.
Their relationship was complicated. There were a lot of proverbial balls still in the air. He wasn’t dumb enough to get emotionally involved with Sabine again, but leaping back into a physical relationship with her, at least this soon, was a bad idea, too. For now, he needed to try and keep his distance on both fronts.
Why, then, was he standing in the middle of Central Park cradling Sabine’s face with a throbbing erection? Because he was a masochist.
“A...uh...stray bit of Jared’s handiwork,” he said. He let his hand drop back to his side before he did something stupid in public. Instead, he turned to look at Jared. “Are you ready to see the monkeys?”
“Yeah!” he cheered, clapping his chubby hands together.
They bought their tickets and headed inside. Starting at the sea lion pool, they made their way around to visit the penguins and the snow leopards. He enjoyed watching his son’s eyes light up when he saw the animals.
“Do you guys come here a lot?” he asked, leaning on the railing outside the snow monkey exhibit. “He really seems to like it.”
“We actually haven’t been here before. I was waiting until he was a little older. This seemed like the perfect opportunity.”
Gavin was surprised. Somehow he’d thought he had missed all his son’s firsts, but there were more to be had than he expected. “I’ve never been here, either.”
Sabine looked at him with disbelief lining her brow. “You’ve lived in New York your whole life and you’ve never been to the zoo?”
“Saying I lived here my whole life isn’t entirely accurate. My family lived here, but I was gone off to school a lot of the time.”
“So not even as a child? Your nannies never brought you here?”
“Nope. Sometimes we came to the park to play or walk, but never to the zoo. I’m not sure why. My boarding school took a field trip to Washington, D.C., once. We went to the Smithsonian and the National Zoo on that trip. I think I was fourteen or so. But I’ve never had the chance to come here.”
“Have you ever been to a petting zoo?”
At that, Gavin had to laugh. “A petting zoo? Absolutely not. My mother would have a fit at the thought of me touching dirty animals. I never even had pets as a kid.”
Sabine wrinkled her nose at him. “Well, then, today is your day. We’ll head over to the children’s zoo after this and you and Jared can both pet your first goat.”
A goat? He wasn’t so sure that he was interested in that. Sabine seemed to sense his hesitation. “Maybe we can start you off slow. You can hold a rabbit. They have places to wash your hands. I also have hand sanitizer in my bag. You’ll be okay, I promise.”
Gavin chuckled at Sabine. She was mothering him just the same as she did to coax Jared into trying something new. He wasn’t used to that.
They were on their way to the children’s zoo when he felt his cell phone buzzing at his hip. He looked down at the screen. It was Roger. He had to take this call.
“Excuse me one minute,” he said.
Sabine frowned but nodded. “I’ll take Jared to the restroom while we’re waiting.”
Gavin answered the phone and spent the next ten minutes soothing Roger’s concerns. He didn’t want this opportunity to slip through his fingers. Acquiring those private jets was as close to fulfilling his childhood dream as he might ever get. He had a plane of his own, but it was small and didn’t have anywhere near the range of Roger’s jets. He longed for the day when he could pilot one of those planes to some far-off destination. He was a falcon on a tether now. He wanted to fly free, and he wasn’t going to let Paul Simpson’s desire to play at CEO ruin it.
It was going well so far. He was able to address all of Roger’s concerns. Things might be back on track if he could keep the owner focused on what was best for his family and his company. But it was taking some time. The conversation was still going when Sabine returned. She didn’t seem pleased.
He covered the receiver with his hand. “I’m almost done. I can walk and talk,” he said.
She turned and started walking away with Jared. He followed close behind them, but he was admittedly distracted. By the time he finally hung up, Gavin had already missed out on feeding the ducks. Jared was quacking and clumsily chasing one at the moment.
Sabine was watching him play with a twinkle in her eye. She loved their son so much. He could tell that Jared was everything to her. He appreciated that about her. His parents had never been abusive or cruel, but they had been distant. Busy. They weren’t hands-on at all. Jared hadn’t had all the privileges that Gavin grew up with, but he did have a loving, doting mother.
Who was frowning intently at Gavin.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “It was important.”
She shook her head and turned back to look at Jared. One of the zoo employees was holding a rabbit so he could pet it. “That’s the most important thing, right there, Gavin.”
Jared turned around and grinned at his mother with such joy it made Gavin’s chest hurt. “A bunny,” he exclaimed, hopping around on his little legs like a rabbit.
She was right. He needed to be in this 100 percent. Jared deserved it. And so did Sabine.
