by Nicole Marsh
“Oh, wow,” he drawls, once he makes it through the doorway, past the bird obstacle. He approaches me slowly, concern etched across his face. “Should we just continue to the coffee shop, then return to my house?”
As much as I’d like to leave this mess for someone else to take care of, it’s still my home and therefore my problem. “No, I think I need to stay and clean this up. You’re welcome to leave… I can ride my bike and meet you later, if you want. I have my phone,” I offer, feeling guilty for ruining our Sunday morning with an emergency trailer clean-up.
“No way,” Collin protests. “I’m not leaving you on your own to clean up this mess.”
“Okay,” I reply, barely paying him any attention as I grab garbage bags from under the sink. Picking my way across the room, I shovel scraps into the bag, not sparing anything a second glance. From what I can tell, nothing in here is salvageable. Almost everything I touch is damp. It’s either animal pee, or water that got in the trailer, or something else. Whatever it is, I try not to think too hard about it as I continue to discard everything in sight.
Collin helps silently by my side for a few minutes before he asks, “Would you be okay if I left for just a bit to go grab you a new door handle and a deadbolt? I can install it while you finish cleaning, that way when we’re done you can lock up and we can leave without the door hanging open.”
“Yeah, I would appreciate that. I’m okay here by myself,” I reply, thankful he thought ahead and allowing my gratitude to seep into my words. My door no longer has a handle, so we wouldn’t be able to leave until it was replaced anyways, might as well kill two birds with one stone.
He forces me to stop cleaning, pulling me into his chest and cradling me in his firm grip. He drops a brief peck to my forehead before he slowly steps back.
Collin carefully navigates his way across the room, avoiding the piles of refuse. He disappears from sight with one last glance over his shoulder. Shortly after, I hear his SUV starting outside.
With a sigh, I return to ridding my trailer of garbage. After two bags are filled, I exit into the still muggy, fall Alabama air. I drag the bags behind me, on my path to the dumpster. Focusing on my anger and determination, I heave the bags over my shoulder one by one, chucking each into the large, blue bin with everyone else’s trash.
“Kenzie-Girl,” a familiar voice calls, the second I turn away from the dumpster.
Great, more garbage.
“Did something happen to your trailer? I noticed you hadn’t been back in a while, then saw the door broken in. Guess you’re glad all that’s missing was some money,” Derek shouts across the park, a smirk evident on his face even with the distance separating us.
All that’s missing was some money?
I replay the words in my mind until I realize I didn’t check for my coffee tin containing my small bit of savings. Breaking into a jog, I rush back to my trailer, sprinting past Derek and through the door. I tear through my cupboards, pushing aside the few cans of food that somehow made it through the destruction. Once the cans are moved, my fingertips hit air, there’s nothing else left.
The coffee tin is gone, of course.
Hearing Derek’s footsteps clip against the steps of my trailer, I whirl to face him. “Did you do this Derek? Did you break in here to steal a hundred bucks from a teenage girl?” I shriek the questions, my words laced with anger over his cruelty.
He smirks at me, his dark eyes glinting with malice. His verbal confirmation is not required, I already know it was him. I knew as soon as he mentioned my money. I should’ve known as soon as I stepped foot into my trailer.
“Why?” I whisper, some of my anger deflating in face of his indifference.
“Why?” Derek scoffs. “Are you serious? You entered a deal with me to rob the Franzen’s, then you suddenly get cozy with Collin and ditch me to move into his mansion. What did you think, you were going to leave this place behind and become one of them?” Derek laughs, but the sound lacks joy. “Wake up. One day Collin is going to drop you and you’ll end up right here, back in this trailer park where you belong, with the people you betrayed. Now, why do you think I did this to you, Kenzie-girl?” Derek asks, his tone mocking me as much as his question is.
