His Lover's Little Secret
Page 12
Sabine had the urge to walk along the beach and collect some glass to take home. Maybe she could work it into her art. She hadn’t done any painting yet, but she had begun allowing herself to think about it again. The ideas were forming, waiting for her to execute when she was ready. Sea glass might very well feature prominently in the first piece.
“This place is amazing. I want to paint it.”
Gavin nuzzled his nose along the shell of her ear. “Good. I want you to paint. I even brought supplies with me.”
Sabine turned in his arms with a small frown. “I didn’t notice any canvases.”
He grinned and planted his hands on the railing to trap her there. “That’s because they’re body paints. I’m your canvas.”
“Oohhh...” Sabine cooed, the possibilities flowing into her mind. This could certainly be fun. “When can we start my next masterpiece?”
Gavin captured her lips with his own, coaxing her blood to move faster and her skin to flush with the heat of desire. One hand moved to her waist and slid beneath her shirt to caress her bare skin. “Right now,” he whispered against her lips.
He took her hand and led her back inside. In the bedroom, his luggage was open, and sitting on the dresser was a box of body paints. Gavin must’ve unpacked it after their driver left. She picked up the pink box and eyed it with curiosity. “You didn’t mention it was edible.”
“I thought it might bother you to destroy your own creation.”
Sabine pulled a jar of strawberry-flavored red paint from the box with a wicked grin. “Given I’d be destroying it with my tongue, I don’t mind so much.”
She advanced toward the bed, Gavin stepping backward until his calves met with the mattress. Sabine set down the paints long enough to help him slip out of his clothes and lie out on the king-size bed.
There wasn’t anything quite as inspirational as seeing his powerful, naked body sprawled in front of her. His arms were crossed behind his head, his rock-hard chest and chiseled abs just waiting for her artistic improvements. This was an exciting new canvas, and unlike the one he brought to her apartment, there was no blank, white surface to mock her.
Easing onto the bed beside him, she arranged her jars and pulled out the brush that came with it. It wasn’t exactly the highest-quality equipment, but this wasn’t going to hang in the Louvre one day.
Thinking for a moment, she dipped the brush into the blueberry paint and started swirling it around his navel. He hissed for a moment at the cold paint and then smiled. Next, she added some strawberry paint. Then green watermelon and purple grape. She lost herself in the art, mixing the colors around his skin until he looked like her own twisted, edible version of an abstract Kandinsky painting.
After nearly an hour, she sat back on her heels and admired her canvas. She liked it. It really was a shame it wouldn’t last through his next shower.
“I like watching you work.”
Sabine turned to look at him, his face one of the only parts of his body that didn’t look like a unicorn had thrown up a rainbow on him. “Thanks.”
“You get this intensity in your eyes that’s amazingly sexy.” He sat up to admire his body. “I can say with certainty that this is probably the greatest abstract art piece ever created with edible body paints. And,” he added with a grin, “the only one that smells like a bowl of Froot Loops.”
She reached out with her brush and dabbed a dot of purple paint on his lips, then leaned in to lick it away. Her tongue glided slowly along his bottom lip, her gaze never leaving his. “Tasty.”
He buried his fingers in her hair and tugged her mouth back to his. His tongue dipped inside and glided along her own. “Indeed. The grape is very tasty.”
Sabine smiled and pushed him back against the bed. “That was fun, but now it’s time to clean up.”
She started with his chest, licking a path across his pecs and flicking her tongue across his nipples. She made her way down the flavorful canvas, teasing at his rib cage and the sensitive plane of his stomach. When she glanced up, she noticed Gavin watching just as eagerly as when she was painting.
“I told you I liked watching you work,” he said with a grin.
Sabine dipped lower to the firm heat of his erection and wiped away his smile with her tongue. Taking it deep into her mouth, she worked hard to remove every drop of paint, leaving Gavin groaning and clutching at the blankets with his fists.
“Sabine,” he whispered, reaching for her wrist. He found her and tugged until her body was sprawled across his. “You’re wearing too much clothing,” he complained.
Sitting astride him, Sabine slipped out of her top and bra and then stood to push down her capris and panties. She tossed everything onto the floor and crouched back down. With little effort, she was able to take him into her body and thrust him deep inside.
His hands moved quickly to her hips, guiding her movements. Sabine closed her eyes and tried to absorb the sensations, but found that without the distraction of painting, her emotions were starting to creep in.
From the moment he first kissed her, Sabine had worried that she was fighting a losing battle. Not for custody of Jared, but for custody of her heart. No matter how many times she told herself that none of this was about them, that it was about his son, she couldn’t help but think it was more.
Sure, everything he offered would make her a happier mother for their child. But he didn’t need to bring her here, to make love to her like this. He didn’t have to be so supportive of her art when no one else was. It made it seem like more. And she wanted it to be more. She was just afraid.
Sabine loved him. She always had. There were plenty of reasons why they wouldn’t make a good couple, but in the end, only one reason mattered. She left because she loved him enough to change for him—the one thing she swore she’d never do. She’d been disowned by her family for her unwillingness to bend, and yet she would be whatever Gavin wanted her to be. And it scared the hell out of her. So she made her excuses and ran before she did something she might hate herself for.
