MA11-12 Myth-ion Improbable Something Myth-Inc

by Robert Asprin

  “I wouldn’t mind knowing the same thing,” I said.

  Tananda laughed with Aahz. “Do it during the middle of the day.”

  I frowned and looked at Aahz, who was nodding and laughing at me. Harold was frowning as well.

  Glenda was laughing, but not very much.

  “All the cows are out in pastures,” Aahz said, his voice taking on the tone he got when I was being so stupid he couldn’t believe I could be that stupid.

  “Daylight,” Tananda said. “Vampires?”

  “Oh,” Harold said. “Of course. Sunlight kills vampires.”

  “Of course,” I said out loud, pretending I had just forgotten, even though I had never known that fact about vampires. Why would I have? Until I came to this stupid dimension, I had never seen or even heard of a vampire. I just figured they had something to do with full moons.

  “So if we shut off the power to the big spell somehow,” Harold said, “all the vampires on one half of the planet would die.”

  “Exactly,” Aahz said, “And the ones on the night side would have to find shelter by sunrise, giving your people time to kill many of them.”

  “Aahz, I just have one question.”

  He looked at me and said nothing.

  “How do you propose to shut off the energy flowing in this area?”

  Aahz smiled. “That’s our problem, isn’t it?”

  “Why do I think I’m not going to like what you’re thinking at this moment?”

  “Oh, maybe because I’m thinking that’s where you’re going to come in.”

  Tananda laughed.

  “It’s not funny,” I said.

  “Sure it is,” Tananda said.

  I just stared at Aahz. Someday I’d love to figure out a way to get him his powers back so I wasn’t the one doing the dirty work all the time. I had a hunch from the look on his face that this was going to get really dirty for me. Center-of-the-mountain-kill-the-energy-at-its-source dirty.

  “Before we can figure out how to block the energy for the spells,” Aahz said, “we have to know how it flows through the castle.”

  He said that and I just shuddered.

  I could feel how much of the energy flowed in this place any time I opened my mind to it. It came from down in the mountain, flowing up and out. Usually energy for magik was in lines flowing through the sky that I had to reach up and tap to work a disguise spell, or a flying spell. Or, if there was no air energy, I went for ground energy flowing deep under the surface and rocks. Air energy was easier to get, and Aahz had taught me to always go for it first,

  But this castle was built right on a place where energy flowed up from below and out into the sky in all directions. Mapping meant someone who could read energy lines had to somehow get above the castle and look down at it all.

  “So what do we do?” Tananda asked. “How do we start doing that?”

  “First,” Aahz said, “we try to figure out how the energy flows into that skull room. It was strong and getting stronger in there right before all the cows turned to vampires the other night.”

  “Really?” Harold asked.

  I was surprised that Aahz had wanted to start there, but it made sense. We had to map the energy patterns, and starting where we knew a lot was being tapped seemed logical.

  Suddenly I realized what I had been thinking about.

  “Map,” I said aloud.

  Everyone sort of turned and stared at me.

  “Map,” I said again, smiling at them. I reached into my pouch and pulled out the magik map we had used so often to get into this fix. If it got us here, it just might be able to get us out.

  “Oh, heavens, yes,” Aahz said, smiling at me. “Great thinking, Skeeve.”

  That was the third time he had complimented me on something to do with the map. I was going to have to keep this parchment with me at all times. Aahz hadn’t given me that many compliments in the last year.

  I opened up the map. It was completely blank. Nothing on it at all. For some reason, that wasn’t what I was expecting. I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting, but a blank parchment just flat wasn’t it.

  “Perfect,” Aahz said, looking at the empty sheet.

  I handed it to him, flashing it so the others could tell it was blank as well. If he liked a map with no lines, he could have a map with no lines.

  “Was that the map the cartographer did?” Harold asked. “The one that got you here?”

  “Sure was,” I said.

  “What happened to it?” Harold asked.

  “It got us here,” Tananda said.

  “Oh,” Harold said.

  “Tananda,” Aahz said, “do you know how to do a mapping spell?”

  Tananda shook her head. “Beyond me, I’m afraid.”

  “Glenda?”

  “Nope,” she said. “When I needed a map I went to a cartographer’s booth on Deva and bought one.”

  “Same with me,” Harold said.

  Aahz turned and looked at me. “Guess it’s up to you, apprentice.”

  “Okay,” I said, “but don’t you think I need a little practice at this spell first?”

  Aahz held up the paper. “This is the only piece of magik paper we have. You only get one shot at it.”

  “No pressure,” I said.

  “If I didn’t believe you could do it,” Aahz said, “would I be wanting you to try?”

  I didn’t think I should remind him he had offered the job to everyone but me to start with. No point in ruining the mood when he was trying to boost my confidence. He did that less often than he complimented me.

  “We’ll be back shortly,” Aahz said to everyone as he motioned for me to follow him, “I hope with a map.”

  “Yeah, me too,” I said.