“What?” A familiar southern twang drawls the word. A head of blonde hair attached to a muscular body becomes visible behind Derek, slowly entering the trailer. Collin’s carrying coffee and a bag from the hardware store with a white-knuckled grip, his expression a mix of confusion and anger as he soaks in the scene he walked in on. “Why the hell are you here? Get out,” Collin tells Derek, fury lacing each word, his threatening intent clear.
Derek smirks at me, his eyes black as night while he utters his parting remarks, “It’s a bad idea to fall for your mark, Kenzie-girl. Everyone knows that.” He stomps out of the trailer, leaving me with a confused looking Collin Franzen.
Once his retreating footsteps are no longer audible, Collin asks, “What is he talking about, McKenzie?”
I exhale deeply, attempting to delay the inevitable explanation long enough to gather my thoughts. “Collin, I’m really sorry,” I start. I’m watching his face closely, and instantly see the flash of hurt before he shuts me out, his expression becoming shuttered. Pushing past the pain of his normally heated and happy gaze becoming completely blank, I continue, “After you saved me from that creep at Derek’s party, before I knew you at all, Derek came to me with a plan to make some money.” I hold my arms out and gesture around, “Obviously my situation was—is—pretty dire, but I declined his offer.” I hesitate, wanting to end the story at the point I was still a good person, but knowing Collin deserves the whole truth. With a sigh, I proceed with my confession. “At least at first. Then I showed up at the motel and my shift was cut, I searched for another job, but nowhere downtown would hire me because of my mom’s… reputation and my age. I was desperate when I said yes, Collin.” I take a step forward, towards his still form, but an icy expression aimed in my direction halts my next step. “I instantly regretted the words, as soon as they left my mouth. I’ve been searching for a way to back out of it, I swear. Derek is just… unpredictable. I was worried about the consequences of reneging on our deal, I figured avoiding him was the best solution until I sorted it out.”
“That’s why he’s been bothering you? Because you agreed to rob my parents with him? What the hell, McKenzie?” Collin roars, his tone incredulous and lacking its usual warmth, but more than that, I’m surprised by him cussing. I can’t recall a single other time he’s uttered a cuss word.
“I’m really sorry,” I say, sincerity evident in my voice. A part of me clings to the hope my words can convince him to forgive me, even though my actions were unforgiveable.
He turns his back and sets the coffee carrier and bag from the hardware store on the counter before he exits. It isn’t until his feet clomp down my front steps that I jerk into action and chase him outside.
“Collin, wait.” He pauses but doesn’t face me. Despite that, I’m still encouraged by his pause, the action showing he’s willing to listen. Bolstering my courage, I continue walking forward. “If I could go back in time and reverse what I did, I would. I’m so sorry. I should’ve never said yes to Derek’s offer in the first place.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.” His voice is emotionless and distant, when he speaks, “Look Kenzie, I need some space. I think you should stay here tonight so we can both have some time to think everything over.”
“Nothing has changed for me,” I half-whisper.
“Everything has changed,” he replies, then he climbs into his SUV and reverses out of the trailer park without a second glance.
I work hard to fight the despair threatening to drown me, to incapacitate me, and make me a total non-functioning mess. Losing the battle, I sink to my knees in the scratchy, mostly dead grass with tears streaming down my face. It’s never hurt this much when anyone else has left. Not even when my mom ditched me for a near stranger.
&nbs
p; Thinking of my mother has me realizing, maybe this is how she felt when Andy left her. The thought is like a bucket of ice water pouring over my head. I will never be like my mother and abandon my responsibilities for my own selfish desires.
With a renewed determination, I pick myself off the ground and swipe away the lingering tears trailing down my cheeks. Squaring my shoulders, I stride inside my trailer and grab the bag that Collin brought from the hardware store. Inside there are a few tools and a handle/deadbolt combination that are much nicer than the wimpy things originally installed on the door by the manufacturer; the ones that were so easily broken because of their cheap parts. Although, I’m sure if Derek really wanted to, he could find a way past these much sturdier ones too. Pushing the thought aside, I study the packaging.
