My Safe Place

by Steph Poe

  He slid into the booth right next to me while I continued staring at him like an idiot. I scooted closer to the window that the table was pushed against. He slipped my pen out of my fingers and filled in the word on my puzzle.

  Finally, I broke out of my trance. I was a little annoyed with this man, this stranger. Who did he think he was to sit down next to me and fill in my answer for me?

  "I'm sorry, but it's not very polite to sit next to someone you don't even know without asking for permission first." I had tried to sound agitated, but my voice came out small and quiet.

  He smiled at me, and it was the most wonderful sight I had ever seen. It was sort of a half smile, like it wasn't something he did often. When he smiled, his eyes shined. I didn't want to look away from his face. I was hooked in that moment. I never stood a chance.

  He apologized and told me he couldn't resist sitting next to such a pretty girl. So, he charmed me and I let him stay. We sat in that booth and talked for hours. He helped me finish my puzzle. We shared a piece of apple pie.

  "What was his name?" I recall asking her. She was hesitant to answer me, or she was just melancholy about him.

  "Rhett. He wasn't from around here. He was visiting a friend for the week."

  She went on to tell me about their short time together. He was in town for one week, and after that, he had to return to his base in Ohio. They spent one short week together and in that week, I was conceived. She never told him about me because she never saw him again.

  I always wondered what happened to him. I wondered if she ever tried contacting him. I even considered looking him up, but she never told me his last name. It wasn't even on my birth certificate. It's like he never even existed. I've always been afraid of what I might find out about him if I had learned his last name. Maybe if he knew about me...

  I never think about him. Well, I rarely think about him. She didn't even have a picture to show me. I sometimes wonder if he had known she was pregnant, would he have come back for her? How different would my life had been if I'd had a father who was around?

  *****

  After finishing up at the hotel, I decide to head to the office and drop off some of the things we used at the show. Ashton was meeting Matt for dinner, and Brynna was going to see her sister who just had a baby. I could wait until Monday to unload my car when I would have some help, but I don't have anything else to do since Cal is picking his Mom up from the airport.

  When I arrive at the office, it's dusk. I step out of my car and stare at the sky for a moment. The sun is setting and the air is beginning to cool. Goosebumps on my arms remind me that soon these warm days would turn cold. Winter is coming, and that means snow—not my favorite. I've considered moving to a warmer climate several times, but can never quite bring myself to leave Indiana.

  I open up my trunk and start lifting a box out, balancing it on my hip so I can find the office key on my key ring. I walk over to the front door and unlock it, shifting the box to my other hip because it's getting too heavy. Pushing open the door, I set the box down just inside the entryway before I drop it. I make my way back outside for the remaining boxes.

  The city is eerily quiet for a Sunday evening. My office is on a side street, away from the busy downtown area, so there is never a ton of traffic down my street. Most people drive on the main streets.

  I make two more trips, getting all the rest of the supplies into the office. I leave all the boxes right in the entryway, too tired to put anything away. It has been a long weekend. These bridal shows are always great for business, but also exhausting. I close the front door, twisting the handle to make sure the door is locked.

  I turn around and head down the sidewalk towards the side parking lot. I wonder if Cal and his mom are doing anything special for dinner tonight. That thought reminds me that I haven't eaten since lunch and my stomach growls as if telling me to feed it. I round the corner of the building and head to my car.

  The trunk is wide open, although I could have sworn I had closed it. I look side to side, a little suspicious that someone had opened my trunk, despite the likelihood that I was just forgetful and neglected to close it. I don't see anyone else around when I assess my surroundings, yet a nervous feeling flutters in my gut. I walk slowly over to my car and close the trunk.

  That's when I notice a movement in the dark shadow of the brick building. My hands shoot down to my pockets, patting them frantically in search of my phone. It isn't there. I left it in the car. A figure approaches me with his hands held up in a surrender gesture.

  "It's me, Lake. Sorry if I scared you. Just wanna talk."