  Aahz headed us across the carpet of grass. We had to sidestep around a pile of cow droppings on the way. I guess that Harold didn’t have a man with a golden shovel standing behind him at night. At the hidden entrance to the skull room Aahz stopped and turned back to Tananda.

  “Are we going to be shielded out there?”

  “Doing magik?” Tananda asked. “Some, but it might show through.”

  I didn’t like the sound of that. The last thing we needed up here was the posse.

  Aahz stopped and thought for a minute. “How about in the back library area?”

  “That’s so shielded, nothing could get out,” Tananda said.

  “I agree,” Harold said. “It would be much safer to do spells back there.”

  Aahz indicated I should follow him and again we went around the pile of cow droppings, across the room and through the bathroom to the old library. I had spent so much time in this room already, I really didn’t want to be in here again. Aahz pushed the door closed behind him, then laid the empty paper on top of the desk he had sat at last night.

  “This is going to work even better in here,” he said. “I want you to do this in two parts.”

  “Give it to me clearly and I’ll try.”

  My mentor nodded. “First, we’re going to imprint that ceiling map on this paper.”

  I glanced up, and then back at Aahz. “Good idea. How do I do that?”

  “This part is going to be pretty easy,” Aahz said. “Simpler than flying or doing disguise spells.”

  I nodded. I liked the sound of simple at this point. Since I was only getting one try, simple was the best.

  “Open your mind; take in the energy as you have practiced, controlling the flow to a medium level.”

  “Now?” I asked.

  “Now,” he said.

  I did as he instructed. Since we had been together I had practiced this so much it had become almost second nature to me. I could do it almost instantly when needed. When we first left my old mentor’s cabin, Aahz had told me that would happen, but
back then it had been so hard to do I didn’t believe him.

  Now, reaching out with my mind and getting energy was easy, and with this much energy flowing around me, the trick was getting only enough so that I could control what I was doing.

  “Got it,” I said after a moment. The energy flow was moving through me, ready to power anything I told it to.

  “Now, in one motion,” Aahz said, “without a break, picture the map on the ceiling and then picture the same map on the paper.”

  I did it, letting the energy help me get a clear image of the ceiling map, then a clear image of the same lines and shapes and words on the magik paper.

  I let go of the energy and opened my eyes.

  “Perfect,” Aahz said, actual excitement in his voice.

  I glanced at the roof. The map was still there. Good, I hadn’t harmed it.

  Then I looked at the paper, almost afraid of what I might see. The same map was reproduced there, only the lines were much clearer, and there were words on the paper that I didn’t remember even seeing on the ceiling. And none of the dust and dirt obscured it either. I couldn’t believe it. I had done a new spell perfectly the first time!

  “Now don’t go getting a swollen head,” Aahz said, as if he could read my thoughts. “That was the easy part.”

  I didn’t care. I had done it, and done it right the first time. For the moment that was all that mattered.

  “So what’s next?”

  “We do the same spell with energy lines,” Aahz said, “imprinting them on this map of the castle.”

  I knew that was what he was going to want, but doing that meant stepping out of my mind to look down on the energy lines through the entire area. And the last time I had tried that I almost hadn’t made it back inside my own mind. Of course, Aahz didn’t know I had even tried. I didn’t want to tell him because I knew he’d be angry.

  “This is going to take some preparation,” Aahz said.

  “I’d hoped it would.”

  He put the map on the floor and had me stand right over it. “See the images there?”

  I nodded, staring down at the map I had just created. It was a beautiful thing indeed. “Now, when we start,” Aahz said, “I want you to imagine yourself floating above the energy lines, above the castle if you have to, in the same fashion you use to reach out for the energy lines in a spell.”

  “Okay,” I said, still staring down at the map at my feet, “but isn’t there a risk I will just float away?” Standing above the map like this, it almost felt as if I was already floating.

  “Good question, apprentice,” Aahz said. “Just put a string on your foot.”

  “A what?” I looked up into my mentor’s eyes. I could tell he was concerned with me even trying this. I didn’t know if the concern was for me, or for what would happen if I failed, but at least he was concerned.

  “A string, like a kid’s balloon string,” he said. “Imagine one tied from the foot of your real body to the foot of your imaginary body as it floats upward. Then when you want to return, just go back down the string.”

  I nodded. That was such a simple image, even I might be able to handle it.

  “When you get a good view of all the flowing energy lines over and through the castle,” Aahz said, “just do what you did with this map. Imagine them as you see them, and then in one motion imagine them on the paper.”

  “Okay,” I said. “I think I can do that.”

  “When you’re ready,” Aahz said, stepping back. “Just do it.”

  I looked at the map at my feet, putting the image clearly in my head. Then I let myself go.

  That is what it actually felt like. I was letting go of what was holding me down. I was floating upward. I checked to make sure I had a string attached to my foot. It was there, so I relaxed and just kept going, floating upward.

  I went above the energy line I had used to create the other map, through the roof of the castle, and then stopped, floating right over the top of the golden castle in the beautiful sunshine.

