My Safe Place

by Steph Poe

  He is hitting the right spot and I feel like I'm building up towards another orgasm, which I cannot believe. I've never had an orgasm during sex. Ever. No man has been able to give that to me. But the sensation keeps building.

  "Oh God, please don't stop, Cal. Please, oh..."

  "Never. Come again, baby," he commands.

  "Yes, yes, yes!" My vision goes blurry and my body shakes. My legs tighten their grip around his waist as I try to pull him even further inside of me.

  "Oh, baby," Cal grunts out as his own orgasm ripples through him and he is thrusting so deep inside of me. Finally, he collapses on top of me, our sweaty bodies exhausted against one another.

  We stay like that for a while, completely sated and tired. I am in utter disbelief that this sexy beast has just given me not one, but two mind blowing orgasms.

  Before I can stop it from coming out, I say, "Wow, you really know what you're doing." That sounded so lame. I duck my head into his chest in embarrassment.

  He chuckles. "Well, thank you. You were pretty amazing as well." He rubs my back tenderly.

  I run my hand slowly over his chest, feeling every defined ridge. I don't want this moment to end. Now we have to talk and what are we going to say? "Thanks for the great lay, now show me what you're going to create for me out of wood." That's not exactly what I want to say, but I don't want him to think that I am expecting anything more than this one night. I also don't want him to ask me about my momentary freak out when I ripped my hands out of his grasp. I'm not ready to explain why I can't be restrained.

  I need to get us back on professional ground before my feelings get in the way and turn this into something it's not.

  I lift off of his chest and he mumbles a sound of disapproval. "That was really spectacular. Thank you." I turn to him and smile, sheepishly. He returns a look of confusion.

  I get off of the bed and start gathering my clothes, feeling his eyes study me.

  Turning around, I see him bare-chested and leaning against the headboard, looking sexy and a bit angry.

  "What's the matter, Lake?"

  "I'm sorry Cal. I think we need to get back on track and this was great," I say, gesturing between him and me, "but we should keep things professional," I mumble, as I continue putting on my clothes. I can't believe I really think we can go back to being professional after that toe-curling sexual encounter.

  He crosses his arms over his chest and grunts. His reaction is confusing. What does he want from me? He wanted me, and now he's had me, so we should be good to go, right? Don't all guys want this sort of thing? No strings attached, awesome sex, one-night stand?

  There's no way I'm going to say how I really feel, that I want him to have his way with me every day of the damn week. Maybe even twice a day. I can't tell him what I felt with him inside of me was the best feeling I've ever had. I can't tell him that. What if he doesn't feel the same?

  What if he does feel the same? What if he wants more than just this one night? Am I ready to give someone my heart again? I decide I'm not ready for that conversation. My protective walls go up. I'm not into taking chances and I certainly can't chance my heart.

  I'm fully dressed now as he gets up off of the bed and starts to dress. I stand up, watching him with my arms crossed behind my back and my teeth chewing my bottom lip, not knowing what else to do or say.

  "All right Lake, we'll do it your way...for now," he scoffs at me. His tone tears me apart a little inside. I really want him to take me in his arms and kiss me and tell me he wants me as much as I want him, and that despite only knowing each other a few days, he's fallen for me. I brush aside that ridiculous thought. Here I am wanting him to profess his love to me even though I'm not ready to return it.

  He is fully dressed, but leaves his socks and shoes off and his bare feet are so sexy and I don't even like feet. He turns away from me and starts to walk towards the back of the studio.

  "Follow me. I have my designs back here to show you." I stare down at my feet the entire time I follow him. I feel a little ashamed of myself, like maybe I was too cold to him.

  He turns around suddenly and we are inches away from each other. He pulls my chin up and forces me to look him in those beautiful golden-brown eyes. We gaze at each other and say nothing. It feels like he is searching for something in my eyes, maybe to understand me better. I want to help him, but my walls are up, and my walls are impenetrable. Twenty feet of concrete, brick, and mortar with steel reinforcement. A stronghold around my heart.