There was no running from Gavin now. He would forever be a part of her life. And she didn’t have the strength to keep fighting this. He might never love her the way she loved him. But she couldn’t pretend that this meant nothing to her.
Gavin groaned loudly, pulling her from her thoughts. He moved his hand up to cup her breast, the intensity of their movements increasing with each moment that went by. She wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer.
Opening her eyes, she looked down at Gavin. His eyes were closed, his teeth biting down on his lip. He was completely wrapped up in his desire for her. For her. Just the way she was. He’d told her that the night she fought with Viola, but she wasn’t ready to listen. Perhaps he really meant it. Perhaps he wouldn’t ask her to change and she wouldn’t betray how weak she was by giving in to his demands.
Perhaps one day he might love her for being herself.
That thought made her heart soar with hope and her body followed. The pleasure surged through her, her cries echoing in the large, tile-floored room. Gavin quickly followed, digging his fingers into the flesh of her hips and growling with satisfaction.
When their heartbeats slowed and they snuggled comfortably into each other’s arms, Sabine spoke. Not the words she wanted to say, but the ones she needed to say. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For the paint. And all of this, really. But mostly the paint.”
“I assure you, the pleasure was all mine.”
Sabine laughed and nestled tighter against his still somewhat rainbow-colored chest. “That’s not what I meant. You’ve always been such a big supporter of my work. I haven’t...” Her voice trailed off as tears crept into her words. She cleared her throat. “I haven’t always had that in my life.
“After I had Jared and stopped painting, I began to worry that I might lose my touch. When you brought that canvas the other day and the ideas didn’t come, I was really worried my art career was d
one. Today showed me that I still have the creativity inside me. I just need to not put so much pressure on myself and have fun with it again. It doesn’t seem like much, but those body paints were a big deal. For me.”
“I’m glad,” Gavin said, holding her tight. “I have to say it’s the best fifteen bucks I’ve ever spent at the adult novelty store.”
Ten
“We should really call and check in on Jared.”
Gavin tugged her tight against him and shook his head. They had made love, showered off her artwork, eaten—as body paints are not a replacement for real food—made love again and taken a nap. He wasn’t anywhere near ready to let go of her. Not even just so she could grab her phone from the other room.
“I told my parents to call if there was a problem. I want you one hundred percent focused on enjoying yourself and relaxing. They’ve got it under control. We’ve only been gone for eight hours.”
He could feel her start to squirm, but he wasn’t budging. “How about we call in the morning?”
“Okay. I’m sure everything’s fine, but I’m just a nervous mama. I worry.”
“I know. But remember, our parents raised us, at least yours did. Mine hired very qualified people to do it. They know what they’re doing.”
“I’d rather you not use my parents as an example of good parenting.”
Gavin had never heard Sabine speak at length about her family or where she grew up. He knew it was somewhere in the Midwest, but she always seemed hesitant to talk about it. Since she opened the door, he’d take the opportunity. “Do your parents know about Jared?”
He felt Sabine stiffen in his arms. “No,” she finally said.
“Why not?”
She wiggled until he allowed her to roll onto her back and look at him. “They are very religious, very hardworking Midwestern farmers. They worship God, the Cornhuskers and John Deere, in that order. I grew up in a small town that was nothing but cornfields and the occasional church for miles. From the time I was a teenager, I started to divert from the path they all followed. My parents tried their hardest to guide me back, but it didn’t work. They decided they didn’t want anything to do with me and this crazy life I wanted to lead. I refuse to expose Jared to grandparents that would just look at him as my shameful illegitimate son that my wild city life earned me.”
“What happened between you and your family?” Gavin asked.
Sabine sighed, her kiss-swollen lips pursing in thought. She didn’t really want to talk about it, but she needed to and they both knew it.
“Like I said, I wasn’t the child they wanted. I wasn’t willing to change who I was or what I dreamed of for them. They wanted me to be a quiet, mousy girl that would get up at dawn to cook for my husband and the other farmhands, take care of a brood of children and be content to sit on the porch and snap green beans. My two sisters didn’t see anything wrong with that, but it wasn’t what I wanted for my life. They couldn’t understand why I wanted a nose ring instead of a wedding ring. The first time I dyed my bangs pink, my mother nearly had a heart attack. My art, my dreams of New York and being a famous painter...that was all childish nonsense to them. They wanted me to ‘grow up’ and do something respectable.”
Gavin knew what it was like not to have his family support his choices. But he hadn’t been brave like Sabine. He’d caved to the pressure. He envied her strength, especially knowing the high price she’d paid for her dreams. She had no contact with her family at all?
“You don’t even speak to your sisters, then?”
“Very rarely. They’re both older than I am, but the younger of the two talks to me on Facebook now and then. When we do talk, it’s like chatting superficially with an old friend from junior high you barely remember. We don’t share much. I don’t post anything about Jared online, so none of them know about him. It seems that when I refused the life they chose I was insulting them, too. In trying to make myself happy, I made everyone else mad.”