  Below me rivers of blue energy flowed, coming up out of the middle of the castle like a well, splitting and flowing off in dozens of directions over the mountains and valleys.

  I let my mind accept all the different levels of energy flow, all the way down into the deepest area of the castle. I could see all the streams, all the different places they branched, and all the places they were tapped.

  Then, when I had them all, I held the image, imprinted it on my mind, and then imagined it being overlaid in blue lines on the map at my feet.

  It only took an instant. Then, with one last look at the beautiful colors of the energy and the surrounding countryside, I tugged on the string attached to my foot and I was back in my body, just like that.

  I opened my eyes and glanced at Aahz. My mentor was smiling like he had just won all the riches of the Bazaar at Deva.

  “Amazing,” he said. “Sometimes you just flat amaze me.”

  I was afraid to look down, so instead I stepped back.

  Aahz picked up the map and held it for me to see. There, in black lines, was the first map of the castle I had done from the ceiling.

  And over it were flowing lines of energy. The magik of the map was keeping the lines flowing in the image, just as I had seen it from above.

  I didn’t know what to say. He was holding something I had created, and it was beautiful and working as it should.

  Better than it should. I had never expected the energy lines to keep moving, but they were.

  “Come on, apprentice. Let’s go show the rest what you did. Amazing, simply amazing.”

  He turned and headed for the door.

  For the first time in all our time together, I had sensed a little pride in Aahz’s voice. I might have been imagining it, but this time I didn’t think so.

  It was pride, and it made me feel good.

  EVERYONE MADE GREAT noises about the map I had created. And Tananda gave me a long and very nice hug. I didn’t say much, since I was so proud of what I had done, I was afraid I’d ruin the moment by saying something stupid.

  Finally, Aahz laid the map out on the table and said, “Let’s get to work. We need to find on here where the spell Count Bovine placed over this dimension is drawing its power.”

  I studied the moving blue lines with everyone else, watching how they seemed to come up out of the floor plan of the castle and into the air.

  The map was magik, so it even showed the different levels of the castle, like looking into a fishbowl. It was both beautiful and disconcerting at the same time.

  “Look in the sub-level of the castle,” Tananda said, pointing.

  I let my eyes adjust so that I could see the plan of the castle that far down. I instantly saw what she was pointing at. The wide, thick river of energy that was pouring up from the ground suddenly thinned, like a good part of it had been drained away into an unseen drain. That unseen drain, using that much energy, could only be a spell large enough to control an entire dimension.

  “I think you have it,” Aahz said, nodding.

  “I agree,” I said, remembering what the energy below that point felt like while I had been floating, and what it felt like above that point.

  “Where did you get this floor plan?” Harold asked, staring at it. “I’ve never seen anything like this before. That corridor isn’t there, and I have no idea what that tunnel goes to.”

  I glanced at Aahz, who only smiled.

  “You’ve seen this before,” I said. “It’s painted on the ceiling of the library in there.”

  “No, it’s not,” Harold said, shaking his head. “This is a picture of the castle during Count Bovine’s first days.”

  “Go look for yourself,” Tananda said. “It took me a while to see it as well. Skeeve spotted it first.”

  Harold stared at us as if we had al
l gone nuts. I didn’t blame him. If I had been living in a place for as many years as he had been trapped here, and a stranger had pointed something this important out, I wouldn’t believe him either.

  He huffed and stormed off toward the library.

  “Okay,” I said, “we know where Count Bovine tapped into the energy stream. How do we untap it?”

  “We have to get down there,” Aahz said. “Then we have to divert it for just an instant to break the link. That’s all it will take.”

  I looked at the massive flow of energy rushing up out of the ground. I could tap into small energy streams, but I had no idea how a person would go about blocking something this large. And I wasn’t sure I wanted to ask.

  Harold came back in, looking stunned and embarrassed.

  “If we manage to block this,” Tananda said, “what do you think will happen?”

  Aahz looked at the map. “Probably every spell ever put up by any of Count Bovine’s people will be broken.”

  “My people will have their minds and free will back,” Harold said.

  “Yeah,” I said, “and every vampire will suddenly be around every day of every month.”

  “Half of the population of vampires will be dead moments after they turn from cows,” Aahz said. “And all the others will be without resources, clothes, shelter, and food, with the sun coming quickly.”

  “Do you think my people will remember all the years of having to submit to the round-up?” Harold asked.

  “I have no doubt,” Aahz said. “You still remember it before you were rescued from here, don’t you?”

  Harold nodded. “My people will hunt down and kill most of the remaining vampires.”

  “And you’ll be free to leave,” I said.

  “If we can break the vampire hold on my world, I won’t want to leave,” Harold said. “I’ll stay here and help my people rebuild.”

  I shook my head. It was all fine and good to plan what people would do if we succeeded, but I sure didn’t see that happening any time soon.

  “So no one has answered the question yet of how we stop that flow.”

  I didn’t even want to try to bring up the point of getting down to that spot in the castle. We were way up at the top, and that breach in the main flow was way down in a sub-basement, where I doubted anyone had been in centuries.