  His lips part and I feel like he is going to kiss me again, and I know I won't be able to resist him. I breathe hard and lean into him. He whispers to me, "I can feel that something is wrong, that some asshole wrecked you. I hate that someone hurt you, baby."

  I feel myself start to break inside. I don't respond. I hold it in. All except one small tear that betrays me and begins to fall down my cheek. He wipes it away with a kiss.

  "I won't pressure you, Lake, but if you think I've had enough of you, you're wrong." He kisses me lightly on my lips. He tastes so sweet. I close my eyes and say a silent prayer that I can keep my shit together in front of him. He lets go of me and steps away, taking with him the comfort and warmth I felt in his arms.

  I open my eyes and sigh. He walks towards a table with sketches and wood samples. He pulls out a chair and motions for me to take a seat.

  I take a deep breath and sit. Back to business. This I can handle. He shows me his ideas and I try to listen to his voice over the rapid beating of my heart.

  We agree on a few designs and choose the wood and finishes I like. I really am excited for him to make this furniture for me. He's very skilled in his profession, among other things.

  He helps me put on my jacket and leads me out the front door, locking up behind us. The drive back to my office is quiet, except for the purr of the engine. He doesn't reach over and grab my hand, although I'm longing for his touch again. I stare out the window, deep in my thoughts.

  He pulls the Mustang behind my Audi again and kills the engine. We both sit silently, waiting for the other to speak. He breaks first. "I really enjoyed tonight. Thank you." He glares at me for a moment before affixing his eyes to the windshield.

  I feel awful, like I've disappointed him. I don't know what to say. I feel like I screwed this up.

  "You're welcome," I mutter softly, while staring down at my hands fiddling with the clutch in my lap.

  He inhales deeply and then opens his door. He walks around to the passenger side and opens my door. Even though I can tell he's not happy with me, he's still a gentleman.

  I get out of the car slowly. He closes the door behind me. We both stand there, neither one of us wanting to leave.

  I stand on my tip toes and lean into his cheek and brush my lips softly on his beard. I feel his body tense up, and it's obvious that my rejection stung.

  "Good night, Cal." I don't look back at him as I walk to my car door.

  "Good night, Lake," he mumbles to my back.

  I keep focused on unlocking my door as I hear him get back in his car and start the engine. He sits there until I am safe in my car. I look in my rearview mirror and see a bewildered expression on his beautiful face as he screeches out of the parking lot.

  Chapter 6

  The weekend flies by despite my unusual, bitter mood. I manage to put on a good face for the Overton wedding. I really do love everything about weddings. I love being the coordinator who makes sure everything runs smoothly for the bride and groom.

  I don't feel stressed when things go wrong. I'm always the one who remains calm and is able to come up with a solution before anything becomes a real problem. It makes me feel in control, and control is something I need to have.

  I've dealt with every possible situation at weddings: flowers not showing up on time, groom is late and no one can locate him, some little kid stuck his fingers in the cake. I have been able to fix these problems and most times, the bride never knows about them. I'm fully confident in my abi
lities as an event planning/wedding coordinating professional.

  What I have no confidence in is myself when I'm not working. I'm able to admit this to myself but haven't been able to fix the problem. All weekend I've been telling myself that there's no way Cal would actually want me for anything more than sex.

  There's a part of me that knows I deserve love and happiness with someone. Then there's a small voice always in the back of my head telling me I'm not good enough, that no one else will ever love me because of what the asshole made me believe. I'm in a constant battle within myself and struggling to win.

  I fall asleep Sunday night, exhausted from the inner struggle.

  *****

  I open my eyes and look around the room. My arms are outstretched, and aching. I attempt to pull them down in a more comfortable position, but I can't. I look up and over to my left hand to see the rope wrapped around my wrist and knotted to the bed post. I look to the right, and that wrist is tied as well. I pull on both of the restraints, but they are tight. I can't move. The rope is digging into my skin and it burns my flesh.

  I look down to my legs and they are the same. Rope tied around each ankle, harnessed to the bed posts, legs spread wide. I feel so exposed and uncomfortable. I look at my body and I'm naked. Confusion rushes into my brain. I pull at the restraints, trying to get free.

