by Nicole Marsh
“No, I need to do this by myself,” I reply on a sigh.
She nods, adding, “I’ll wait right here.”
With leaden feet, I approach Collin. He’s standing near his locker with his arm now wrapped low around Isabelle’s waist. She snarls at me but I ignore her. I’m here for a reason, and it doesn’t have anything to do with her.
“Can we talk?” I ask the question softly, but the silence in the hall carries my words as if I had shouted.
“About what?” Collin asks without looking at me.
“Everything.”
He sighs, the sound deep, mournful, and meaningful, like he’s solidifying the end of what we had with one, single exhale. Collin finally faces me, but the fire that used to sizzle in his eyes has turned to ash and the sight has my heart wilting prior to him uttering a word.
He’s already moved on, he’s already over me.
I barely hear his next words over the sound of my heart breaking. “There’s nothing to talk about, McKenzie. What we had was built on a lie. Once that was exposed the foundation crumbled and now, we have nothing. We’re nothing. Now I need to get ready for class. See ya around. Or maybe not.” Isabelle’s cackle punctuates the end of the conversation and Collin confirms he’s done with me by turning away, blocking me out with his broad shoulders that seem almost as familiar as my own.
Somehow, my feet carry me back to Katie while my eyes blur with unshed tears. When I reach the space in front of her, she grabs onto my biceps and halts me in place with her tight grip. My eyes scan her face for a second before sweeping over the hall, taking in the silent faces of bystanders watching my drama unfold, lining the hallway like they’re witnessing a free show. The accusing glare on my face startles some of them into motion, but most of them stay in place, waiting to see what gossip they can gather next.
“Hey,” Katie says gently, distracting me from our audience. “Let’s play hooky today. We can go to my house and watch chick flicks and eat popcorn. Maybe even braid each other’s hair,” she says jokingly, a sardonic smile gracing her lips.
I return the expression, a smile forming on my face, but my lips feel strange. Like its muscle memory causing the expression and not true happiness. Blame it on my post-Collin confrontation fog, but I find myself agreeing to Katie’s plan, “Okay, yeah that sounds a lot better than being here and having to watch…”
Katie lets me pause for about two point five seconds before nodding in understanding and winding her arm through mine again. She leads us towards the front of the school, in the direction of the parking lot.
My feet move on autopilot, while I purposefully avoid thinking about what could happen if the school tries to call my mother’s disconnected phone number to inform her, I skipped class.
Seems like a worry for another day.
Not to sound like a dramatic, love-sick teen, but it already feels like my life, as I know it, is kind of over anyways.
Chapter 33
Fuck Collin,” Katie says, while we sit on her bed watching a rom-com and eating popcorn drizzled in chocolate, both of which were Katie’s idea. I open my mouth to protest, I was the one that fucked up, but Katie shoots me a glare and I snap my mouth shut.
“No, you don’t get to defend him,” she chastises. “No matter what you did, he should at least have the decency to talk to you about it, instead of acting like a child. I mean, he basically spent the last few weeks being all about you, then one bump in the road, and he drops you like last week’s garbage for that bitch, Isabelle? I mean I hate talking down about another girl but she needs to have some class. She’s been out for Collin since day one of high school and he never has shown any interest until now. Like get a clue, girl.”
I nod my head silently, unsure how to answer. How differently would Katie feel if she knew the truth? Collin immediately jumping to Isabelle is hurtful, but I hurt him too, by lying.
She continues, not needing my words to support her tirade. “We’ll go to the library tomorrow during lunch for a brainstorm session, and so we don’t have to see any more of the gag worthy groping between Isabelle and He Who Shall Not Be Named.”
“A brainstorming session?” I ask. “Also, are you going to continue referring to Collin like he’s Voldemort?”
