At Her Own Risk

by Rachael Duncan

  Once I get home, I set my stuff down and plop down on the couch. It’s been a long day and it feels good to lean back and relax. Grabbing my phone, I debate on whether or not to text Sean back. We don’t always respond to each other when one of us sends an RF, but there is something I want to tell him. I’m not real open about my growing feelings with him, but hopefully he understands the huge step this was for me today.

  Me: RF- I told my friends about us today.

  A few minutes go by and there’s no response. Again, not unusual even if it is a little disappointing. Standing up, I start getting ready for bed by taking a shower. I’m just stepping out when there’s a knock on the door. I wrap a towel tight around my body before checking to see who it is.

  With one eye closed, I look through the peephole to see nothing but thick, blond hair as he looks down at the ground. Slowly, I open the front door and Sean looks up at me.

  He doesn’t say a word. No hi, how are you, nothing. He closes the short distance between us, cups my face in his large hands, and kisses me. Butterflies have left my body and given way to something I can’t grasp, I can’t describe. It’s something that makes me feel as light as air. Something that sucks every bit of oxygen from my body while breathing in new life. Something that no matter how many times I experience it, I’ll never get used to it and I pray it always has the same effect.

  He pulls away and I can’t help the sadness that follows. “Thank you,” he says.

  My eyebrows pull in. “Thank you? For what?”

  “You think I don’t pay attention, that I don’t know you, but I do. I know telling your friends was a big step for you—for us. It made it . . .”

  “Real,” I finish for him.

  He nods. “Yeah, and for the first time ever, I feel like you’re really mine. I didn’t want to tell you that over text. I thought this was a message better delivered in person.”

  I swallow hard, trying not to freak out with how serious this conversation is. “Well, message received,” I reply.

  “Good, get some sleep, gorgeous.” He winks, turns around, and leaves.

  Minutes pass and I’m still standing in the door, holding my towel to my chest, staring in the direction he walked off in. Part of me hopes he turns around and comes back, but the other part knows I need the distance to process this. Sean and I are way more serious than I initially bargained for. What started as a casual friends with benefits arrangement has quickly morphed into the one thing I was dead set against. But what’s most surprising is I’m okay with it.

  For now.

  Sean

  “WANT ANOTHER ONE?” Marcus asks me as he holds up his beer.

  “Sure.”

  “So, what’s been going on lately?” he asks as he hands me my drink.

  “Work is crazy with the end of the third quarter coming up. What about you?”

  “We’re potty training Ella. That’s been fun.” His eyes widen as he take a long pull from his beer. I chuckle in response. “Other than work, anything new happening?”

  “Just hanging out. I’m having dinner with Paige tomorrow night.”

  “What is it about Paige? You’ve been chasing after her for two years now.”

  It’s no secret that I’ve wanted Paige for a long time, but I haven’t talked to anyone about our most recent developments. I guess a part of me was afraid I’d jinx it if I said anything out loud to anyone.

  “What is it about Lydia?” I counter. He nods in understanding. “It’s everything, man. It’s the way her eyes twinkle when she laughs, or how she bites the inside of her cheek when she’s trying not to smile. I love the way she gives me shit and her smart wit and sharp tongue. She’s intelligent and drop-dead fucking gorgeous.”

  “Damn, bro, you’ve got it bad.” His words bring me to the here and now and I realize I was staring off into space like a stupid lovesick prepubescent idiot. I need to find my balls and act like a man, not a pussy.

  “Tell me about it,” I mutter. This whole time I’ve portrayed nothing but confidence to Paige where we’re concerned, convincing her that there’s nothing to be afraid of. But deep down, I’m scared shitless. She thinks she’s the only one putting her feelings on the line, but she’s not. I’m in too deep now, and if she walks away, it’ll destroy me.

  “Have you told her about Mom and Dad’s party, then?”

  I shake my head. “No.”

  “Why not?”