I’ve never installed a lock before, but people are able to accomplish impossible things all the time; there’s no way I can’t conquer a hunk of metal with an instruction manual. Opening the package, I unfold the directions and begin reading. Whenever a tool is mentioned, I check the bag and sure enough Collin purchased it. Of course, he did, Collin is the kind of guy that thinks things through and makes decisions that help people instead of hurt them.
Unlike me.
Pushing the thought aside, I resume reading. When I’m about halfway through reading each word printed inside the manual, my new, fancy phone dings with a text. I rush to answer it, hoping its Collin. Instead it’s a message from an unknown number.
Unknown: Hi McKenzie, this is Mrs. Franzen. Thank you so much for your help tutoring Luke, but we’ve decided to hire a different tutor with a bit more experience.
Sighing, I close out the messaging app, still clinging onto the hope that maybe Collin just told his parents we’re having a fight, and everything can go back to the way it was. Hopefully, he didn’t mention the whole, planned robbery deal, otherwise I don’t think his parents would ever forgive me. Gripping onto the idea of forgiveness in my mind like the lifeline that it is, I continue reading the manual.
It takes almost two hours, both of the coffees left by Collin, and three mini pep-talks for me to feel comfortable attempting to install the items from the bag. With a deep breath, I stand from my post near the counter and approach the door with a combination of trepidation and determination.
I can do this.
Stepping forward, I open the thin piece of tin, revealing two Warrior’s branded duffel bags on my top step. One I recognize as my cheer bag and the other must be something of Collin’s that he used to pack my things. I drag the bags inside, pretending like I don’t know what their presence signifies. Instead, I focus on installing my brand new, state-of-the-art lock on my ancient, beat-down trailer.
There will be time to talk to Collin tomorrow.
At least I hope there will be.
The more I say the words, the less convincing they become, even to my own ears.
Chapter 32
The few weeks I spent getting to know Collin, passed in a blur of unexpected happiness, but the short hours without him seem to drag on for an eternity. I spend most of the night pacing my trailer, waiting for the alarm on my new, fancy cell phone to go off and notify me it’s time to get ready for school; to prepare to see him again.
For the entire restless night, I attempt to create excuses and apologies for my behavior, even going as far as practicing begging in front of my bathroom mirror. None of my attempts have shaken the feeling of utter dread, that I waited too long to tell Collin the truth and the way he found out was unforgiveable. Each hour that passes, the little nagging voice in my brain becomes louder, declaring, “Collin will never forgive you for the arrangement you made with Derek”. The words slowly become more insistent each time they replay. I swear, by midnight, the voice is practically screeching accusing words, screaming, “You should have told him before he found out about the deal in the worst way possible: From Derek”.
When my alarm finally chimes, I startle into consciousness. I guess at some point I sat on my bed and fell into an exhausted, dreamless sleep. Despite whatever rest I was able to get, I feel groggy and half-dead as I go through the motions of getting ready.
The trailer has been my residence for as long as I can remember. First with my mom, then later on my own, after she left. Now, for the first time, as I look over my room prior to focusing on the clothes in my closet, I’m realizing it doesn’t feel like a home. It lacks the warmth and care and happiness that come with a home. The things I had experienced while staying at the Franzen’s House.
Shaking myself out of my spiral of self-pity, I tug on a pair of slim skinny jeans and an almost sheer, white button up that was a gift from Katie’s closet. I slowly run a straightener through my hair, ensuring each strand is straight as an arrow. Then I apply five coats of mascara before pulling on a snug pair of leather booties, also from Katie. She said she accidentally bought them in the wrong size when she gifted them to me at school the other day, but I have a sneaking suspicion the expensive looking shoes were just a gift she didn’t want me to decline.
With determination, I inspect my appearance in the mirror, searching for any visible flaws. I want to be irresistible today, as I beg for Collin to forgive me. He always told me I looked like a goddess, and I’m hoping playing up that angle might help my case.
I will use anything I can to make him listen to me; to forgive me.