“If he’s going to act evil, I’m going to call him out on it,” she responds, her tone matter of fact. “And yes, don’t you need to find a new job because you were tutoring Collin’s brother? Or are they still having you tutor? Actually, it doesn’t matter either way, even if they still want you to, you can’t go back to their house until Collin apologizes. I forbid it,” she says sternly, sticking her nose up in the air to punctuate the sentiment.
I laugh and give her a side hug before settling back against the pillows on her plush bed. Nice mattresses are definitely a rich people thing, because Katie’s is just as luxurious as the Franzen’s. As I lounge on her bed, enjoying its soft comfort, I allow the silence to linger, choosing not to respond to her statements. Instead, I attempt to follow the plot of the silly movie Katie chose and shovel the sweet/salty goodness, she insisted we needed, into my face.
Thankfully, Katie humors me and also focuses on the movie, occasionally picking up her phone and responding to messages when her alert chimes. When the credits finally roll, I feel marginally better. I guess Katie’s post break-up plan actually does work.
“Do you need a ride home?” Katie asks, after clicking the TV off with her remote.
“Err, yeah or back to the school so I can grab my bike,” I reply, feeling guilty for making her drive me around.
Katie checks her phone again before she responds, “Classes are still going on. I don’t want to take you back to school, in case someone sees you and narcs. How about I drop you off at home and then pick you up in the morning? You can ride your bike home tomorrow afternoon.”
“Yeah, sounds good,” I agree after a brief hesitation.
Gathering my things, I follow Katie downstairs and into her hot pink car. She fiddles with the stereo until a pop song is blasting through her speakers, then rolls down all the windows and takes off. Between the music and the sound of the wind it’s impossible to hear each other, so I gesture with my hand to direct her to my house. Or at least the one she dropped me off at last time.
Katie and I are closer than we were before, and I’m not worried about her seeing the trailer and spreading my secrets or ditching me. I am worried if I tell her the truth now, I might lose her just like I did Collin.
That’s the thing about lies.
They’re so easy to tell, but once you tell one it leads you down a slippery slope. Soon you become so entangled in your false words it’s hard to know what the truth is anymore. Even if you do know, it’s harder to confess the truth when it requires unweaving an entire basket worth of lies.
I snap out of my thoughts as the car begins to slow beneath me. Katie maneuvers her bug to the curb as indicated. I unbuckle, placing my palm against the door handle, but she stops me, mid-pull. One of her hands rests against my arm, halting my movements, while she uses the other to turn down the volume to her stereo.
“Okay, what gives?” She asks in a stern tone.
“I’m sorry?” My voice sounds taken aback, but a light sweat has started to form on my spine, my nerves flaring over her accusatory question.
“This is not the house you had me drop you off at last time,” she states.
I stare out the window to look at the house, like it will confirm her words or refute them, but the house remains mute. “And don’t think I didn’t notice how you refused to go inside while I was sitting at the curb last time,” she continues, her tone sounding frustrated by my lack of response.
“Err,” I reply, stalling as I attempt to formulate an excuse. I didn’t think Katie noticed last time, but I guess she’s more observant than I gave her credit for.
“Where do you really live McKenzie Bonita Carslyle?” She demands.
“My middle name isn’t Bonita,” I point o
ut, avoiding the true issue in our conversation.
“I know, it just sounded better with a middle name, so I made one up,” she exclaims with a smirk. “But for real, where do you live? I want to drop you off at your actual house, not just in front of some random place, in some random neighborhood.”
“Okay,” I respond with a deep breath, as I mentally prepare to show Katie the trailer park. “Just continue straight down this road.”
She follows my instructions, driving straight for another mile, then she takes a left past the sign leading to the park. The second her tires hit the dirt road she cries out, “Oh my gosh. This road is awful!”
I keep my mouth shut because everything in the park is awful and the road may be one of the least offensive things she sees here.
When we reach my trailer, she pulls into the same spot Collin used to park his massive SUV. Thinking his name makes my heart ache, but I push the feeling aside to watch Katie’s expression instead. She doesn’t react, at all. Besides to unbuckle her seat belt.