“So how did you end up in New York?”
“After graduation, I was toying with the idea of leaving Nebraska. I was working as a checkout girl at the grocery store and hoarding every penny I made. My parents had started this ridiculous parade of eligible farmers through the house each week at Sunday dinner just like they had with my older sisters. I could feel my opportunity to leave slipping away. If I wasn’t careful, eventually one of the men would catch my eye. Then I’d end up pregnant or married, and I’d never get to New York.
“One night, after I walked the latest guy out, I returned to the living room and announced to my parents that I was moving out. I’d finally saved up enough to get there and a little money to live on. I told them I had a bus ticket to Manhattan and I would be leaving in the morning. It scared the daylights out of me, but I had to do it.”
Gavin noticed the faint shimmer of tears in her eyes. The room was dark, but there was enough moonlight to catch it. Her parents hurt her and he hated them for it. “What did they say when you told them?”
She didn’t reply right away. When she finally spoke, the tears had reached her voice, her words wavering with emotions. “They said to go on and go, then. Why wait for the morning? My dad grabbed the bag I had packed and threw it in the back of his truck.”
Sabine sniffed delicately and wiped her eyes. “They were done with me. If I wasn’t going to be the daughter they wanted me to be, then I just wouldn’t be their daughter. My mama didn’t say a word. She just shook her head and went to do the dishes. That’s all she ever did was clean that damned kitchen. So I climbed into the truck and left. I wasn’t even finished packing, but I couldn’t make myself go upstairs to get the last of my things. I ended up sleeping in the bus station that night because I couldn’t change my ticket.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.” She sighed, pulling her emotions back into check. “They disowned me. I don’t know if they secretly thought I would fail and come running home, or if they were just tired of dealing with my eccentricities. I wasn’t the town tramp. I wasn’t pregnant or on drugs. I was smart, I graduated high school with good grades. I worked and did my share around the farm. But I didn’t fit this mold they tried to force me into.
“That was the last time I saw or spoke to my parents. The saddest part is that despite the fact that I wanted to go, I wanted them to ask me to stay. But they didn’t. They just let me walk out like I meant nothing to them.”
Gavin felt a sick knot start to form in his stomach. He’d done the exact same thing to her. All this time, he’d only focused on the fact that Sabine had left like everyone else in his life. He’d never considered that she might stay if he’d asked. And he’d wanted to. Every nerve in his body was screaming for him to say something—do something—to keep Sabine from leaving him, but he’d sat quietly and let her walk away.
“You know, people make mistakes. I’m willing to bet that they love you and miss you. Maybe they thought they were giving you one of those hard life lessons thinking you would come back and be more grateful for what you had. And when you didn’t...they didn’t know what to do. Or how to find you.”
“I’m not that hard to find. Like I said, I’m on Facebook. For a while, I even had a website for my art.”
Gavin shook his head. “It’s not always as easy as that, especially when you know you’re in the wrong. I mean, I did the same thing, didn’t I? I was stupid and stubborn and let you walk away. I had a million idiotic reasons for it at the time, but none of them held up the moment that door slammed. Whenever I think back on that day, I wonder what would’ve happened if I’d run after you. If I’d pulled you into my arms and told you that I needed you to stay.”
“You wanted me to stay?”
There was such astonishment in her voice that made him feel even worse. She thought he didn’t care. All this time. A part of her probably still did. He hadn’t asked for more than her body. Perhaps that’s all she thought he wanted. It was all he thought he wanted, until this moment.
“It’s easier than you think.”
Gavin planted a kiss against the crown of her head. “It is?”
“Yes.” She propped up onto one elbow and looked him in the eyes. “All you had to say is ‘stay.’ Just that one word is enough.”
“If I had said it the day you left...” He hated to ask, but he had to know.
“I would have stayed.”
Gavin swallowed hard and nodded. So many people had come and gone from his life. How many of them might still be around if he’d had the nerve to ask them to stay? Some things were out of his control, but at least he could’ve salvaged the past few years with Sabine.
It was hard to face the fact that one little word could’ve changed their entire lives. But sometimes that was all it took. He looked down at the beautiful woman in his arms, the mother of his child, and he vowed he would never let something that insignificant get in the way again.
* * *
Sabine stretched out on the lounge chair and sighed. Gavin was snoozing in the chair beside her as they both soaked in the warm sunshine and light breeze. She was really enjoying this little vacation. They had eaten too much, drank too much, slept late and made love more times than she could count. Gavin had even taken her to the Bermuda Botanical Gardens and the art museum there. She’d lost herself in room after room of paintings and sculptures, lighting the fires of her long-cold creative flames.
It was all too perfect.
She couldn’t believe how wrong she’d been. About everything. From the day she took that first pregnancy test, she worried that Gavin would take over her life, steal her son and leave her powerless to stop him. So far, he’d wanted to help, wanted to have his time with his son, but had respected her boundaries. Things would change, but they would compromise on the decisions. There would be no boarding schools, no nannies taking the place of loving parents...