  Suddenly, I see him. He's standing at the foot of the bed, staring at my body with a sinister look on his face. Fear flows through every part of me. I try to cry out, "No, please. Untie me, please. Stop, stop, stop!" but nothing comes out. My mouth is open, but the words can't escape.

  His eyes move up and down my body, making me feel repulsed. Those eyes used to make me feel wanted and loved, but the violence in them now makes me want to throw up. I feel sick and frightened.

  He walks around the bed and I notice he has something in his hand. It's a leather belt, folded in half. My body shakes with fear. He smirks at me as he brings the belt down hard on my flesh, right on my belly.

  I find my voice. "No! Stop! Please, I don't want this." The belt finds my thigh this time. I cry out in agony," No!" Tears are pouring down my face. Why isn't he listening to me? The belt strikes me a third time across my breasts. An agonizing moan escapes me. I close my eyes to shut out the terror happening. I hear the belt fall to the floor. I keep my eyes shut tight for fear of what is going to happen next.

  I feel him climb on top of me and place himself between my legs. He shoves his fingers roughly inside of me. "You are so wet for this, darling. You love this." He roughly fingers me and I keep my eyes shut tight, trying to block out everything. I know he won't stop. I've given up hope. My mind shuts down. I turn myself off to what is happening.

  He forces himself inside of me and thrusts roughly. I don't make a sound. I take it. There's nothing I can do. I'm utterly at his mercy. My mind keeps replaying, "I told him no. I told him stop. He didn't listen...he didn't listen....he didn't listen."

  I'm awakened by my own screams. I jolt up in bed, breathing hard and dripping with sweat. Tubbs comes up next to me and licks my face. I reach out and pet him and try to steady my breathing. Then I begin to cry. I have successfully blocked out this nightmare for two years. Why is it tormenting me now?

  I look at the clock and see it's three minutes before seven. Time to get up and start a new week. I dry my tears on the fleece blanket and get out of bed, leaving the nightmare behind me.

  I stop to get a coffee at the Starbucks by Cal's studio. Opening the door, I look around hoping that maybe he's getting a coffee, too. Hell, I don't even know if he drinks coffee. I don't see him as I take my place in line.

  My arms are full because I decided to get coffee and muffins for Ashton and Brynna too. Luckily, someone opens the door from the outside and holds it for me.

  "Thank you so much," I say to the person holding the door while focusing my eyes on the cups so I don't spill them.

  "You're welcome, Lake," a velvety voice responds. My insides warm to the sound.

  I look up at him. "Oh, Cal...hi." He looks appealing in a navy blue henley shirt with the sleeves rolled up, revealing that sexy tattoo, and a loose-fitting pair of chinos with gray Chucks. His smile looks unsure with only one side of his lips pulled up. His beard is a little more scruffy than usual and his hair is messy. I can't take my eyes off of him.

  "Here, let me help you with those." He grabs the holder with the drinks from me before I can refuse him.

  We walk over to my car and I open the door. "I really need to apologize for Friday. I'm sorry." I gaze into those golden brown eyes, which have more green in them today with the early morning sunlight.

  He sets the coffees down inside my car and then faces me. He grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers. "I'm the one who's sorry. You told me you wanted to keep this professional and I couldn't help myself. When I'm with you, I feel this pull to be as close to you as I possibly can." He pulls our hands up to his mouth and lightly kisses my fingers.

  I feel that familiar flush creep across my chest and neck. He makes me feel so alive and scared at the same time. "I feel it too. I just...I don't know if I can do this." I look down at my shoes. I want to tell him the reason for my hesitation, but I'm not sure I can open up to him. My walls don't come down easily.

  "Maybe we could try to be friends?" I ask timidly, not sure what his reaction will be. I look up into those eyes again. He looks amused.

  "Friends with benefits?" He questions with an even bigger smirk on his face. That arrogant smile makes me weak in my fucking knees. I glare at him with disapproval and a raised eyebrow, and he capitulates, "Okay, just friends. For now."