“Can I see inside?” She asks, eyeing my ancient, tin trailer.
“Yeah, sure,” I respond, resigned to the idea Katie probably won’t want to be my friend after this.
It takes her all of ten seconds to peek her head into each room after I unlock my fancy, new deadbolt. Afterwards, she surprises me by sitting on the couch. “Is this what you lied to Collin about?” She asks with a concerned expression.
“No,” I say on a sigh, settling into the spot next to her. “It’s kind of a long story.”
Katie nods. “Okay, I’m listening.”
I play with the idea of stalling or changing the topic, but Katie is my friend, my best friend. Plus, she’s known Collin for years. If anyone is able to give me solid advice on how to fix the mess I made, it will be Katie.
With another sigh, I begin my story. “Well, I used to work at the Breezy Motel and my boss was a total skeezeball. He hired another girl and started giving away all my hours. My equally sketchy neighbor invited me to a party where Collin saved me from the clutches of my neighbor’s strange friend. Then, the next day my neighbor came to my house and offered me a deal: if I gave him info on the Franzen house he would rob it and give me half the profit.”
Katie gasps, and I avoid meeting her eyes, rushing through the rest of my words to get the story out before she can judge me too harshly. “Originally, I agreed, but after one afternoon with Collin, I didn’t think I could go through with it. The more time I spent with him, the more it became clear, I needed to confess my deal with my neighbor and find a way out of it. The timing just never seemed right and I was worried what my neighbor would do if I changed my mind.” I look at Katie, with imploring eyes. “I didn’t feel like I had any options, when I agreed.” I gesture my hands around my trailer. “I’m broke, obviously, but as soon as I got to know Collin, I wanted to call the whole plan off, regardless. It was a stupid idea to even agree in the first place.”
“How did Collin find out?” Katie asks quietly.
“From my neighbor,” I confess, my eyes fixed on the floor and filled with my shame.
“Oh, Kenzie,” Katie says before she swoops in to give me a hug. I can’t contain the tears flooding my eyes, forcing their way silently down my face. Her hug, like so many other things, reminds me of Collin’s warm comfort and I need to release some of the feelings that have been slowly building throughout the day.
Katie keeps her arms wrapped around me until the tears slow to a stop. Then, she pulls away, gripping the tops of my arms and staring intently into my eyes as she speaks. “The deal was made before the two of you got together. It was a dumb plan, but you were desperate. He’ll get over it. Eventually. Probably.”
“Your pep talk was good, until about halfway through,” I say on a half-laugh, half-sob, still recovering from my crying fit.
“I’ll work on it,” she responds, her tone sincere. “Do you want me to stay here with you tonight?” She asks. “Or you could come back to my place,” she offers with a look around the tiny space, probably thinking both of us wouldn’t fit in here together.
“I think I need some time by myself, to process, but I may take you up on your offer another day,” I respond, feeling grateful for her suggestion, but knowing I need space right now.
She nods and we both rise from the couch. I walk her the three feet to the door and give her a brief, tight hug while we stand on my tiny front porch. “Thank you for listening and understanding. Oh, and for dropping me off at my real house this time,” I add with a laugh as we release each other.
“That house was super far, I can’t believe you walked from there last time,” she teases in a tone that sounds more like her usual self. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, girl,” she adds, climbing down my steps to my patchy grass.
Shrugging, I agree, “See you tomorrow!”
I watch as she hops into her bug and backs out onto the pitted dirt road. With one last wave, I move to close my front door. I’m startled by a familiar voice from my left, halting my movements as my brain processes his words.
“First a rich boyfriend and now a rich friend? You really seem to be moving up in the world, Kenzie-girl. I’m surprised to find you here at the trailer park tonight,” Derek taunts as he emerges from the dark shadows nearby.