  "Wh-what do you want, Chris?" I stand still, not moving even though my brain is telling me to run away from him.

  "I want to apologize. For everything. Look, I know I fucked up—more than once— with you. I was fine leaving you alone because that's what you wanted. But when I found out you were with him, it really pissed me off. Cal's an asshole. You have no idea, Lake. You don't even know him."

  "Why, Chris? We aren't even together. We haven't been together for three years. You—you assaulted me. You have no right to be concerned with me or who I'm with. You—"

  "I know, I know. And I'm sorry about what happened. I got carried away, but can you blame me? You are so fucking sexy, I just couldn't help myself." He shrugs his shoulders and takes a very subtle step closer to me. His comment stings, and for a moment I feel guilty for being sexy.

  In that moment, I am pissed. He raped me and he's trying to blame it on me being sexy? And my first reaction was to feel guilty? What in the hell is wrong with me? I've been blaming myself for so long, but now...seeing him here with his sad excuse for raping me? That's it. This asshole needs to pay.

  I step closer to him, feeling brave. This is it. This is when I finally get to say what I've wanted to say to him for three years. The things I've held inside. The fifty pound weight that has held a constant spot on my shoulders will finally transform into a feather and I can heal. I can stop blaming myself and move on.

  My hands are on my hips and I inhale a deep breath, standing tall. "You raped me! That has jack shit to do with me being sexy. There is no excuse." I take a quick breath. "You have no right to be anywhere near me! You're lucky I never called the cops on your sorry ass. In fact, you're the luckiest, fucking bastard that I was such a coward back then. But not anymore. I'm not letting you hurt me anymore. So why don't you take your fake apology, shove it up your ass, and get away from me." My heart is pounding so hard, it feels like it's going to explode from my chest. A huge adrenaline rush is making me feel like I can do anything.

  He stares at me, shocked at my outburst. "Damn, someone went and got feisty on me." Another, not so subtle step forward. "Fuck, Lake," he says, as he reaches down and grabs the bulge in the front of his pants as he steps closer.

  I take a step back as the fear I thought was gone creeps back in, replacing the courage that was there only a moment ago. I look on either side of me, still seeing no one. I thought I might have heard a car pass by behind me. I could scream, but would anyone hear me? Should I turn and run? He would catch me.

  "Where ya going, darling? Talk to me. Tell me what a bastard I am again, that's really fucking doing it for me." Before I can decide whether to run or scream, he's on me, one hand tightly grasping my arm and the other hand over my mouth.

  I begin to cry as the truth hits me. He was never here to apologize. This was always an attack. I can't believe I bought his story about wanting to talk. My own stupidity wanted to believe it because I needed closure. I needed to move on from the past, but now my past is here, repeating itself.

  Tears stream down my face and my chest vibrates with sobs. What's he going to do? My eyes try to scan the area in my peripheral vision, but I still see no one around. I can't hear anything except the racing heartbeat that fills my veins. I feel his hot breath over my ear.

  "Don't scream or struggle and I'll make this quick for you. Then you can go back to your little jerk of a b
oyfriend. That is, if he still even wants you after this." His sweaty palm runs over my cheek and down my neck, freeing my mouth so I can breathe. I'm too scared of what he would do to me if I scream, so I stay as silent as I can, muffling my sobs.

  His fingers spread out around the column of my neck before jerking my face to his until our noses are touching. His body is pressed into mine and I can feel his hardness on my hip, and it makes my stomach turn in disgust.

  "Cal always did like the whores though, so I'm sure he'll take you. He used to give me his sloppy seconds. Well, now he can have mine." He whips my body around, shoving my face onto the cold top of the trunk. I taste blood on my tongue but I'm not sure if I have bitten my lip or tongue, or if he was just so rough with me, that blood is coming from somewhere else.

  The fear, the panic grips me. I know I can't fight him. He's so much bigger and stronger. I know that if I just give in, he'll do what he wants quickly and leave me alone. I feel so weak and helpless. As much as I don't want him to have my body, I know I can't stop him. He can have my body, but he will never have what Cal has—my heart and my soul.