  My face breaks out into a full-on happy grin and, without hesitation, I pull him in close and give him a hug. He smells wonderful, his normal woodsy, soapy scent. I take a deep breath and rest my head on his broad chest. I feel so safe in his arms and I feel so relieved that he agreed to be friends. He didn't even demand an explanation, but he did say we could be friends, for now, so it's obvious he thinks this is only a temporary thing.

  "Thank you for understanding, Cal. I think I'm gonna like being friends with you." I feel him chuckling beneath me.

  "I think I'm gonna like it too." He pulls me away from his chest but keeps his hands on my arms.

  "I gotta get going. Coffee's getting cold." I shrug my shoulders. He releases his grip on my arms, taking the warmth with him.

  "Hope you have a good Monday, friend." That arrogant smirk is back.

  "You too, friend." I return his smirk. "Now go build me some furniture." He salutes me and walks away towards his studio. I stare at his back and then check out his nice, tight ass. I can do "just friends." Friends can check out each other's asses.

  *****

  I walk into the office with a pleasant smile on my face. I couldn't stop smiling in fact. I tried and it was impossible. I never thought that making a new friend could make me so happy. My feet feel so light and they carry me effortlessly through the office. I greet Brynna with her caramel macchiato and blueberry muffin.

  I walk up to Ashton's desk and hand over her grande nonfat vanilla latte and banana nut muffin. "Good morning, Ash," I practically sing her greeting.

  She gives me a quizzical look. "Hey, you're in a good mood." She looks great in her black pantsuit and gold jewelry. Her long brown hair is straightened and pulled over one shoulder. It's a big change from last Monday's messy bun.

  "You look hot today, Ash! What's the occasion?" I perch on the edge of her desk. She's glowing. I love seeing her like this.

  "I have a lunch date with Matt today," she tells me in a sing-song voice.

  "So, I'm gonna assume that Friday's date went well," I ask playfully, sipping my coffee.

  "It was great! We really hit it off. We actually spent Saturday together too." She blushes as she says this. "But enough about me, how was your date? It must have been good because you're awfully chipper today." She winks at me.

  "Yeah, it was good, but Cal and I are just gonn
a be friends right now." I smile sheepishly at her.

  "What? Just friends? What happened, Lake?" she asks worriedly.

  "Everything is great, Ash. Really. I just can't do a relationship right now." I shrug my shoulders and stare down at her desk.

  "So you guys are gonna be friends? Like normal friends? Or friends with benefits?" she inquires as she furrows her well groomed brow.

  "What is it with this friends with benefits thing? Normal friends, Ash. No sex." Even as the words come out of my mouth, I'm not convinced. I don't believe my own lie. I know I'm going to want to have sex with him again. It was amazing. Two orgasms amazing.

  "So, you're saying you didn't sleep with him?" she questions.

  I feel my cheeks redden. "I didn't say that. He took me to his studio after dinner, and it just happened." I lower my voice in case Brynna is listening. "We had sex on a bed that he made. It was hot, Ash. Like, the best sex I've ever had." She looks intrigued. "But I freaked out after. I shut down. I'm not ready." I start fiddling with the sticker on my cup.

  "Hey, look at me." She is smiling warmly at me when I meet her eyes. "I understand you need to take your time with him. I probably would too if I had gone through what you've been through. So be friends with him. Just have fun getting to know each other and see what happens."

  "Thanks for the encouragement, Ash. You're the best." She stands from her desk to hug me.

  "Someone has a delivery!" Brynna is calling from the front door. She is holding a ridiculously large bouquet of stargazer lilies.

  My wonderful mood and carefree smile is back, as well as a warm flush of embarrassment on my cheeks. "Want me to put them on your desk, Lake?"

  "Yes please." I grab the card from the bouquet as she passes me and walk to my office.

  My heart is beating fast as I open the little cream envelope simply addressed with black ink:

  Lake,

  Thank you for a wonderful night. I look forward to

  a long friendship with you.

  C xo