  I let out a sigh. “It’s not that I don’t want to ask her, I’m just afraid of her reaction.”

  “You don’t think she’ll want to go?” His eyebrows pull in, looking just as confused as I feel.

  I shrug and shake my head. “I don’t know. I’m afraid if I push her too much, she’ll bolt.”

  Don’t get me wrong, I’m good with where we’re at, but I’m a little frustrated too. I find myself second-guessing every damn thing I want to do to keep from freaking her out. “Dude, I know it sounds insane, but I’m already crazy for the girl. I think about her all the damn time.”

  “I couldn’t tell.” When I look at him, his eyebrow is arched with a crooked grin on his face. I press my lips into a thin line and roll my eyes at his sarcasm. “In all seriousness, I feel your pain, bro. I went through similar issues with Lydia.”

  “How did you deal with it?” I take another swig of my beer. I feel like a sissy asking my brother for relationship advice, but I’ll do whatever it takes. I care about Paige a lot, and I don’t want my dumb ass fucking this up.

  “Patience and lots of reassurance. Lydia had old insecurities and trust issues from her ex-fiancé, so I was constantly proving to her I wasn’t like that dick.”

  “Paige has similar problems I’m fighting against. Apparently, she’s lumped me into this ‘bad guy’ category,” I say with air quotes. “It’s like an uphill battle. You’d think chasing after her for so damn long would convince her I’m not like that, but she still has her doubts.”

  “Like I said, patience. Trust me, she’s into you. You just have to give her time and approach her the right way.”

  It’s hard as hell to pump the breaks and be patient, but I have little to no experience in this department. I never cared enough about a girl to stress over shit like this. Considering Marcus had similar issues with Lydia initially, I digest what he’s telling me and make a mental note to calm the fuck down.

  “Alright, enough of this girly bullshit. Wanna watch the game?”

  He chuckles before grabbing the remote and flipping it to the football game.

  On the way back to my place, I went back and forth on whether or not to ask Paige to this party. It’s official; she’s castrated me and turned me into a chick. I’ve never second-guessed myself so much in my life, especially when it comes to a girl.

  But she’s not just any girl.

  It took me so long to convince her to give me a shot and I’m scared about ruining it. I know there will be no second chances with Paige. At the first sign of trouble, she’ll be gone. That I’m certain of.

  So I can’t talk myself out of it, I pick up the phone.

  Me: RQ- Do you wanna come with me to my parents’ annual company dinner?

  My knee bounces up and down as I wait for my hand to vibrate. A few minutes go by and I stand up and make my way to the kitchen. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? She’ll say no and I’ll have to think of another way to get her to say yes.

  When I hear the vibration against the coffee table, I try really hard to play it cool, but my heart hammers against my chest. This is a big deal for her. I remember when she said she told her friends. It was almost like a confession. Now add on introducing her to not only my mom and dad as my girlfriend, but company executives too and I don’t know how she’ll take it.

  Paige: What kind of dinner? Formal? Who will be there?

  Relief washes over me, but I’m still apprehensive. That wasn’t a no, but it wasn’t a yes, either.

  Me: It’s usually a Christmas party, but they’re doing it
earlier this year since my parents will be out of town. It’ll be my immediate family and company execs.

  Paige: How will it look that I work for the company and am there with the CEO’s son?

  Me: I could always have you fired, then you wouldn’t have to worry about it. ;-)

  Paige. Ha ha. Very funny. But seriously. I don’t want people thinking I’m sleeping my way through the company.

  Her comment actually pisses me off. The thought of anyone assuming she got the position because of me and not based on her own merit has me clenching my jaw.

  Me: Trust me, once you start talking, they’ll all know you didn’t get the job because of me.

  And that’s the truth. She’s brilliant and completely qualified for her current position.

  Paige: If I say no, who will you go with?

  Me: Myself. Just like I do every other year.

  Paige: You’ve never brought a date?

  Me: No.

  Paige: Why?

  My response is easy.