  I try to think of things to keep my mind calm. Images that will block out the terrible thing that is happening. I think of the field where Cal took me weeks ago, the land that he bought for his parents. The trees that line the property. The tall grass that had danced in the breeze. I see Cal approach me with my favorite smile in place, the one he gives me that tells me everything he feels without him needing to say a word.

  Cal.

  I want a life with Cal.

  I want to be happy and not damaged.

  I don't have to let this happen.

  That familiar rush of adrenaline ripples through my veins. I'm not going to let this asshole ruin my future.

  No.

  I'm not going to let this happen.

  I'm taking my life back. Right fucking now. Abusers only have the power if their victim can't fight back. I'm fighting back. I have the power now.

  I feel his grip loosen on my hands so he can reach down to his pants. I hear the clink of his belt. This is it. A small moment of distraction. My back is to him, so I can't kick him straight on, like I learned in self-defense class. I have to think quickly, and fight him.

  With all the strength I have, I raise my right leg, kicking back with my heel, size nine stilettos stabbing the unimpressive five inches of his manhood. Both of his hands release me as he reaches down, holding himself and screaming in pain.

  I turn and run as fast as I can around the corner to the front of my building, intent on running to the fire station that's only a block away, when I run right into a wall of muscle. I scream out in fear before warm, protective arms wrap around me. Familiar arms. My safe place. My knees collapse but he stops me from falling.

  Pulling my body back up to him, he's saying words that I can't make out. I'm too relieved that he's here. It's all I wanted. Everything is right when he is here. He holds me away from him, talking to me. Why isn't he holding me anymore? I want back in the safety of his arms.

  "Where is he, Lake?" I just stare at him, confused as to why he's no longer holding me.

  His head snaps away from me as if he hears something. He releases me with some reluctance, and hands me off to the woman who is with him. He takes off in a run around the side of the building and when he disappears from my sightline, I lose it. The woman takes me in her arms.

  She smells like cinnamon, reminding me of freshly-baked apple pie. Her voice is soothing, calming me. She holds me and pats my head as she speaks softly. "Shh. You're safe now." Her words remind me of Cal. We stand like that for several minutes before I hear sirens approaching us.

  We both raise our heads in the direction of the police cars that stop on the street and in the parking lot. We watch the officers as they hurry to the side of the building. A minute later, two officers come back to their car with Chris, hands behind his back.

  He glances over at me and smirks. The officer pushes him into the back of the black Dodge Charger.

  I feel the breath that I had been holding escape and a fresh wave of tears start spilling down my face. My shoulders sag in relief. The woman next to me is comforting me by rubbing my back. I look over at her and try to smile, grateful for her kindness. She's a blur of short blond hair and a black puffy jacket.

  "Thank you." I manage to get out through my sobs. She smiles sweetly at me. "I'm Lake." I hold out my tear soaked hand to her. "You must be Cal's mom."

  "I am. I'm Margie, but you can call me Mom. I've always wanted a daughter!" She pulls me into a tight hug that catches me off guard almost as much as her asking me to call her mom. I wonder what Cal has told her about us, especially if she is referring to me as a daughter already. It feels good, though. It makes me miss my mom so much.

  I look towards the parking lot again where I see Cal talking to one of the officers. He looks up at me and catches my eye. He turns towards the officer holding up his index finger, then shifts his body towards me. He starts walking, but it isn't fast enough. I need him. Before I can think, I sprint until I'm in his arms once again.

  I grip him so tightly, never wanting to be away from him again.

  "Oh, baby. You're safe now. I've got you." He holds me just as tight and strokes my hair, smoothing it down my back. I know I'm safe. Cal will always keep me safe. He is my safe place.

  "Officer Briggs needs you to give a statement, baby. I told him you may need some time."

  "Officer Briggs?" I pull my head away from Cal's chest and look over his shoulder.