By the time he’s done talking, I’ve recovered from my initial surprise and whirl around to face him. “Why are you here? Are you stalking me now?” I ask, anger penetrating each syllable. Technically, what happened between Collin and I isn’t his fault, but it sure feels like it is. No part of me wants to talk to Derek and I wish he would get the hint and leave me alone.
“You know why I’m here Kenzie-girl. I want information on the layout of the Franzen house. You were there for weeks, I know you have intel valuable to me. So, help me out and I’ll see what I can do for you,” Derek demands as he sidles up the steps leading to my trailer.
“Derek, if you haven’t figured it out already, you probably never will, so I’ll just tell you. I’m out. I’m not going to help you with this or anything else like it.”
He shoves his foot into my door to keep me from closing it, apparently reading my intentions from my demeanor and expression. “I’m older and therefore, wiser,” he says invading my space. I remain rooted in place not wanting to give him anything more than what he’s already taken, but he continues, undeterred by our proximity, “People like us? We don’t end up with the Franzen’s of the world. Ya know, the people with money and families that love them. We’re too hard for that shit and maybe we can fool those people for a little while, pretend we’re like them for just a bit, but eventually they see through the facade and realize we’re fucked up. They see through our charming smiles and discover our parents didn’t love us like their parents love them. They find we don’t have any money to our names; that we’re just a little bit less than they are. And when they do? They drop us faster than last year’s Gucci slippers.”
I shake my head, trying to deny the truth I think I hear in his words. Isn’t that part of the reason I never hung out with Collin in my trailer and didn’t want Katie to know where I lived? Although, neither of them dropped me, once they had all the facts. Well, not because I was poor or parentless.
Derek is wrong and he needs to leave.
With my toes, I kick the center of Derek’s foot. Like I anticipated, he yelps and lifts it out of the way, giving me the space, I need to slam the door in his face. The piece of tin closes with finality, but it doesn’t shield me from hearing his next words. “You know I’m right Kenzie-girl. When you’re ready to talk, you know where to find me.”
I reopen the door, watching as Derek’s expression rapidly transforms from smug to shocked, as he stares at me through my screen. He didn’t anticipate a reply, expecting to always get the last word. Well, today he messed with the wrong girl.
“You know what Derek, you’re wrong. Life is hard and messy and unfair. Some people are born with less, while others with more, bu
t we all have the same opportunity to change our situation if we put the necessary work into it. Maybe I messed things up with Collin, but I learned my lesson. I won’t lie and scheme my way into other people’s lives and take advantage of them, ever again.” I pause and take a deep breath. “And THAT, Derek is what separates you and me. We aren’t connected because we’re from the same place. We’re two completely different types of people. Of that, I’m certain.” I close the door with conviction before he’s able to get another word out.
Then I stride into my bedroom and crawl into bed. I’m not sure how long I stew over his words, self-righteous in my anger, until I eventually fall into a deep sleep. One where I dream of being a better person.
Chapter 34
The bell rings, punctuating the end of the longest, most strained class I’ve ever experienced. Eating lunch in the library all week has helped me avoid Collin, but there’s nothing I can do to stay away from him during chemistry, considering he’s my lab partner for the entire year.
From my seat by the window, I watch Collin and the rest of my peers file out of the room. Ms. Rigs hovers, closing the door after the last student exits. I stay behind for homeroom, even though it’s Friday, for a last-minute cram session.
“Are you okay McKenzie? Are you worried about your SAT exam tomorrow?” Ms. Rigs asks as she approaches my table. “You seemed distracted during class today and I want you to feel comfortable talking about these things with me,” she says, in her concerned, motherly tone.
I start to decline from responding, intending to shake my head, then open my mouth instead. “I’m stressed out, but not about the SAT’s… it’s about a boy actually. Well and about money.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, her face wearing an expression free of judgment and full of compassion.
“I’m not sure…” I start, then change my mind.
I am sure. I could use the advice and I trust Ms. Rigs. We have become much closer since she started helping me with my college prep. Right about now having an adult weigh in on the situation could help me gain some perspective.