  Me: No one was worth introducing to my family. None of them were you.

  Minutes go by and she gives me nothing. I toss my phone onto the couch in frustration only to hear it vibrate as soon as it hits the cushion.

  Paige: RF- I’m going to the company’s annual party this year with Sean Riley.

  A slow smile stretches across my face. That wasn’t nearly as hard as I anticipated. I thought for sure I’d have to convince her like I do everything else.

  Paige: There’s one catch though.

  Me: Name it.

  Paige: You have to help me find something to wear.

  Normally, I’d rather get a root canal than go shopping, but if this is what it takes to have her by my side, I’ll do it.

  Me: Deal.

  Paige

  I USED TO fight the excitement that would wash over me at the thought of seeing Sean, but now I welcome it. Maybe I’m letting my guard down, but the idea of us doesn’t terrify me like it used to. I still have my moments where I have to chase away the panic, but they come around less and less. The realization brings a smile to my face as I give myself a once-over in the mirror. Sean wouldn’t tell me where we were going on our date tonight, only that there would be food. Since I wasn’t sure how fancy this place would be, I went with a simple black dress that hugs my curves and strappy black heels. I just finished tucking a loose curl into place when my doorbell rings.

  A swarm of butterflies take flight knowing I’ll see his bright smile in mere seconds. And when I open up the door, he doesn’t disappoint.

  “You’re gorgeous.” He tells me this daily, but my reaction is always the same as my cheeks turn pink and I become tongue-tied. I swallow hard when he pins me with his appreciative stare and heart-stopping grin. Even the butterflies are swooning. After he steps into my condo, his arms sling low around my hips and pull me close.

  “You don’t look bad yourself.” With charcoal gray slacks and a light blue buttoned-down shirt, his eyes stand out like a single star in the dark of night.

  A boyish grin crosses his face. “You ready?”

  I nod and say, “Where are we going?” I bite my lip to hide my smile, hoping he finally tells me.

  “You know I’m not telling you.” The amusement in his tone gives away that he’s enjoying this.

  “Why not?” I try not to sound like a petulant teenager, but pretty sure I fail.

  He leans in close, invading all of my senses until the hairs on my arms stand on end. “Delayed gratification,” he whispers in my ear. Pulling away, his boyish grin morphs into a cocky one that knows the affect he has on me.

  Damn him.

  My arms cross over my chest. “Oh, we’ll see whose gratification is delayed later tonight.”

  The amusement in his eyes only heightens my annoyance. After I lock up my place, he helps me into his car and we’re on our way.

  Truth be told, I’m really not upset about his mysterious plans, but this is who we are. He does little things he knows will annoy me, and I act like it bothers me more than it does. Maybe that’s why I’ve been single for so long. Other men couldn’t see my attitude was my way of joking and giving them a hard time, but Sean welcomes it. Hell, I think he even likes it.

  He’s perfect for me.

  Those four words send a chill up my spine that I can’t shake. Yes, we’ve known each other for a while now, but we’ve only recently ventured into this new area of our relationship, and thinking in terms of perfection is way too soon.

  “Seriously, where are we going?” I ask again, knowing he’s not going to tell me, but I need something to break the silence and distract my mind.

  “You’ll see,” he replies.

  “Come on, you know I hate being kept in the dark.”

  “Then you’re really going to hate where I’m taking you.” His small clue does nothing for me. “Stop being a control freak and relax.”

  My mouth parts open in mock offense. “I am not a control freak.”

  “Oh, really? Did you or did you not insist on folding all of the baby shower napkins a certain way so they’d all look the same?”

  I look at him from the corner of my eye as the expression on my face falls. “Whatever.” I look out my window and mutter, “They looked pretty that way.” His deep chuckle hits my ears and I have to fight back my own grin.

  “Chin up, buttercup, we’re here.”

  “After Dark?” I ask as I read the sign. “I’ve never heard of this place before.” Without responding, he gets out of the car and comes around to open my door.