Ignoring the heavy ball of dread in the pit of my belly, I exit my trailer to sit on the steps outside. I wish I could say I wasn’t pathetic enough to wait for Collin until the last possible second, but that would be a lie. And I’m done with lying when it comes to him, it’s already cost me enough.
Perching on the steps, I check my phone religiously until its ten minutes past the time Collin normally arrives. I promise myself five more minutes, set a timer, and rise to pace the deadened, yellowed grass. Waiting, and waiting, until the alarm chimes and Collin still hasn’t appeared. I check my cell three more times in two-minute intervals before finally accepting the truth and clambering onto my bike, high tailing it towards Golden Oaks High.
Collin isn’t coming.
My legs pump as hard as they can, like my body thinks if I can bike to school fast enough, everything will be okay. So what if Collin didn’t show up at my trailer? He said he needed space, and we never talked about what space entailed. Once I reach the school, I’ll have the chance to talk to him. After we resolve our issues, everything will go back to the way it was between us; before Derek spoiled it with the untimely reveal of my secret.
By the time I finally arrive at Golden Oaks High, the parking lot is practically full and the outside stairs are teeming with students. I disembark from my bike at the edge of the school property, to buy me a few extra minutes to slow my racing heart and compose myself as I walk to the bike rack. Since I’m no longer pedaling with mania, I can feel the light layer of sweat on my forehead. There’s nothing that can be done about it, so I shrug it off hoping my hair still looks okay.
As I’m steering my bike forward, towards the bike rack just to the side of the stairs, a sheet of shiny, auburn hair flipping over a shoulder catches my attention. My eyes lock onto the sight and immediately recognize Collin’s tall, broad form resting against the side of the building. For the first time since I’ve met him, his sizzling green gaze isn’t focused on me.
It’s focused on Isabelle's beautiful, petite form, standing mere inches away from him.
“Do you want me to go cut that bitch?”
The words startle me from my daze, and I glance to my left. I notice I’ve stopped walking and Katie snuck up on me, her attention fixated on the brick wall. I start to nod my head, but force myself to stop. “No, we, Collin and I, had a…a falling out. I need to lock up my bike so I can talk to him before class.”
Katie nods and syncs her footsteps with mine as I continue pushing my bike forward. “Does this have anything to do with the secret you were keeping?” She asks.
Wordlessly nodding in response, m
y eyes remain focused ahead, observing Collin who hasn’t noticed me approaching. It’s like he purposefully used to know, at all times, where I was in a room, and now he totally doesn’t care. Katie doesn’t speak again as we trudge towards the school and when I sneak a glance, her facial expression is somber, like we’re headed to a funeral.
Katie is a good friend. I’m not really sure that I’ve had a good friend, or really any good people in my life until recently, but I’m starting to realize they’re the kind of people worth fighting for.
That I want to be the kind of person worth fighting for.
Resolutely, I lock my bike to the designated rack, using my rusty old chain that seems to have gotten older and harder to use in the weeks Collin was driving me to school. Then, I face the steps, immediately catching a certain emerald gaze. Unlike before, he doesn’t prolong the connection. Instead, he wraps an arm around Isabelle’s shoulders and leads her into the school and out of sight.
His actions feel like a dagger through my heart and I fight against the sudden onslaught of tears building in my eyes. Katie winds her arm through mine, practically dragging me into the school as I focus on breathing normally. She’s a woman on a mission and despite our height difference, she’s able to effectively maneuver me through the school with ease.
My focus isn’t on fighting her, it’s on not hyperventilating, so I let her direct me wherever she wants to. She keeps us moving at a fast clip, until we reach a reasonable distance from Collin’s locker, slowing our pace as we approach.
I spot him exchanging his books in preparation for class. We’re close enough Katie can wait for me without seeming weird, but far enough he can’t hear our sidebar conversation. She halts and pulls me to a stop next to her.
“Do you need me to go with you?” She asks, her concerned gaze searching mine.