Five
There was a knock on the door early Sunday morning. Sabine was making pancakes while Jared played with blocks on the floor. Sunday was their easy day. There was no work or preschool. They were both still in their pajamas and not expecting company.
She was surprised to find Gavin on her doorstep. She was even more surprised to find he was wearing jeans and a T-shirt. It was a
Gucci T-shirt, but at least it wasn’t a suit. And it looked good on him. The black shirt fit his muscular frame like a second skin, reminding her of the body he hid beneath blazers and ties. And the jeans...they were snug in all the right places, making her mouth go dry in an instant.
He caught her so off guard, she didn’t notice at first that he had a large canvas and a bag of painting supplies in his hands.
“Gavin,” she said. “I wasn’t expecting you this morning.” After yesterday, she didn’t figure she would see him until the test results came back. She could tell that he was trying yesterday, but his thoughts were being pulled in ten different directions. Even after he got off the phone, he was checking it constantly and replying to emails. He had a business to run.
And yet, here he was.
“I know. I wanted it to be a surprise.”
Sabine wasn’t big on surprises. With Gavin, it was more that he wanted to do something his way and to keep her from arguing, he wouldn’t tell her until the last second. Surprise! But still, she was curious. “Come on in,” she said.
Gavin stepped in, leaning the canvas against the bookcase. “Hey, big guy,” he said to Jared. He got up from his blocks and came over to hug Gavin’s leg. Gavin scooped the toddler up and held him over his head, and then they “soared” around the living room making airplane noises. Jared the Plane crash-landed onto the couch in a fit of giggles and tickling fingers poking at his tummy.
It had only been a few days, but she could tell that Jared was getting attached to Gavin. It was a good thing. She knew that. But still, she worried. He’d put in a decent effort so far, but could he keep it up for the next sixteen years? She wasn’t sure. But she did know that he’d better not screw this up.
“I was making pancakes,” she said, turning and heading back into the kitchen. “Have you had breakfast?”
“That depends,” he said, pausing in the tickle fight. “What kind of pancakes are they?”
“Silver-dollar pancakes with blueberries.”
“Nope.” Gavin smiled. “I haven’t had breakfast.” He let Jared return to his blocks. “I’ll be right back, big guy.”
He followed her into the kitchen, leaning against the entryway. The kitchen was too small for both of them to be in there and get anything done. She tried to ignore his physical presence and how much of the room he took up without even entering, but she failed. The sight of him in those tight jeans was more than she could take. Her body instantly reacted to his nearness, her mouth going dry and her nipples pebbling against the thin fabric of her T-shirt.
She spun to face the stove before he could notice and decided to focus on pancakes, not the sexy man lurking nearby. Eyeing the batter, she decided she needed a larger batch to feed a man of his size. “So what brings you here this morning?”
Gavin watched her fold in another handful of dried blueberries. “I wanted to make up for yesterday.”
Sabine tried not to react. She was happy that he was making the effort, but failing Jared and then making a grand gesture to appease his conscience was a dangerous cycle. She’d rather he just be present the first time. “How’s that?”
“I saw in the paper that the Big Apple Circus is here. I got tickets for this afternoon.”
Just as she’d thought. She had no problems with going to the circus, but he didn’t ask her. He didn’t call to see if that was something they might want to do. What if Jared was petrified of clowns? Or if they had other plans today? Gavin just bought the tickets and assumed that everything would go the way he’d planned.
But—he was trying, she reminded herself. “Jared would probably enjoy that. What time do we need to leave for the show?”
“Well,” Gavin said, “that’s only part of the surprise. We aren’t leaving. You’re staying.”
Sabine looked up from the griddle. “What do you mean?”
“I just got tickets for Jared and me. I thought you might enjoy an afternoon to yourself. I even brought you some painting supplies.”
That explained the stuff he brought in with him. She’d been so thrown off by his unannounced arrival that she hadn’t questioned it yet. She supposed that she should be excited and grateful, but instead, her stomach ached with worry. Gavin was taking her son someplace without her. She didn’t really like the sound of that. He didn’t know anything about children. What if Jared got sick? Or scared? Did Gavin even know that Jared wasn’t fully potty trained yet? Just the idea of him changing dirty Pull-Ups started a rumble of nervous laughter in her chest that she fought down.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she managed to say.
Gavin’s dark brow drew together in consternation. “Why not? You said you wanted me to be there. To be involved.”