  “It’s new. A dining experience unlike any other.” He holds his hand out to me and I take it.

  “Welcome to After Dark,” the hostess greets us. The room is dimly lit with a large set of double doors behind it. I look around, slightly confused by the lack of tables or other guests, but what perplexes me most is the strange set of goggles on her head.

  “Have you two dined with us before?” she asks.

  “No,” we respond in unison.

  “Awesome! I’ll explain a few things before we go inside, and your waiter will take it from there.” She goes on to tell us how we’ll order now, then be led into a pitch black dining room where the wait staff will navigate with night vision goggles. I’m apprehensive, but also excited to experience something completely new with Sean. She wasn’t kidding when she said it would be dark. I literally cannot see my hand when I hold it up to my face. My eyes widen, like they’re searching for any source of light to reflect off of. I scuffle my feet, afraid I’ll run into or trip over something. Sean must sense my anxiety because he gives my hand a gentle squeeze. I can’t see him, but I imagine he’s looking at me to help settle my nerves. Even though he makes my heart beat erratically, he has the same ability to calm me when I’m on the verge of panic.

  We’re helped into our seats across from each other when I notice soft chatter around me, letting me know we’re not alone in here.

  “You okay?” Sean asks.

  “Yeah, just trying to adjust. Is the hostess still here?” If she said her name, I missed it, and since I can’t see her, I figure she’ll say something right now if she hasn’t left.

  “No, she said she’d send our waiter in with our drinks shortly.” A stretch of silence passes before he breaks it again. “They say when your body is deprived of one sense, your other senses heighten to compensate. Can you tell the difference?”

  I give myself a second to process the experience. Normally I never hear neighboring conversations when I’m out to eat, but as the other guests carry on with their dinner, I find it almost impossible not to eavesdrop.

  “Yeah, I feel like I can hear everything.”

  “Just wait until the food gets here.”

  “Hey, guys,” a voice comes out of nowhere, startling me. “My name is Jim and I’ll be your server tonight. I’ve got your drinks here and I’m setting them at your two o’clock. Your appetizer will be out shortly, is there anything else I can get you in the mea
ntime?”

  “No, thanks,” I reply.

  “We’re good,” Sean says.

  “Perfect. A member of our staff is always watching from the perimeter of the room, so if you need anything, just hold up your hand and we’ll be with you right away.”

  Footsteps follow his last instruction and I know he’s walked away.

  Chair legs scraping across the floor directly in front of me grabs my attention next. “Sean?”

  “To your left, gorgeous.” He’s closer than I was expecting and not across from me anymore. But it’s not his voice that causes me to jump, it’s his hand on my leg that’s reaching higher and higher.

  “What are you doing?” I whisper.

  “Just making sure all of your senses are alert.” His voice is low and husky and that alone has my core throbbing. Suddenly, he’s not touching me anymore. My skin is on fire, anticipating when and where he’ll touch me again. A breath gets trapped in my throat when one finger lands on my collarbone, trailing toward the middle and down my sternum.

  “How does that feel?” he asks.

  “G-good,” I whisper. My heart beats in my ears and it’s the only thing I can hear.

  “What’s going through your mind as you wonder if I’ll touch you again?” he asks as his hand leaves my body again.

  “How much I miss it. How much I want it. My body feels coiled up tight waiting for it.” My words are breathy even to my own ears. My only hope is that none of our fellow patrons are listening.

  “So if I touch you . . . here . . .” I jump and arch my back as his hand palms my breast.

  “Sean.” I’m not sure what I’m asking for, but I want more and I don’t think I can get it here.

  But my arousal is doused when a throat clears next to us. “Your appetizers are at your twelve o’clock,” our server announces.

  I. Want. To. Die.

  There’s no telling how long he’s been standing there listening to us. When the realization hits me that he could not only hear us, but see us, it takes every ounce of strength not to slide off my chair and hide under the table.