  Sure enough, I see Antoine Briggs in his police uniform standing by the cruiser. Upon seeing the familiar face, I feel slightly more relaxed.

  "He was the instructor of my self-defense class." I give Cal a small smile. "I'm okay. I can give my statement now."

  Officer Briggs is efficient taking my statement, and assures us that Chris will at least be spending the night in jail. He tells us that sexual assault is a felony and Chris could be going to jail for one to five years. I tell him that I'm willing to testify in court.

  I'm done being afraid of him. I'm done being a coward. Chris needs to be punished and if I can help in any way, I will.

  "Cal? Can you please take me home now?"

  "Of course, babe. Whatever you need." He wraps me in his arms before leading me to his car. Margie follows close behind us.

  We take Margie to Cal's apartment, where Henry is going to pick her up so she can at least stay with him for the night. I feel bad about taking Cal away from his Mom when she just got here, but she insisted that Cal take me home.

  Cal drives us to my house. I know I'll feel better when I'm home with Cal and Tubbs taking care of me.

  Chapter 28

  The sting of the cool morning air reddens my already damp cheeks. I don't mind because I need the fresh air to clear my head. I pull my hood up over my head and tug the sweatshirt sleeves over my hands. I place both of my heels on the edge of the chair and hug my knees to my chest. The memories of last night keep playing over and over in my head like a bad Lifetime movie.

  I'm still unable to decipher why he decided to find me again. We hadn't spoken in three years. He'd agreed to leave me alone if I didn't press charges. He hadn't so much as sent me a text message in the last few years, so why now?

  A strong breeze blows, chilling me even more. I try to hug my legs tighter and closer to my body, needing to find warmth.

  I can't stop thinking about why Chris would decide to bother me again. That night outside of Bernstein's, he was drunk. He mentioned Cal. How had he even known that Cal and I were together? It's not like Cal and I had announced it to the world. We hadn't even said we were official at that time.

  Did someone tell him? Someone had to have told him about us. What else would explain how he knew? But who would have told him?

  My stomach churns. Is someone out there trying to hurt me? Someone besides Chris?

  My mind scrolls through the possibilities. Ashton would never have
done it. She despises Chris. She hated him from the time he and I started dating, since before the assault, and even now. She's like a sister to me. I know she would never hurt me.

  Brynna doesn't even know anything about Chris. I never told her and she didn't work for me when I was with him.

  A lone tear escapes down my cheek and I wipe it with my sweatshirt sleeve before it can reach my lips. My chest is tightening and my breath is increasing. Worry and anxiety fill my head.

  My mom was the only other person who knew about him. I miss her so much. If she were here right now, she would hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I'm sad that she never got to meet Cal.

  Cal.

  Cal knows about Chris. I told him that first night I had dinner at his place. I saw the picture from college that revealed to me that he and Chris were friends. Cal told me that they were friends, but not close. He said they hadn't spoken in ten years.

  Later he told me what kind of friendship they had. They used to share women. Have sex with the same girls. Chris and some other guys paid Cal to find girls who were willing to have sex with them. Then they took turns.

  It's like it was a game to them. What if...what if this is a game?

  The timing of everything is too perfect. I meet Cal and, within the next couple of weeks, Chris appears out of nowhere. It can't be just coincidence.

  Maybe Cal hasn't changed and he's still the arrogant sex fiend he was in college. I feel sick. Have I been played? Have I been gullible and fallen for another horrible man?

  I shake my head and put both palms over my face.

  "No, no, no, no. No fucking way," I mutter to myself. I continue shaking my head over and over trying to rid my brain of the repulsive thought it has conjured up. There's no way Cal would betray me like that. I can't believe the thought even crossed my mind. I chalk it up to trauma and exhaustion from last night's events causing my imagination to run wild with speculation.

  I stand up from the patio chair determined to forget these thoughts that put fear and worry back into my head. I push my hair behind my ears and wipe the last of my tears with my sleeves. I inhale deeply and breathe the air out slowly.