“It’s been less than a week, Gavin. You’ve spent a couple hours with him, sure, but are you ready to take care of him on your own for a day?” Sabine turned back to the stove and flipped over the pancakes. She grabbed one of Jared’s superhero plates and slid a couple tiny pancakes onto it beside the slices of banana she’d already cut up.
“You don’t think I can handle it?”
She sighed heavily. Ignoring him, she poured some blueberry syrup into the small bowl built into the dish and grabbed a sippy cup with milk from the refrigerator. She brushed past him to go into the living room. Jared had a tiny plastic table and chair where he could eat. She set down his breakfast and called him over. Once he was settled, she turned back to look at Gavin. He was still standing in the doorway to the kitchen looking handsome and irritated all at once.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I don’t know if you can handle it or not. That’s the problem. We don’t really know one another that well.”
Gavin crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the door frame. His biceps bulged against the constraints of the shirt, drawing her eyes down to his strong forearms and rock-hard chest. It was easier to focus on that than the strangely cocky expression on his face.
“We know each other very well,” he said with a wicked grin curling his lips.
Sabine approached him, stopping just short of touching him. “Your ability to give me an orgasm has no bearing on whether or not you can care for a toddler.”
At the mention of the word orgasm his gaze narrowed at her. He swallowed hard but didn’t reach for her. “I disagree. Both require an attention to detail. Anticipating what another person wants or needs. I don’t think it matters if what they need is a drink, a toy or a mind-blowing physical release.”
Mind-blowing. Sabine couldn’t stop her tongue from gliding out over her lips. They’d gotten painfully dry. His gaze dropped to her mouth, then back to her eyes. There was a touch of amusement in his gaze. He knew he was getting to her.
“What if what they need is their poopy diaper changed? Or you gave them too much cotton candy and they spew blue muck all over the backseat of your Mercedes? Not quite as sexy.”
The light of attraction in his eyes faded. It was hard to keep up the arousal with that kind of imagery. That’s why she hadn’t bothered dating in all this time. Maybe she should reconsider. She might not feel as vulnerable to Gavin’s charms if she had an outlet that didn’t involve him.
His expression hardened for a moment. He seemed irritated with her. “Stop trying to scare me away. I know taking care of a child isn’t easy. It can be messy. But it’s just a few hours to start. I can handle it. Will you let me do this for you? Please?”
“Do this for me? Shouldn’t you be doing this for your son?”
“I am. Of course, I am. I want a relationship with Jared more than anything. But to do that, you have got to trust me. I will return him to you tonight, well fed, well cared for and, for the most part, clean. But you have to do your part. You have to let me try. Let me mess up. Enjoy your free afternoon. Paint something beautiful because you can. Go get a pedicure.”
Sabine had to admit that sounded wonderful. She hadn’t had an afternoon to herself since she went into labor. She didn’t have
any family here to watch Jared. She tried to only use Tina’s services when she had to for classes. She hadn’t had a day just to relax. And to paint...
She pushed past him into the kitchen to finish making pancakes. Gavin stayed in the doorway, allowing her the space to think, while also keeping an eye on Jared. She appreciated having someone to do that. She hadn’t had another set of eyes to help before. Since Jared became mobile, she hadn’t been able to shower, cook or do anything without constantly peeking out to check on him. Life was a little easier when he sat in his swing or bouncy chair while she did what needed to be done.
A whole afternoon?
She wanted to say yes, but she couldn’t shake the worry. It was probably going to be fine. There was only so much trouble that could befall them in an afternoon at the circus. If Jared came home covered in blue vomit, the world wouldn’t end. And it was a family-oriented event. She had no doubt that if another mother saw Gavin and Jared in a meltdown moment, she would step in to help.
Sabine finished the pancakes and turned off the burner. She slid a stack onto her plate and the other onto a plate for Gavin. Turning around, she offered one to him. When he reached for it, she pulled it back slightly.
“Okay,” she said. “You can go. But I want you to text and check in with me. And if anything remotely worrisome happens—”
Gavin took the plate from her. “I will call you immediately. Okay?”
Sharing Jared with someone else was going to be hard, she could tell already. But it could be good, too. Two parents were double the hands, double the eyes, double the love. Right? “Okay, all right. You win. Just don’t feed him too much sugar. You’ll regret it.”
* * *
Gavin couldn’t remember being this tired, ever. Not when he was on the college rowing team. Not when he stayed up late studying for an exam. Not even after spending all night making love to a beautiful woman. How on earth did parents do this every day? How did Sabine manage to care for Jared alone, work full-time, teach yoga...it was no wonder she’d stopped painting. He was bone-tired. Mentally exhausted.
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